Chapter 16: Brian
I sat quietly by myself in the living room of the Newport mansion, my thoughts muddled up and filled with images I’d thought I’d long forgotten. Even after several weeks the sting of pain remained, poisoning everything around me.
I looked up when my mother, Gina Payne appeared. She had thick blonde hair much like mine, though styled in a chin-length hairdo which accentuated her beautiful and only slightly-lined oval face. Her blue eyes too, matched mine but hers were filled with pleasure compared to the empty bleakness in mine.
“So glad you’re home again, Brian,” she said.
I stood and we embraced stiffly. She viewed me with a tender look.
“I’m glad to be back,” I said with a smile I knew wouldn’t fool my mother one bit.
She pulled back to arch a brow at me. “And how’s the hotel business treating you? Was it a good idea sending you off for a month or two to learn the ropes of running a resort business?”
“It was certainly eye-opening,” was my enigmatic reply.
As we spoke we headed out onto the patio. “How is Dad?” I asked.
“He’s much better and would be happy to see you once he rouses. He sleeps a lot these days which may be due to all those painkillers. But at least he’s finally taking a break and slowing things down. Thank goodness that heart attack had no lasting after effects.”
“I’m glad to hear he’s mending nicely,” I said with a thoughtful frown.
I remembered those few months ago when my father had first started to show signs of ill-health. Then, just weeks earlier there’d been that heart attack that had given us a big scare. Knowing my father could stop worrying about the family business and face his wellbeing was enough compensation for me giving up my independence and finally taking up my duties as heir to the Payne interests.
“And how about you, son?” my mother asked gently, causing a frown of surprise to cross my face. She smiled at my confusion.
“Right now, it’s you I’m concerned most about,” she explained. “You never really wanted a part in the family businesses. For a long time the Marines was all you knew and now suddenly everything seems to rest on your shoulders in terms of handling the Payne holdings. It must all feel so strange to you.”
I shrugged, my hands pushed in my pockets as I looked out over the view of clear, peaceful water. “It was time I started to answer to someone other than myself. I couldn’t go on simply doing my own thing. I’m the eldest son and the others look up to me. Chasing my dream of fighting for my country was all that mattered then but after it ended I had to consider other options where I could make a difference.”
“Still, you didn’t have to choose to take up the Payne operations and yet you did. You certainly didn’t have to go to the Caribbean and spend weeks adapting to the idea of running a resort but you did. That shows a sense of obligation that can’t be waved aside.”
I considered my mother’s words and realized I’d never really thought like that at first. It had just seemed like a fun thing to do. It had appealed to my sense of challenge and excelling outside my comfort zone. Go out there, adapt to being part of a work environment even if it was a leisure resort.
The resort was owned by our family’s holding company which had interests in establishing a luxury hotel group, expected to have a presence in at least seven different countries.
The Serene Resort had been a recent acquisition, and ever since I had assumed responsibility when my father had first taken ill months ago, I’d been consigned to the location to get a feel of business – from scratch.
It was my father’s belief that it would best prepare me to finally take up my seat as CEO of the family’s real estate investment fund one day.
“Jemma told me how well you blended in with the environment, how accommodating you were with the guests and how hard you worked picking up on every bit of knowledge you could get about the whole process. Your father would be proud and in fact, we both are,” my mother said as she looked at me with a warm smile.
“Thank you, Mom. Knowing that means a lot to me.”
She stared at me for a few moments, then smiled and suggested we go back in so she could prepare me something nice to eat.
“No Mom, never mind about food for now. I can easily wait for dinner. I just thought I should come down and see Dad, maybe discuss the plans I have regarding the expansion projects he’d initiated months ago. I was thinking about us moving into more of the American market and not just abroad. I’ve researched some promising locations.”
“Brian.”
I paused, catching my mother’s worried smile.
“Son, that all sounds good and I’m sure your father would back whatever scheme you propose, and yet...I’m more interested in you, as I said before. You don’t seem at all like your normal self. You’ve changed.”
“Don’t worry Mom, it’s nothing a few days of home cooking can’t solve. I’ll be back to normal in no time. I do feel worn out after the slew of meetings I had with the top execs of the company today. I’ll just go up, take a shower and maybe rest a bit before dinner.” I bent and kissed her cheek, leaving her gazing after me still with that gentle look of concern.
Up in the room I used whenever I was home at my parents’ mansion, I stripped from my clothes and was soon beneath the warm spray of the shower. And like almost every moment I had alone, my thoughts flew to her.
There was still that sting.
Sometimes all I had to do was close my eyes and I could picture everything about Lydia.
I had been pulled to her like a magnet.
Her sexy walk, the way she smelled, her smile. Each time I looked in her brown eyes I was mesmerized by their sparkle. I remembered that night we’d danced at the club and how she’d moved with effortless grace, her body flowing despite her assertion that she wasn’t much of a dancer.
I’d held her in my arms that night with her luscious body melting against me – and it was from that point I’d dared to dream, despite the fact she was engaged – and whatever our imagined differences - that there was no other woman I should to be with.
Lydia affected me like no other woman ever had – and there’d been more than a few in my past. But there was something completely unique about her. From the second I’d seen her I’d suspected what she’d come to mean to my world but still it had floored me how easily she’d claimed my being.
