When Julia let herself into my house the next day shortly after breakfast, I shouldn’t have been surprised. The look on her face surprised me even less.

“Who told you?” I asked while I stirred more cream into my seventh cup of coffee. Okay … it was my third, but my lack of sleep the night before would probably get me to seven cups faster than I’d like.

“Rory.”

My spoon clattered onto the countertop when I dropped it in surprise. “Rory?”

She nodded and pulled me in for a fast, hard hug. “Yeah, I guess they had a mini pow-wow last night with Michael and Tristan after … you know … what happened.”

I let out a harsh laugh, felt the quick bite of tears at the back of my eyes. “What happened. What a lovely way to phrase it.” Then I shrugged and picked up my coffee. “If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not talk about it.”

Julia’s silence was so loaded when I turned my back, that I rolled my eyes.

“I can hear you thinking,” I told her after I took a sip of my drink. She greeted the twins with hugs and kisses, plopping herself on the floor so she could help Jacob stack some large, plastic blocks.

“I’ll think out loud if you want me to,” she said with a pointed look. “Those pretty bags under your eyes said you did enough thinking last night.”

“Bitch,” I muttered, but it wasn’t quiet enough.

“Bish, bish,” Piper said loudly, smacking her blocks onto the floor while she did.

Julia and I stared at each other in horror, then we both burst out laughing, which delighted Piper to no end. She squealed and clapped her hands.

“This is your fault,” I hissed between peals of laughter, which made Julia laugh even harder. Finally, she collapsed back on the floor. Jacob crawled over her, and she blew a raspberry into his neck. When she sat up, she wiped under eyes.

“I’m sorry. That’s the best thing I’ve ever heard.” She ruffled Piper’s hair. “Guess we’ll have to be more careful around you, chica.”

“See, this is why Italian is better, because then random people won’t think I’m a horrible influence on my daughter if she says it in a different language.”

They kept playing, and Julia got off the floor to join me on the couch. Out of sheer stubbornness, my absolute refusal to admit out loud to anyone that the thought of Michael sleeping with someone else might take a hammer to my heart for the damage it would do, I kept my eyes trained on the twins. Julia’s eyes were heavy on me, and after a few minutes of silence, I finally huffed and looked over at her.

“What?” I snapped.

“I just want to hear about what happened from your perspective. Isn’t that a sisterly thing to do?”

“Apparently you already did.” I drank more coffee, needing the fortification.

“Well, Rory heard about it from Michael. His version might be different than yours,” she said carefully.

I glanced at her sharply. “What does that mean?”

She held up her hands. “Nothing. Just the truth. His version of the events is bound to differ from yours, even if you both saw the same thing.”

I hated that she was right. I didn’t want to think about Michael’s version of what happened, especially if I backed it up all the way to when Kevin showed up, because Julia would definitely take his side there. And if Michael wasn’t currently dead in a ditch, then either Julia didn’t know about the woman at his house, or she knew something I didn’t.

Nothing happened, he’d yelled at me while he ran down the driveway. The question was whether I believed him or not. The scary part was that I didn’t want Michael to look bad in Julia’s eyes. I didn’t want her to hate him. Because I knew, I knew so deeply, that I didn’t hate him either. It wasn’t possible for me to hate him.

Which is why I started talking, why I told her everything that happened. From Kevin and my plans for the day, to Michael’s reaction when Kevin did show up, to our argument in the house and Michael storming off. She covered her mouth when I told her what I said about him laughing off life, making a joke of everything. Calling him a liar. What he’d said to me in return.

“Oh, Brooke,” she whispered behind her fingers.

My eyes welled up, because I didn’t think that about him at all. Michael, in a very short time, had become my best friend. The lover that I’d never experienced before, because our intimacy had stretched so far beyond the bedroom. And in answer, I’d shoved him into a box that he never asked to be in. My own stubborn refusal to admit or acknowledge what was happening between us cast him in a role that he clearly didn’t want when it came to me.

