CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Raven
"I don't know what I'm supposed to do." I ran my fingers through my hair and looked at my two best friends. "I have to meet him in thirty minutes and I can't help but feel like my family knows."
Lani bit the inside of her cheek. "It's just, like, a date, right? Why don't you just tell them?"
Camille flapped her hand at her. "You know why she doesn't can't tell him. How well would your sister respond to the idea of you bumping uglies with her best friend?"
"I don't really care," Lani said flatly.
This wasn't helping.
"I want to tell my family, but it's not that simple. I really don't want to hurt my brother." I dropped onto the sofa.
"So, stop fucking his best friend. Really, this entire situation could have been avoided if you'd kept your legs shut." Camille snorted.
That was her. Right to the point as always.
"Thanks for that stunning insight, Cam. It was life-changing. I'd not considered that myself." I picked a loose thread on the hem of my dress. "My mom has been texting me all day asking what I'm doing tonight because isn't it my night off? Did I want to go for dinner or drinks?"
"Let me guess." Lani smiled. "We're covering for you."
"No. I ignored her." I smacked my fingers against my chin. "All day long. So, she texted me more. And I ignored her more."
"That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard."
"And you're dating my brother." Camille reminded her.
Which brought me to a new point.
"Cam! Your best friend is dating your brother!" I bounced, spinning around.
"Uh...yes?"
"How did you feel when you found out?"
"Betrayed. I felt like my entire world was shattering beneath me. I was so angry for so long." She paused. "No, wait. That's how I felt after the last episode of The Walking Dead."
I had no idea how I tolerated her.
"It's an unfair comparison." Lani shifted. "Brett and I were best friends and had feelings for each other long before we fought and I ever came home. She was more on the side of us getting together than not."
"Yeah," Camille said. "But, if you'd gotten together behind my back, I probably would have been pretty pissed off. Like, I'm your best friend and you can't be honest with me over something kinda important?"
"So, the secret part would be what would piss you off?" I asked.
"I think so. You should trust your best friend to accept whatever you have to tell them, whether they like it or not. That's the point of friendship. Trust and respect. The second you do something that will affect them and you don't tell them, that respect no longer exists."
I groaned and leaned against the back of the sofa. "What have I done?"
"Do you want me to start from the top, or...?"
"You're no longer helping me, Camille."
"Of course, I'm not. Why are you surprised?"
"Cancel your date," Lani said, crossing her legs and tucking her feet beneath her thighs. "That's all you can do right now. I mean, it's a date, but it's not like you haven't already fucked the guy. And, by the way? I totally called that you wanted him."
"We both did," Camille muttered.
They really, really weren't helping.
"I don't think I can do this," I said softly. "I have these feelings for him—real feelings. An accidental fuck is one thing, but this is something else. I can't keep doing this without my brother knowing."
Lani tucked her hair behind her ear. "Then make a choice, Raven. You either cancel right now, or you kinda have to go. Or...just change your date."
"Change it?"
"I can get Brett down here in a few minutes...Call your brother...See how he reacts to you getting along."
"That's not a bad idea," I admitted.
"That's a terrible idea." Camille shook her head. "It sounds good in theory, but what if one of you slip up? You've hated each other so fiercely for so long that one wrong move, and it'll be obvious."
It was a terrible idea.
Everything was a terrible idea.
My life was going to shit and it was all my fault.
Actually, that wasn't true. I had a great life. I'd just made some poor decisions recently, and I needed to fix them. I wasn't this kind of person. I wasn't really secretive. Private, yes, but not secretive. None of what I was doing right now was me.
My friends were right, though. I had to cancel the date. If only so that I could sit here and figure out what I wanted to do about the whole situation. I'd been immature about the decisions I'd made, and now I needed to be the adult I was.
My brother wasn't a bad person. He might be angry at first, but surely he'd understand eventually. I didn't ask to feel this way about Parker. I didn't want to imagine him as the person lying next to me when I couldn't sleep at three in the morning. I didn't want to consider that the arrogant shit I'd grown up with could be the person to give me butterflies with no more than a smile.
