“I can’t believe you hooked up with Nathan Callis after all the things you’ve said about him that time,” my cousin whispered as soon as I returned to our table. “It’s just…” She paused, as if unable to find the right words to express her feelings.

“It’s just…like you’ve been run over by a bus?” I supplied dourly. “Is that what you mean?”

“Exactly!” Freddie grinned when I made a face at her overly enthusiastic response. But really, she didn’t need to make it sound like this whole thing with Nathan Callis was equivalent to bungee jumping without a harness – even if it did feel that way.

“I guess he really likes you.”

And she didn’t have to sound like she found that rather incredible. Whose side was she on anyway?

“And I did think you’d hit it off---”

“Freddie.” I put my camera gently down on the table, fearful that I’d end up damaging it in my current mood, which was worsening by the minute. “We did not hit it off. I still hate his guts---” I broke off at the look that Freddie sent my way.

You hate his guts, and yet you let him get to third base on a non-date?

I turned red even as I thought defensively, But I was under a lot of stress that time! And besides, he was an expert seducer. Any other girl in my position wouldn’t have been able to resist either.

Right?

“Well, he doesn’t seem to hate you back,” Freddie remarked. “He’s been pretty vocal about you being his girlfriend---”

“He’s lying, and can we please stop talking about this?” I reached for my camera again and started tinkering with it, pretending to be busy just so she’d drop the subject. Freddie was a lawyer after all, one of the best in the country actually. If we kept talking about Nathan Callis, I knew it was only a matter of time before she could ferret the truth out.

“All done with the photos?” my cousin asked after a beat.

“Yeah. I think I’ve got everything.” It was a late Thursday afternoon, and Freddie and I were at another downtown café I had been contacted to review. This one had a bookstore theme, with the spines of famous editions of classics painted on the ceiling. It was a nice touch, and seeing Tolkien, Austen, and Lovecraft next to each other was a lovely sight. On the other hand, it was a pain in the ass to photograph them. My neck was aching so badly now, I was this close to slapping a pain-relief patch over it, fashionable or not.

Freddie noticed me massaging my neck and clucked her tongue, saying, “Signs of old age, those are.”

“Shut up, Yoda.” I grabbed the menu from the table. “Let’s just eat.”

“As long as it’s your treat,” Freddie said cheerfully.

I scowled. “May I remind you that you’re older than me, which means you should be the one footing the bill?”

The state’s #1 hotshot and cheapskate prosecutor only grinned, saying blithely, “But you’re richer, so you’ll be the one to pay and that’s final.”

“I’m glad Sergei’s making you pay for all your dates.” I grumbled under my breath.

“What did you say?” Freddie asked suspiciously.

I flashed her an innocent smile. “Nothing.” Sergei Grachyov was a 25-year-old Russian billionaire who had been best friends with my cousin for a few years now. The younger man has also been outsmarting her for the same amount of time, with Sergei somehow able to force Freddie to cough up every time they went out.

“Can we order now?” Freddie asked after a minute.

“Give me another sec.”

She threw me an odd look, which was totally understandable. Both of us weren’t the type to dilly-dally on anything, and normally I’d have made up my mind ages ago---

But it was just so damn hard, when all I could think of was that night. Several days had already passed and yet, I was still unable to (forget) accept it. Even now, just remembering made me (aroused) mentally wince, and there wasn’t a night I didn’t have trouble sleeping, tossing and turning as I found myself plagued with memories in the dark.

Nathan gripping my thighs tightly---

The anticipation that curled in my stomach as I watched his head lower---

My fingers desperately clutching his hair as my hips thrust up against his mouth---

I caught my breath---

Oh God. Even now, the memories were just too much, and I hurriedly shook the thoughts away lest I started panting in public---

For a guy who told me he’d call but didn’t.

And that’s what I didn’t get at all. Nathan Callis was going around town announcing we were an item, and yet he hadn’t even called or texted me since that night. Who the hell did he think he was? And why the hell did I even care?

“I’m starving,” Freddie announced. “So can we please order now?”

Instead of answering, I said slowly, “Freddie?”

“What?”

With my face still hidden behind the menu, I asked in a small voice, “How the hell did my life come to this?”

Silence and then, “Do you really want me to answer that?”

“You’re right.” I sank further in my seat. “I don’t.”

