Chapter Fifteen
Nate
The beach was empty when we got there.
Like, completely deserted. Nobody, anywhere in sight. I understood that Lanai wasn't really built up, but this place was incredible. Why didn't anyone come? Did they not know it was here?
The wind was coming off the water strong. The water was dark blue and choppy, and the waves were crashing loudly on the shore. It was the sort of beach you expected when you came to Hawai’i: soft white sand dotted with rocks here and there, but it was like we had turned up on a deserted island or something.
Since people used beaches at resorts, it was hard to remember that they weren’t actually there for us to use. They just existed.
"How did you find this place?" I asked her, impressed.
"Makani told me about it, but told me it wasn't worth coming because nothing ever happened here. Do you like it?" she asked.
"I can't believe nobody's here."
"The water is too rough to swim or surf. And there are sharks sometimes," she commented casually. "Wanna see something?" she asked.
I said I did. I followed her down to the edge of the water. She walked along its edge before stopping and waving me over. I walked over and stood by her. A large sea turtle covered halfway in water was laying in the sand.
"They come here to lay eggs," she said. "Polihua means 'cove of eggs.' We're not allowed to touch them; they're endangered." She started down the beach along the water's edge. I followed her at a slow walk.
"If it was winter, we'd probably be able to see whales. That over there," she said, pointing across the water into the distance, "is Molokai Island. It's a little bigger than Lanai. More people, too."
"I can see why you'd want to keep this place a secret," I said.
"I hoped you'd like it," she said, smiling up at me. "I know you have a lot on your mind. I thought maybe it would help you figure stuff out the way it helps me."
"Thank you for sharing it with me," I said looking down at her.
I didn't know whether I'd ever met anyone so...sweet. She was like a kid. Ugh. No, bad example. She was just so nice, earnest, and willing to help. I thought about kissing her, but I didn't think that was why she'd brought me here.
We walked along the water in silence. She had taken off her shoes and was holding them in her hand. She pointed out an area near some rocks and suggested we go sit down. I followed her up and helped her spread the large beach towel she took out of her bag. She sat crossed legged on one side of the towel. I took my shoes off and sat next to her.
"Are you okay?" she asked me.
"I'm great."
"No, I mean... I woke you up so early today and you haven't had any of your..." She trailed off and shook her head. "I'm sorry," she said looking down. "I just read-"
"You read something?" I asked, cutting her off. Had someone leaked a rumor about my addiction?
"I did a little research about heroin addiction to try figure out what you were going through," she clarified.
I calmed down. I was jumping to conclusions. I was almost one hundred percent sure she didn’t know who I was; I needed to stop it.
"What did you find out?"
"That it's not just your mind that becomes addicted; it's your body, too," she said. "And, that opiates are the some of the hardest things to stop using."
"True, and true. I thought it was bullshit when I started, but look who was wrong," I said darkly.
"How long have you been using?"
"Coming up on a year, maybe," I said.
"How did it happen?"
"On tour. We got loaded almost every night. Our first major label album had done great. Whenever we got to a new city, the first thing we found out was where to get weed. We had a date in Philadelphia; after the show, we went back to our bus. One of the guys in the band, Jeffrey, let these guys come with us who said they could score us some weed. They gave us weed, but they also had dope.
"I hadn't been smoking that night, but I was drunk. One of the guys offered to get me high, and I let him shoot me up. I thought that would be the last time, but I was looking for dealers all of our next stops.
“When I got to LA, I found a doctor who I could get pure, pharmaceutical grade stuff from and an endless supply of needles. I started needing more and more, cutting people off and getting in trouble because I'd be too high to play." She hadn't interrupted me, so I kept going. I couldn't look at her telling her this stuff, but I could feel her blue eyes on me.
"I was already upset about how the band was getting, but when I started getting high, I stopped giving a fuck completely. In the beginning, I wrote most of our stuff, and they let us make the music we wanted to.
