Lazarus

Everything feels like it's falling apart. At times like this, the old me would have turned to a high to help get through this situation, but I fight the urge because I know if I went back to using, I would let a lot of people down who are counting on me to stay sober.

Without Drea, I don't think I will move forward with this group. Not saying that there's not talent in The Vixens, because there is, but I don't want to work with Annamae knowing what she's done to Drea. She’s vile, and it’s difficult for me to watch her parade around the house, knowing how she forced Drea out. I can’t get behind someone who is willing to use blackmail to get what she wants. I don’t give a fuck how talented she is.

“What are you doing out here?” Cam asks as he walks into the garden.

“Looking for some quiet,” I admit.

I glance around from the bench my mother came to often when she was first diagnosed with cancer. It was the quiet place she came to reflect and seek peace. I guess I was hoping I would magically find answers here.

Cam shoves his hands into his pocket. “I figured you and Drea would be shacked up in the pool house since I couldn’t find either one of you this morning. Candace said Drea didn’t sleep in her bed last night.”

“Just because she didn’t sleep in her bed doesn’t automatically mean she was with me.” I give him a pointed look.

“Don't look at me like that. I know the two of you have been hooking up for a while now, but I keep my mouth shut because that's what best friends do. I figured you’d tell me when you were ready.”

I lean back and sigh. “I don't think there will be much to tell considering she just left the group last night.”

“What? What do you mean she left the group?” Cam plops down next to me on the bench, clearly in shock. “What the hell happened?”

I shrug as I stare out at the garden, trying desperately to find the peace my mother used to find when she came out here to sit. “She and Annamea aren't getting along, so she felt like she had to leave.”

I don't want to tell them too much because Drea secrets aren’t mine to tell.

Cam’s eyebrows knit in confusion. “Well, that’s fucking stupid. Who walks out on a group that’s just getting started over a fight? Maybe this will blow over, and she’ll come back. What happened between them?”

“I don't know.” I play dumb.

“Did it have anything to do with Peter?”

My head snaps in his direction. That catches my attention because, as far as I know, the only interaction Peter has ever had with Drea are the two times I've been present. “No. What makes you think their fight involves him?”

Cam scrubs his hand down his face. “I didn't want to tell you this before, but I found Annamae through Peter. He was adamant this girl be a part of the group and be made the star.

“After he had met with you that first day about putting the group together, he called me and gave me her information, telling me that he wanted to help out and make this group amazing, and he thought Annamea had some real talent.”

Wheels begin to turn in my head. “So you didn't find her on your own?”

“No. But I didn't think it mattered who found her because we were looking for talent. She had it, so I invited her for you to look at. I knew if you didn’t think she had the right stuff to make it in the business, you would cut her. I thought Peter was trying to be helpful. It wasn’t until the night at the bar, after you left with Drea when the girls first performed, that I noticed Peter and Annamea in a heated conversation like they knew each other well. Ever since then, I’ve been suspicious of her.”

I run my hand through my hair. “Why didn’t you say anything to me before?”

His mouth turns down into a frown. “I should have kept you in the loop, but things were going so good for you, and I didn’t want to freak you the fuck out until I had found out if something was actually going on. I didn’t want to bring you down with bullshit until I had proof. You know how much I hate the fucking gossip mill. Sorry, man.”

I nod, knowing he only did what he thought was right. “It’s okay. I appreciate you looking out for me.”

“I’ve always got your back, Laz. You’re like a brother to me. I would never keep something from you intentionally.”

“I know. This isn’t your fault.” I pat his back. “Thanks for filling me in. Looks like it’s time I have a talk with Peter and get to the bottom of this shit.”

* * *

I pinch the bridge of my nose as I sit in Peter’s office. Every time I come in here, I’m always asking for something. I’m sure Peter is sick of my shit, but my back is against the wall, and I don’t know what else to do. There’s no one else I can turn to in this situation because I don’t want to talk to Pop about it. He doesn’t need the stress, and if Cam is right, Peter’s been keeping shit from me. It’s time to confront him and get the truth.

