Mess with Me by Nicole Helm (7)

Chapter Seven

Sam was livid, and he knew it was making Hayley nervous, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Lilly tagging along on this hike was such an overstep. Every boundary he’d set up over the past few years, and every line he needed to . . . to . . .

He raked his hands through his hair, trying to find some end to that sentence, but the more he searched for a word, a need, the more it escaped him. He couldn’t pound the frustration away on the trail, not with Lilly and Hayley behind him.

“So, Hayley, tell me about your family.” Lilly’s bright voice pierced the quiet calm of the woods.

Lilly had not-so-subtly been interrogating Hayley for the entire hike. His plan had been to have Hayley lead him on the same hike as Monday, pretending he was a customer. Instead, Lilly was with them—slowing them down considerably—and yapping the whole damn way up, the whole way through what was normally a quiet, reflective time at the overlook, then all the way back down.

“W-why?”

Sam almost laughed at her response. It was perfect. Why did Lilly need to know about her family, indeed.

“I just wanted to get to know you better.”

“I thought you said you’re here in your capacity as a Mile High Adventures employee, not in your capacity as Brandon’s fiancée.”

Sam couldn’t resist glancing back at Lilly, who was blinking at Hayley with a frown. It did his bubbling-over anger some good to see her taken aback by Hayley calling her out.

“I’m sorry,” Lilly returned, and it irritated Sam how genuine she seemed. “Sometimes I get a little overzealous.”

“Sometimes,” Sam grumbled, more than thrilled they were back at the clearing around his cabin. He needed to be alone, now, before he said something to Lilly he really regretted.

“It’s just that, I’m pregnant,” Lilly said, obviously ignoring Sam and focusing on Hayley, but as Sam strode to his cabin, determined to walk inside and shut the door on the both of these women, Lilly kept yapping, and the words kept landing like little blows.

“And I didn’t grow up in the most loving family. That has nothing to do with you, obviously, but I hope you can understand where I’m coming from. It’s really important to me and Brandon that we can offer our baby a family, a real, loving family, the kind we both wished for growing up.”

Which hit Sam on a lot of levels. He knew Brandon wanted him to be a part of the environment in which he would raise that kid. On the level that Sam too had grown up in what should have been a great childhood, but instead was cold and unforgiving—especially when he’d needed forgiveness the most.

And maybe, more than he liked to admit, Lilly had come to mean something to him. He’d watched from the sidelines as she and Brandon had sparked off each other, fell for each other, and—a thought Sam would admit to no one even with a gun to his head—he’d seen how Brandon, a man he’d looked up to since he’d first met him, had opened up since Lilly came into his life.

So, Sam had come to respect Lilly, to care about her as one might a . . . sister, damn it. Which only served as that constant reminder. Abby was gone, not falling in love, not getting married, not having kids. She was just dead.

Forever.

It gutted him. Every time. All of Brandon and Lilly’s plans for the future—it was this constant needle being shoved into his heart, no matter how happy he was for them.

He really, really didn’t want to think about that, but Lilly kept talking. Just like Abby.

“And, I’m not saying this to pressure you, Hayley, I’m only saying this so you understand where I’m coming from. You’re part of that family we want to build. And I completely understand if you’re not ready for that yet, believe me, I’ve been telling Brandon and Will to give you space from the beginning. I just want you to know, when you are ready, there is a group of people who are ready to welcome you. Truly. No strings attached. Just . . . family.”

“How is that not pressuring the damn girl?” Sam demanded, because if she didn’t leave, this raw, excruciating pain inside of him was going to come pouring out. He couldn’t stand the thought of it.

Lilly glared at him. “Because she gets the choice, Sam.” She looked back at Hayley, who stood there with wide eyes and something like fear keeping her frozen in place. “I promise I won’t come back. I’m willing to keep my distance, keep out of your way just like Will and Brandon are. Until you’re ready, I promise. I just thought that you might be needing a family too. And I wanted to make sure you understood, really understood, that we consider you part of ours. Whenever you’re ready.” Lilly’s silvery blue eyes drifted to Sam.