“And … and when I saw her come out of his house,” I whispered, unable to stop the first tear from dripping down my face. I quickly dashed it away and took a deep, steadying breath. “I thought I was going to break, Julia. I don’t say that to be dramatic. But the thought of him with someone else, so soon after I’d said such awful things to him,” I pressed a hand to my chest because I thought my heart was going to burst out of my chest simply by thinking about it again. “It was one of the most awful feelings I’ve ever had. I couldn’t even think about him touching me, because I was so angry. I’ve never felt so mad in my life.”

She smiled, even though her eyes were a bit shiny too. “And that’s saying something. You get mad a lot.”

I laughed. “Yeah. I guess I do.”

“Look, you’re kind of a control freak, Brooke,” she said gently. “Look at what you pulled with me and Cole.”

As much as I wanted to be upset by her observation, I couldn’t be. I’d legit manipulated that situation so that she was forced to face him again. Julia and Cole were inevitable, even after seven years apart, and I knew my sister well enough that she’d never have faced him if I hadn’t made some awesomely sneaky moves. I didn’t even realize I was grinning until she snorted.

“Okay,” I hedged, “I’ll give you that one. What’s your point?”

“Michael is the best kind of unplanned thing. He came out of nowhere, he was nothing you could plan for, so you categorized him in a way that made you feel like you were still in control of the situation. Because if you actually admitted to yourself how happy he makes you, how much better he makes your life, your kids’ lives, it would make it so much scarier.”

He did do all those things. The scariest part wasn’t in my inability to admit it, but in how seamless it had been. From day one. He just … fit. We fit. All four of us.

Julia wasn’t done though, giant jerk of a big sister. She couldn’t just leave it at me making emotional revelations about the man who’d inserted himself so perfectly into my life.

“Seeing him lose his temper, even mildly, on Kevin hit one of your biggest buttons, because it made you feel out of control. Just like the dad thing is one of his buttons.” When I opened my mouth to talk, she held up a finger to stop me. “But it’s not like Michael goes up to random dudes who aren’t involved in their kids’ lives. He did it because Kevin was hurting you. And correct me if I missed this part of the story, but did you ask Michael to not talk to Kevin?” My chagrined expression was answer enough so she nodded. “Look, if Michael feels even remotely the same sense of ownership over you that you feel over him, it’s totally understandable why he reacted that way. Maybe you didn’t realize how you felt about him until you saw that woman coming out of his house, but look at how it made you feel. No offense, you flipped out.”

I swallowed past the lump in my throat, tried to erase his horrified face out of my mind when he saw me in the driveway, the stricken look in his eyes when I screamed at him not to touch me. I shifted on the couch, unnerved by the accuracy of everything she was saying to me.

Did Michael feel a sense of ownership over me? Over the relationship we’d somehow found ourselves in? Yeah, I had a strong feeling that he did. And in my extreme short-sightedness, I’d thrown it back in his face. All he’d done was stand up for me, and even more importantly, he’d stood up for Piper and Jacob. Another tear fell and I didn’t wipe it away.

“Who invited you over again?”

“No one,” she said non-plussed. “I invited myself because once I heard from Rory, I knew you’d need to talk this out.”

“Thank you.” I meant it, too. Even though I felt worse, and I felt better, I was glad she was there. Then I gave her a curious look. “So, you know what happened with the skank?”

Julia rolled her eyes. “That’s horribly judgmental. And yes. But that’s not my story to tell.”

“Bi—” I stopped mid-word when she widened her eyes meaningfully and then looked down at Piper. “Fine. Jerk.” Then I gave her a sharp-eyed look. “Should I assume that your calm reaction to Michael’s version of events means he was telling me the truth?”

She mimed closing a zipper over her mouth and I scoffed. But I caught her tiny wink as I glanced away.

“Ugh. You’re annoying.”

She laughed and leaned over to hug me. “You know what the best part about all of this is? That you and Michael are so similar. You both love so fiercely. He’s just never found a woman like you to channel it into. You’ll both go to the mats for the people you love. He’s exactly the kind of man that I’d pick for you, little sister.”