Coming to Peter’s office seems like a logical place to start in my search for answers.

The door opens, and I turn my head in time to see Peter come waltzing through the door in his pressed gray suit. His dark hair is neatly styled, and he doesn’t even bother looking up from his phone. “To what do I owe the pleasure, Laz? Have you come to give me an update on the group?”

I stiffen a bit in my seat. “The girls have been working hard. We cut their first single the other day.”

He takes a seat behind his desk and sets his phone down in front of him. “I have to admit, you’ve got some real potential in the group. I’m excited to see how far we can take them.”

Talking about the direction is the last thing I want to do right now. My main concern is Drea.

It’s time to get down to business.

I sit on the edge of my chair. “About the group, man … I’m having some problems, and I wanted to come to you about some legal advice.”

He sets his eyes on me. “You’re fucking the brunette, Drea, right?”

My mouth drops open. “What? No? How did you—you know what?” The initial reaction in my brain is to deny it, but it feels wrong. I’m not ashamed of my feelings for Drea, and I’m sick of trying to hide it. Obviously, trying to keep it secret hasn’t protected her anyhow. I might as well spill my guts and let the chips fall where they may. “Fuck it. Yes. We had a relationship, but that’s not the problem.”

He raises one eyebrow. “Does your legal advice question have anything to do with her?”

“Yes, but that’s not—”

He sighs as if he’s highly annoyed with me. “This is exactly why I told you no fucking around with the talent. It never ends well for you. What did you do this time? Knock her up?”

I flinch. “Jesus. No, I didn’t.”

“Then what is it,” he prods.

“She’s having some issues with one of the girls in the group. Drea moved out of my house last night because of Annamea.”

I watch as he leans back in his chair and then smooths his pinstriped tie. “So tell them to get over it and fix whatever the problem is.”

“It’s not that simple,” I mutter.

He waves me off. “Sure, it is. They’re women. They fight over the smallest things and then are friends again the same night.”

“This is bigger than some petty fight. What Annamea has done to Drea—it’s blackmail, and I won’t have that around me. Annamea has to go, but I want to know what I need to do from a legal standpoint to get rid of her since we signed contracts already.”

He takes a deep breath. “You can’t get rid of Annamea. She has to stay in the group.”

I furrow my brow. “I don't understand why you're pushing for Annemea to stay. I mean, what the fuck do you care who is in the group? This group is mine. I put it together. As long as there’s talent, which there is, the group will still be amazing if we move to a group of three versus four. Honestly, I feel that’s the best route to take anyhow.”

“Fine, then get rid of Drea if the two aren’t getting along. I saw her at the club during that first performance, and she choked. Imagine if she freezes like that in front of twenty thousand people. That kind of shit goes viral nowadays and ruins careers.”

“I will not cut Drea.” I have to reel in the growl in my voice.

Peter rubs his forehead. “This is why I told you to not screw around with the women who you conduct business with. It makes smart business moves difficult when feelings get involved.”

I roll my eyes. What part of this shit is he not getting? “How many times do I have to fucking say it? Our relationship is not the issue. Annamea is the problem.”

“You cannot cut Annamea.” His tone is firm.

“Why the hell are you so adamant I keep her?” I fire back, confused on why he’s pushing this.

“Because you have to!” he roars and then slams his fist down onto the desk.

“Whoa.” I hold my hands up in surprise.

Peter getting angry is a rare sight. He’s typically so calm. I can’t recall the last time I saw him so riled. Something is definitely up with him. “What the fuck is going on, Peter? Is there something going on with Annamea that I need to know about?”

Peter squeezes his eyes shut. “That woman has me by the fucking balls, and if you don’t make her the center of the group, she could ruin me.”

His words take me by surprise. I expected him to defend Annamea because I thought he might’ve conned her into being his group spy or something, but the scenario of her having any type of control over him didn’t cross my mind. “I don't understand. How can someone like her ruin you?”

