Mess with Me by Nicole Helm (21)

Chapter Twenty-One

Sam wasn’t exactly ignoring Hayley in the aftermath of the reception, he was just trying to be very careful about who saw them talking. He was being careful not to dominate all of her time, even though that was all he wanted to do.

Of course, if he stood next to her in that dress for too long, he was pretty sure he was going to lose that promise to himself. To take it slow. To ease into things when it came to Hayley.

That had been about life, not about Hayley. Certainly not about sex.

Sex. He really missed sex.

It was that dress. It was driving him insane. It wasn’t particularly short or low cut, but it hugged all those graceful, slender curves in ways that were patently unfair. All of that normally covered-up skin soaking up the fading light of evening, that warm, brown depth to it, something he couldn’t get enough of.

But Will had warned him off. And he and Hayley hadn’t actually talked about what a relationship looked like.

Sure, he had mentioned that he hadn’t been with anyone in a while, but did she understand how much that meant? Did he?

“If you stare any harder, I think your eyes are going to pop right out of your head and start rolling toward her.”

Sam glared at Tori. “No one asked you.”

She grinned. “I know. That’s why it’s so fun to offer my opinion. Why are you trying so hard to avoid her, when it’s clear you want to jump her?”

“I am neither avoiding her nor wanting to jump her.”

“Ha! I know it’s been a long time, but you’re still Sam Goodall, and I remember the Sam Goodall stare.”

“There was never a Sam Goodall stare.”

“Oh, yes there was. You, Brandon, and Will each had your own, and had it down to an art. Brandon would target a girl, offer her a drink, start a conversation with her. Will would flash that obnoxious smirk and a girl was suddenly naked without ever knowing what hit her.”

“That what happened to you?”

She didn’t even stop. Didn’t even glare. Just ignored his jab completely. “You’d find a girl, and you would stare at her, maybe pay the bartender to give her a drink and say it was you, and then stay far, far away until she approached you.”

“I don’t remember that at all.”

“Yeah, right. You’ve still got all the same moves, rusty as they may be. Clueless as Hayley may be. You’re still a dipshit.”

Sam grinned at her. It was so much like before. He knew there was weird stuff going on with Tori and Will, but it didn’t have anything to do with him, and so he could appreciate how familiar this was. Tori giving him a hard time, giving them all a hard time, but somehow also being that guiding principle they’d all held themselves to.

He didn’t realize it until this minute, but they’d lost something essential to the group when she’d disappeared. A kind of glue. Oh, he and Will and Brandon had stuck by each other, and always would, but they’d also given each other a kind of space that never would have happened if Tori had been there.

“I’ve missed you, Tori.”

“Oh, don’t start that business.”

“But it’s true. We’ve all missed you. It was like not being . . . You were always supposed to be here.”

He didn’t miss the way she looked around for Will, or how she stiffened when she found him.

“Now I’m here.”

“To stay?”

Whatever haunted her was there in her eyes, but she wouldn’t come out with it until she was ready. If she was anything like Will, that could be years down the line.

“Yeah, I think I’m here to stay,” she said, not sounding at all sure. But she squared her shoulders and gave a little nod, and he knew that even if she wasn’t sure, she would make herself so. Once Tori made a decision, she stuck to it.

“Now, would you please go talk to that poor girl who is mooning after you.”

“She’s not mooning.”

“My ass, Sam. My ass.” Tori marched away from all the reception clean-up going on around them.

Things were winding down as the sun set. The cake had been cut and eaten. Lilly and Brandon had taken off for their weekend honeymoon in Denver. The company Lilly had hired was starting to fold up chairs and collect linens.

Sam’s last duty was to take the arbor back to his place until Lilly and Brandon decided their permanent living arrangements, though Sam had a feeling the initials would be carved out of the arbor, to be used for Lilly’s new wedding business venture. There was no way Brandon could hold off that idea forever.

Hayley had been talking to Cora, but they seemed to have parted ways, as Cora was now wrangling Micah toward Skeet and the ATV. Which pretty much left him and Hayley, since Sam had no idea where Will had disappeared to.

Hayley linked her fingers together and looked just about everywhere but at him as she slowly walked over to him. When she was finally within arm’s reach, she smiled up at him.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“You’ve been quite busy,” she offered, running a hand over her mass of curls, almost self-consciously.

“This is the first time I’ve ever been in a wedding. I didn’t realize it was so involved.”

“And you’re a man. Just think, it’s about ten times more involved for a woman.”

“Have you been in a lot of weddings?”

“I was in my mom’s.”

“Certainly not something everyone can say.”

She looked up at him quizzically. “Were your parents really never happy?” She shook her head. “You probably don’t want to talk about them.”

“No, I don’t.” A very large part of him wanted to leave it at that. But this was the whole coming-back-to-life, climbing-out bullshit that he had to face. Hayley was interested in him, and he was interested in her, which meant they had to talk. About things he didn’t want to talk about.