Freddie sighed. “Thought so.” She reached over to give me an awkward pat on the shoulder. “It’s going to be alright.”

“You sound sooo convincing,” I muttered.

“That was my very best,” my cousin fired back, “so stop complaining.”

“Whatever.” I lowered the menu gloomily. “Let’s just order.”

“Great.” I watched her wave for a server, her relief at not having to deal with my hysterics obvious. Ah, we really were blood related. It totally showed in how emotionally inept we both were.

A teenage guy with a dimpled smile and an apron tied around his waist came strolling to our table. “Hiya. I’m Matt.” He tapped his nameplate with a grin. “I’ll be your server for today. What can I get you?”

“Wagyu truffle foie gras burger for me please,” Freddie said right away.

“And you, ma’am?” As he turned to face me, I took a photo of him, and he started. “Wha---”

“Nothing to worry about,” I assured him. “I’m not stalking you or anything. I just need it for my review.”

His expression cleared. “So you’re the food blogger. The manager mentioned you’d be dropping by.” He let out a melodramatic sigh. “That’s too bad, though.”

Freddie and I exchanged curious looks, and I asked, “Why’s that?”

“I’d rather you were hitting on me.”

I laughed while my cousin looked impressed, which was no surprise. Freddie’s eloquence only seemed to come to life in the courtroom. Elsewhere, she was a social klutz.

“May I hit on you instead?” the boy was asking.

“If you weren’t half my age,” I answered teasingly, “I just might be inclined to say yes.” It wasn’t my usual style to flirt with the staff, but this once I’d make an exception. Matt was just a boy anyway, and his flattering attention was good for my ego. “So, what do you recommend, Matt?”

“The daily specials are always good.”

“Then I’ll have that.”

“Anything else?”

“A plate of better taste in men and a glass of self-respect, please.”

Without missing a beat, Matt answered, “Perfect. Would you like my number on the side as well?”

This time, both Freddie and I burst into laughter.

“You’re very good,” I told Matt approvingly, my distress somewhat lessened by his unexpected comeback. “But you’re also ten years too early to date me.”

“Why don’t you give me a try first?” Matt returned cheekily. “I might surprise you, you know.”

“I’m sure you will, but there’s also that thing called robbing the cradle…”

“I get off at five. How about we Netflix and chill…”

He was persistent. I’d give him that. But I also knew what his definition was for ‘Netflix and chill,’ and if I needed further proof that he was as immature as he should be for his age, then that would be it.

Did this boy really think his dimples were enough to get me in his bed?

I cleared my throat, intending to lecture him about not using a generic one-liner for all kinds of women, when he suddenly said, “Hold on.” Matt’s jaw had dropped and he was suddenly staring at me like I had grown another head.

“What?”

“Now I know why you look so freakin’ familiar.” He hurriedly pulled his phone out, saying excitedly, “You’re Nathan Callis’ girlfriend, aren’t you?”

Freddie started laughing again, and I scowled. “You’re mistaken.”

“But I watched his interview and---”

“I’ve never been attracted to pretty boys like Nathan Callis,” I growled. “Okay?”

“Then maybe you’d dig someone like me more?” Matt insisted with a grin. “I’m not pretty, just cute.”

“I don’t want to break your heart---”

“Great. Because I don’t want to break yours either.”

I laughed. That was really good.

“Give me a chance, goddess.”

Really, really good.

“I know I’m no billionaire like Nathan Callis---”

I snorted. “He’s not all that. In fact, any other guy would be better than Nathan Callis---” I broke off when Matt suddenly stuck his face next to me and lifted his phone up in the air.

Click.

Then I saw his phone uploading a video to Facebook, and I realized too late that he had recorded everything. “Matt!”

The teenager flashed me a peace sign, a sheepish look on his face. “I couldn’t help it.”

Freddie’s jaw dropped. “Oh wow.” Then she glanced at me like she was already mourning my passing, saying, “Nathan’s not going to like that.”

I lifted my chin. “If he can’t take a joke, then that’s his problem.” But I didn’t really mean that. If the positions were reversed, I knew I’d be pissed and offended, even if Nathan were to say the same words about me in a joke. My gaze switched to Matt, and I said sharply, “Do you know I can get you fired over what you did? Like this fast.” I snapped my fingers for emphasis, and when Matt realized I wasn’t joking, his face paled.