He scrubs his hand down his face. “Shit,” he mumbles to himself. “This is precisely what I didn't want to get into.”

I scrunch my brow. “You aren’t making any sense.”

“I know,” he growls. “I know I’m not.”

“Well, help me to fucking understand. Maybe I can help. We were friends, remember? I know you hate me for what happened, and believe me, I'll never forgive myself for what happened to Jenna—”

“Don't,” he cuts me off. “Do not bring her up.”

“I know the fucking hurt I caused you when Jenna died because I felt it too. I hate the fact that she's gone and it's my fault.”

Peter's shoulders sag. “It wasn’t your fault, Laz.”

“The hell it wasn’t. You and I both know if it wasn’t for me, she would still be here. I'm the one who introduced her to all the shit.”

“There's no doubt you're the one who brought her into the lifestyle, but I'm the one who fed her addiction. I wanted to make her happy, and all she wanted was drugs after she was in deep. I was in love with her. I did whatever it took to please her, even if I didn’t agree with her choices. I enabled her right along with you.”

I stare at him while attempting to make since of what he just said. “I don't understand.”

He swallows hard. “I know you don't, which is why you don't get why Annamea has me by the balls.”

“I’m confused as fuck right now. What does Annamea have to do with Jenna?”

“Nothing … everything.” He pauses for a moment and then says, “Annemea saw me that night—the night Jenna died. She knows I was the one who gave Jenna the laced drugs that killed her, not you. She has a picture of me handing it to her.”

My mouth drops open as I process what he just said. Every cell inside my body jitters with anger as I try to make sense of it. All this time … I thought it was me. This news is a fucking shock to me because I can’t even remember the night Jenna died.

Once my brain wraps around his words, my body’s on the move before I even realize what I’m doing. I charge around the desk and yank him out of the chair.

I have him pinned against the wall before I even take my next breath. “You son of a bitch. You did this? This whole time, you let me believe—” Anger rolls through me, making it difficult to speak, so I twist my hands tighter into his shirt. “You don't know the hell I've been through because I thought I was the one who killed Jenna. For years, I wondered why I didn’t die in her place because I fucking thought it should’ve been me. I should kick your fucking teeth down your throat.”

Instead of fighting me back or arguing as I would expect for him to do, his face twists with pain. “I wouldn't blame you if you did. I deserve it. I didn’t mean for this to happen, and I’m sorry I didn’t have the balls to tell you the truth before now.”

“Sorry?” I sneer. “That’s all you fucking have to say for yourself?”

He holds his hands up. “I know nothing I’ll ever say can make up for what I did, and I don’t deserve it, but I’m begging for your help. Cut Drea. She’s not that good anyway and will never make it. Do us both a favor and trim the fat now before Annamea has a chance to drag me through the mud.”

I can’t believe this motherfucker has the nerve to ask me for a goddamn thing, let alone insult the one woman who’s wormed her way into my heart. “Shut your mouth about Drea. No one and I mean no one says a damn word about her when I'm around. She’s the leader of this group. Not because she's with me, but because she's that damn good. If you can't see that and try to force the group in another direction just to save your own ass …” I shake my head. “Then I'm going to have to go above your head because Drea will be the center of this group. It won't be good enough without her.”

Peter holds his hands up in surrender as he locks eyes with me. “You’re in love with her.”

It’s not a question but a statement.

His words hit me, sobering up my anger; all the while making me realize what I feel for Drea is more than a passing infatuation.

I release my hold on Peter and take a step back, squeezing my eyes shut. “It doesn’t matter now. I’ve already fucked things up, just as I always do. Anything good in my life, I always ruin.”

“But this … you can fix.”

“But you said—” Utter confusion rocks through my brain.