I didn't ask for it and I didn't plan it, but that didn't mean keeping it a secret was okay.
I picked up my phone and brought up our messages.
Me: I have to cancel.
God, that was harsh. I didn't even say hi. What was wrong with me?
Me: That came out harsher than I planned. I didn't mean it.
Me: I meant it. I have to cancel. But I didn't mean it in a mean way.
Me: Shit, this is a disaster.
I shook my head. "I made a clusterfuck of that."
"As opposed to your perfect handling of the situation as a whole."
"Shut up, Camille." My phone buzzed, drawing my attention back to it.
Parker: I know. I figured.
Parker: I'm in the parking lot. Can I come up?
I jumped up and ran to the window. His car was sitting in the back corner in one of the slots marked as 'staff,' but I couldn't actually see him.
Me: Come in through the back and Lani will let you in. The door's locked.
"Can you let Parker up?" I asked Lani.
She rolled her eyes, but her tiny smile gave her away. So did the fact she stood up and ran for the door.
Camille watched her go. The moment the door shut, she swung her head around to look at me so fast her hair whipped her in the face. "Don't you find it a little freaky he was in the parking lot when you texted him?"
Shaking my head, I said, "He probably knew I'd flake and, at the very least, need some persuasion. He's also kinda weird like that." My lips twitched.
Camille blinked at me. "You love him."
"I don't talk love at the dinner table." My heart thumped.
"You're not sitting at the dinner table."
I scrambled up and reseated myself at the table. "I am now."
"He's your person!" she hissed, following me and grabbing the chair opposite me.
"Dinner table!"
"I don't care! You're grinning like a fool. He's so your person."
I mimed zipping my lips right as Lani lead Parker into the room. The second I laid my eyes on him, my entire body went into some kind of freaky overdrive. He was perfection, from the comfortably fitting pale blue shirt that ended with rolled sleeves just below his elbows to the dark, ripped-at-the-knees jeans he was rocking so well.
It was unfair, the way he made my heart beat so fast. Life was a marathon, but he made me feel as though parts of it needed to be sprinted.
Like right now. I had the urge to walk across the room and fold myself into his arms. I'd only been there a few times, yet I knew how it would feel. I knew his chest made the perfect pillow, and his heartbeat was the perfect rhythm. I knew it felt like a safe place, like nothing could ever touch me there.
I didn't need a safe place, but I'd found one. And he was six-foot-three and deadly handsome.
He wasn't just my safe place—he was my happy place, too.
That thought was startling. He'd always been my own personal hell, so if I could feel this way about him after really not so long at all... Granted, we'd spent an awful lot of the past couple of weeks together because of work, but still.
"What are you talking about?" Lani asked, drawing my attention away from Parker. "And why are you sitting at the table now?"
"Some conversations can't be had at the dinner table." I folded my arms at sat back.
"In other words," Camille said, standing up, "She's avoiding my questions."
I grinned.
So, did Parker.
"I also know when I'm not wanted," she said, scooting toward the door.
"But not when to shut up," I pointed out, still grinning.
"You owe me a drink for that."
"You owe me about ten for the last fifteen minutes."
She paused in the doorway. "Let's call it quits. Have fun!" Then, she ran.
"I need a new friend," Lani muttered, going to the sofa to grab her purse before she followed Camille out. She hesitated right behind Parker, put her hand to the side of her face in a phone motion, and mouthed, "Call me!" before she disappeared just as quickly as Camille had.
With them gone and the sound of the lower door echoing through my apartment, Parker shut my front door and threw the bolt across to lock it. The silence was thick and uncomfortable, the awkwardness of unsaid words lingering heavily between us.
I swallowed. I didn't want to be the one to break the silence, and judging by the way he stood and stared at me as if he was waiting for me to speak first, he didn't either.
Still, somehow had to.
So, I said the one thing I was trained to say in awkward situations.
