“Okay, guys, saddle up!”
Mustang called to the group of campers, readying them for their afternoon ride out to the river and back.
“Does everyone have their sunscreen on? Got your swimsuits and towels?”
A loud chorus of kids’ voices answered him back as the group of twenty campers and their counselors began to form a line of horses. Mustang and I nudged our horses with our heels and kicked off the ride, leading the way.
This group had been one of my favorites so far. These kids were students at an at-risk school, all of them having lived their entire lives in rough neighborhoods.
They attended school sporadically with some of them already having been in and out of foster care.
I knew I couldn’t solve their problems for them.
And I certainly couldn’t change the environments they would go back to after their two-week stay at Loving Arms Ranch. Hopefully I could send them back a little more confident.
After finishing our house, we’d immediately began building the barn, purposely structuring it so that it could be added onto easily. Our two horses, Fortune and Fame, had safely returned to Mustang’s rock after the storm. They easily adapted to both the new barn and the new horses.
We added to our small ranch with about forty head of cattle. Next came a full hen house of squawking chickens for fresh eggs and a few dozen sheep, who provided a sturdy income in their wool.
Getting Anne to come back out for my wedding hadn’t taken too much begging. Especially after I promised my best friend that indoor plumbing had been installed and that she would be my maid of honor.
She’d apologized to Mustang for being such a horrible guest, but Mustang didn't hold any grudges. In fact, he’d hugged her so hard that he almost cracked her rib when she arrived.
Several of my other girlfriends made the trip as well, all of them marveling as we drove up to the property about the incredible view.
Only one thing had put me on edge about the wedding.
Mustang’s friends and family.
I hadn’t wanted to open any wounds, especially now that he was doing so well with trying to gain a sense of balance in his life. But I wanted to share our special day with the people who had mattered to him.
“What about your parents?” I’d asked him hesitantly a month before the wedding.
“I don’t think they’d want to come,” he’d answered simply, in that monotone voice of his that used to drive me mad.
I knew it meant this was a subject that he kept safely walled off, so I knew to tread carefully.
“Do you mean because...”
“Because what?” he asked, turning to look at me.
“Because they might not like me?” I asked in a timid voice, cringing at what I thought the answer might be.
“No! No, of course not. They would love you. Who wouldn’t?”
Mustang looked shocked at my suggestion and hurt that I could think his family would have a problem with me.
“Then what could be so bad that they wouldn’t want to be here when you get married?” I asked.
“I’ve told you how I haven’t seen them since I returned,” he said.
“Mustang,” I began, afraid of what he might answer. “Do they even know you’re still alive? And doing okay?”
He shrugged after a moment.
“They knew I came home,” he said. “And that’s about it. They don’t know where I am or what I’m doing.”
I closed my eyes.
“All this time they may have thought that something awful happened to you when you came back to the states. You can’t leave it like that.”
“Something awful did happen to me,” he argued in a sad voice. “The kid they raised and loved died, and the person I am now came back in his place. How do I tell them what I did, and who I’ve become?”
He watched my face closely and I realized that this wasn’t a rhetorical question, that Mustang really wanted an answer because he didn’t know how to face them.
“You just talk to them. They’re already out of your life at this point, so what will it hurt to invite them back in? If they do decide that they want nothing to do with you then you haven’t lost anything that you didn’t lose already. Just reach out to them.”
Mustang shook his head.
“I don’t know how. I want to, but I don’t even know what to say or where to start. It’s been too long.”
“Do you want me to try?” I asked. “After all, these people are about to become my family too. I’ll call, but only if you want me to. I’m not going to butt in if it’s not what you want.”
Mustang looked down at his hands for a long time before nodding his head. He stood up and kissed me firmly, then walked out the door.
I was glad to know that he wanted to patch things up with his family, but also saddened from knowing that he needed the safety of his solitude. I went to work on my new computer tracking down his parents’ information, determined to have an answer before Mustang returned.
What I wasn’t prepared for was the woman’s shocked cry after I dialed the number I found online. I’d explained who I was and why I was calling.
I heard her speak to someone on the other end of the phone before a man’s voice came on.
“Hello? Who is this? You said you know where my son is?” he demanded, not a hint of anger in his voice, only a father’s desperation.
“Um, yes. I’m sorry, I can call back if this is a bad time,” I stammered.
“No, please don’t hang up! You know where our son is?” he continued, choking up a little bit.
Slowly, I poured out the parts of the story that I knew Mustang wouldn’t mind me sharing with them. His mother came back on the phone after only a few minutes, begging me to tell her more.
I told them how Mustang wanted to see them and gave them my phone number. I promised Mustang would call as soon as he was ready, and that I would keep them updated until that time.
Instead of waiting for him to come home, I saddled up one of the horses, then headed out to Mustang’s cave. I purposely brought our dinner and a bedroll of my own, in case he wasn’t ready to head back just yet.
I arrived to find him sitting with his back against a boulder.
“You can run away from the house anytime you need to, but you can’t run away from me anymore,” I said, climbing down out of the saddle and coming over to where he sat.
I held out my hand and he took my hand in his, still without looking up.
“We’re going to be husband and wife. Together. That means when you need to come out here and get away, I come too. And I will do it, every time, without complaint. I hope it’s not raining or cold, but if that’s the case, then so be it.”
I rummaged around in my bag and then held out the satellite phone to him.
“Your parents are sitting by their phone, waiting for you to call.”
Mustang finally lifted his head and my breath caught when I saw the pain in his eyes. I knelt down beside him.
“They can’t wait to talk to you. I told them everything that I thought you wouldn’t mind me sharing. They want you back. Just the way you are now.”
Mustang stood up and paced back and forth while making up his mind. I started to go, hoping that privacy would help him make the right decision.
“I’m the last person on earth who should tell anyone to hurry up and get over something that hurts so much,” I said. “I let a childhood full of pain turn me into an adult who could barely breathe. You take your time. They’re willing to wait.”
I kissed him and turned towards my horse to give him his privacy. He put out a hand and stopped me, pulling me with him as he returned to his seat.
“Stay with me, okay?” he asked, pressing the button on the phone and entering in the numbers that he still knew by heart.
I sat beside him and linked my arm through his as he spoke into the phone with a shaky voice.
“Mom? Hey, it’s me.”