I pointed a finger at her. “See, that’s what I’ll need to get used to. It’s been a long time since I’ve let anyone fight my battles for me.”

“He won’t have to fight them for you,” she clarified. “He’ll fight them with you. That’s what true partnership is.” Julia gave me a self-deprecating smile. “Believe me, I let seven years pass without Cole because that lesson was so hard for me to learn. I get it.”

“I know you do.”

Someone fighting my battles with me. Side by side. A teammate. Okay, I did like the sound of that.

Then something occurred to me, and my smile dropped.

“Unfortunately,” I grumbled, “there is one battle that I need get out of the way before I figure out anything with Michael.”

* * *

“Thanks for meeting me,” I told Kevin when he sat across the booth from me.

“Yeah, no problem.” He shifted uncomfortably. He should be uncomfortable, since this was the first time I’d seen him since he stood in my driveway, facing off with Michael. Julia came back so she could stay with the twins while I met him for coffee. I wouldn’t need a whole meal to say what I needed to say, and until I said it, I had no desire to have him in my house again.

A smiling waitress brought us glasses of ice water, and when Kevin ordered an iced tea, I said I’d have the same. After she walked away, I took a second to stare at him. Someone that I’d spent more than two years with should be someone that I knew better.

At one point, I thought I knew Kevin, but it wasn’t something I’d ever been sure of. That I could rest my certainty in the relationship. Maybe that’s why as pissed as I was that he left me, I wasn’t heartbroken. Kevin hadn’t loved me any more than I’d loved him, and I think that’s the only reason that we could be sitting across from each other like we were.

Jacob did have characteristics of Kevin, and I could take that at face value now. Piper may look like me, but some day, she may show shades of her father in different ways.

“You missed so much, Kevin.”

He stared down at the table, but didn’t say anything.

“First time they sat up, first time they slept through the night, first time they smiled.” I pressed a hand to my aching chest at the memory. “It was so amazing. And you chose not to be there for any of it.”

His face was glum, and guilty. “I know.”

“Do you? I don’t think you really know at all.” I shook my head. “And that’s the worst part to me. I’m so disgusted that you could walk away from those perfect little babies. I don’t want to share them with you. That’s what the selfish part of me says.”

My heart was racing as I spoke. This was why I wanted to be in public, because I wasn’t sure that I could keep my temper in check if there had been no witnesses around us.

“I don’t blame you for feeling that way,” he said in a low voice.

There were crumbs in front of me, and when I had to take a few seconds to actively will my blood pressure down at his lukewarm bullshit attempt to calm me, I swept them away with a short, quick brush of my hand.

“I’m only going to have this conversation with you once, Kevin,” I started, and he folded his hands on the Formica table to listen. “I know you were telling the truth about your car the other day. If I hadn’t talked to the tow truck driver myself, I’d think you were full of shit. And while you may not have been lying about that, I don’t believe yet that you really want to be part of the twins’ lives. I think that if you were forced to go in front of a judge, I couldn’t shake the feeling that you’d just leave again, rather than be held legally accountable for your part of the bargain.”

He lifted his chin. “What kind of agreement?”

I laughed under my breath, but he knew I was not amused in the slightest. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to ask you for child support.” I leaned forward slightly, made sure he was paying attention. “And I’d be entitled to it if I tried, just so you know. Even making more than you, I’d be entitled to it.”

“I do have a job now,” he said, defensiveness coloring his words. “It’s a good job, too. I don’t have any plans to leave Colorado right now.”

“Right now you don’t,” I clarified. “I’m glad you have a good job, Kevin. I really am. But unless you do want to take this in front of a judge, you have a long way to go to earn any sort of physical custody. The bottom line is that I don’t trust you yet, but I can get there, as long as you keep showing up when you say you’re going to.”

“I will.”

He meant it, I could see in his eyes. It made me feel better, but I still needed him to understand.

