Then
“Hey, gorgeous. I thought you were going out tonight.” Zelda glanced up at me from her laptop, frowning as she took in the yoga pants and baggy T-shirt I was wearing. “Isn’t it Saturday?”
“It is.” I flopped down on the worn recliner in the corner of our miniscule living room. “But I decided I didn’t feel like going out. I’ve got a shit ton of work to do. I’m behind on reading in two classes, and I have a paper due in four days that I really should get started on.”
“Hmm.” She gazed at me over the top of her reading glasses. “Yeah, that’s probably smart.” She didn’t have to add what I was sure she was thinking: I hadn’t been making smart choices for a while now, when it came to school. I’d been skating by, phoning it in, and it was only by the grace of some last-minute scrambling that I was still getting mostly B’s.
“How about you? Staying in, too?” Zelda, for all of her outrageous sexual behavior earlier in our college days, had calmed down in the past few months. I could almost mark the change to the summer before our junior year, the same year Matt had moved back to his grandparents’ house to go to summer school with me at Birch. I winced a little, remembering those months. For Matt and me, they’d been marked by dizzying highs, when we’d spent weekends together in bed and he’d promised me the sun, the moon and the stars, and by heartbreaking lows, when we’d screamed at each other for hours on end after he’d fallen off the wagon, getting drunk or high. I suspected, too, that he’d hooked up with other girls, even though he’d sworn it hadn’t happened.
Since then, we’d existed in an uneasy kind of truce that passed for a relationship. Matt still called me his girlfriend when he introduced me to people, and I still went down to Carolina at least once a month to see him—or more accurately, to sleep with him. Any time I tried to initiate a real conversation, we ended up fighting—mostly because I always brought up his present, which he was doing his damnedest to fuck up, and our future, which seemed murky at best.
Zelda hit a key on the computer and nodded. “That’s the plan. I’m going to make dinner for Quinn, Nate and Tuck. You want in on that?”
“Maybe.” I shrugged. “I don’t know. I might just buckle down and get through this paper, with some chips and dip to help me out. I’m not much in the mood for socializing.” I paused before adding, “And it’s still hard to stomach the Nate and Quinn show. Is it just me, or does she look a little sadder every day?”
“It’s not just you.” Zelda blew out a long breath. “I hate this. And I’ve told her that. We all know she’s still crazy in love with Leo. Even Nate realizes it. I’m still pissed at him for putting Quinn in the position of having to choose.”
“Yeah.” I fiddled with a thread on the knee of my pants. “I love Nate, and my heart breaks for him, but he could’ve just asked Quinn to be with him until . . . the end. He didn’t have to propose. Now she’s going through the farce of a wedding, knowing it can’t ever be a real marriage.”
“And what if he doesn’t die?” Zelda glanced over her shoulder, lowering her voice. “I asked Quinn that. I said, what’re you going to do if Nate has a sudden, miraculous remission or if they come up with a cure? Then she’s stuck with him, unless he’s man enough to bow out—and let’s face it, Nate wouldn’t do that. He’s always been hung up on Quinn, and I think if he knew he was going to live, he’d fight to hold onto her.”
I smothered a sigh. Zelda’s anger at Nate wasn’t new, and I understood how she felt, but I’d known him longer than she had, since I’d gone to school with Quinn, Leo and Nate from junior high on. I genuinely liked him. He was quirky, funny and straightforward, and the truth was that I’d had a big crush on him in high school. But even back then, anyone could see that Nate only ever wanted Quinn. She was everything for him, and that had never changed.
“As I understand it, there’s no chance that he’ll live. Quinn told me that the doctors say he might not even make it to the end of the year. His parents wanted him to leave school, to buy some more time, but Nate’s stubborn.” My phone vibrated in my back pocket, and I arched my body to pull it out, scanning the screen. “Shit. Matt got the dates mixed up and thought I was coming down today, not next weekend. He’s freaking out.”
Zelda snorted. “What the hell does he expect you to do? Snap your fingers and transport yourself down there?” There wasn’t any love lost between my friend and my boyfriend. Zelda hated the way Matt treated me, and she didn’t hesitate to call him on it, either. Matt, in turn, taunted Zelda for being a bitch, telling me often that he couldn’t understand why I was friends with her.
