JACKSON HAD SLEPT for shit that night. He blamed Savannah and the conversation they’d had. Frigid. He wanted to find her ex-husband and pull that bastard’s testicles out through his mouth.
In his opinion, any man who put that kind of thing on a woman was beneath contempt. Jackson might not be a knight in shining armor, but he knew where his responsibilities lay in the bedroom. There was no damned point to sex if your partner didn’t get as much out of it as you did, if not more. A woman’s pleasure was part of his own. Any man who not only put that responsibility on the lady, but also made her feel bad about herself when he couldn’t perform, was a lowlife in his mind.
That kind of man certainly didn’t deserve to get off.
But the problem was, Jackson shouldn’t be thinking about his nanny and getting off in the same sentence. Not at all.
That was the trouble with not having Lily out with him while he worked. He had too much time on his brain to do thinking. And his thoughts were in the damned gutter.
He sighed and lifted the ax he was holding over his head, bringing it down hard on the piece of wood sitting on its end, sending half of it flying across the lot.
He looked up and saw his brother’s truck pulling up toward him, and he swore. The last thing he wanted was to deal with Tanner or Calder right now.
And sadly for him, it was both of his brothers. They stopped the truck and got out, the two older Reids looking at him, and then looking at each other.
“Can I help you?” he asked, feeling testy as fuck and just as mean. He had sexual tension to get rid of, and he aimed to chop a cord of wood, not have a discussion with his brothers.
“Just haven’t had a chance to chat in a while,” Tanner said.
“You’re full of shit,” Jackson said. “We work together every day.”
“Yeah,” Calder agreed, “but Chloe’s been around.”
“What exactly do you want to talk to me about that you can’t say in front of Chloe?”
“I want to know what’s really happening with you and the nanny,” Tanner said.
“What do you mean really happening?”
“You’re living with a woman that beautiful in your house, and you want me to believe that you’re not doing anything with her?” Calder asked.
Tanner’s expression tightened, his whole body going tense. It seemed he didn’t find Calder’s questions any more amusing than Jackson did. “It is possible to live with a beautiful woman and not touch her,” Tanner pointed out.
“Sure,” Calder said. “It’s possible. But Jackson doesn’t have any experience with restraint. And we know that with even more certainty than we did a couple months ago.”
“Yeah, because you’re a snow-white virgin,” Jackson said, glaring at his brother.
“I’m no such thing. But I’m not half the manwhore you are.”
“Even half the manwhore I am is pretty bad,” he responded dryly.
Tanner snorted. “That is true. Though, I’ve been much too busy running this place to get up to even half of what Calder has.”
“That’s a dirty lie,” Jackson said. “You’ve been a bit busy raising Chloe.”
“I am not raising Chloe,” Tanner said, his tone hard. “She’s an adult.”
“What is she? Twenty-two? And she’s half-feral.”
“At least you don’t have to worry about her sneaking off with guys,” Calder said, humor on his face. “Anyway, if a man gave her trouble, she’d just shoot them herself.”
“We are not talking about Chloe,” Tanner said, his voice taking on an edge when he said their stepsister’s name.
He knew Chloe could be irritating, but she and Tanner had lived together in the main house for ages. It had only been about six months since Chloe’s mother had moved away, but Jackson couldn’t imagine things had changed that much since Ella had gone.
“We’re talking about Jackson. And his transgressions,” Calder said.
“If you call Lily a transgression one more time, Calder,” Jackson said, his tone warning, “I will personally put my fist through your face.”
“That isn’t what I meant,” Calder said, looking contrite. “I was just giving you a hard time.”
“I swear, everything with Savannah is on the up-and-up. I needed someone to help me out. I don’t know shit about babies, and you know that.”
“Neither do we.”
“Neither does Chloe,” Tanner said.
“Yeah, it’s basically a nineties comedy around here, except that we’re not going to magically figure it out, so I needed to do something. And I hired Savannah. End of story. I’m not touching her, and neither are either of you. She’s the only way I’ve gotten any sleep for a week, and if you fuck that up for me I will...”
“Fist through the face,” Tanner said. “I think we got it.”
“Hey,” Calder said, “I’m more worried about you messing it up.”
“I can keep my dick under control, thanks,” Jackson said.
“Can you?” Tanner asked.
He would be offended, but Tanner had a point. If he could keep himself under control, he’d never shown it. He’d never had to.
“I have a reason to,” he bit out. “The best reason I’ve ever had. I know that you might not... I never wanted to be a father,” he continued. “But the fact of the matter is I am one. Everything that I wanted has changed now. I care a hell of a lot more about that little girl growing up happy than I do about when I’m going to get laid next. And hell, I don’t know when that’s going to be. Maybe not till she graduates from high school.”
Well, he hoped that wouldn’t be true. But there was a serious chance he wasn’t going to be getting any action on a regular basis for quite some time. He couldn’t bring a parade of women through her life. That was the kind of thing their father had done, and he wouldn’t do that. He wanted her to have more stability than he’d had. Didn’t want her to go through a series of attachments and separations over and over again. It was too hard.
Her mother had already left, and God knew he understood that pain. Of knowing your mother couldn’t handle you. Couldn’t raise you. Already, Lily’s childhood was a shade too much like his own. For his father’s part, when it came to their mother, at least it hadn’t really been his fault. He had married her. Had tried to have a stable life before bringing children into the world.
Jackson had just been indiscriminate. Yes, he’d used protection, but the fact of the matter was, there was always a chance that protection could fail. And any grown man who was sexually active had to take that risk on. It had never come back to bite him in the ass before.
But now it had, and he had to man up.
“I never realized you were so self-sacrificial,” Calder said.
“I’m not. But what else am I supposed to do? She’s here,” he said gruffly.
“We’re here for you,” Tanner said, clapping him on the back. “Even though I don’t think we’re any more qualified than you.”
“Maybe if we put all of our heads together we can equal one qualified parent,” Calder said.
Jackson chuckled. “You might be about right.”
But he had Savannah. She was qualified, and she was giving Lily a good start. She knew what to do. She knew things like tummy time, which Jackson hadn’t known about. She was going to provide that early stability. Be that mother figure for Lily. And he knew it wouldn’t last forever, but if he could just make it the best situation possible, he had a feeling it could last for a while.
And that meant no more thinking about Savannah, or her problem.
And letting go of the idea it was his to solve.
Lord almighty. He wanted to solve it.
Dick. Under. Control.
His brothers took off, and while he went on chopping that wood, all he could think about was that Savannah wasn’t staying forever. It was already temporary.
And there was no real way to mess up something that wasn’t forever anyway. Was there?