Alex
I rub the back of my hand across my forehead, not caring that I may have left a streak of grease behind. It’s an unseasonably hot day today. Or maybe it’s just the nervous energy inside me causing me to sweat so much where I’m bent over the makeshift desk in the garage. I was working on drawings for some mods for my car, but really all I’ve been doing is writing her name on the page over and over again.
I’ve been here since last night. Since I dropped Quinn off and watched her march into her apartment without so much as a backwards glance. The pencil snaps in half in my hand when the memories of last night assail me for the millionth time today. I close my eyes, trying to wipe away the memory of how she looked, how she felt in my arms, how she tasted.
“FUCK!” I scream into the empty track. She’s taking over everything. Even here, on the track where I scored a non-paying job, doing what I love most in the world. The owner got sick of me always hanging around giving my unwarranted opinion on drivers and fixing cars and finally just let me put my skills where my mouth was. In return for working on the other driver’s cars and testing cars on the track, I get to use his tools and equipment whenever I want. Sometimes I feel bad because I score on both ends of the deal, but never very much and never for very long.
starts playing, and I let the words amplify the emotions raging inside me until it becomes too much. Too much truth hidden inside those words. Picking up the torque wrench I go back to needlessly fiddling with the engine, the words of the song making the memories of last night that much more real. I skip the song using one dirty finger.
I strip off my sweat soaked shirt in frustration and run a hand through my hair before placing the battered ball cap backwards on my head. I couldn’t even stand one of my regular beanies because of the memories of how it lay forgotten on the ground, her hands in my hair. Christ. She makes me forget everything bad. With a shake of my head, I duck my head back under the hood. I look up only when I hear the sound of a car coming to a stop in front of the garage. It’s Sunday, so it’s unusual for anyone besides me to be here. Peeking out from the side of the hood my breath catches in my chest.
Like a vision out of my dreams, Quinn comes walking towards me, her red hair like a halo around her head with the rising sun behind her. The flowy dress she has on still somehow molding itself to her curves, those toned creamy thighs showing from under the short hem. My heart starts hammering in my chest, unbelievably happy at the sight of her. Until I see the look on her face. She looks unsure, guilty. Her teeth are nervously worrying at her bottom lip. Fingers are tangling as if she’s scared. My happiness plummets to the bottom of my sneakers.
“No.” I shake my head and duck back behind the hood.
“Alex,” she starts and moves closer slowly.
“Nope,” I repeat and close my eyes, wishing for this moment to just be another bad dream.
“Alex, we need to talk. You know we do.” Her voice is closer than it was before and the smell of her hits me even over that of my own sweat and grease. I swear under my breath and stand to my full height, but I don’t move from behind the car.
“Alex.” She lets out a frustrated sigh when I don’t respond.
“I know what you’re going to say, Sugar,” I sigh and finally move to the side, stopping in front of her. I don’t miss the flicker in her eyes when they track across my dirty chest. “That last night shouldn’t have happened. That it shouldn’t happen again. And my answer is the same. No.” I grit out the last word.
“It was a mistake, Alex. It shouldn’t have happened. I don’t blame you. I got caught up in the excitement of it all, and I lost my head.” Her eyes are staring at the ground like she’ll find all the answers there.
“Got caught up in the excitement, huh?” I raise an eyebrow. Her eyes flicker up to mine for a second before she bites her lip and looks down again. Even I know she’s not being honest with herself.
“That’s the second time you’ve said that, Quinn.” I take a step closer to her, and she leans her back against the side of my car for support. I smirk. The effect I have on her is so fucking clear; I don’t understand why she keeps denying it. “When are you going to realize it’s not the excitement, it’s me?”
She swallows and closes her eyes. She takes a deep breath. When she opens them again, there’s a determined set in her shoulders, and her eyes are looking over my shoulder, focusing on something and yet staring at nothing. “Alex, I came here to tell you...”
“What?” I place a hand next to her head on the car to block her view of the nothing she’s looking at, forcing her eyes to look at mine. “Came to say what, Quinn? That I need to stop? Is that why you wore this dress? What did you think was going to happen? Do you even know what you really want?” My other hand starts slowly slipping up her thigh, under the hem of her dress, leaving smudges of grease as I go. “To tell me to leave you alone? Not gonna happen, Sugar.” My head dips into her neck, my lips mere inches from her skin. I smile when I hear the hitch of her breath. I watch her pulse beating wildly in her throat. “Deep down you know you didn’t come here to put an end to what we did last night.” I revel in the stifled moan that escapes her when my lips suck softly at that spot, my senses so elevated that I feel her pulse raging under my lips. “You came here because you want more of it.”