“No, he’s just mad. Because, you know, this is all my fault, as usual.” I turned off the phone and put it back in my pocket. “I’m going to ignore him and bury my frustration in a ten page, in-depth study of the character Laertes in Hamlet. And some chips, too.”
My phone was on the table next to my bed, and I’d managed to ignore it for the last two hours as I wrote, even though it was vibrating almost non-stop. I knew I should’ve just put it on silent completely, but I also knew that if I picked it up to do that now, I’d get sucked into looking at Matt’s texts to me. I wasn’t ready yet.
I made it through another forty-five minutes before I stood up to stretch and reluctantly reached for the phone. I had eight messages from Matt, but I chose to ignore those a little longer, tapping instead on my favorite social media site.
Moments later, I wished I hadn’t. Because I had my feed set up so that I saw Matt’s posts first, I also saw pictures where he’d been tagged, and that was why the very first photo that filled my phone’s screen was of my boyfriend, naked, lifting high a bottle of whiskey, while a blonde woman knelt in front of him. I couldn’t quite see what she was doing, but I had a pretty good idea from the way Matt’s other hand covered the top of her head. It was the same thing he did to me whenever I was giving him a blow job.
The next pictures didn’t leave so much to my imagination. They’d just been posted, and I was willing to bet that the site would pull them within moments, but lucky me, I’d gotten an eyeful before that happened. This time it was a different woman with her mouth around Matt’s dick, but girl number one was still in the frame; she was nude from the waist up, and my boyfriend was palming her enormous—and probably fake—tits.
There were more pictures, more images that left no doubt what Matt was doing tonight to get back at me for not being with him this weekend. I closed the app, turned off the ringer completely and dropped onto my bed, trying to calm the nausea roiling in my stomach. I didn’t have any delusions about Matt, or at least I hadn’t thought I did. But it was one thing to suspect his infidelity, another to hear about it, and still another yet to see it in living color.
I’d hit a breaking point. I was furious, so fucking furious that I couldn’t see straight. I wanted him to know how much he’d hurt me and how it felt to be in this much pain. I wanted him to know this kind of agony. I wanted to get back at him, and right now, I didn’t care what kind of fall-out that revenge might have.
Stifling a groan of frustration, I stood up. I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t stay here in the apartment. I had to get out.
And suddenly, I knew just where I wanted—no, needed—to go and what I was going to do once I got there.
Digging through my closet, I found my shortest, tightest and lowest-cut dress. I stripped off the yoga pants and T-shirt, along with my underwear, and tugged the dress into place before stepping into high heels. My hair was fine, thanks to its simple style, so I only needed to add a little makeup and a spritz of perfume before I stepped out of my room.
Four pairs of eyes swiveled my way. Tuck, Zelda, Nate and Quinn were all sitting around the table, eating whatever Zelda had whipped up for dinner. Quinn’s eyes went wide as she watched me walk toward them.
“Thought you were staying in tonight and hitting the books.” Zelda leaned back in her chair. “That doesn’t exactly look like a studying outfit.”
“I guess it depends on what you’re planning to study.” I pasted on a bright smile. “Don’t wait up for me, kiddos. I’m calling a RideIt, so I can drink as much as I want. If I don’t come home, don’t send out the National Guard.”
I looped my small purse over my shoulder and reached for the doorknob. Quinn’s voice made me pause.
“Are you sure you know what you’re doing, Gia?”
I didn’t bother looking at her. “I’ve got no fucking idea, Q. All I do know is that I need to stop thinking . . . and forget.” I opened the door. “Don’t worry about me. You know I always land on my feet.”
The RideIt car was waiting for me downstairs, in front of our building, and I felt the driver’s eyes on me as I slid into the backseat. He was a little old to be a student here at Birch; he must’ve been a local, making some extra bucks on the side from college kids like me who needed to pay for a designated driver.
He dropped me at the edge of fraternity row, where I could hear music and shouting even before I opened the car door. The driver frowned at me.
“Are you here by yourself? Or are you meeting friends?”
I shrugged as I stood up. “If I play my cards right, I’ll be making all kinds of new friends. Thanks for the ride.” Slamming the door, I made my way to the house with the wide-open doors, where the front porch was crowded with writhing bodies.
I spotted a few people I knew, waving at them, but I didn’t approach anyone familiar. Instead I went to the kitchen, snagged myself a drink that promised to be mostly wood-grain alcohol, and went on the hunt.