His lips pull into a tight line. “I know what I said, and I meant it; messing around with someone you work with is not good for business. But I can see this isn’t some fling for you. You have feelings for the girl, or else you wouldn’t be so upset. I’ve never seen you act this out of control over a random piece of ass, so that’s how I know this girl is special to you.”

“She is,” I admit. “I haven’t felt this connected since—” I stop myself from saying Jenna’s name because I know how much Peter loved her too.

My mind flits back to Jenna, and I picture her smiling with the sun making a halo around her golden blond hair, and my stomach drops to my feet. “All this time … You let me blame myself. I thought I killed Jenna. For the past few years, I’ve wondered every goddamn day why it couldn’t have been me who died instead of her. I felt so guilty … I threw my whole career away after she died because I was so disgusted with myself. Deep down, I wanted to die too because I thought that’s what I deserved. How could you do this to me?”

His frown deepens. “It was a shit thing to do. I was jealous when it came to you. I wanted Jenna to love me, so I did everything I could to please her. You got her hooked, so I blamed you, and it was easier to be angry with you than with myself.”

“Fuck, Peter, I deserved the truth. We were friends, and you allowed me to believe I killed the woman we both were in love with.” My heart twists inside my chest. While it’s fucked up that he lied to me, I know Jenna’s death hit him just as hard as it did me.

I grab the back of my neck and attempt to calm myself down before I fly off the fucking handle again.

“I’m sorry,” he pleads. “God, I would give anything to go back to that night, but I can’t. I knew if it ever got out that clean-cut Peter kept his musical talent happy by feeding them drugs, my career would be over. It wouldn’t have mattered why I gave her the drugs, only that I did. Your father would’ve fired me on the spot. But you—you could’ve gotten away with murder and still been a success because your father owns the fucking record company and you were a mega star. I panicked, and I’m sorry. This business is my life. If I would’ve lost it on top of losing Jenna …” He drops his head. “Let’s just say I wouldn’t be standing here right now.”

I stare at the man who at one time I believed was my brother, and instead of hatred, all I feel is forgiveness. I know what it was like living with the weight of thinking your actions caused someone you loved to lose their life, and I don’t wish that upon anyone.

“I forgive you, and you should forgive yourself. It’s taken me years of therapy to discover the choice to use is always your own. No one forces an addict to take drugs, so no matter if you supplied them to her or not, it was her choice to take them. I wrestled with that a long time, believe me. I felt guilty. I felt like her death was all my fault. It's the main reason I pushed everyone away. I mean, why should I live while she died because I'm the one who introduced her to drugs? It took me a long time to see things through clear eyes.”

“I blamed you, or at least I tried to convince myself it was completely your fault for a long time after Jenna died. I told myself that if you hadn’t introduced her to drugs, then I would never have had to supply them to her in order to keep her happy. Deep down, I took the responsibility of her death upon myself. I just didn't have the balls to tell you the truth. You were so high that night, so you took the blame instantly when you sobered up, and it was wrong of me to let you do that, but I did. That makes me a fucking coward. If I would've just been straight up with you and told you from the beginning, Annamea would never have anything to hold over my head—something that would force me into giving her career demands.”

My lips twist. “Is that what she's demanding in exchange for keeping quiet about what she knows about Jenna?”

He nods. “She showed me a still photo of me handing Jenna drugs that night. Apparently, Annamae was at the same party, and she caught it on video.”

Things begin to click. “Fuck. And that's what she's got hanging over your head? Who does she plan on showing it to?”

“When I was promoted to CEO of Rawlings records, she tracked me down. At first, I did my best to ignore her, but she was persistent as fuck and one day she showed up at my office threatening to expose me to the media if I didn't help her. Of course, that got my attention, and I let her in to my office to see what this crazy girl had just in case it was something substantial. And while what she had couldn’t get me into too much trouble legally, I knew that if your father found out, he would yank me out of the job he just gave me. As I said, I was a fucking coward, and I didn't want you or your father to find out the truth, so I went along with her. I put her in the booth, let her record songs, and then made her opening act for a couple of big names, but it wasn’t enough for her. Her star wasn't rising fast enough, so she started getting really antsy and making more threats. It just so happened on the day you walked into my office that she had just left. It was like fate telling me to put her in your group and put a bug in Cam's ear to make her the center of everything. I thought that would appease her, and it did … That is until I got a text from her a couple of weeks ago telling me that you gave Drea the lead on the first single. She was pissed beyond belief. I told her I had nothing to do with that and you made those decisions. That was the last I heard of it. Until now.”