“Alex,” it’s a protest, but it’s whispered. “We can’t.” I don’t know who she’s trying to convince with that half-assed attempt at making me stop.
“Did you get any sleep, Quinn,” I whisper in her ear. “Or did you play our kiss over and over in your mind?” I feel her body shiver against mine as my hand on her thigh travels higher, nearing the edge of her panties, so close I can feel the heat between her legs radiating on my hand. Her hands reach for my arms, fingers clawing into my muscles. It doesn’t seem like a move to stop me. Instead, it seems like she’s trying to hold on from falling into the abyss and succumbing to her desire. “Tell me, Quinn,” I demand.
“I… I... you need to …” Her voice cracks before she can finish her sentence. I smile and shake my head in her neck.
“You can’t even say it.” I raise my head and look down into her face. Her face is flushed, her eyes smoldering, lids heavy with the fire she’s feeling. “Look at you.” I can’t hide the admiration in my voice. She’s so fucking gorgeous. “You want to walk away, but you don’t even know how, do you? Your body doesn’t know how to move away from me, does it?” The hand that was on the car until now runs over her throat. A single finger is dragging down between her tits. “Your heart is beating so fast. Has anyone else ever had this effect on you?” The hand on her thigh slips over her panties before I dip my fingers inside, feeling her soft flesh. I mutter another curse when I feel how wet she is. “Soaked,” my words are a strained whisper, mesmerized by the feel of her. “You want me as much as I want you.” My nose runs along hers, my mouth barely touches hers, and I run my tongue her lips. “Tell me again to stop, and I will.”
But she doesn’t. She doesn’t say anything. Instead, her hands grip my head and pulls it closer. Her mouth takes mine in a kiss that makes me lose all sense. I grunt into her mouth as our tongues tangle, and her body grinds against my hand. Her hands travel from my head, nails scratching down my chest as I fuck her mouth with mine. It’s wild, savage. My blood rages in my veins. My hands leave her body to tangle in her hair. My cock strains painfully against my zipper, and I press it into her. She grinds herself against me, and her hands move around my hips to slip inside my jeans. Those nails are digging into my ass to press me even closer. And then I lose my ever-loving mind. The delicious pain of her grip sending misfired shots of pleasure to my brain, blacking out my vision until all I see is her and the feel of her. I fist a hand around her panties and rip them off her. I break the kiss and bring the ridiculous scrap of lace to my nose. I take a deep whiff before dropping them to the ground. “So fucking sweet.”
I drop to my knees. She lets out a yelp of shock when her feet leave the ground, and I hook her thighs over my shoulders. I look at her spread pussy. Perfect, just as I imagined it would be. I place soft kisses on her lips, gleaming with her wetness before I lick her from end to end. Her heels dig into my back as her back arches against the side of my car. Her hands are pulling my hair in pleasure, but all I’m aware of is the sweet taste of her and the sound of her moaning my name. My tongue explores every fold and piece of soft flesh it can find, I can’t get enough of her. I run slow circles around the hard bud of her clit, reveling in the jolts of electricity it sends through her body. My fingers press into her thighs. I’m trying to control myself, but with every drop of her my tongue laps up, that becomes harder and harder. My tongue slips inside her, enjoying the taste of her, the way her walls contract, the increasing intensity of her moans.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I register that has started playing. It’s perfect. And as I worship her pussy, something deep inside me realizes that she may be the death of me… and that I’m going to let her kill me. I’m powerless against what she makes me feel. I knew that from the moment I laid eyes on her. She’s the piece that is going to make me whole or the one that breaks my back. I know that as soon as I let go of her, she’s going to leave again. Back to him. And I’ll have nothing but the memory of this moment to get me through the rest of this fight. I know it’s wrong, but it’s going to be worse to stop. So, I put everything into every moment I get to spend with her. I will lay it all on the line for her and fight for every second of time I get to have with her. And I will continue to fight until I’m either whole or broken beyond repair.
