I wake up with my face pressed to the side of the couch. Motionless, I survey the room. Nothing seems out of place or unusual, but something feels different.

It’s her.

She’s home.

I haven’t even seen her, but I can feel her. I could always feel her.

I push myself up off the couch and head to the shower. There, while the hot water falls around my lowered head, I close my eyes and am swept away in a memory.

Leaving the gym, I see Lex standing next to the building, talking to Gemma. I start making my way over.

“What are you going to do? You have to tell him,” Gemma says.

I don’t think much of it. Instead, I grab ahold of Lex and pull her against my chest, pressing my lips to hers. She tastes so sweet. She melts against me and a soft whimper escapes her lips.

When we pull away, Gemma says, “Okay guys, we’re heading to the party. See you there?”

Lex looks at her and offers a nod and a shy smile. Her cheeks are flushed from our kiss, and her lips are red and slightly swollen.

I take her hand in mine and lead her in the direction of my motorcycle. She pulls off her cap and gown and tosses them into a nearby trash can, and I follow suit before hopping on the bike and revving the engine.

“I have to swing by my house before we go to the party,” I tell her as she takes my hand and climbs on behind me.

Five minutes later, we pull into the driveway. I kill the bike and help her off before putting the kickstand down and climbing off myself.

She’s quiet tonight. Something is off but I don’t know what. Whatever it is, I will talk to her later about it. We have a party to get to and I need to be out of the house as quickly as possible. My dad will be rolling in soon.

I open the door for her and lead her into the dark living room. “I’ll be right back, I just need to change and grab something.”

She nods her head and sits down on the sofa. She seems so small there. I stop when she wraps her arms around herself and drops her eyes to the floor.

I take a deep breath and sit by her side, pulling her in close against me. “What’s going on, Lex?”

“What? Nothing.” She looks at me. Even in the dark room, enough light shines through to clearly illuminate her face and the serious expression across it. She’s nervously biting her bottom lip.

I place my thumb on the edge of her lip and pull it from between her teeth. Her teeth left marks behind. I run my thumb over them before moving in for a kiss.

She’s holding back.

I pull away. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

She nods and her eyes fall to her hands that are resting between us. “I know.”

I place my hand under her chin and tilt her head so she has to meet my eyes. “Then tell me. What is it?”

She lets out a long breath, taking a few moments to collect herself, but finally speaks. “It’s over. High school is over. It’s almost time to set our plan into action.”

My hand falls from her chin. “I know. Just say the words and we’re gone,” I promise her.

The corners of her lips turn up just a little before they press against mine.

I shake my head clear of the memory. If I had known that she would be gone from my life only two days later, I may not have made that promise. I wanted to marry her, even at the age of eighteen. She was the one for me. It was something that I hadn’t doubted since our twelve-year-old selves shared that kiss in the stolen police cruiser.

None of that matters though. She didn’t love me. She ran away from me, and didn’t even tell me goodbye. She left me a mess, a mess that nobody else wanted.

I step from the shower and dress myself, avoiding looking in the mirror. I know what I’ll see. A broken man. A man still hanging on to his high school girlfriend.

In the process of pulling my shirt over my head, my eyes inadvertently shift to the mirror, making eye contact with myself. I look like shit. My hair is much longer than I usually let it grow, and a scruffy beard covers my face.

Something needs to be done about the beard, so I quickly clean it up with my trimmers. A quick run of my fingers through my hair is the final straw for my mop; I decide to get a haircut before going to Brett’s. He talked me into patching up the roof on his garage, and having my hair hanging in my eyes will make the work difficult. With my luck, I’ll end up falling off the roof.

I head to the barbershop and take a seat in the chair. No need to tell him what I want done, it’s the same haircut he’s been giving me since I was a kid.

“How’s it been going, Strike?” Bud asks. I meet his eyes in the mirror and for the first time, I notice just how sick he really is. His gray hair is falling out and deep wrinkles have taken over his face. The cancer diagnosis came a year ago, which he stubbornly resolved himself not to fight. Said he was too old and would rather live out the rest of his life normally.

“As good as ever.”

The barber next to us pulls the towel from his customer’s face just as the words leave my lips, and much to my chagrin, Barney sits up and turns toward me. “I’m sure you’ve heard about our guest.”

My eyes roll, followed by a deep sigh. “I have.”

He stands and hands over his money for the shave. “Take it from me, keep away from her. You’ve been doing good staying out of trouble. Don’t need the likes of her to bring you back down.”

I don’t respond as he shuffles his way out of the shop. When he’s gone, I shake my head and let it dip forward.

Bud laughs before turning on the clippers and starting on my hair.

* * *

“So you’ve seen her? Like actually seen her and talked to her?” I ask Brett.

We’re standing in his kitchen and he’s pulling things out to throw on the grill once the roof is fixed.

“Yeah, Gemma and I ran into her last night. She’s coming to the cook out.”

My mouthful of beer ends up sprayed across the floor when his last sentence graces my ears. “She’s coming here? Today?”