“I was never really that close with my parents. They were both very involved in their careers or charity work, and my sister and I . . . It was always like they expected us to be these perfect showpieces. I was supposed to be the mirror image of my father and follow in his footsteps, and Abby was supposed to be this perfect little socialite whose biggest achievement in life would depend on who she married.”

“But neither of you particularly fit that mold?” Hayley asked, reading his disgust all too clearly.

“Abby was so much better at the business shit than I was. Dad was in banking and Abby had a head for numbers and investments. It was unreal. And I . . . Well, you may be shocked to know I once could pull out the charm, but I wasn’t ever as smart as she was. They never wanted to see that.”

“What was she like?” Hayley asked softly.

He had to close his eyes against that stab of pain. Even knowing this was part of it, part of moving on and having a thing with Hayley, it didn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt or that he wouldn’t recoil from doing it.

“Can we get out of here and then maybe talk? I’ve got to get this suit off of my body.”

Hayley’s gaze went down to his toes and then back up again, a slow, sensual once-over. When her gaze met his, there was a different curve to her mouth than he’d ever seen. Even her response to him during the camping trip hadn’t been quite that . . . purposefully sensual.

“Okay. I’d like to get this dress off too,” she said, and though she gave him an under-the-eyelashes look that had his dick hardening immediately, the apples of her dark cheeks turned red.

It was somehow endearing and sexy all at the same time.

“I don’t have a car here because I drove up with Brandon, so maybe you could give me a ride back?”

Her smile slowly widened into a grin. “Sure.”

He shouldn’t be doing this. He shouldn’t be giving them the chance to be alone somewhere when they both obviously had sex on the brain, and yet . . .

God, he wanted to get her naked. Two consenting adults could have sex that her half brothers and his best friends never needed to know about. As long as she was looking at him like that, he couldn’t think of anything else.

Will appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, popping between them like a damn jack-in-the-box.

“I’ll drive you back to Mile High, Sam,” he said, his voice a little too determined.

Sam looked at Hayley, who was frowning at Will. Clearly Will wasn’t fooling either of them.

But Will only smiled. “I mean, since Hayley is going back to town, and you’re going in the direction of my cabin, wouldn’t it make the most sense if I give you a ride?”

“What about the arbor?” Hayley said. “Who’s going to move that?”

“I think Sam and I can handle it, no problem. You don’t have to go out of your way, sis.”

Sam wasn’t sure how he should react here. He didn’t want to put his foot down with Will if Hayley wasn’t ready for that, and he wasn’t so certain he was ready for that.

Especially not with Will still being in the midst of his weird thing with Tori.

“You know, we really needed three people to get it moved this morning. I’ll come with you guys to help, and then Sam can drive me back to my car.”

“Or I can.”

Hayley shrugged as if it didn’t matter to her, though Sam could see tension in her shoulders.

Will seemed placated, but Sam didn’t miss the way Hayley smiled when Will’s back was turned.

She had something up her sleeve, but Sam wasn’t about to comment on it in earshot of Will. He would just follow her lead, and hope he could get rid of this embarrassing erection before he had to move an arbor.

* * *

Will was currently about neck and neck with James for Most Annoying Brother.

Hayley had no idea why on earth he was being so weird about her and Sam. The way she saw it, if he liked them both, he should be, if not encouraging of some kind of relationship, at least not standing in the way.

But it was pretty obvious to Hayley that Will’s objections weren’t actually about her and Sam. They were all wrapped up in that Tori woman, and it was irritating the hell out of her that no one would explain it.

Even though she had very much enjoyed the way Sam had looked at her at the wedding, even though she was bound and determined to find a way into his bed tonight, she also was fighting that outsider feeling. She didn’t belong here and never would. They might accept her in some things, but in others, she would never have a place.

After watching that beautiful ceremony and thinking maybe she was part of it, this reminder she wasn’t part of their past hurt even deeper.

“There were go.” Will clapped his hands and stepped back from where they’d put the arbor back in Sam’s yard.

Will glanced back at the cabin. Hayley assumed he was wondering if Tori was in there. She was wondering herself, but probably for vastly different reasons.

“Guess you’re ready for me to drive you back to your car then, Hayley.”

Hayley narrowed her eyes at him. He tried to word it like a question, but his delivery failed, so it sounded like a demand. She was about to argue with him. She was about to tell him that, no, she wasn’t ready, because she had plans. Plans to sleep with his friend. Not to mention she already had an interfering brother who’d actually earned at least some right to interfere in her life.

But Sam spoke first. “Thanks for the help. I’ll see you both later.”

Hayley looked up at him, shocked, but his expression was blank. Completely unreadable.

Apparently Sam was going to let Will bully him into separating them. She wanted to punch him. Both of them, actually. How could they both make her feel like she belonged, then turn it off? Back and forth. Over and over.

Now she was being led back to Will’s Jeep so he could drive her to her car, and keep her from what? Losing her virginity? Not that anyone knew she had virginity. It was pretty futile to get so worked up about it.