I feel her thighs tense up and listen to her crazed moaning, my name dropping from her lips over and over again. It’s the most beautiful song I’ve ever heard. Her whole body stiffens, and her breath catches in her throat until wave after wave of shivers racks through her, but I don’t stop licking and sucking and kissing until her body goes limp and her hands drop from my head. Only then do I let her feet down slowly and hold her body to mine against the car. I take her mouth and kiss her gently. I kiss her for what seems like hours but is probably only a minute. I kiss her until the gentleness turns back into desperation. I hook her legs around my waist and press her deeper into the car. I kiss her trying to keep her in this moment, trying to keep her here with me.
Her hands are all over me, moving erratically like she’s trying to touch every part of me all at once. They finally settle on the zipper of my jeans, fumbling to get it open. Something warns me not to let this happen. That she’ll regret it. But her mouth assailing my throat makes it hard to stay objective. I fist her hair and pull her mouth away from me but as soon as I see the look in her eyes, her swollen lips and flushed cheeks my mouth crashes down on hers. I groan when she finally gets my zipper open and grips my cock. I thrust into her hand. Once. Twice. There’s a ringing in my ears. It’s distant but growing louder and more annoying with each passing second. It’s only when Quinn jerks away from me that I realize it’s her phone. The phone goes silent and then starts ringing again.
“It’s Erik,” she says guiltily. It’s like a bucket of ice water. I close my eyes and let my head drop to her shoulder. I fist the sides of her dress.
“Don’t answer it,” I beg softly.
“I have to. Alex, I… we...” I let go of her and step away from her, not wanting to hear the words. I turn from her to tuck myself back into my jeans. I try not to listen to what she says to Erik on the phone and concentrate on arranging tools on the desk instead. I pick my shirt up from the floor and put it on. It’s dirty. I’m suddenly ashamed of it.
“Alex.” My name is like a whisper. When I turn back, there’s a look on her face that twists me up inside. I don’t know whether it’s guilt or regret, or who it’s for.
“Whose car is that?” I say instead of asking. I’m not sure I could handle the answer.
“Harlow’s. She let me borrow it,” she mumbles. I shove my hands into my pockets, so I don’t reach for her again. I nod dumbly. I have nothing else to say. We stand there staring at each other. I’m watching her watch me. I’m not sure what she sees on my face.
“I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you.” he takes a step towards me, but I take a step back, and she stops. She’s hurting me already. “I can’t leave him. I…” She shakes her head and swallows before looking at me again. I think I see tears forming in her eyes, but she blinks, and they’re gone. “I’m only going to hurt you if we keep doing this.”
I only shrug and nod. I don’t trust myself to speak at this moment.
“I better go.” She nods her head in the direction of Harlow’s car.
I nod again and watch her walk away.
“Quinn!” She stops just as she opens the door and looks back at me.
“I’m not giving up. I know your reasons for not wanting to leave him, but they’re bad reasons for staying. You want me as much as I want you. You were just about to cheat on your so-called boyfriend.” I walk the few steps it takes to get to her. “I don’t care how long I have to wait, but I’m not giving up.”
“Alex, you need to stop. This will only end up hurting you, and I don’t want to be the reason. Please.” And with that, she gets in the car and drives off.
I watch as she leaves the track and then I start cleaning up and packing away tools. I pull my car out of the garage and then lock up before I get back in and race to the frat. Once there I make quick work of showering and dress in sweats and a clean t-shirt.
I dig around my desk drawer for the list I made with Abby and Brant’s help. I go over the things she likes. I need to somehow make her understand what I feel and what she means to me, but I’ve never been good with words. It all just comes out as clichés that read like fake lines. Brant painted Abby pictures to show her how he felt. I shake my head. That won’t work. The only things I can draw are engineering sketches, and that’s not romantic. I go over the list again.
1- Balloons
2- Shitty syrup on her coffee
3- Puppies
4- The color blue
5- Music
Then it hits me.
Elton John had a stroke of genius when he penned . Not so much when he sang Solar Prestige a Gammon. The drugs clearly took hold that time.
Anyway, I digress.
Music.
Nothing expresses what I feel like music does.
I open my laptop and get busy. It takes me hours, and I don’t even notice that the only light in my room is coming from my laptop, but I finally have it perfected.
I grab my phone off the desk and type out a message.
*I’m NOT giving up.*
I attach the link to the and then hit send.