“Fuck. That's why she went after Drea,” I mumble to myself.

“Can't you just make her the center of the group? She’ll keep her mouth shut if she’s made into a star.”

“No, Peter. I won't. She isn’t the best. Drea is. I know you don't understand that right now because you saw Drea when she froze up on stage, but she's better than that. I've been working nonstop with her, and so has Laurie. I have complete confidence that, with time, she's going to get this. She is the best singer in the group. She’s a fucking star.”

His eyes narrow. “Are you being stubborn about this because you want my job? You want your father to make you CEO of this company?”

I stare at him in disbelief. “You of all people know that my father wouldn't trust me with something this big right now at this time of my life. I am still a recovering addict. I wouldn't give the job to me if I was my father either. You are a good guy to run this company, Peter. I don't want to see him take that away from you.”

He scrubs his hand down his face. “Then how do we fix this? Annamea will do her best to ruin me if you don't make her center of the group. Your father will fire me if Annamea gets to him and tells him about Jenna.”

I furrow my brow when the answer to solve this problem is crystal clear to me. “How can she ruin you if you just confess what happened? If you tell my father what happened, he's going to be far more forgiving than if he finds out another way. My father is a man known to give second chances. Hell, look at how many he's given me.”

He rakes his fingers through his hair, clearly frustrated. “So what are you saying, Laz? I should tell him now?”

“Yes. That's exactly what I'm saying. I'll even go with you,” I tell him like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Once you tell him, my father and I will both know the situation with Jenna. Then Annamea has nothing to blackmail you with, so it doesn't matter what she has.”

He sits on the corner of his desk and looks up at me. “Why would you want to help me after what I’ve done to you?”

My lips pull into a tight line. “It's like I've always told you, Peter. One time we were friends. Good friends. Somewhere along the line, we lost our connection, but I'm willing to work on our friendship if you are. We grew up together. Our families were the best of friends. We were like brothers. I miss that.”

He nods. “I do too.”

I plop down in the chair across from his desk, and he asks, “What did Annamea say to Drea to make her quit?”

I bite my bottom lip. “She found Drea’s weakness and is using it to her advantage.” That’s as much information as I’m willing to divulge to him.

“That woman is really a fucking snake,” he hisses. “She’s not above ruining lives to get what she wants. I’m sorry she’s fucking around with your girl.”

I stare down at my tattooed knuckles. “She’s not my girl anymore. I ended things with her.”

“Why?” He frowns. “Because of me?”

I nod. “You and Pop. I didn’t want to let you all down. I wanted you to see that I’m a changed man. My head is clear, and I can make sound decisions for the good of everyone involved.”

“If you’re in love with this girl, do you really believe ending things was what was best?”

“I didn’t want people to think she slept her way to stardom.”

“If she’s as good as you claim, then no one would think that. Talent will always speak for itself. You of all people should know that. If you really love her, then go get her—to hell with everyone else. That’s what the Laz I knew would say anyway.”

“I’m trying not to be that man anymore, Peter.”

One corner of his mouth lifts into a small smile. “The old Laz wasn’t all bad. There were parts of him I respected the hell out of. He always spoke his mind, no matter what the cost. Go tell Drea how you feel. If she loves you back, she’ll forgive you. We’ll deal with this Annamea situation together.”

For the first time in a long time, I feel like Peter and I are in a good place. It’s going to take a while to build trust back between us, but hopefully, we figure it out.