He makes a disgusted face and wipes the beer from his shirt. “Yeah, she should be here any time now. What’s your deal? I thought you gave up on that one?”

I run my hand over my hair, so short now that it springs right back into place. “I thought I did too,” I whisper.

Brett shakes his head and turns back to his food. “Anyway, Gemma is really excited that she’s back, so please don’t chase her off as soon as she gets here.”

I scoff. “Why would I do that?”

He turns and flashes me a pointed look but doesn’t say a word.

A few minutes later, Brett finishes seasoning the steaks and he picks up the tray. “Grab my beer, would ya?” he says, heading toward the sliding glass door.

Both of our beers in hand, I follow him to the door.

“I hope it doesn’t take too long to patch this roof. It’s too hot to be up there today.”

Whatever he says after that is completely lost to me. Before I have even stepped out of the door, I’m stopped dead in my tracks.

There she is.

Sitting right in front of me.

The world stops turning when her eyes lock on mine.

Her blue eyes shine back at me. They are wide and unmoving. She wasn’t expecting to see me either; she’s just as frozen as I am.

My first instinct is to march over and pull her in for a lip-crushing kiss, but I decide against it in favor of a more tactful approach. Instead, I casually follow Brett to the grill, keeping my eyes on her as I pass.

She follows my movement, never looking away. Gemma is telling her something, but she clearly is not hearing any of it. She is only paying attention to me.

My eyes narrow and I set my jaw, handing Brett his beer while still locked in some kind of staring competition with Lex. She swallows and moves her hands to the edge of the chair, as if she is holding herself in place to keep from running away. Her knuckles turn white from squeezing as we watch one another.

My eyes slip first, falling from her stare to take in the rest of her. She looks beautiful. Her dark hair hangs down around her shoulders in waves. Her long legs are exposed, barely covered by the cutoff jean shorts she’s wearing, and they are begging to be wrapped around my hips again.

Our eyes meet again and I notice that they are darkly lined, making them appear an even deeper shade of blue.

Before, she was just a girl who was filled with fear of the unknown. Now, she’s strong. I can see into the depths of her soul, see the determination she has in her. She has grown so goddamn much, mentally and physically; I can tell just from looking at her. Knowing that she is the only one strong enough to be with me, to take on all of the baggage I come with, makes me want her even more.

It doesn’t take me long to figure out that Brett and Gemma are both frozen along with us. The only thing moving is their eyes, which flash from me to Lex and back, watching and waiting to see who makes the first move.

I feel my heart pounding away in my chest. My breathing is labored, and every muscle is flexed and tense. I want to rush her and ask all the questions I’ve been wondering since the day she left. Why did you leave me? Where did you go? Why haven’t you called? Why don’t you love me?

But instead, all that comes out is, “What are you doing back here, Lex?” My voice sharply breaks the silence, making Gemma gasp.

Her fingers grip the chair tighter, I can see the muscles in her arms flex as she squeezes the edge.

She moistens her lips and clears her throat. “Engagement dinner.”

That takes me back. I narrow my eyes on her. “You’re getting married?” I grit my teeth together so hard it feels like they will shatter.

“Oh, no-” Gemma starts, but is silenced when Lex rips her eyes from me and trains them on her.

She turns back to me. Her eyes are wide like a deer in the headlights. “Yeah, I’m getting married.”

The remaining pieces of my heart crumble at this. I swallow down the emotions bubbling up: love, anger, resentment, and everything in between. I push it all down and manage to grit out a weak, “Congratulations.”

I turn away from her for the first time and face the grill. Brett is still frozen, all he can do is glance from me to Lex, and then to Gemma.

“Are we going to get this grill fired up so we can start on the roof or not?” I ask before emptying the rest of my beer.

He jumps, realizing that the show is over. “Yeah.” He springs into action, lighting the grill.

“I’m going to grab another beer, you want one?”

“Fuck yeah, I can’t deal with all this going on.”

I smile and shake my head as I walk back into the house.

* * *

Brett does all the work on the roof while I sit back and watch Lex. She has no idea I am watching, and I finally get a chance to see her with her guard down. Her conversation with Gemma is easy and relaxed - she smiles and nods along with whatever Gemma is saying.

I watch the way she moves, full of grace and purpose. She reaches out, picking up her glass and taking a sip.

Even such a simple action stirs my emotions into a frenzy.

“Hand me the hammer,” Brett says, emphasizing his words with a smack to the back of my head.

I pass him the hammer and bring my eyes back to her. “I can’t fucking believe she’s getting married.” I shake my head and look at him.

He grins. “She ain’t fucking getting married. She’s here because her sister is getting married, you dumbass.”

I flex my jaw as anger and relief wash over me. “Her sister is the one getting married?”

“Yeah, she just side-stepped your ass.” He laughs before giving me the hammer back. “All done. Let’s get down from here.”

As soon as she sees me climbing down the ladder, her wall is back up. The easygoing mannerisms I saw from the roof are gone. She’s turned to stone, but she tries to keep her eyes from me. She doesn’t want to be rude and leave because of me, but she doesn’t want to have to talk around me, or even look at me again.

