Chapter 35
Lara
I knew I couldn’t walk into church and expect everything in my world to get put back in order, but it certainly couldn’t hurt to try. Right now I was desperate. I needed divine intervention to help me figure out what the hell I was doing. I was a wreck. That was obvious. I had been so desperate to have a baby, and now that there was a real chance that could happen for me, I was freaking out.
Kali was right. I was crazy.
I greeted the man holding the door open for the parishioners flowing inside and quickly took a seat in one of the back pews. Taking a deep breath, I looked around. It had been years since I’d stepped foot in a church. The last time had been for my parents’ funeral. Not a memory I wanted to dwell on. I was hoping this would bring me some peace. I needed direction, some guidance to help me make the right decision.
I felt as if I’d been tossed into the ocean with no lifeboat. I was adrift and in need of someone to point me toward solid ground. I wanted to believe Mason, but I was terrified of falling into the same old trap. Brian believed him and told me that I should believe him too. I knew Kali agreed with Brian, but she was trying to stay neutral to be supportive.
An old woman sat down next to me. She gifted me with a warm smile.
“You look troubled, dear,” she said in a low voice. “I know that’s the only time I come in here.” She giggled.
I smiled at her. “That’s probably not what we’re supposed to do.”
She shrugged. “I don’t think there’s a rule book. I like to come when I want to feel close to my late husband. He was the regular church goer. I’m more of a part-time gal.” She winked.
“Me too,” I whispered.
“Is your man giving you some trouble? That always had me running to church. The Bible frowns on killing, so I always came to church when my dear Larry gave me fits.”
“Something like that. I’m not sure if he’s my man, but yes, a man is giving me fits,” I agreed.
“Oh, sweetie, if you’re sitting here trying to figure out what to do, he is yours all right. There’d be no thinking about it or asking for guidance from the man upstairs if he wasn’t already yours.”
Her words hit home. She had a point. If I didn’t feel so strongly for Mason, I would have been over it and gotten on with my life already. Unfortunately, I did feel for him and I really wanted him.
I let out a heavy sigh. “But what if we aren’t right for each other and end up splitting up? I don’t want to ever feel that pain again.”
She took my hand and squeezed it. She was remarkably strong for looking so frail. “You don’t split. That’s the key. You love him and you make it work. You’re going to want to leave him and you’re going to hate him sometimes, but instead you think about what you’re doing right here, right now. He’s in your heart. Larry and I were married sixty-two years. There were many times we found ourselves right here in this pew asking for the strength to keep going. I’m so glad we did. Search your heart and then search his. Sometimes you have to have a little faith and put aside your worry about getting hurt. You’ll be okay. You’re here now, aren’t you? You were hurt before, but you survived.”
I blinked away the tears in my eyes.
“Thank you,” I said. “You are a very wise woman. I hope you get to feel your husband’s presence today, but I’ve got to get going.”
She smiled and patted my hand before letting it go.
“Yes, you do. Good luck, sweetie. Remember the ten commandments—don’t kill him.”
Chuckling, I slid out of the pew and rushed outside. I had to talk to Mason. I had to make him tell me one more time that I was wrong. I couldn’t risk my happiness based on something I may or may not have seen. That was not a risk I was willing to take.
I was out of breath by the time I made it to his front door. I knocked and then rang the doorbell. I knew it was overkill, but I was feeling a little panicked, like I may not catch him in time before he ran away with another woman.
He opened the door and looked at me. My heart swelled as I took in his appearance. He was shirtless, wearing only a pair of athletic shorts. His hair was wet, telling me he had just gotten out of the shower. His piercing green eyes looked into my very soul. The next second, his arms were around me and he was holding me tightly against his chest.
Inhaling the scent of him, I relished the feel of his hard, bare chest. We held each other for a long time right there in the doorway, neither of us saying a word.
“Come in,” he whispered, taking my hand and leading me to the couch.
I sat down on his couch, feeling a little uncomfortable and extremely nervous. He sat next to me, holding my hand.
“Can I get you something? Tea? Water?” he asked, clearly just as nervous as I was.
I nodded my head. It would give me some time to think about what I wanted to say. “Tea sounds good. Thank you.”
He walked to the kitchen and I could hear him moving around. I closed my eyes, asking for strength to accept whatever he said. I desperately wanted to believe him. I didn’t want drama. I wanted him.
He brought me the tea and sat down next to me.