It didn’t take me long to find them. If there was one thing I’d learned about football players over the years, it was that they tended to hang out in groups of their own teammates, like nobody else was good enough for them. I knew the minute one of the Birch players had spotted me; his eyes raked over me from head to toe, and one side of his mouth curled up. I was sure he’d assumed that he’d found an easy target.
And he was right, though he had no way of knowing that I was the one running the show here.
I stood still, pretending to be interested in the music, as he made his way over to me. When I felt his hand on my back, I turned, feigning surprise.
“Do you know you’re the hottest girl at this entire party?”
As opening lines went, it wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t great, either. However, what it lacked in originality was made up for by the intensity and interest in this guy’s eyes. I lifted my face slowly, posturing so that my boobs were on full display, and I dazzled him with a smile.
“Hey, there. Aren’t you on the football team?”
He smirked, as I’d known he would. “Baby, I am the football team. I’m Tony.” He hooked his thumb back to where his friends were watching us. “Those dudes over there, they’re my backup, if you know what I mean.”
I wanted to roll my eyes. Back-up, huh? He’d assumed I knew nothing about the game. But that was okay, because for now, I didn’t care what he thought of me.
“I’m Gia. And I think you met my boyfriend last summer.” I tilted my head, holding his gaze. “He played for Carolina, and he was up here with me for a while. Matt Lampert’s his name.”
The guy’s eyebrows drew together. “You’re Lampert’s girlfriend? That asshole is a fucking prick. He picked a fight with some of our guys at a bar, and he nearly put one of my friends in the hospital. And I hear the fucker’s not even playing anymore. Got kicked off his own team.” His lip curled. “Why are you even here?”
I propped one hand on my hip. “I’m here because I’m in total agreement with you. He’s a jerk. And that douchebag is currently letting a bunch of skanks down at Carolina suck his dick. Let’s just say that I’m looking for a little revenge fun tonight, and I thought you boys might be the ones to help me out.” I took a step back, my heart pounding even as I did it. “I’m yours for the night. Do whatever you want . . . I’m up for it. Take me upstairs, and help me forget how much time I’ve wasted on the fucker.”
My new friend’s face registered surprise at first, and then undisguised interest. “Are you fucking serious here? Or is this some kind of sting? Are you undercover, or writing some shit about how the football players abuse women? Because we don’t. I’m not down for that.”
I rolled my eyes. “Check out Matt Lampert’s social media, and you’ll see me on there. Strip me naked and check for wires. I’m not shitting you.”
Tony still didn’t look convinced, so I began to step away. “Fine. I’m sure I can find someone else who wants to have fun with me tonight.”
“No, no, just wait a minute.” He grabbed my arm and began hauling me over to his friends.
“Hold on.” I lifted one finger and then opened my purse, searching until I found the small pink pill. I tossed it into my mouth and downed it with a gulp of the alcohol punch I still held.
Tony regarded me silently for a minute. “Are you sure you want to do this?” There was a thread of decency in his voice, a little bit of concern—just enough to make him sound more human.
I swallowed back my last bit of indecision. “I’m positive, but like I said, if you’re not looking for a good time with no strings attached, I know there are other guys who are. No skin off mine. I’m going to have hours of meaningless sex tonight with someone. Or someones. I just thought you’d want a chance to shove it in Matt’s face. But if that doesn’t matter to you—”
“I’m in. Lampert has it coming.” Tony grimaced. “You’re not going anywhere but with us. C’mon. Let me introduce you to the guys.”
I stumbled along next to him, already feeling the effects of the pill and booze. Life was beginning to take on a softer frame, and when I looked up at the ring of Birch football players now surrounding me, I giggled a little.
“This is Gia.” Tony slung his arm around my shoulders. “You remember Matt Lampert, the guy from Carolina who mouthed off and messed up Clancy? This is his girlfriend. She’s pissed at him, and she wants to get back at him for being a cheating dick. And she’s asking for our help.” He let that sink in before adding, “Oh, and she wants to have a lot of sex tonight, to help her forget. Think we can help her out?”
The last thing I saw before everything went hazy was the wolfish smile on the biggest guy’s face and the way his eyes glittered with anticipation. After that, it was all a blur.