It becomes clear to me: I need to face this situation head-on. I take a seat directly across the table from her, prop my feet up on the empty chair, and bring my bottle to my lips. I take a long drink before I look at her.

Her full chest is rising and falling quickly, she looks nervous and tries looking anywhere but at me.

“So who’s the guy?” I ask.

“The guy?” She stares into me and I lift a brow. “Oh, the guy!” She shakes her head. “Just someone I met a couple years ago.” She waves her hand in front of her face like it doesn’t matter.

I lift my shoulders in a shrug. “Does he have a name?”

“Jeff,” she answers a little too quickly.

I nod along. “Jeff, huh? What’s he do? Do you two live together?”

She looks from me to Gemma and back.

No one can answer this one for you, sweetheart.

“Um, no. We don’t live together yet. He’s in the restaurant business.”

A small laugh slips from my lips. “Like a waiter?”

She squares her shoulders and lifts her chin just a bit. “No, like he owns the restaurant.” Her tone is harsh, she wants me to believe that she’s mad. She’s not. She forgets that I know her better than anyone else. Someone else may back off when they hear that tone, but I don’t.

Gemma gasps. “Really? Which one, Brett and I will have to come in one night.”

Lex’s eyes flash to me. She knows that saying the name of the restaurant will give away her hiding place.

“You know, I should probably get going.” She pushes away from the table.

“What? We haven’t even eaten yet,” Gemma says, standing with her.

“I know, I’m sorry. I just have to get ready for this dinner. You know my mother.” She forces a smile before turning and practically running away.

My eyes follow her until she is no longer in view.

“What’d you do that for?” Gemma smacks me on the arm.

I rest my elbows on the table. “I’m sorry, what did you think was going to happen? We haven’t seen or talked to each other in six years. Did you really think you could throw us together and everything would be fine?”

She sits back down and picks up her glass. “Well, I kind of hoped that you two would see each other and realize how in love you both still are. Then you could get married and name your first-born after me.” She beams her best smile.

I laugh and shake my head. “Did you hear that, Brett? Your wife is trying to play matchmaker again.

He walks over and sets down the tray of steaks. “I warned her this wouldn’t go well. I don’t know why she refuses to listen.”

* * *

After dinner, Brett and Gemma talk me into going out for a couple drinks. I’ve already had a few more than normal, but figure, what the hell. I don’t have shit to do tonight.

Gemma insists she has to take a shower and spend an hour primping.

I take off toward Pops’ restaurant, telling them that I’ll catch up with them later. It gives me peace of mind to check in on the old man, make sure he’s resting and not working too hard. He’s a stubborn old man and refuses to listen to anyone.

“Hey, Pops.” I flop down on the barstool at the counter.

“Where in the hell have you been?” he asks without looking up from the counter that he’s wiping down.

“What do you mean? I was just in here yesterday.”

He pauses for a moment and then shrugs. He pours me a cup of coffee and leans down, resting his elbows against the counter.

I study his expression. “Are you okay? Do you remember seeing me here yesterday?”

A smile spreads across his face. “I don’t even remember how I got here this morning.”

A chill runs over me and the hair on the back of my neck stands up. Pops is like my father, it worries me that old age may be getting to him. I inspect his face for several moments. His grin never fades, and he has a twinkle in his dull blue eyes. “Are you fucking with me?”

He smacks my arm. “Of course I’m messing with you. You really think I’m going to lose my mind?” He scoffs. “I’m still as sharp as a whip.”

I roll my eyes and let out a long sigh, then rub my hand over my head and look back at him. “Don’t do that shit to me.”

He laughs a minute before his face becomes serious. “Tell me you saw her.”

My shoulders slump and my head dips forward before I nod. “Yep, I saw her alright.”

“And?” he presses.

“She lied and told me she’s getting married. Even went as far as making up a name for the bastard.”

He laughs even harder, doubling over and slapping his knee.

“What’s so funny?” I ask. This situation is anything but amusing, but his infectious laughter absorbs into me.

“Have you forgotten who you’re dealing with?”

I take a sip of my coffee and straighten up just a bit. “What do you mean?”

He walks around the counter and sits down beside me, training his eyes on mine. “This is Lex we’re talking about. She’s never been the kind to just roll over and give up information. If you want answers from her, real answers, you’re going to have to force them out like you always had to. She will mess around and give you everything but the one thing you want. You know this - I’m surprised that I have to remind you.”

I look down at my coffee. He’s right. This is Lex. She never was easy, that’s why I always loved her. She would make me work for everything. I’d spent months working for that first kiss, I’d spent years working my way into her heart, and I’d spent a decade being totally hers and nobody else’s.

Nothing is easy when it comes to Lex. She is closed off, stubborn, difficult, and full of determination. But once you’ve wormed your way underneath all her layers, she loves strongly and fiercely.

“You’re right.” I push away from the counter.

“Where ya going?” Pops asks.

“To find Lex,” I shout over my shoulder, heading for the door.