But she was worked up, and she was . . . scared, damn it. Scared she’d always be led away. Always be moved into some corner or some shadow to do what everyone else wanted. Because what she wanted, who she was, didn’t matter. James would cause a rift with her and Mom when he “told” on her, and she’d have no one. When it came to Mile High and the Evans brothers, she’d never understand the undercurrents of their past.

She’d be alone, in this place she’d been convinced was the answer to all her hopes and dreams.

“I hope you know I don’t appreciate this,” she told Will as they reached his Jeep, angry and hurt and sad, probably more than the situation warranted.

“I hope you know I don’t care.”

“I know this isn’t about Sam. It’s about Tori.” Which was actually more of a guess than anything else, but the flash in his eyes told her she was right.

“Don’t say her name,” he said in a dangerous-sounding mutter.

“Then stop getting in my way, Will. For heaven’s sake. This has nothing to do with you.” Which was probably not her best argument when she kept getting mad when it was used on her.

“You have no idea what happens when you get mixed up with someone who is mixed up with people you care about, do you? You’re finally in our lives, we’re finally getting to know you, and you’re going to throw yourself at Sam and risk all that? Not if I can help it.”

“So remarkably none of your business.”

Will stared stonily at her before pushing the Jeep into drive and heading back down the mountain. He didn’t say anything as he pulled into the parking lot for the Solace Falls trailhead, where her car was parked.

She pushed her door open, ready to stomp out and say nothing. Except . . . she couldn’t not say something. She’d gotten in the habit of saying something. “Do you really think you stopped me?” she demanded.

He looked at her then, something unfathomably dark in his hazel eyes. “If you want to choose him, that’s your prerogative.”

“I’m not choosing between you two. Or you three. I’m not choosing anything over anything else.” Why didn’t anyone understand she wanted it all? Them all?

“But someday you’ll have to. Trust me.” He shook his head. “Bye, Hayley.”

She slammed the door shut and stomped to her car. Why would she ever have to choose? It was nonsensical.

Well, maybe if someone would tell her what was going on or what had happened between Tori and Will, she’d understand. But everyone just pushed her away, or hid things from her, or shielded her.

Our little secret. Always with secrets and hidden pasts and Hayley not being included, even when she was involved.

No. She wouldn’t be pushed back into that. She could go home and be sad, or she could go to Sam’s and get something she wanted for once. And if Tori was there . . . Well, Tori could leave.

Hayley was just about to pull out of the parking lot when another car pulled in. No, not a car. A Jeep. And in this case, not Will’s.

Sam’s.

She rolled down her window as he drove up.

His window was already down. “Hi,” he greeted.

“Hi.”

“So . . . Tori’s back at my place.”

But he was here. With her. She smiled. “There’s this place I know that has no one in it right now.”

“Oh yeah? Where’s that?”

She grinned, she couldn’t help it. Even with all the turmoil inside of her, she wanted Sam. Damn how she wanted him. “It’s my apartment.”

He returned her grin and gave a little nod toward the road. “I’ll follow you.”

She drove down into Gracely, Sam’s headlights a steady presence behind her. She was jittery and nervous and so excited she could barely sit still as she drove. It blotted out all the fears, all the sadness, all the confusion. Sam was all she wanted. Sam was where she wanted to be.

Maybe this didn’t work out. Hell, maybe Will was right and someday she’d have to choose and it would suck and be awful.

But she was almost twenty-four years old, and she’d finally found the man who made her fire on every last cylinder. She was helpless to her attraction to him, and she liked him. A lot. She was damn well going to get something out of it.

She parked in her usual spot, and Sam pulled into the space next to hers. She got out of her car as he got out of his, and they stood there, staring at each other over the hood of Sam’s Jeep.

He was the first to move, a few steps around the Jeep and then toward her, before he held out a hand.

She looked at it for a second before slipping her hand into his. It never failed to give her a thrill. His big, rough hand on any part of her was a reminder of how strong and sturdy he was. It was such a calming thing, a reassurance she would be well taken care of, no matter what.

She led him up the stairs to her apartment. She fished her keys out of her little purse and opened the door. Nerves rattled around inside her. Pretty much every last inch of her, but it wasn’t like a scary kind of nerves. She wanted to do this, so it was like the minute before getting on a roller coaster. She was excited for that free fall. Ecstatic for it.

So...

He closed the door behind him and leaned against it. He’d looked at her with attraction or want in his eyes before, but never quite this unfiltered. He’d lifted some curtain, broken down some wall. Even more so than that night camping, when he’d kissed her for the first time.

That had been tortured lust. This was certain, unwavering need. A little dark, a lot edgy. Those blue eyes swirled with a kind of carnal knowledge Hayley didn’t have.

But she would. After tonight.

She crossed to him so that they were close enough that her chest brushed his. She tilted her head up, her lungs too tight, her breath coming in quick little puffs she couldn’t control.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked, his voice that familiar gravel. Only instead of the usual irritation behind it, it was iron-clad control.

“One hundred percent.”

He lowered his mouth to hers, and she realized she should have said something more like 200 percent.