“B-but---” It was clear to see that the possibility hadn’t even occurred to him. “I just wanted to look cool.” And right now, he also looked close to crying.

Ah, shit. I waved him away, saying irritably, “Just don’t do it again.”

“Y-yes, ma’am!”

Freddie clucked her tongue as we watched Matt practically run away from our table like he was escaping from a monster. “I think you gave him his first heartbreak.”

“If he’s lucky,” I said mercilessly, “this incident would save him from his first lawsuit.” I noticed my cousin’s gaze turning sly and asked, “What?”

“I wonder how long it would take before Nathan shows up.”

“He wouldn’t.” But my tone didn’t sound convincing even to my ears. “That would be ludicrous.” Right? “I’m sure he has better things to do with his time---” I broke off as a rather depressing thought occurred to me.

Great. Just great. The more time I spend away from Nathan Callis, the clearer it became to me that it was the former model who held the upper hand in this…this thing that we had between us.

Freddie caught sight of my expression. “What is it?”

“I just realized that I don’t actually know what he does with his time. I mean, he’s retired from modeling, so what does he do now?”

Her forehead furrowed, and she said thoughtfully, “You know, I don’t think Sergei or Reid’s ever mentioned anything about that either.”

“Could be he doesn’t have a job so there’s actually nothing to say.”

“You’re such a bitch.”

“Or maybe he just spends the entire day gazing at the mirror and---”

“Alyx!” Freddie looked torn between horror and laughter. “You’re being judgmental again.”

I watched gloomily as my cousin reached for her glass of iced tea with a rueful shake of her head. Freddie just didn’t get it. I was being a bitch because I couldn’t face the fact that I knew so little about Nathan Callis---

And yet I still had let him eat my pussy.

I looked at Freddie. “I’m a slut.”

My cousin choked on her drink.

“And I don’t know what’s worse. Me being a slut or me being a traitor---” But as soon as the words were out, I had my answer. Making out with Nathan Callis – whom I had so vocally professed to dislike – was one thing. But me falling for him was another, and the latter made me cringe and feel nauseous at the same time.

Again, the question hammered into my brain.

How had my life come to this?

“Stop thinking of yourself like that.” Freddie’s lips were pursed in disapproval. “You’ve done your best – and you’re still doing your best to stay away, and there’s nothing more you can do.”

“But I let him know, Freddie.” My voice was tight. “I shouldn’t have, but I just---”

“You didn’t mean to!”

“I think I didn’t mean to. I want to think I didn’t mean to, but---” I slumped over the table and buried my face in my arms. “What if I subconsciously did?” What if I was really just a selfish bitch who wanted to ruin things between him and my best friend? I told myself that my feelings shouldn’t and would never change a thing.” The words came out muffled as I tried to burrow deeper into the cocoon of black space between my arms. “I promised myself I wouldn’t do or say anything---”

Guilt tore at my throat, preventing me from speaking.

“Alyx…” Freddie’s voice was pained.

I lifted my head. “I fucked up, Freddie. Me, the one who’s supposed to be smart and---”

“If you’re so smart,” Freddie argued vehemently, “then you should be smart enough to understand and accept how human hearts work.” Her tone became helpless. “We can’t control our heart’s desires, Alyx. It’s never meant to work that way, and if it could be controlled, then none of us would ever be exceptionally brave or extraordinarily courageous. If our hearts could be ruled, then we’d all choose to be ordinary and boring because that’s---” She broke off, her gaze veering towards the side.

“What is it?” I blurted out. “Is it Sergei?”

“Huh?” Then she blinked. “No!”

Her tone was a little bit too defensive, and I frowned. “You know, you haven’t mentioned him lately. Has something---”

“Now’s not the time to talk about Sergei,” she muttered.

“Oh, so we can talk about my boy trouble but we can’t---”

A hand settled on my shoulder from behind.

I froze.

“Because of that,” Freddie finished weakly. I watched her gaze move over my head. “Hello, Nathan.”

“Hello, Fredericka.”

Ah, shit.

I felt him bend down, and then he was whispering into my ear, “Did I hear you right, sweetheart? Is my girlfriend having boy trouble?”

“Err---”

“And since I know I haven’t done anything to trouble you…” His voice turned into a silky purr. “Does this mean I have a rival?”