“Finally, before our European tour dates were announced, I left. They've been trying to get me back, but I can't do it. I can't make that shit they want us to make."
I almost kept going but stopped myself because I had said too much. I had almost told her about Kirsten, but even she wouldn't want to hear about that. She'd think I'd need to be put on the watch or something.
"If you were clean, would you go back to your band?"
"I don't want to get clean for them. I want it for me," I said, finally looking at her. She had turned her body so she was facing me. "Even if we never get back together, I still have to live with myself. People die from this shit. I don't want to go out like that," I admitted. I felt her hands wrap around mine and rest both of them on her crossed legs.
"If you'll let me, I'd really like to help you get better," she said. "I think it would be really sad if you went out like that, too."
Why, I wanted to ask her. What could she possibly gain from helping me? We had just met. We'd only known each other a few weeks.
"It's gonna get really ugly. You won't like me when I'm withdrawing," I warned, jokingly. I felt her squeeze my hand.
"You don't have to go through this alone," she said. This fucking chick. Why was she being so nice to me?
I didn’t want her to stop, but I didn't get it. I had nothing to offer her. I was a fucking burden. She was my babysitter. She had to drive me around, and now she was listening to me bitch about my shitty problems. Why was she like this? How was she so nice when she had no reason to be?
"I'm warning you, Abby," I said seriously. She scooted closer so her knee touched my thigh.
"I know," she said smiling. She got onto her knees and hugged me. Her arms went around my neck, and I immediately pulled her into me. I held her around the waist, holding her tight. To do that, she had to get her legs on either side of mine.
I felt her small body under my arms and really, really didn't want to let go. I felt her move her arms, but I didn't give. I loosened my hold so she could lean back enough to look at me. I saw a blush creep up her face.
"Do you want to start heading back?" she asked me. I had my hands around her waist, keeping her still on my lap.
"No," I said. My hands went lower, flattening over her bare thighs. "Do you?"
"The sun's going down," she said absently. She brought her hands up and rested them on my chest, lightly fisting the fabric.
"Take it off," I said.
She looked at me, something flashing in her eyes. She bit her lip and looked down at my body as her hands ran slowly down to the bottom of the shirt. I watched her grab it and pull it up, raising my arms so she could take it off completely.
She looked at my chest like she didn't know what to do with it. I took one of her hands and laid it palm down on my pec. She raked her fingers over my skin lightly. But when I grabbed the bottom of her tank top and tried to pull it off, she stopped me, pulling it back down. Fuck. Too fast.
"Shit. Abby, I'm sorry," I said. Well done, shithead, I thought. You were so close. "We don't have to do anything if you don't want to.”
"No, I'm sorry," she said. She looked down and took a deep breath. She pulled her tank top off slowly, leaving her in a small, light-green bikini top.
She shifted on my lap so our bodies were touching and slowly kissed me. Her kiss was feather light. She was kissing me like she was scared she was doing the wrong thing. I grabbed her around the waist again and pulled her into me. She broke the kiss and looked down at me.
"Are you sure?" I asked. I was pitching a tent in my pants, and where she was on top of me, I was sure she could feel it.
She nodded, reaching behind her and pulling the straps of her bikini loose. She took it off and put it beside us with our shirts. Fuck me, she was beautiful. Her tits were round, with hard, pink nipples. Her body was toned with light tan lines.
She ran her hands down my body again, kissing her way up from my chest. Oh yeah. She wanted me, too. Her lips were soft, kissing my neck and jaw before coming back to my lips again. Her hands went into my hair, down my back…everywhere. She parted her lips for me, allowing me to taste her. She let out the tiniest moan, squeezing one of my biceps.
I felt like I was inside her already, and we hadn't even done anything yet. The sound of the waves, everything I'd said to her, my addiction all faded into nothing. All I could feel were her small, soft hands, her body on top of mine.
I felt peaceful, like when I played the piano. She moaned again, feeling me bite her lower lip. Something told me I'd be able to make her make sweet music, too.