Listening to Slayer probably wasn’t the best choice for the next two hours of work. With every violent guitar riff, screaming lyric and angry, constant drumming, I felt my blood pressure ratchet up, the blood hum in my veins as I cleaned up for the day.

Staying away from Brooke for those last couple hours was surprisingly easy, because I wasn’t in the mood to be pleasant.

I wanted to rip someone’s head off.

I wanted to rip Kevin’s head off.

I wanted his blood coating my fingers and my fists sore from what I was dying to inflict on him.

Seeing her standing there with her hand up, pleading with me not to comfort her, I felt something inside of me that was more powerful than I’d ever experienced. Her hurting hurt me. It hurt me so deeply that I could have staggered back from the overwhelming force of it.

It was violent and dark, settling into my bones like ice and fire.

The look in Brooke’s eyes was something I couldn’t get out of my head, the way she wanted me to hug her, the way she was fighting so hard not to cry. Brooke had a core of iron, I was convinced of it. That’s what killed me.

He’d made her upset because of his selfish actions, his complete inability to put anyone but himself first. I shook my head as I shoved my hammer back into my tool belt. Memories of my dad swirled with what I’d seen today, no matter how much I wished they didn’t.

Missed baseball games where I played like shit because I was busy looking for him in the stands.

Birthdays that disappeared without a single word of acknowledgment from him.

Watching the sun set over the mountains from where I sat on the front porch, waiting for him to pick me up, like he promised he would.

Frustration made my hands clumsy while I tried to unhook my tool belt from around my waist. I swore under my breath when I unlocked the garage door so I could start loading up supplies in my truck. Music was still blaring through my earbuds while I tossed my stuff into the lock box in the bed of my truck. That’s why I didn’t hear Kevin drive up the driveway, but I saw him.

He eyed me as he pulled the car up next to the curb, it was a different vehicle than he’d driven the other night. His attention only left me once as he climbed out of the drivers’ seat, and that was a quick glance up to the front window. I didn’t look to see if Brooke was watching us, just slowly pulled my earbuds out and turned the music off on my phone.

I slicked my tongue over my teeth, pulling on every thread of patience and reserve that I had within my entire being. As he started up the driveway, I tamped down all the urges inside of me to slam his stupid face into the driveway and kept my focus on putting my stuff away.

And believe it or not, I would’ve done awesome at keeping my mouth shut if he hadn’t spoken like the douche that he was.

“What’s up, bruh?” he said as he walked past. “Done with your fix-it boy duty for the day?”

My eyes closed and my lungs inhaled on a deep breath. The kind of breath so deep and so slow that you’re afraid you’ll pass out if you wait any longer to let it back out.

“If your watch is broken, bruh, let me know and I can show you how to move the big hand and the little hand,” I said over my shoulder. “I know it’s tough to figure out the first time.”

Kevin froze and turned toward me. I kept my back to him, taking my sweet time to put everything away in its place. I swear, I had every intention of letting him go, letting him walk into the house so that Brooke could eviscerate him for being six hours late.

“Excuse me?”

Then I faced him, crossing my arms over my chest and leaning my back against my truck. “If your watch worked, you’d know that she’s probably getting the kids ready for bed right now. It’s not a good time to pop by without warning.”

Like the rock star I was, I managed to say it with a pleasant smile on my face and no violent malice in my tone, like I wasn’t imagining what it would feel like if I plowed my fist into his teeth.

He smirked and I hated him even more. “Brooke is expecting me.”

“She was expecting you. Now you’re just the dick who’s showing up six hours late.”

Kevin narrowed his eyes and glanced back at the house, where the front window was still empty. “Not sure how that’s any of your business.”

I laughed under my breath and shook my head. “Pretty sure every single person in Brooke’s life, in the twins’ lives would make it their business right now.” I scratched the side of my jaw and gave him a considering look, like I actually cared about his physical health. “You know, if I were you, I’d thank my lucky stars that it’s me here and not Julia. She’d rip your balls out through your throat with a smile on her face.”

There was a gust of wind so cold that Kevin pulled his coat more closely around him. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me feel better that I was standing there in only a t-shirt, completely unfazed by the frigid air biting at my skin.

His eyes were hard when he looked at me again. “Being dramatic about what happened today doesn’t make you a tough guy, okay? If Brooke is pissed at me, that’s none of your concern. And as for the twins? They’re babies, dude, it’s not like they care whether I show up or not.”

My skin flushed hot as I straightened from the truck. I had to curl my hands into tight fists to keep my temper in check. In my head, I heard a loud obnoxious buzzer, like a game show contestant had just run out of time. “Wrong answer, asshole. You think your actions don’t have consequences?” When I took a small step closer to him, he blinked rapidly, but held his ground. “You think that because they’re too young to know that their father is a selfish douchebag that they somehow aren’t affected by this? Any time you make a decision that hurts Brooke, forces her to handle all the responsibility, it affects them.” My chest was heaving when I paused, and I didn’t care if that made me look like I was losing control. Imagining Piper’s face when she watched me walk in a room, Jacob when he picked up one of his favorite toys, and Brooke. Brooke when she was trying to stay strong.

