Kai

 

Sometimes, if the trade winds from the east hit the island the right way, it led to cool and rainy days where I lived. That was rare, however, as the house was closer to the leeward side of Haleakala Volcano, rather than the windward side, which got those storms all the time.

This was one of those rare days, however. When I went outside at dawn, I almost yelped as the cold wind and drizzle of rain hit me. The cats had come running, exiting the house one by one through the cat door, then running back inside. With a sigh, I followed them back in and grabbed a sweatshirt. I hated anything below 70 degrees and it had to be about 50 right now.

I was about to head back out when I paused and glanced at Isla’s door. I should probably leave a note. Grabbing a pen, I scrawled down how I’d be back around nine and to take another day off. I hesitated before signing off, feeling the urge to justify bailing on her, but instead, I left it.

Back outside, I headed for the forest instead of the beach. I could sense the eyes of the cats watching me, Lulu’s worried gaze and Zuku’s piercing one. But I ignored them and plunged in.

The trees swallowed all sound, it seemed, muffling the beating of the surf, rain, and wind. Even the birds were quiet at this hour. Breathing hard, I began to hike, jogging, running, and leaping over rocks. Usually, I didn’t like to be enclosed like this, but I hadn’t hiked in far too long.

Climbing up to a small outcropping, I rested for a moment, letting the silence fill me and calm my mind. I’d dodged a bullet yesterday with Isla. What was I thinking – telling her she could stay here? At least one of us had enough sense to recognize the situation for what it was.

Moving forward again, I slipped and my hand flew out, landing on a smooth rock, its surface wet and icy cold to the touch. A gasp escaped me as I reeled back and my brain went fuzzy with panic, twisting between memories.

A metal box of a room, with frost patterning the walls. No doors, no windows.

Breath puffing into the air, the rattle of teeth and bones.

This was a place of death.

Instinct took over and I shifted before I could stop, hitting the ground with four paws and darting off through the woods. The ground and trees became a blur. More memories sliced through me, flashing through my mind like sun off shards of glass.

Splinters of metal underneath my fingernails – the wall across from me covered in claw marks.

Bare palms becoming paws, skin becoming fur. It was too cold for a human to survive.

Bright light and blood.

Suddenly I splashed through water and it brought me to my senses. Stumbling back, I looked down and watched the rippling water. Slowly, it stilled and the face of a black jaguar with gold eyes stared back at me. Slowly I took a deep breath and I shifted back.

Dammit, I thought. I hadn’t panicked and let shifting take over like that in months. I’d truly believed I had it under control. Getting up, I stumbled over to a patch of dry earth and sat down. But the acrid waste of those memories drifted like ash through my brain and dredged up the events of a past that haunted me still.

Dr. Crane’s triumphant, awestruck face hit me like a blow and my lip curled. He’d given me everything I’d ever wanted – but taken away everything I had at the same time.

I hadn’t been born a shifter. I was from a family of them, though, Piper along with both of my parents. All Jaguars. Balt was one as well, a lion shifter.

As a kid, the desperate wish to join that world had burned through me. My mother had always tried to ensure I never felt left out – but Piper had a way of rubbing it in and my father didn’t know how to handle those feelings in his son.

It had always made me wonder if he was disappointed. Years passed and there was nothing anyone could do or say that ever dislodge that wish. Then my mother died and I no longer had anyone who understood what it was like to be on the outside looking in.

When I was eighteen, working as a low-level member of the Shifters of Anubis, a non-shifter who infiltrated places where a shifter would be spotted immediately, I’d wound up at the TLO. It was a low-priority job, perfect for a part-time college kid.

At first, I'd been dubious that they were up to anything shady. Back then, they were helping people mainly with college coursework and scholarships. To me, Dr. Crane seemed to be a genuinely good guy. He seemed to care about people.

However, Piper had warned me against letting him ever get a sample of my blood or saliva. She wasn’t director then, only an Operations Leader, and she was struggling to figure out the connection between TLO and the shifter world. Her frustration at not being able to figure it out was often directed at me and we got into many a bitter shouting match.