The waitress brought our iced teas, and I smiled up at her. Kevin left his paper-wrapped straw on the table and took a drink from the glass. To give myself a reprieve, I slowly unwrapped my straw and stirred in some sugar from one of the paper packets on the table. After I took a long drink, I pushed the plastic cup aside so I could put my hands on the table, mirroring how he was still sitting.

“No matter how frustrated I was the other day, I do want to believe you. No matter what the selfish part of me says, I want you to be part of their life.” He looked relieved when I said it. “They’re half of you, Kevin. Half of me. I hope our kids can grow up and know exactly what they get from you and what they get from me, because they’ll see it in both of us.”

“Jacob looks like me, doesn’t he?” he said on a half-smile.

“Yeah, he does.”

Kevin searched my face. “I feel like there’s a but coming.”

I smiled slightly. “But … even if you never see them again, I will teach them how to be respectful and kind. I will teach them to be the kind of people who would never shirk on their responsibilities. Piper and Jacob will grow up knowing to never take their life for granted. How to work for the things they want. And I’m telling you right now … they will know how a real man takes care of the people in his life.” His face was somber as I spoke, and I kept my voice low enough that no one else around us in the busy restaurant could hear what I was saying. “I hope you can keep your shit together long enough to help me with that, but regardless of whether you do or not, our children will never feel like less because your issues prohibited you from manning up when you should have.”

“Okay,” he said quietly and glanced over his shoulder. “I’ll be around, Brooke. I promise. And I’m glad they have you as their mom.”

This time, I smiled normally. “Me too. They’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I know you don’t know them very well yet, but once you do, I hope you can understand why.”

When I pulled my purse strap over my shoulder, he nodded and pulled some cash out of his wallet. After he tossed it on the table to cover our drinks, we stood at the same time. In silence, we walked out of the restaurant. It was cloudy and cold, the air smelling like the first snow of winter was going to arrive shortly.

Kevin’s car was parked next to mine, and when I pulled my keys out, he turned to me.

“Tell that guy I’m sorry that I was a dick to him.”

I swallowed and peered over at him. “Michael?”

Kevin nodded. “Yeah. I guess I was jealous for a second. But he seems like he really cares about you. And the kids.”

“He does,” I whispered, my heart swelling impossibly in my chest. “He’s a really good man.”

“Good. I’m … uhh … then I’m happy for you.” He exhaled heavily and held his arms out for a hug. “Is this okay?”

I allowed it, and the hug was mercifully brief. It was friendly, but I didn’t need it to happen again. Kevin waved as I climbed in my car and started it up. When I drove away, I felt lighter than I had in years.

Julia’s car wasn’t in the driveway when I got home, so I pulled my phone out to call her, and when I did, there was a text from her on the lock screen.

I shook my head, but couldn’t help but laugh at the image of Cole proudly playing a Baby Einstein DVD on his new massive flat screen.

Before I got out of the car, I flipped through my message threads until I came to Michael’s name. Without thinking too hard about it, I tapped out a message and hit send.

My head dropped back on the headrest while I imagined him getting that, imagined how I’d feel if that was what he sent to me. It wasn’t enough, so I sent one more.

Better. I nodded my head resolutely and was about to get out of the car when my phone chimed with an incoming text. I sank back in my seat and took a deep breath before opening the screen. As long as his response consisted of more than the middle finger emoji, I could handle it.

I laughed, my fingers covering my mouth. Relief was sweet and instant and I closed my eyes at how overwhelming it was. And sweet though it was, it wasn’t enough. I needed my arms around him, his arms around me. Just as I was about to start my car to drive over to his place, another text came in.

My eyes snapped up to the house, and I couldn’t scramble fast enough to the front door, which was unlocked. As soon as I walked in, I saw a piece of white paper, folded into a neat square. I covered my mouth when I saw a trail of them, one every few feet, leading down the hallway and turning into the family room.

In neat, small letters, Michael’s handwriting was the first thing I saw when I unwrapped the first square.

With a shocked laugh, I picked up the next square, and started my search for him.