So I didn’t shut up. I couldn’t.

“Piper walked for the first time the other day, did you know that? And you missed it. I didn’t. Brooke didn’t. Because she always puts them first. The people who love them should always put them first. And you’re just the jackass who doesn’t show up. That’s what they’ll know you as.”

My words hit him, I could tell by his small flinch, but he certainly wasn’t finished trying his damnedest to piss me the hell off.

“Someone imagining himself in the daddy role, eh?” He clucked his tongue. “That’s cute. And pathetic.”

I leaned toward him, pointing a finger until it was inches from his chest. “The saddest part about what you’re doing right now is that instead of hauling your ass inside to apologize to Brooke, like you should be, you think it’s more important to be out here goading me into a fight.” Then I spread my arms out. “You don’t think I’d rather beat the shit out of you for not showing up today? Of course, I would. I’d love nothing more, bruh. So keep pushing, see what happens.”

“That’s enough,” Brooke’s voice snapped like a whip from the doorway. Even though she interrupted while I was the one talking, her narrowed eyes were trained on Kevin. “Kevin, at what point did I tell you that you could still come over? I’m too tired and too pissed off to deal with you right now.”

“Brooke,” he started and she held up a hand.

“Go. Now.”

He glanced at me briefly before stalking down the driveway and slamming the car door. When he pulled away, I looked back at Brooke, expecting the glare to be gone.

But it wasn’t. Only now, it was aimed right at me.

In the vacuum of silence that Kevin’s departure left, we stared at each other for a few thick beats.

“Why don’t you come inside?” she asked, her face barely any warmer than the icy air sweeping over my bare arms.

Foreboding creeping through my body was finally what made me feel a chill for the first time since I stepped outside. The fact that I was completely, thoroughly and completely, out of my element wasn’t lost on me as Brooke calmly held open the door for me and I walked through.

The house was eerily quiet when she closed the door behind her, and I shoved my hands in my pocket because I wasn’t sure what the hell to do next.

I didn’t have to wonder long, because Brooke spoke first. “It wasn’t even four hours ago that I told you that I was the only person who got a vote in how all of this played out.”

Incredulity had my mouth falling open. “You’re pissed at me?”

“I’m disappointed, Michael,” she said, sadness blanketing her face. She shook her head slowly. “And honestly, that’s even worse.”

My cheeks heated and I fought not to look away. The need to blame this on Kevin was overwhelming, to explain that he was baiting me, taunting me, that I’d fully intended to keep my mouth shut made my tongue itch. But I held the words in.

When I didn’t respond right away, she kept going, each word like a ragged rope that tightened around my lungs until I couldn’t breathe properly.

“And it doesn’t even make sense. You of all people should understand how important it is that he’s around. That he tries. And I need him to want to try, Michael.” Her tone sharpened, her anger catching up rapidly, and I could feel my blood race in response, even as I couldn’t breathe. “So you telling him that you’d love to kick his ass certainly isn’t going to help anything.”

“It doesn’t make sense?” That one phrase caught in my head, and every time I tried to dislodge it, move forward with the other things she said, it got caught and unraveled like a loose string. “What about it doesn’t make sense, Brooke? Everything about what happened out there makes perfect sense to me.”

The fact that she couldn’t see why I wanted to kick his ass, simply for causing her a second of pain, for acting like Piper and Jacob weren’t affected by what he did, meant the fires of my anger were good and stoked.

Her features softened. A little. “That’s not what I meant. I know your issues with your dad make you more sensitive to stuff like this.”

The bark of laughter that burst out of my throat made her flinch. “This is not about my daddy issues.”

“Just because you refuse to admit it doesn’t mean that it’s not true.”

I shook my head slowly. “I’d never say that it doesn’t play a part, because I’m not an idiot.”

Her mouth set into a mulish line, and the fact that I missed the soft curve of her smile given our current situation showed what an idiot I actually was. “And I didn’t call you one. Don’t put words in my mouth.”

The back of the couch was right next to me, so I leaned my hip up against it, letting it absorb my weight while the ramifications of our disagreement fully sank in.

“So, let me get this straight,” I said slowly. “He ditched you and the kids without a word, gives me shit—”

“Did you take a second to ask him why he was late?” she interrupted.

My eyebrows popped up at her harshly asked question. “Umm, no.”

Brooke nodded immediately, like she was expecting that answer. “Because I spoke to him. His car broke down on his way here, and accidentally left his phone back at home, then he had to wait hours for a tow.”

“And you believed him?” I interjected. “Trust me when I tell you, he’ll come up with much better excuses than that one, before he just stops making them up completely. He just won’t show up.” I gripped the sides of my head, unable to believe what I was hearing. “Don’t be one of those women who believes all the stupid, transparent excuses, Brooke.”

Her eyes narrowed dangerously and she pointed a shaking finger at me. “Vaffanculo.”

My stomach dropped, because I sure as hell didn’t need Google Translate for that one. But it was out there, I couldn’t take it back. And I wasn’t even sure I wanted to. She was smarter than this.

