Chapter Eleven
Game night at Rob and Melissa’s house was one of Ellie’s favorite things to do. Nick and Rob always got to hang out at work, but Ellie only got to see Melissa one Saturday a month at game night.
They typically did a potluck since other couples showed up. Tonight, Fran and Mark were there, along with Melissa’s friend Heather from the bank where she worked, and Heather’s husband, Eric.
They ate dinner first, and it was delicious as always. Rob had a huge family, so when they’d bought the house, he’d built a massive dining room table with plenty of room to seat everyone. Typically the women sat at one end of the table and the men at the other, which suited Ellie just fine since she could get caught up with Melissa and chat with Fran and Heather.
Henry was happily situated at the table in the kitchen with Rob and Melissa’s son, RJ, who was only a year older. The two of them got along great. Eric and Heather had a two-year-old they didn’t bring tonight.
“Selina’s been an absolute terror today,” Heather said. “I didn’t want to inflict her on anyone.”
“Aww,” Melissa said. “You do realize both Ellie and I have been through the toddler stage.”
“She’s throwing things,” Heather said with a sigh. “So her punishment was no fun with RJ and Henry. I dropped her off at my parents’ house. They adore her and they don’t care about her tantrums.”
“I think by the time you become grandparents, you forgive just about everything because you’re happy to have little ones in the house again,” Ellie said. “My in-laws are wonderful with Henry.”
“Mine are too with RJ,” Melissa said. “As are my parents. I don’t remember them being quite as lenient with me when I was young.”
Ellie nodded. “That’s because when you’re parents, you’re young and not as patient.”
Fran took a sip of wine. “I can’t wait to have obnoxious children who throw things.”
Ellie laughed. “I can’t wait for you to have them, either. I’m dying to cuddle a baby.”
“Mark and I have talked about the whole wedding and kids thing. But with his job at the fire station and my job at the hospital, we’re both crazy busy.”
“There’s never an ideal time for any of it,” Melissa said. “If you love each other, you make it happen.”
“True,” Ellie said. “But, you know, Fran, you and Mark will do it when you’re ready. Or not do it, whichever the case may be. You have to set your own timeline.”
Fran laughed. “We are happily ever aftering. We’re just doing it in our own way.”
Once they finished dinner, everyone helped put food away and do the dishes, which meant it took no time at all. The kids went into the game room to play, and the adults played their own games.
It was always a blast. They played various games, from board games to card games, which always left Ellie breathless with laughter.
The one thing different tonight, though, was Nick. Oh, he was a fine game partner. He’d never let whatever was going on between them interfere with the fun of game night. But he hadn’t said much to her since their conversation the other night. They’d left things hanging. Or, rather, she’d left things hanging.
They had always been so close, had told each other everything. From the moment John had died, Nick had been her rock, her support system, her knight in shining armor. He’d become her best friend and her confidant, and it had been that way for years.
Until things had changed, until she realized she had feelings for Nick that went beyond brother-in-law, beyond friendship. And now that he’d revealed his attraction to her, everything between them was different. Where before, when she got home, she’d tell him everything about her day and he’d do the same, they both had seemed to focus their attention totally on Henry, as if her son had become the buffer between them. Not that Henry noticed the difference since he always received a lot of their time and attention.
But Ellie noticed. Because even after Henry went to bed at night, Nick was either on the laptop or engrossed in something on TV. And where they’d usually talk while watching television, now he was mostly silent.
Waiting.
She couldn’t blame him for the silence, because she’d become mute as well, as if she couldn’t find the words to start that important conversation they needed to have.
Now she couldn’t decide what the next step should be.
She knew her indecision was driving a wedge between them.
They had taken a break from their latest game. The guys were in the game room playing something with the kids, and Melissa and Heather were deep in conversation in the living room about something work related, so Ellie and Fran stepped into the kitchen to refill their wineglasses.
“You’re up in your head about something tonight,” Fran said as she topped off Ellie’s glass.
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. It’s like you’re a freakin’ walking zombie, El. You’re here tonight, but in body only. What’s going on?”
Ellie looked into the living room. Melissa and Heather had their heads together and were quietly chatting. The game room was downstairs, so they were alone. “It’s Nick.”
“Oh.” Fran took a sip of wine. “Talk to me.”
She explained about the Karen debacle, then told Fran about Nick’s admission the other night of having feelings for her, and her response, which had pretty much been nothing but confusion. “We’re dancing around these feelings we have for each other, or at least I am. Which means nothing is happening, so there’s this wall between us.”
“Is he reluctant to act on his feelings?”
“No. I’m the one who put a stop to things the other night.”
Fran sighed. “Why?”
“You know why. Because of John.”
“Who is dead. While Nick is very much alive.”
Ellie winced. “Fran.”
“Come on, Ellie. It’s time to wake up, join the living, and stop making everything about your dead husband. I know you loved him. We all loved him. But it’s like you stopped living when John died. And how is Henry going to react as he grows up watching his mother living this life standing still, never moving on, never being happy? Don’t you think he wants a happy mom, one who’s among the living? “
It was a stab in the heart hearing these words from her best friend. But she needed to hear it. “I know. Logically I know you’re right. But, you know, it’s Nick. He’s John’s brother. And I don’t know if the feelings I have for him are real or if it’s just because we’ve lived together since John died.”
Fran grasped her hand and squeezed. “You won’t know for sure if it’s real between you and Nick unless you give yourself an opportunity to find out.”
“You’re right. Everything right now is in my head. I’m always in my own head.”
“Then get out of your head and start feeling something. Let yourself feel, Ellie. Open up your heart to the possibility that what you and Nick have together might be real. And if it isn’t, at least you’ll have given it a chance.”
She knew what Fran said made sense. But fear held her back. It had been holding her back for the past five years. Fear of living. Fear of moving forward. Fear of leaving her past behind, of leaving John behind. And now fear of feeling something that might be real—or might not. “But what if it isn’t?”
“Then you’ll know. And you can move on. Either way, you’ll stop stagnating like you’ve been doing for the past five years. Don’t you owe it to yourself—and to Henry—to take that step forward?”
She did. She couldn’t go on hiding from her feelings and living in the past.
It was time to make some decisions.
Starting with Nick.