Unfortunately, as a result, TLO became a refuge.

I still wasn’t sure how Dr. Crane got a hold of a sample from me, but I suspected it was from an innocent paper-cut while helping him mail out letters one day. And he played his hand well, beguiling me more and more over the next year, eventually gaining my trust.

Later, we’d find out he was a snake-charmer. A cobra of a man able to manipulate other people into being lulled into a sense of relaxation and comfort. I hadn’t seen it coming and when Dr. Crane let it slip one day that he was an outsider in his family, I was all too able to relate.

I’d never met another non-shifter from a family of shifters.

Dr. Crane had played me for a fool. The knowledge of that still made me sick to this day.

For that's when he told me of his work, that he'd come across something strange and amazing about his DNA compared to his family's. By this time, I'd been at the TLO for almost three and a half years. I was completely in Dr. Crane’s palm. Even Hale Hunter, I considered a friend.

When Dr. Crane said there might be a way to trigger shifting in someone who carried the genes for it, but wasn’t a shifter, I’d been enthralled, but confused. And nervous.

Further, why hadn’t Dr. Crane done it to himself?

It turned out that there was a timeline on it. If it was done before a male turned twenty-two and a female either twenty-three or twenty-four, there was a chance it could be triggered. After, he said, the proteins had become too denuded to be of any use. Only in the early twenties were they primed to be tested and possibly activated.

Consumed with the thought of becoming a shifter, of joining the Shifters of Anubis’ elite ranks, I’d agreed to it. In my eagerness and greed, I’d never dreamed what it would entail. By this time, TLO had gotten a sense that SoA existed, though they weren’t sure how I was connected to it or what it was. But they knew my family was powerful and influential in California, so they’d laid inroads to my father as well. Something I didn’t know until after the fact. The director at the time had never mentioned the TLO investigation to my father, so he believed Dr. Crane to be what he said he was – a philanthropist helping college kids. Dad had no idea I was involved at all.

Until four months before my birthday, that is. One day I was walking down the street, then there was a sharp pain in my arm and I woke up, reeling and disoriented. I still remembered that morning, waking up in a cage, the air cold and clammy, and a bitter taste in my mouth.

Dr. Crane had been pacing around, mud caked on his boots and jacket, Hale at his side with a gun strapped across his back. There were other people locked up, but none of them were conscious.

When I met Dr. Crane’s eyes, he gave me the gentlest, cruelest smile imaginable. I refused to respond and stared down at my shaking hands. But in that moment – I’d known I’d made a tragic and terrible mistake – one that might cost me my life.

I was hauled off to a grimy little cell. The rest of those months were a blur of being sedated and medicated. Often, it made me sick to my stomach or caused horrific hallucinations. Yet, somehow, I held on.

And each time Dr. Crane saw me, his expression became hungrier.

You’re going to be the one, Kai. I can feel it.

He’d said that over and over again. And one night, a week before my birthday, when the moon was full, I was dragged out into a place both profane and sacred. By then I’d realized that shifting was a mystic art and that Dr. Crane was meddling with forces beyond his control.

I’d also figured out he wasn’t the one pulling the strings.

I’d seen a man, his face hidden behind a mask, watching from the sidelines.

The Parasite, I’d called him to myself. Feeding on the blood of innocents.

That moonlit night, all I did was pray that I would die rather than become a monster. It was clear Dr. Crane was fumbling in the dark and kept missing the mark. I’d seen it happen. For around me had been cells full of people, but with each passing day, they’d emptied – one by one.

Candles and torches burned around the perimeter of the circle that I was dragged into, then chained to the ground. Hunter was in his usual safari gear, but Dr. Crane had been wearing blood-red robes and was assisted by a slim woman with a long cascade of ice-blonde hair.

I’d been drugged, so the scene was dreamlike around the edges in my memory. Shadows seemed to dance in a circle, holding hands, leering at me, and making faces.

Selfish, foolish boy, they’d taunted.

I remembered Dr. Crane walking towards me, holding what looked like a shard of glass. The moon had reflected off of it as he stepped around me and placed it at the base of my spine.