He wished he could look away, block all this out, but something about the imploring way she held his gaze kept him there.

“I am a determined soul, and when I decide someone is part of my family, I mean it. For better or for worse. I’ll do everything in my power to help them. I know that Brandon and Will feel that same way.”

She looked at Hayley and smiled. “I should probably head back to Mile High. Let me reiterate that I promise, unless you tell Sam otherwise, I’ll stay away. I give you my word.”

Hayley nodded but didn’t say anything.

Sam felt like he’d been kicked in the stomach. He supposed that had been Lilly’s plan all along—to make him feel like crap. Because Brandon and Will had always been there for him, most especially when his family hadn’t been. And Lilly said she wanted to be there too.

But he didn’t want anyone there, by his side. Didn’t they see that? Couldn’t they understand he lived this way, he acted like a dick, because he had to. It was all that kept him from crumbling apart. Being alone and doing manual labor were literally the only things that had kept him from giving in to all the pain and darkness after Abby’s death.

He didn’t want family. All he ever did was let people down.

Lilly disappeared among the rocks and trees of the dirt path, but Hayley hadn’t followed. She still stood in his yard, watching after Lilly’s retreating form. Eventually she turned to face him, questions and concern written all over her face.

“Why are you so mean to Lilly?” she asked, something like curiosity more than censure in her tone.

“What?”

“You were plain old nasty to her. I’m trying to understand why you hate her.”

Sam could only stand there frozen. Yeah, he’d been mean to Lilly. He couldn’t help himself, mean was his natural state, and the more she poked at him while reminding him of Abby, the more he snapped back.

But, Christ. “I don’t hate her,” he grumbled, moving toward the entrance to his cabin.

“You do an excellent imitation of it.”

Fantastic. Another pushy female. “What do you want from me, Hayley?” Because he didn’t want to play whatever game she had in mind.

“I want to know why you hate her, and if I should hate her too.”

He could only stare. If Hayley should hate her too? She was offering to hate someone because . . . he did? That made even less sense than Lilly’s impassioned appeal about families. “You can feel about her however you want,” he all but growled.

“Okay, but can’t you at least tell me why you hate her?”

“I told you, I don’t hate her.” He narrowly resisted knocking his head against his door a few times. You could go inside and shut the door. But something about shutting the door on Hayley seemed about as right as kicking a blind puppy.

“Why do you act like you do?”

“Go home, Hayley,” he said, this time punctuated by a growl.

“That’s all we’re going to do today? It’s not even noon.”

“Trust me, you don’t want to be around me today. Go home and enjoy an afternoon off.” He pushed his door open, but apparently Hayley was choosing the exact wrong moment to be difficult.

“I’d rather you told me what’s going on,” she said, her voice wavering. When he glowered at her over his shoulder, she straightened her shoulders, lifted her chin, and glowered right back.

“And I’m not going to leave until you do.”

* * *

On the inside, Hayley felt like she was shaking apart, but when she glanced down at her hands, they were steady. She was going to be steady. She was going to be strong, because she didn’t know what to make of that Lilly woman, or all her grand talk of family, but Hayley had been in awe of how she’d stood up to Sam’s . . . assholery.

She wanted to emulate Lilly, and she wanted to understand what Lilly’s deal was. She’d seemed genuine, impassioned even, but Sam’s reaction to her made Hayley nervous. If he had a reason to hate Lilly—no matter how he denied it—maybe she should too.

A question for another day.

“I have nothing against Lilly. Nothing. She’s . . . great.”

“You sound as convincing as a paid endorsement.”

“It may have escaped your notice that I am not the effusive, emotive type.”

Hayley rolled her eyes. He certainly thought he was Mr. Mysterious and Intimidating. What had Lilly called him? Brooding, tortured antihero. Yes, he thought he was all that, but Hayley couldn’t help but think there was something more to all this.

She was going to be brave enough to get to the bottom of it. She was. “You’ve been gruff and silent and grunty to me, I’ll give you that. But you haven’t been nasty and surly the way you were with her. It’s perplexing.”

