Shani
I woke up with West’s big muscular body curled around mine. We weren’t just cuddling—we were spooning, for Christ’s sake. Ugh! This was terrible. I wasn’t a spooner. So why did it feel so good that I wanted to burrow deeper under the covers and fall back asleep?
“Morning, beautiful,” he whispered in my ear, kissing my temple.
“You’re awake?” I grumbled.
“Have been for a while. Just watching you sleep.”
“Don’t say that. Makes you sound like a creepy stalker.”
He laughed, smacking my ass. “In that case, I’ll get up and make you breakfast.”
“Good, make yourself useful.” I loved messing with him.
“I forgot what a bitch you can be before your first cup of coffee.”
“Now that you know,” I said, snapping my fingers. “Hop to it. That coffee’s not going to make itself.”
“There are coffee makers with timers, you know.” He pulled on a pair of black sweatpants. “That is a thing.”
“If it weren’t, I wouldn’t be able to haul my sorry ass out of bed every morning.” I rolled on my back, stretching my arms overhead. I grinned when I caught him watching the sheet slip down, exposing my boobs. “Perv.”
“You smile more now,” he said, looking serious. “I like that.”
There had been a lot darkness in my life before. As much as I loved being on the force, I got in my car most days questioning whether I’d made a difference in anyone’s life. Now I knew I did. I was empowering women who’d been lied to and cheated on by someone they loved and thought they could trust to get out… while they still could.
“I’m happier now,” I admitted, a little embarrassed to tell him the truth. “I like what I do and I have people in my life who get me.”
He sat on the edge of the bed, his eyes downcast. “I got you.”
He did, maybe more than anyone else ever had. When he looked at me, it felt like he was seeing inside my soul. And that was scary as hell, but also a little exhilarating too.
“I know,” I said.
“You do?” He seemed surprised. When I nodded, his eyes strayed to mine. “But you still weren’t happy with me. Not like you are now.”
“It takes more than a person to make you happy, West.”
I wasn’t big on self-help or digging too deep—I was afraid of what I would uncover—but I knew that a happy life was multi-faceted and required a lot of different things to be working at the same time. One element, even one as hot as West, wasn’t enough.
“What did it take to make you happy?” he asked, bringing my hand to his lips.
The simple act of kissing my hand felt intimate somehow, but I didn’t pull away. The old me might have. “A new purpose. My business. Friends. More money. Clarity about what I wanted.” I was talking about the baby now, but with the way his eyes held mine, I knew I didn’t have to tell him that.
“More money, huh?” He smirked. “You used to say money didn’t mean shit to you.”
“More money means more independence, and I like that. It means not having to go to the bank if I want to grow my business or buy a car or whatever.”
“Yeah, I know how much you hate to ask anyone for anything,” he said, his full lips twisting in amusement.
“I asked you for something huge.” I let those words settle in before stunning him with a few more. “And I’m really glad I did.”
“You are?”
“Yeah, I am. Having you back in my life has been… nice.” I wrinkled my nose. “That’s not the right word. I hate that word.” Nice was a mundane word for boring people who didn’t give a shit.
“You’re right,” he said, looking way too satisfied. “Amazing would be better. Or how about incredible? Mind-blowing?”
“Shut up and make coffee!” I said, pushing on his chest and snatching my hand back. I liked that even our heavy conversations ended with levity. “And food. I’m starving.”
“You’re always starving.”
“Oh, and you’re not?” I’d never apologize for having a healthy appetite. As far as I was concerned, women who picked at their food in order to look delicate were missing out on one of life’s greatest pleasures.
“Baby, with you lying in my bed, food is the last thing on my mind.”
Oh yeah, I’d lost my panties somewhere along the way. Probably between round two and three. One thing was for sure, when my ex set his mind to something, he got the job done. If I wasn’t pregnant by now, I’d be shocked.
“Yeah, well, I need to pee,” I said, nudging him with my feet as I swung my legs over the edge of his bed. “So get your sexy ass out of the way.’
He stood up, showing me his ass. He was wearing black boxer briefs, and I just wanted to sink my teeth into him.
He looked over his shoulder, trying to check out his own butt. “It is pretty sexy, isn’t it?”
“You’re an idiot,” I said, putting my foot against his ass cheek and trying to move him along. “Now go.”
He was chuckling on his way out of the room and hearing that sound made me smile. He seemed happy to have me back in his life. But were we making a mistake, getting too close? Were we setting ourselves up for more heartache when we tried to revert to a platonic relationship for the purpose of co-parenting? I had no idea. I just knew what we were doing right now felt good and I didn’t want to stop.
I picked up my phone and saw a missed call from one of my girls, Tawny. She’d been on watch outside of a mistress’s house last night, trying to get pictures of her with the cheating husband to present to the wife, so I assumed she wanted to fill me in.
