Five
I roll over the bed to cuddle with Ian and find him gone. I search the bed and it’s cold. My body jolts awake once I realize Ian’s side of the bed is cold and has been for a while.
After the demonstration at The Dungeon, Ian and I retreated to Nick and Zerrin’s place where we had the most passionate, mind-blowing sex and fell asleep in each other’s arms. Tomorrow, we’ll finally return to L.A. and back to reality.
Our vacation was intense. We became closer and experienced a connection that…I can’t even explain really. Ian finally opened up to me. I became more confident in my dancing and being his woman. I can handle it all now.
So where was my man?
I quickly put on some clothing and go searching for him, careful not to disrupt Nick, Zerrin, and their baby. I walk downstairs and see the French doors to the balcony are wide open. I slowly walk outside and my heart drops upon seeing Ian casually sitting over the ledge of the balcony. He’s drinking a beer.
“My mum always loved New York,” he replies, fully aware I’m right behind him, “it was her favorite place next to Essex. She loved the countryside of London but she loved the busyness of New York. She didn’t care for L.A. too much but tolerated it because my father loved it.
“The night she died, it could’ve been prevented.” He takes a long pull from his beer. “She was planning for my engagement party. In hindsight, Naomi was a horrible choice. I think everyone knew it, including me. But I was destined to see the good within her, despite it was few and far between. I hoped once we did get married, things would settle and she would become everything I’d ever hoped. The writing was on the wall from the very beginning.
“Naomi demanded only Cristal champagne to be served at the party. That was her favorite and the only one she would drink. Mum specifically went out to order several cases of it and was returning home when the accident occurred.” Ian shakes his head. “It wasn’t even late at night. She died at fucking eight o’clock in the evening. Seven forty-five to be exact.” He takes another pull from his beer. “This is the first time in years I’ve been here during the holidays. I try to avoid coming here during this time.”
My heart is rapidly beating against my chest. Ian swallowed his emotions to bring me here, sacrificing his own comfort so I can learn more about BDSM. I feel so childish, so guilty about this trip. I know he kept his true feelings about it from me, but I know it wasn’t easy on him.
It also explains why he never serves Cristal champagne at any of his restaurants nor does he drink it when it’s offered. Too many bad memories are associated with it.
Then I forced his hand in talking to me about his therapy sessions? My gosh. Tears stream down my cheeks and my throat feels lumpy and tight. I frantically wipe my face, but the tears are nonstop. “Ian…”
Before I could finish my sentence, he stands up on the ledge. The only thing below him is air and concrete. I bite back a sob and I silently pray Ian doesn’t do the unthinkable. I don’t know how I would be able to live without him.
“Mum was everything to me,” he finishes his beer and throws it in the open air. I hear the crashing noise a distant time later. “I would do anything for her.”
“Ian, you’re scaring me,” I plead to him, “please get down.”
He turns me and holds out a hand. “Come here.”
I shake my head. Ian appears to be unstable right now and I don’t know what’s going on in his head. “I’m not going to jump with you.”
“I’m not going to jump, angel. I want you to see what I see.” He beckons his hand. “I’ll protect you.”
I let out a sigh and stare down his hand before I reluctantly grab it. He pulls up and stands behind me as we look at the New York skyline. “The world is ours, Domi. As part of the Ferguson dynasty, you can have anything you want. Sometimes you don’t even have to ask for it; it’ll just be given to you.”
I’m trying to remember my yoga breathing as I press firmly against his body. I refuse to look down because I know the moment I do, it’ll be game over for both of us. “What does that mean?”
“That means whatever you want, you can have.” He whispers to me as he wraps his arms around me, “this is our world, baby. We own it. Mum would’ve loved you and I feel she might have handpicked you herself for me.”
I close my eyes and relish in the strength and scent of him. I felt consumed by him, by us, and still I was greedy for more. It wasn’t enough. I wonder if it’ll ever be enough.
I went completely lax within his arms. Ian still held onto me, tighter than before, and kissed my earlobe. Feeling his body pressed against mine, his mouth on me, and the coldness of New York made me feel like I was a giant in a small city.
“I’ll always protect you, honor you in your absence like I would in your presence, and love you for the rest of my life.” He whispers to me.
“I promise the same.” Ian’s words scorched my soul, left me breathless, and I struggled to think what my life was like before him.
Ian turned me around and cupped my face within his hands. I wrapped my arms around his waist, afraid of letting go but wanting to keep him close to me. I wanted to protect him from harm, from hurt, from everything.
He slid his mouth over mine and I felt the stress and tension release from both of us. His lips were soft, yet demanding. I moaned against his mouth, breathing him in, and promising him everything. His tongue stroked mine with the careful precision like he’d always done.
He carefully pulled back and cupped my jaw. “I want forever with you, angel.”
I smiled at him. Maybe the foreboding air I thought that was going to happen was just a figment of my imagination after all. Ian is happy and at peace, and all I want is my man to be happy.
If he loves you, he’ll do something for you that has no monetary attachment to it. Keep that in mind.
I don’t know if standing on a ledge in freezing cold New York weather is considered romantic but it’s a memory I’ll never forget. “Forever ever?”
He chuckled and kissed me again. “Forever ever.”