Please, let me die. I’d begged silently. Please, don’t let this madman win.

The pain as the needle pierced my spine had almost caused me to black out. Every nerve and vein in my body had gone white-hot with pain. I don’t know if I screamed, but it had felt like my body was, going on and on without end. And I was certain I would die.

Suddenly the scene sharpened as a wave of cool energy flowed through me, healing the pain so quickly I gasped. And then power, heady and raw power had filled me.

“He’s not dead,” the woman had commented.

“What a useless specimen,” Dr. Crane had sighed.

Rage had engulfed me and I shifted, tearing off the chains and lunging for the good doctor, who hadn’t looked afraid in the least. He’d clapped his hands and look at me with joyous awe.

Dull pain had flared in my side and I’d fallen to the ground, sedated. Hunter had hit me with a tranquilizer dart and was looking down at me with contempt.

“It worked,” Dr. Crane had said, falling to his knees by me and I’d managed to growl. “Kai, I’m sorry I ever doubted you. I should have known your family's bloodlines were pure and potent. Quickly, Hale, take him to the chamber. We have so much to do…”

I’d heard other footsteps, quick and light. And the last thing I saw was the Parasite’s eyes glinting at me from behind the mask.

When I’d woken this time, shifted back, I was in a dark, cold place. Dull metal walls surrounded me. At first, I couldn’t understand how I could see them without any lights.

Then it had slowly hit me. I was a shifter.

But instead of bringing me joy, all I’d felt was a dull ache and I’d cried out in agony. I was Icarus, flying too close to the sun, and instead of the mercy of death, I now had to live as a freak.

What would my father say? I’d thought desperately. Piper and Balt? They’ll be disgusted.

The TLO had put me in the “Cold Locker” to force me to keep shifting back and forth, testing the limits of my strength. I’d spent three weeks in there before the door was suddenly thrown open.

By then, I was barely holding on to my sanity and I’d thought I was hallucinating again.

My sister was standing there, a look of shock and horror racing across her face as she looked at me, crouched in the corner. I could distantly hear the sounds of chaos from behind her, gunshots and roars, helicopters and loud bangs.

She’d leveled tranquilizer gun at me but then hesitated. In that brief moment, I’d charged out of there, running past her and heading for the woods. Piper had sworn and yelled for Balt.

I’d no longer cared if it was a dream or not. I had to escape.

Darting through the wreckage of the buildings, I’d made it outside and headed for the woods. On blind instinct alone, I’d stumbled through. Finally, I’d burst onto a lonely beach.

Dazed, I’d headed for the ocean, only to be cut off by a gold jaguar. Piper. Then, a lion prowled out of the corner of my eye. Balt. I’d slunk back, confused. I’d tried to speak, but I couldn’t.

At that moment, Piper had leaped at me and I'd fallen back, somehow shifting in the process.

To my dying day, I’d never forget the look in her amber-gold eyes as she pinned me there. Relief, love, and then abject terror. Then she’d shifted back, hugging me and sobbing. “Kai, no, baby brother, no my little brother. Oh, what did they do to you?”

“Thought you’d be happy, Piper. Heard you used to give him a hard time for not being like the rest of the family,” Hunter had suddenly drawled from the tree line.

I’d never seen that kind of fury on my sister’s face as she got to her feet and stared him down. He was holding a gun and assessing the situation. I’d known he was a master hunter and tracker, one of Dr. Crane’s earlier experiments. He couldn’t shift, but he had all the abilities of one.

“Gonna need to take Kai along, I’m afraid,” Hunter said carelessly. His lack of fear was still unnerving to me to this day. A goddam lion and my sister had been staring him down. “Sorry to break up the family reunion. But you never cared much for your brother, did you, Piper?"

I’d never seen Piper move so fast. She was gold lightning as she ran towards Hunter, easily dodging his bullets and then leaping at him. Hunter had barely moved aside in time, her claws raking his shoulder and he'd screamed. Then she'd moved in again, this time drawing them across his throat. If Hunter hadn't thrown himself backward, she'd have killed him.

