Chapter 16
Emerson
I pulled my hair up and walked next door. His door was open, so I walked in and found some pasta salad on the counter. There was some bread and a couple jars of condiments sitting beside it.
“I wasn't expecting you so soon,” Luke said as he walked into the room hair still wet and shirtless. His beard had been trimmed. I wanted to walk over, push him against a wall and kiss him, but I knew that I couldn't or shouldn't.
“Sorry, I was done with what I was working on, so I just walked over. The door was open.” I pointed over my shoulder toward the door.
“It's fine,” he smiled at me. “You’re always welcome to come in when you want. Let me just go grab a shirt.” He turned and walked out of the room leaving me standing there wishing he wouldn’t go get a shirt.
I busied myself fixing sandwiches. I was almost done when he reappeared in a baseball style t-shirt with black sleeves that clung to his arms while the gray material stretched over his broad chest. I had known he was built, but feeling him against me the night before had made it even more vivid in my head.
“I made you a sandwich,” I said turning back to the counter and picking up his plate. “I hope you like mustard.” I turned back around quickly and ran into his chest the plate and sandwich falling to the floor.
“Crap,” I sighed.
“It's fine, Emmy.” He reached for me, but I stepped back.
“Please,” I begged for a little space. I needed to get my thoughts together before I started talking. I leaned down and cleaned up the sandwich. I wanted to say so many things. Things that I knew wouldn't matter to anyone but me, but things that needed to be said.
“Emerson?” He looked down at me. I stood slowly and walked over to the trash can, dropping the sandwich into the empty container.
I looked up at him, and the concern on his face was obvious. He reached out for my hand, and I let him take it. He pulled my hand up to his mouth and placed a soft kiss over my knuckles.
“I don't even know where to begin.” I started. He continued to hold my hand, squeezing it tightly.
“Well, before you begin, I want you to know I like you. I want that to be clear,” he looked into my eyes pleading with me to continue.
“I just don't know if this was the right thing to do. I won't be here forever. My future isn't here.” I shrugged. I didn't know what else to say.
“So, you are giving up before anything even starts?”
“I don't know what I’m doing. I think Ryan showing up kept us from making a big mistake.” His hand let go of mine, and I let it fall to my side. He didn't look happy, but I can't say that he looked sad either. He just looked at me, into my soul. I wasn't sure how I felt about it, but I knew the connection was real. I didn't even know why I was standing here telling him ‘no’ when I knew that ‘yes’ was the right answer. What would happen when I moved to Portland? I wouldn't have time for a long-distance relationship, and he wouldn't move with me. At least, I didn’t think he would. Luke was not a city boy by any standard.
I was just so confused. I hadn't moved here to find a man; I was completely fine by myself, and then he had to go and kiss me last night. My world had tilted on its axis when his lips touched mine, but there was no way that would continue. I couldn't take that chance. I knew he had the power to shatter my heart, and I also knew he was my neighbor for the rest of the year, so a fall out would be horrible.
“Will you look at me?” he asked softly.
I tilted my head up and found his eyes. Gorgeous, blue-gray eyes. Soft around the edges.
“Get out of your own head, Emmy.” He smiled. “We can tear this apart, or we can just see where it goes. I'll admit that things happened kinda fast last night, but there is nothing anyone could give me to make me change it.”
“I just...” he put his finger over my lips to stop my words.
“Let's just have some lunch and go back to the way things were when you were standing next to me, watching shooting stars. I can accept that I might have rushed you, but I won't accept that it isn't right.”
I nodded, letting his words wash over me. He smiled and reached for the second sandwich that was on a plate. “Go sit, and let's eat some lunch.”
“But your sandwich,” I turned back to start making him another.
“I can make it, sit.” He pointed to the table and then steered the conversation away from anything that involved us and his lips on mine. We talked about my work and about his schedule over the next few months. He made me promise to come to the competition in Portland since it would be the closest.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked. His voice pulled me out of my thoughts.
“That would actually be perfect. My grandfather asked me several months ago to keep the office under control while he went on vacation. I will assume that they are still going after all that has happened. I’ll call Mimi later and make sure.” I was rambling.
“Good. I’d like for you to see what we do and how we compete. It's only fair since you have to put up with all the noise.” He smiled and then stood, walking over to the sink.
“Thank you for lunch.” I stood and walked toward the door putting the bar in between us.
“Anytime.” he nodded then looked back down at the sink. I stood there for a few seconds thinking that he would say something else, really kind of hoping he would, but he didn't. He picked up stuff off the counter and started toward the fridge.
“See ya later.” I said before rushing out the door. I hurried over to my door and walked in grabbing my backpack and headed out into the woods. I need some quiet to really think about everything. I knew my reaction had been knee jerk, but I also knew my record with men. They always said they could handle someone who was independent, but in reality, they never could. There were so many things I liked about Luke, but there were also things I saw as issues. Maybe it was just me, maybe I needed to get used to accepting help from someone without strings attached. He mowed the lawn, and he always took care of the outside of the house. He helped me with my bags, or anything else he ever noticed I might need help with. I had to clear my head.
I walked out into the woods and found my meadow, spread out my small blanket, and laid down, looking up at the cloudy sky.
When I checked the forecast that morning, it said the rain was supposed to start around four. But as my luck would have it, it started not long after I had really got settled. I was writing in my notebook when I felt the first drop. I packed up my stuff and started the walk home. By the time I reached the house, I was drenched to the bone. Luckily because I knew how the pacific northwest was, I always carried a bag with me.
I stripped my clothes off and walked up the stairs. I decided to soak in the tub instead of taking my normal quick shower. I needed it after the week I’d had.