"I think we need a drink." I got up and walked into the kitchen. "Remember that drink I told you about that hardly anyone knows about? It works here."
"You mean the one you won't name." Laughter followed his words.
"I'll name it. It has a name. It's just offensive to some people."
"I don't get offended very easily. What is it?"
I grabbed a bottle. "Three shots of tequila. Two of pineapple vodka. One of coconut rum. Lime. Blackcurrant." I poured approximately three shots' worth of tequila into my glass.
"Is that for—wait, never mind. I see that's per person." He paused as he drew level with me. Slowly, he turned his face and looked at me. "One glass of that will put someone over the limit."
I put the tequila down and met his eyes. "It's okay. I have a comfy sofa."
His lips pulled up on one side.
I couldn't help but smile back before turning back to my alcohol stash. "You're right, though," I said, picking up the pineapple vodka. "It is kinda lethal. I'm not sure anyone should actually drink it, because it's basically the world's largest shot that you sip."
"Yet, you still won't tell me the name."
I finished adding the spirits and reached for the lime cordial. The light, green juice mixed with the clearness of the spirits. As it swirled and curled around the liquid, I grabbed the blackcurrant and unscrewed it. One dash of that in each had a weird-looking battle between green and purple happening in the glass. Neither juice really settled, even after the distribution of it had settled, so it took a few stirs with straws to get it fully mixed.
I picked up one glass and handed it to Parker. "Here is your Wet Cunt."
He stared into the glass, saying nothing. Then, his shoulders trembled. His hand shook. Right at the moment he put his glass down, a laugh bubbled out of him, and he gripped the edge of the counter. "You called a cocktail a Wet Cunt?"
"No, it's The Wet Cunt, but saying enjoy The Wet Cunt is sometimes too suggestive. Especially after a Wet Cunt."
"Does this live up to its name like your others somehow do?"
"Does The Wet Cunt give you a wet cunt? I don't know. Stop making me say that word. There's a reason I don't say it often and it's this. It's all or nothing."
"Sorry, but it rolls off your tongue really well."
"That word rolls of nobody's tongue well." I handed him back his drink since he'd stopped laughing—not that my overuse of that controversial c-word had helped his amusement any. "Try it."
"I would be more likely to try this if you'd labeled it arsenic." He was looking at it again. "I just saw how much liquor compared to not is in this thing."
I shrugged and brought my glass to my lips. "Everyone needs one in their life."
"Now, I get the cocktail names. The innuendos are fun."
"It's taken you this long?"
"No, but I don't think I fully understood the extent of it until now. All right, here goes." He took a mouthful of the drink and swallowed. Eyes bugging, he coughed, slamming the glass down.
I grinned.
He watched me make it. More fool him.
"Jesus, woman, are you tryna kill me?" he rasped, hand on his throat.
"My track record points to yes," I answered. "But I'm kinda fond of you now, so no. But maybe I should have made you this before."
"Are you sure there's no arsenic in there?"
"Positive." I slid the glass back from the edge of the counter with mine and grabbed two, taller glasses. "I also might have made them slightly stronger than necessary."
He straightened and fixed those dark eyes on me. "Why? Why would you do that?"
"Seemed like a good idea at the time." I poured the strong drinks into each glass and pulled the lemonade from the bottle rack. "And it was...For my own amusement." I flashed him a grin and uncapped the lemonade.
He grabbed me. The lemonade bottle went sliding across the counter and tipped awkwardly into the sink, but I didn't have time to protest the spray of fizz that went across my kitchen and up the side of my fridge.
Parker had his hands wrapped around mine and pinned the base of my back. My body was flush against his, and heat swept through me when he dipped his head so his lips were close to mine. "I didn't realize how good you were at avoidance until just now."
"Yeah, well. A girl has to keep some secrets."
"We need to talk."
"We need to talk about why you were in my parking lot."
He stilled. Obviously, that thought had just occurred to him. "Coincidence?"
"Parker..."
He sighed and released me. He leaned back on the little kitchen island and folded his arms across his chest. "I got in last night and my dad warned me that our moms are on the warpath. I left to come here, and my mom followed me."