Even though it was only seven thirty, I knew her seven-year-old son would keep her awake, so I dialed and waited for her to answer. My full bladder was screaming at me to take care of business, but I had to let Tawny know I’d hired another employee. Sort of.
“Hey, you!” Tawny said, answering on the second ring. “Why didn’t you answer when I called earlier? Did you sleep in? You’re always up by six thirty.”
Since my girls knew all about the reason for my dinner plans with West on Friday night, I said, “I’m not at home. I’m at West’s place.”
“Shut up! Oh my God, so he agreed to be your baby-daddy?”
I chuckled at the term, thinking it didn’t fit West. Not that I didn’t want him to be my baby’s daddy. I really, really did. “He agreed. And we’ve been, uh, working on it ever since.”
“I’m so jealous! You know how long it’s been since I’ve gotten any?”
Tawny was a single mom with a deadbeat ex, so her whole life revolved around work and taking care of her son, with a little help from her mom, who babysat for her.
“If I were you, I’d be jealous too,” I teased. “That man is fan-fucking-tastic in bed.”
“Ugh! Did you have to tell me that?”
“Just pretend you don’t know that when you meet him, okay?” If word spread that my ex was as hot between the sheets as he looked, we’d never get any work done.
“Wait! What? When am I going meet him?”
“He’s going to be helping us out at work.” I ran a hand over my hair. Probably looked like a rat’s nest, but that was the nice thing about being with a man who knew me so well. West had already seen me at my worst plenty of times. “Just for a few months. You know I’m a mess at the business end of things. Can’t even balance a checkbook. But West is kind of brilliant at that shit.” I couldn’t keep a bit of admiration from creeping into my voice. Working with him yesterday just reinforced what I already knew—he was more than a pretty face. He was smart too.
“I thought he owned a strip club?”
“He did, but he sold his half to his brother.”
“Interesting.”
I knew that tone. “What does that mean?”
“You told me you guys split because you couldn’t deal with his career and he couldn’t deal with yours.”
“Yeah, so?”
“So that isn’t an issue anymore. And you’re sleeping together again. Does that mean you’re getting back together?”
“No!” I couldn’t let myself go there. I knew better than to get my hopes up. I’d been disappointed too many times. “He’s just helping me out. I mean, he wants this too, obviously, or he wouldn’t be doing it.”
“Are we talking about the sex or the baby?”
“Don’t you have a son there eavesdropping?” I loved this woman, but she had no filter.
“He’s watching cartoons. I could light myself on fire and he wouldn’t notice. So quit stalling and tell me. Does West want to be a part of your baby’s life, or is he just in it for the fun of making a baby with you?”
“No, he was pretty clear about wanting to be a hands-on dad. Even wants to make it legal.”
“I knew he was a good guy.” She sighed contentedly. “Just the things you told me about him, I knew he wouldn’t get you pregnant and walk away.”
“I’m kind of scared,” I whispered. “The more time I spend with him, the more time I want to spend with him. And that’s dangerous.”
“Why?”
“Because I could fall for him again!”
“And? Why would that be so terrible?”
“We set the terms before we got into this. We agreed to co-parent. This man is going to be in my life for the next eighteen years at least. Probably forever. I know he wants to get married someday. You know what that means? Some bitch is going to be my child’s stepmother. And I’m going to have to watch her hanging all over West—”
“Then don’t let that happen. Tell the man how you feel about him before someone else takes him away from you.”
That had always been my biggest fear, that some other woman could take West away from me. I wasn’t naïve. In my line of work, I saw it happen every day. Those devastated wives and girlfriends had believed no other woman could ever turn their partner’s head… until one did. I didn’t want to be that woman, the one left behind. That was why I’d always been the one to leave.
“It’s not that simple and you know it.”
“I know you’ve got scars, girl,” Tawny said gently. “We all do. That doesn’t have to prevent us from putting ourselves out there though, does it?”
I bit my lip, struggling to find the words to make her understand. She made it sound so simple, but it wasn’t.
“You deserve love, honey. You know that, right?”
We normally didn’t talk about shit like this, and it made me uncomfortable. I wasn’t a girly-girl who liked to talk about my feelings. I preferred to pretend I didn’t have any. “Sure, whatever you say. But I have to go now. Haven’t peed yet.”
She sighed, like she knew I was trying to get out of having this conversation. “So when do I get to meet your man?”
“He’s not my man. But he’ll probably be in the office tomorrow. He won’t have a set schedule, since I’m not paying him—”
“Wait. You’re not paying him? So why’s he doing it then?”
“As a favor to me. I think he’s a little bored since he sold his half of the club.”
She laughed. “Yeah, right. He’s bored, that’s why he’s doing it. Has nothing to do with his feelings for you. You keep telling yourself that, hon.”
“I’m going now.” And I didn’t even find out how her job went last night. Ugh! West was already becoming a distraction. “I’ll call you later.”
“You better! And please, do something I would do. I intend to live vicariously through you.”
I laughed. “You’re crazy.”