“Tell me again,” I said, looking directly into his eyes, wanting to see whether he was being completely sincere.
“Tell you what?” he asked, confusion on his face.
“Do I have anything to worry about with you and that woman?”
“No.”
The word was said with full confidence. Clearly, he didn’t feel the need to make it any clearer than that. That inspired confidence.
“What happened? How did she end up kissing you? I know what you told me, vaguely. I’ll admit I kind of let what you said pass in one ear and right out the other. I wasn’t ready then, but I am now.”
He took a deep breath and explained it all again. This time, I was ready to both listen and hear what he was saying. Before, I had been so hurt, I had instantly put up my walls and refused to give him the benefit of the doubt.
I was quiet for several long minutes, sipping my tea and mulling over what he had said.
“Is she going to be a problem? Should I expect her to keep coming around?”
He shrugged his bare shoulders and shook his head. “I honestly don’t know. I didn’t think she would come around this time, and she did. I told her I would call the police if she showed up at my house again. I don’t know why she did what she did. I truly don’t. She didn’t seem unstable, but I’m beginning to wonder otherwise.”
I had to chuckle. “It’s always the pretty ones you have to watch out for.”
“You’re pretty.”
“I mean pretty like her. She looked like she belongs in a Victoria’s Secret catalog. She oozed sex, and I can see why you were attracted to her, I suppose,” I mused.
“Lara, you have to know I had a life before you walked into my office that day. I’m not going to pretend I was a saint. I wasn’t. I made mistakes. I did sleep with women that I probably shouldn’t have, but that is in the past.”
“I know. I get that, but seeing her with you, it hurt.”
“I’m really sorry. I never would have let it happen had I known what was coming. It took me by surprise. I thought she was out of my life for good, and good riddance. Lara, if you hear nothing else, hear this: I would never cheat on you. Never. You’re it for me. It’s always been you.” He said the words with so much sincerity that I could practically feel him pulling my heart strings.
“I don’t see how that’s true. How is that even possible?”
“Ever since we first met when we were kids, I had this strong tether to you. When I left, it nearly killed me to be away from you. I missed you every day. Eventually, I realized we weren’t meant to be. I passed the time with random women, but none of them were you. None of them made me feel the way I felt when I was with you that one time.”
I had to blink several times to keep the tears that were pooling in my eyes from running down my face.
“I know you had some reservations about being with me,” he continued. “There was a lot of baggage between us. Maybe we should have taken it slower so we could have worked through all of that and developed trust, but it’s too late to go back now. I want you, Lara, and only you,” he said the words slowly and punctuated each one as if to drive them into my thick skull.
Leaning forward, I fell into his chest. His arms came around me and lifted me onto his lap as he leaned back against the couch. He held me like a baby for a good long while. I was perfectly content to let him cradle me. I couldn’t imagine not having him in my life. He completed me.
“I should have listened to you the first time. I feel like such an idiot. Kali told me I was crazy.”
He chuckled, the sound vibrating against my ear.
“I don’t know about crazy, but I am glad you chose to believe me. I will never give you reason to doubt me again. You’re here now, and that’s all that matters.”
“I think you’re too good to be true.”
Another deep laugh, and he continued. “I don’t know about that, but I am going to work damn hard to live up to your expectations.”
“You already have. I can’t believe you rubbed my back and held my puke bucket while I threw up. That is an entirely different level of amazing.”
“I’m a doctor. I have seen people puke before.”
I shook my head against his chest. “Not the same. You were my hero, busting down my door to save me.” I laughed, thinking about how romantic the situation had been.
“Well, I didn’t exactly bust down the door. I used a key.”
“But I want to think you would have. My little fantasy.”
He kissed the top of my head. “Your fantasy can be anything you want. Tell me your fantasies and I will do what I can to make them happen. Anything.”
The mention of fantasies while I was sitting on his lap sent my mind to a dark and dirty place. I could feel his arousal growing under me.
“I think I have a few fantasies we can play out one of these days.”
“Good. I have a few of my own I would love you to star in, but today you need rest. I can see you’re still a little pale.”
“I’m feeling a lot better. Thank you again for taking such good care of me and putting up with my neurotic behavior.”
“Not a problem. I’m just glad you’re here now. I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to handle it if you decided to never talk to me again,” he said, a small choke evident in his voice. “You’re here. I can’t let you go.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”