At that moment, Balt had knocked her aside and held her down. Hunter had taken off running, coughing and holding his bloody throat, before vanishing into the woods. Piper had snarled and screamed at Balt at first, but he didn’t let her go, only held her as gently as he could.

Finally, she’d shifted back, curling into a ball and sobbing. At that, I’d managed to get to my feet and go over to her, pulling my sister into my arms. Balt had held onto us both

Only Balt, Piper and my father knew the full story of what I was and what had happened. To this day, we had no idea if Dr. Crane had any other successes. Or what happened to those shifters if he did. SoA had managed to save some non-shifters from his clutches, but not many.

For a few months after it happened, I’d buried myself in work at the SoA. Piper was promoted to Director for her work with the TLO. And things were getting back to normal.

I was confident I could help Piper take them down. We’d raided several of their bases, put stops on their funding and all but had them cornered. Life was starting to become good again.

Then I was exiled.

It was the day before Christmas when Piper led me into my father’s study. Balt wasn’t present and I immediately took that as a bad sign. Both of them were expressionless as they began to talk, gently explaining why I had to leave LA and “retire” from Shifters of Anubis.

“But I’m your best asset,” I’d argued. “A secret shifter and someone who’s been on the inside. TLO is cornered and that’s because of me. I’ve been working my ass off to stop them.”

“But you’re untested and untrained as a shifter, Kai. Every day, you risk exposure. And then what?” my father had asked. “You’ve done more than enough. You nearly died for your people. No one could ask for more, son. Please.”

“I’ve been training with Balt,” I’d said, enraged and hurt. “And since I’m the one who almost died, don’t I get a say in this?”

“No, you don’t, Kai,” Piper had said in her polished Director’s voice.

“Why not?” I demanded and my father looked away.

Piper leveled a glare at me and said in a clipped tone, “You’re a liability.”

The cruel, gentle truth to that statement had hit me hard and I’d run out of the room. By the next morning, I was packed and headed to Maui, per my family’s orders.

Here, I’d reconnected with an old family friend, Kuwe Hanori. He was a shifter who was also a yogi and master of martial arts. He'd trained my mother and was one of the few people who knew I'd become a shifter. And it was thanks to him I learned to make the best of the situation. 

Slowly, as the years passed in Maui, I’d become happy. I was a better man, too.

So long as my family stayed away. They didn’t know what to do with me or what to say. My sister and father were full of dire warnings, concerned about me making friends or having flings. They were vehemently against the latter, never saying it outright, but always implying I couldn’t ever be with someone long-term. It was too much of a risk to them.

That was all they cared about. Not my happiness. But the implications, the worry of it getting out. The shifter world politics and family name. It was such bullshit.

Isla would be worth it, though. I thought suddenly. But would I be worth it for her?

No, I decided sadly. While I didn’t agree with their reasoning, I could never ask a woman to give up her life to live here with me. It was too much. And I was okay with that.

Plus, being a shifter isn’t all bad, I thought, ignoring the twinge of desperation behind those words. I enjoyed the strength, speed, and agility of it, as well as the ability to communicate with the cats. I did still hate shifting as I had too many negative associations with it.

Kuwe had tried his best to help me with that but acknowledged it might have to happen in its own time. He’d retired last year and was now living in Japan. I missed that old geezer almost every day. He was a riot. Well, maybe once Isla was gone, I could go visit. He’d been bugging me to.

As I stood up, something Kuwe had said to me quietly rose up within me.

There is nothing wrong with you, Kai. Nothing that happened to you has changed you in such a way as to make you any less. There are no anomalies in this world. Nor are you a liability.

I believe Piper, in her protectiveness and grief, only said that because she fears for you.

But, even if I spent the rest of my days telling you such until you believe it, these words are meaningless. Only you can find your place and peace. Only you can free yourself of those fallacies.

And I’ll say this – that is your strength – your inheritance of your mother and her people.

I smiled sadly. Now if someone asked me what I coveted, I wouldn’t answer. I knew the peril of it. But secretly, all I wanted was for Kuwe to be right.