Kai

 

“You let her do what?” I nearly shouted at Soraya.

“Calm down, Kai,” Soraya said evenly. “It was well worth it. We learned a lot.”

“Where is Isla now?” I asked, my heart pounding in my chest. Just how much did she learn?

“Down at the beach. Don’t fret – security is with her. A mouse won’t be able to move down there without someone noticing it.”

“Good to know,” I muttered. “Mouse whereabouts are so critical nowadays.”

“Why are you being a dick about this?” Balt asked, sounding harsher than he meant to, I suspected. “I was with her the whole time – Soraya was across the street. And Isla is here, she’s safe. What the hell is your problem? I mean, did you not hear us? We got an address.”

Deciding not to answer, I headed outside and jogged down the steep staircase to the beach. Isla was sitting on a blanket a few yards away from the waterline and staring out at the horizon. When I got closer, I stopped and took a deep breath.

I’m worrying for nothing.

“Hey,” I said, sitting down next to her and poking her arm. “Should have known you’d get your way.”

“What?” Isla asked, looking at me sharply.

I flinched. She had her arms pinned around herself and her brow was furrowed. “You were out in the field, kicking ass it sounds like. Getting the dirt. Anything good?”

She shrugged. “Oh, I don’t know, Kai. Why don’t you tell me?”

I raised an eyebrow. “I wasn’t there.”

“You know, I told myself over and over not to worry about it. I love you and that means I would find a way. Willpower and love, that’s all you need, right? But no, you need trust, too.” Isla’s harsh tone made my pulse jump. “You don’t trust me, Kai. You didn’t trust me enough to tell me what the hell the TLO was really up to. What they did to you.” She shook her head. “And I don’t think you ever would have. Do you know how much that hurts? I told you–” She broke off.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, panicking a little. “You’ve lost me, here.”

“I know,” she murmured.

“Isla, what?” I asked, reaching for her again.

“I know, Kai,” Isla said simply, staring straight at me and my eyes went wide. I’d frozen, hand dropping back down. “I know that seven years ago, they triggered something in you that made you into a shifter. And they want to do the same to me.” Her eyes burned. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I-I was going to,” I said quietly, rubbing the back of my neck.

“No, you weren’t,” Isla looked away. “Is it because now that you’re a shifter, you knew eventually you’d have to leave me? Because I’m not one?”

“What?” I asked, further confused. “No, no, nothing like that. That does not matter.”

“But does it matter to your family?” she asked harshly. “Can a shifter be with a non-shifter?”

“Isla,” I said, trying to reach for her, but she jerked away. “Of course. We’re all human. Some of us just have a more pronounced five-o-clock shadow.”

She whirled to me, eyes bright. “This isn’t a joke to me, Kai. Do you care about our future?”

I opened and closed my mouth, trying to think of something to say.

“I can’t believe this. All along, I thought–” She cut off abruptly. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter.” I paused. “Isla, that shifter and non-shifter thing is complete bullshit. There are no rules about that. There couldn't be – how would that be enforced?" I shook my head as I thought about it. “Maybe some snooty old school bloodlines might care, but my family doesn’t. And more importantly, I don’t. But I do care about you.”

“Do you?” Isla demanded. “Why don’t you trust me, then?”

“I do trust you,” I said, my voice uneven in my throat. “I-I just, Isla, you know me. I live in the moment. I was focused on having you right now, rather than worrying about the future…”

"You mean you were avoiding thinking about it because you'd figured I'd leave eventually?"

She had me there. “Uh, no – not exactly.”

“Kai, I don’t know if I can be with someone who doesn’t trust me and thinks I’d leave them,” Isla said, her voice shaking. “Do you know how worthless that makes me feel?”

“Isla, no, you’re not! It’s me,” I said desperately. “I wasn’t born a shifter.”

“I know, Kai,” she said.

“You don’t.” My voice became brittle and she looked back at me. “I-I’m a fraud. An imitation. We don’t even know what the TLO did to me because as far as we know, I'm the only one. And I have no idea if, in a year or five years, it could get ugly for me.” I closed my eyes and looked down. “I wasn’t thinking about the future because I never do. I’m too afraid.”

“Wait, you never had a doctor look at you, Kai?” Isla’s voice was high and breaking in her throat. “That’s so dangerous.” A hand swatted my arm and I looked up. “Are you saying you didn’t tell me because you’re afraid there might be something wrong with you?”

“Well, yeah," I said defensively, still staring at the ground. “Besides, Piper and my father always hinted I shouldn’t get involved with someone. I tried to ignore them and told myself it would be okay. And then I met you.” Guilt was hot and rancid in my throat. “You kept catching me off guard and before I knew it, I was in love. Then you caught me off guard by telling me you loved me.”

Silence fell between us.

“I’ve been so happy and so afraid because I don’t know if I should be with you Isla. I could be a time bomb. Or there could be something seriously messed up with my DNA.” I paused, my head falling forward and I murmured, “I guess I was hoping love would win the day, too.”

After a moment, Isla spoke. “Kai, I might not be a doctor but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. Medically or physically or whatever. But I do think the TLO is still in your head.” I grimaced at the ground. “Saying you’re a fraud – you’re an imitation shifter, what? I’ve seen what you can do. None of that is true – none of that makes sense.”

“That’s because you know very little of this world, Isla. Why else do you think I was sent away?” My voice became bitter. “As Piper put it, I’m ‘a liability.’”

Isla sucked in a sharp breath. “She did not say that.”

“She did,” I retorted.

“Kai, no, there’s something you should–” Isla started to say.

But I’d had enough. Sitting there, disgusted with myself, I stood up and shook my head. “I can’t keep doing this – being this selfish and stupid. Isla, you’re right. I can’t be with you.”

Isla went still, her face wiping clean of expression, but the look in her teal eyes was unbearable. I was already breaking into a thousand pieces and that look alone had me choking on agony. I almost fell to my knees in front of her, begging for a reprieve.

“You are being selfish and stupid, Kai,” Isla said, standing up and giving me an icy look. “I’ll give you that much. All of this could be solved so simply – go see a doctor. Get a clean bill of health.”

“Even if I did – someday, it would hit you – what I am. An-an abomination to shifters. A Frankenstein. Someone who is not worthy of you,” I muttered.

“Not right now, no,” Isla said, her lips and hands starting to tremble slightly.

With that, she turned and walked away, heading up the beach. I collapsed into the sand, digging my fists, and trying to smother the thousands of knives piercing my chest.

What else is the TLO going to take from me? I wondered, my head hanging down.

A crisp voice, Piper’s voice, sounded in the back of my head. What else are you going to let them take? How long are you going to let them dictate your life?

Getting up, I headed back to the house, already worried it was too late to rectify the biggest mistake of my life. But at the back door, I ran into Soraya and Balt, who gripped my arms. Both of them were in full SoA fatigue, all black, from boots to pants to vests.

“We have to go,” he said. “All I ask is that you do not make me regret taking you along.”

Soraya added, “There’s gear in the truck.”

“I–” Looking up at the house, I swallowed what I was about to say. “I’ll do my best.”

Turning, I walked away from the house and didn’t look back.