Burned into my memory was that night I’d returned from unexpectedly flying out to see my Dad after the heart attack. When I returned to the resort, Lydia was waiting. Eager and hungry, we’d stormed into kiss after kiss until she let me peel away all her clothes, lay her back and let me taste of the heaven in between her spread thighs. Seeing her come so explosively for me had been the most unforgettable sight, that even now had my cock rearing until it was rock hard and hurting.
Beneath the now scalding shower, I groaned deep in the back of my throat when I thought of how it had felt to fill her mouth with my cock. The sound of her moans as I’d pulled her head into my hands and guided her up and down...fuck.
I shivered when thinking of pushing deeper into her mouth as she sucked, her lips snug around me. How she’d taken my come, swallowing every drop and licking me clean, her eyes dancing with pleasure and her lips wet and swollen.
I felt close to erupting against the steamy tiles of the shower at the memory, my balls heavy with the pressure to release just with the thought of Lydia’s lushness from head to foot.
I must be fucking insane.
I shouldn’t be filled with lustful thoughts for the woman who’d managed to do the never-before achieved feat of shattering my heart. She’d once said she didn’t care to rise to the challenge but in the end, she’d achieved the outcome effortlessly. I’d called myself a fool for holding back and not taking completely what she’d offered that night. I knew I could have had sex with her but had chosen to wait. Something held me back from making our first time happen without her knowing the whole truth about me. Also, I’d wanted her to be totally free before taking things to the next level.
She’d obviously wanted me to finish what we’d started, I knew. And I had been so close to succumbing and giving her what we both needed. I’d spent the whole night hard as a fucking pole with her sexy, soft and sweet-smelling body pressed up against me until the early hours.
But I’d wanted to do things right. Only to discover in the end that it was all just a waste.
I’d left the resort that very day, unable to stay within any distance of Lydia or that bastard Theo, for fear of what I would do to her fiancé for daring to hit her. I had to remind myself that Lydia didn’t need me playing knight in shining armor.
She didn’t need me, period.
She’d preferred to stay with her abusive partner just because she’d felt he was richer and had more to offer. When it had come down to making a stand, she’d chosen money over love. Or why else had she changed her mind about leaving Theo? Yet maybe leaving her fiancé had never been her plan. We’d never really gotten to talk or make any definite plans. She’d probably wanted a vacation fling before her marriage, I guessed. And I had been more than a willing candidate even though I’d been in it for the right reasons. I’d been playing for keeps.
I’d spent more than a week holed up at with friends on another island. I felt angry when I thought of the foolish things my pain had pushed me to do. Out drinking and partying all night, and then coming back with some willing female on my arm only for me to spend the night in another room, unable to even think of sleeping with another woman when all I’d see was Lydia’s face instead of hers.
When I returned to the resort with far less angst but all the despair from Lydia’s betrayal, it was to find the astute Jemma waiting to feed me the info about Lydia’s departure.
“She left the next day after you disappeared off to...where was it again?” Jemma quizzed but I wasn’t biting.
Instead, I acted like hearing any news about Lydia wasn’t making my gut feel like it was burning in acid.
“Anyway, I’m glad you’re back. But did her sudden exit have anything to do with the way you went off like that? From what I heard you two got quite chummy while I was away on my weekend off.”
I had laughed humorlessly. “Kudos to your spies, Jem. Well whatever happened ended soon enough. I guess I didn’t fit into her plan of things and she didn’t fit into mine.”
“Oh Brian,” Jem had said gently. She’d looked into my drawn face. “When I said once that when things blew up between you and someone would get hurt, I was talking about you. I saw that for the first time you’d fallen hard. I knew it wouldn’t bring you anything but trouble.”
“She was trouble alright,” I said with a bitter twist to my lips. “And I deserved everything I got because I walked in blindly.”
“Will you tell me what happened?” Jem had asked gently, and with a deep sigh of regret I went over the whole episode, up to the moment when Lydia had told me that it was impossible for her to be with me.
Jem’s look of sympathy had followed my brief explanation and I wasn’t surprised that Jem didn’t take sides, but tried to remain reasonable as she said, “Well Brian let’s face it. You didn’t exactly come clean with her. I mean what did she really know about you? And you expected her to give up an established relationship when she couldn’t be sure how committed you were. I’m not saying she’s blameless. And I don’t know if she really is that type to care about status.”
“If I told her who I really was, what guarantee would I have had that she couldn’t see beyond that? When people hear the Payne name all they think of is dollar signs and I didn’t want Lydia to be like any of those kinds of women. Now it’s too late for regrets.”
That was weeks ago and I still believed that wishing things had happened differently was futile. What if I’d never decided to spend those weeks in the Caribbean? Then I’d never have met Lydia. Maybe if I’d stayed aloof and kept away from her in the first place, I’d never have fallen as deep as I had.
I couldn’t let those thoughts take control. Things happened for a reason and this had been a lesson well learned. All I could do was focus on my new-found duties as well as my family. Lydia would soon be a forgotten memory and if I ever saw her again, we would be nothing more than strangers. She was far from that ‘princess’ of my infatuated fantasies. She’d woken me up to the reality of pain and betrayal and it wasn’t an experience I’d soon forget.