“I don’t need to explain shit to you, but yes, I believe him, and I have my reasons why. But if you say something like that to me again,” she said on heaving breaths, “you won’t darken my door again. Do you understand?”

“Understand?” I asked quietly. “What am I supposed to understand right now? You honestly don’t get why I did what I did?”

I shouldn’t have asked. The look on her face, implacable and unmoved, made my stomach drop out.

Her hip popped and she crossed her arms over her chest. “I didn’t know he was still coming over when I talked to him, otherwise I would’ve told him then that I wasn’t in the mood to try again. But instead of making civil conversation, you two act like ridiculous cavemen out in my driveway. Again, Michael, it doesn’t make sense to me why on earth you’d take it there with him when I specifically told you that it’s no one’s business but mine on how it plays out with Kevin.”

It’s my business because I’m one kiss away from falling in love with you.

That was the first thing that popped into my head, and I fairly choked, I worked so hard to keep them inside. Now wasn’t the time. It wasn’t the time for anything close to that.

Her temper deflated slightly with my silence. The drop of her shoulders, the slow breath that she pulled in, it was all there. Brooke was exhausted, and I was part of the reason why.

“Maybe this was all my fault,” she continued wearily, running a hand over her messy hair. “Letting myself blur the lines with you. I knew it was a bad idea, and I did it anyway.”

My breath left in a harsh puff, and I had to look down to my feet to make sure my heart didn’t spill out onto the hardwood floor.

“Blur the lines with me,” I repeated slowly, dangerously quiet.

“I mean, we had these rules in place for a reason.” She shook her head, completely oblivious to the havoc she was wreaking. The way she was cracking open my chest to the harshness of her words. “Casual isn’t … isn’t something I’m used to doing, and maybe that shows right now. Maybe I should have done a better job keeping the boundaries firm between us.”

I swiped a hand over my mouth and stared at her, mute from the absolute irony that she was saying those things to me. All anyone had ever expected out of me was casual. Nothing of substance. Nothing beyond a laugh, a mutually good time between the sheets. And for the first time in my life, I was standing in front of the kind of woman that I’d willingly get on my knees in front of. That I’d willingly sacrifice for.

And she wished it had been even more casual. Less intimate. Just less of everything.

I laughed.

I couldn’t stop myself. My hands braced on my knees and I laughed.

In the moment, it was probably the worst thing that I could have done, but it was completely unavoidable. Brooke wanting less from me, not understanding that I hurt simply because she hurt, was the funniest damn thing I could possibly imagine. Less was all I’d ever offered. Before her.

“Are you done yet?” she snapped.

I straightened, wiping a hand under my eyes. Then I nodded slowly, letting her see everything on my face, everything that was suddenly and violently thrust from my heart and onto the floor. “Yeah, Brooke, I think I’m done.”

Brooke was a smart woman. She heard the subtext in my answer, and her eyes sparked so hot at me that I could feel it even though she was at least six feet away from me.

“What do you expect from me, Michael? Should I treat everything the way you do? Like a joke? Like the people around me are expendable and only there for my own pleasure?”

My face fell, it was carved out of stone. If I touched it, my skin would have felt like marble against my fingers. “That’s really what you think of me, isn’t it?”

She laughed. “It’s the truth. It’s always been who you are.”

I was shaking my head instantly. “No, it’s not.”

Her eyes narrowed and the disdain there should have stopped me, should have tied my tongue, but it didn’t. Suddenly, the weight of what I wanted her to know, what I wanted her to see about me was pressing down on me like an anchor shackled to my neck.

“Brooke, that’s not me. That’s never been me.”

“What’s never been you?”

“The manwhore, the guy who slept with half of Denver. That’s not me.” I held my arms out and let them drop when she didn’t respond, just kept watching me. “It’s not.”

Brooke was quiet, but her head shook slowly.

“I don’t believe you,” she said after an agonizing beat.

I held my arms out. “Why would I lie?”

She tilted her head to the side and gave me a considering look. “Because you’ve got every reason to. I’m calling you on every ounce of bullshit that’s piled up in front of me right now, and since you don’t like what I have to say, then it’s conveniently not true. Suddenly you’re serious. Suddenly you’re Mister Commitment.”

I barked out a laugh, unable to believe that when I finally tell her, when I finally admit it, she doesn’t fucking believe me. “That’s not what I’m saying, that’s not what I’m doing, Brooke.”

“No? It sure as hell feels like it. And I don’t tolerate liars, Michael.”

I shook my head. “You only tolerate the men that abandon you and your children, apparently.”

“Get out,” she yelled, pointing an angry finger at the door. “Get out of my house.”

My feet started moving before I registered the thought that I should maybe stay and fight, that I should show her how much she meant to me, but I couldn’t handle being in front of her while she threw words like bullets and bombs, aimed for maximum damage. I couldn’t handle being in front of her and knowing that she thought so little of me, of what I’d thought we were.

“If this is what I get for caring, Brooke,” I said as I yanked open the door, only pausing briefly to meet her glacial eyes. “You can bet your ass I’ll never do it again.”

I didn’t slam the door behind me when I left, but it didn’t matter, because Brooke did as soon as I cleared the porch.