“You’re perplexing, Hayley,” he said, exasperation and something a little darker and edgier straining his voice.

“Probably. Nevertheless—”

“I don’t hate her. I’m an ass to her because I am an ass, and she in particular brings it out in me. Congratulations, you might just usurp her spot as number one pain in my ass.”

“But what has she done?”

“Poke endlessly at me. Sound familiar?” His hands curled into fists and Hayley got the distinct impression she was poking. At a bear. Who would attack if provoked enough.

It was something like exhilarating to not care—to want to provoke someone. She found Sam Goodall endlessly fascinating, no matter how many times her stepfather and stepbrother’s warning voices rang out in her head.

“I don’t know why you’re being so cagey about this. Is it personal? Oh, did you like . . . like her?”

His face morphed from that tense, overly controlled, about-to-explode sternness to something more like he’d just licked a lemon. “Like her? Are we in high school? No, I didn’t like like her.” He shoved his hands through his hair, giving it a little tug. “Go home, Hayley. For the love of God, get the hell out of my space.”

“I just don’t know why you’re so angry.”

“Neither do I!” he shouted. Shouted loud enough to echo through the clearing, loud enough that it made her jump. Oh, he was surly, and grumpy, but he’d never just exploded like that before.

He certainly had never advanced on her before, like he was doing right now. Quick, lethal strides across the yard to where she stood. A simmering fury in every movement, but more . . . a pain she recognized.

Not because she understood it by any means, but she’d seen a similar pain etched into her mother’s dark eyes, a similar fury that there was no way to fix the wrongs of the past.

Mom had never taken that fury out on her, but Hayley had witnessed it nevertheless. Cowered. Hidden from it. Allowed herself to be the unfortunate secret.

So she stood tall and firm as Sam towered over her like a snorting, about-to-charge bull.

His hand shot out and she flinched, but he didn’t touch her or hit her or make any kind of contact with her. He simply pointed to the path back to her car. Furiously implacable.

She took one step back and then another. This wasn’t her place, or her business. She should go and let him deal with whatever it was that was eating him up. It was absolutely no business of hers, and she never, ever stuck her nose where it didn’t belong.

But she couldn’t get over the pain underneath all his anger. She’d never been able to soothe her mother’s pain because Hayley’s face, her skin, her eyes—all the pieces of Evans in her—had made that impossible.

But this man . . . Maybe she could reach this man, soothe this man, and it would make her feel less like the unwanted burden, the dirty little secret everywhere she went.

Though her legs shook, and her heart hammered hard and loud, Hayley did something she wouldn’t have dreamed of doing even a few days ago. Something about this place, it made her believe in the kind of magic that could change someone. Or maybe it was the lack of belief that had felled her all along.

Either way, instead of scurrying away, she stepped forward, and she put a strong, forceful hand over his large fist. She gently pushed his index finger down to match the rest of his fingers, and did her best not to shake as she met his harsh, uncompromising gaze.

“Pointing is impolite,” she said, in the same tone her mother had always used. “And you would feel so much better if you let it out, Sam. Just . . . let it out.”

He blinked at her for the longest time, that sharp blue like the inside of a flame, hotter than humanly possible, ready to burn and melt anything in its path.

But Hayley didn’t melt. She wouldn’t.

“Drop your pack,” he ordered in a rough voice.

She blinked at him. “What?”

He jerked his hand out from under hers and began stomping toward his Jeep. “Drop your pack,” he repeated, none of that boiling fury leaving the tone of his voice. “We’re going kayaking.”

Hayley stared after him for a few seconds before she realized he was serious, and she was supposed to go with him. He got in the Jeep and started it, and she had the sneaking suspicion if she didn’t hurry up, he was going to leave her in his dust.

So, she dropped her pack and placed it on Sam’s little stoop before scurrying to the Jeep and crawling into the passenger seat.

Sam flicked her a glance. “Hold on tight,” he muttered, shoving into Drive.

That was one order Hayley was definitely going to follow.