"She followed you?" I raised my eyebrows. "How did you know?"
"Because she has the stealth of a rhino, and her giant Range Rover isn't really inconspicuous. Your mom taking photos of my car from the passenger seat made it pretty obvious, too."
"She was just taking photos of you driving? Does nobody have limits around here?"
He gave me a look that said, "Stupid question."
I shook my head. "That's ridiculous."
"Right. So, when I got here, I pulled into the bar, hoping she'd think I was coming into work. I came in and waited. Vicky kept an eye out for me, and right as I got your text, she left."
"You weren't outside at all."
"Technically, I was standing outside the front door, so I was in the parking lot."
"Semantics." I pushed everything away from behind me and pulled myself up to sit on the counter. "That's the craziest thing I've ever heard. Do our moms not have limits or boundaries? She's been texting me all day as it is about my plans for tonight, so I'm not sure I'm entirely surprised at what they were doing."
Parker shook his head. "I'm not surprised at all. They're crazy. It's like their kids are adults and now they've reverted back. I'm finally understanding why you were such a crazy bitch as a teenager."
"You assume I'm not anymore? Aw, that's so nice of you."
"Thanks for the warning. Note to self: never break Raven's heart if you like your windshield."
"One time." I slapped my hand against the top of the counter. "You break a guy's windshield one time!"
"I sure as hell hope it was only one time. And I still maintain that you're lucky you didn't get arrested."
"I still maintain you're lucky you've made it twenty-eight years without me doing something to you."
Parker grinned. It lit up his entire face, from his lips to his eyes. Hell, even his cheeks got a little pinker. "It took twenty-eight years for you to do something to me, and I happen to like the things you do to me."
Straight face. Straight face. Straight face.
I had to keep a straight face.
"I thought we were going to have a sensible conversation here." Of course, 'sensible' got thrown out the window the moment he brought up the fact our moms were stalking him.
"I don't think we can." He walked to me and bent forward, resting his arms on my legs. Dark lashes obscured a little of his eyes as he looked up and met my gaze. "Why did you bail on me?"
I found the thread on the hem of my dress and rolled it between my finger and thumb. "Because it doesn't feel right. The more I think about what we're doing and about how I'm starting to feel, the more I realize I can't do this unless Ryan knows. It feels too dishonest, and now our moms are on the case...It's even worse."
Parker ran his thumb over his lower lip. "I agree with you."
"You do? You said yesterday—"
"That I wanted to know if this was real before telling him? Yeah, I did, and I do, but not at the expense of your feelings, Raven. If telling him makes you feel like we have the freedom to explore this thing we have between us, then I'll tell him."
"You'll tell him? Shouldn't I?"
The shake of his head was almost solemn. "I'm the one overstepping the line. You're his sister. He doesn't need reassurances from you that this is more than just a boredom thing."
I pursed my lips.
"Think of it this way." He stood, but he kept his hands on my thighs. "If, in six months, you call it quits, he's not gonna come to you and give you a hard time. He'll come to me and ask me what the hell I did for you to make that choice. You're his sister, and our friendship isn't gonna change that. You come first to him and you don't even realize it." He reached up and pushed hair from my face, his touch so gentle. "I'm sorry I ever thought that you'd be okay with not telling him."
"It wasn't just you." I took his hand with mine and looked down. My hand was more tanned than his, but so much tinier. His fingers swallowed mine as they curled. "We both decided not to say anything. Maybe if we had, this would have been sorted out and we'd know what we want."
"Knowing what I want isn't dependent on anything other than you and me. I want you. Against all the crazy, nonsensical odds."
"What if this hurts your friendship? What if this doesn't work out and there's a chink in your relationship you'll never be able to fix?" I look up into his eyes. Confusion and uncertainty mix with determination, all warring with each other. "Nothing is worth your friendship. Not me and not anyone else."
"You'd give up the chance to make this work just to make sure my friendship with him doesn't change?"
"Of course, I would."