CHAPTER SIX
Emerson
CHASE HAS JUST LEFT AND I kind of miss him as I stand and watch him walk down the street. I think back over our conversation this afternoon and I’m unsure of how I currently feel. This day has been highly emotional and as I head back inside I think that maybe Chase and I will be okay. Pouring myself another wine, I sit back on the couch and stare out the front windows. For the first time in a long time, I don’t know how I feel. I’m neither happy nor sad, I’m just meh. Today my emotions have been all over the place, but what I do know is that I’m most upset about the way I spoke to Chase earlier. It reminded me of the time I snapped at Bella in the hospital just after it all happened. That same guilt and shame are floating around inside of me now. That day, I vowed to myself I would never snap or speak at anyone like that again, especially to someone who was just being nice to me. He was just being nice and I’d turned into McBitcherson. I laugh when I think about that name. Dave gave it to me when I hit puberty, and let’s just say I wore that name with pride once a month when Aunt Flo came to visit. What I’m most upset about, is that it turns out he does know what it’s like to lose someone and harbor the guilt associated with said loss. He lost his twin when he was young, he was only a child and having to deal with that must have been tough. I’ve struggled and I’m an adult, but he was just a child. “God damn it!” I shout to the room.
Deciding that wine isn’t the answer, I grab the bottle and head into the kitchen. Picking up the lid, I screw it back on and then I pop it back on the liquor shelf in the pantry. Grabbing our wine glasses, I turn to the sink and begin washing them. My mind floats back to our earlier conversation, but what sticks in my mind is the feelings I felt when he called me Ems. He’s called me that a few times now and I love the way it sounds when he says it. If I’m being honest, it sets my insides alight and I haven’t felt like that since Brian. And then I think of Brian and those happy, tingly feelings immediately convert to guilt and shame. Guilt that I could be attracted to someone else and shame because my fiancé is dead, and I’m attracted to someone else. “Gah!” I shout to the kitchen and then laugh. I seem to be doing a lot of yelling at myself today.
Placing the glasses in the drying rack, I grab my straw hat and head outside. Hopefully, a few hours puttering in the garden will take my mind of everything and clear my head. Instead of a relaxing afternoon puttering, I rip out half of the back garden. I’m redder than a beet as I plop down on the front steps, wiping my brow. “Relaxing my ass,” I say to myself as I stand up and head inside to have a shower and cool down.
After slipping on my yellow sundress, I sit on the window seat and I lather up with moisturizer when it hits me—I need to apologize to Judy and Jonathan in person, I was raised better than that. I cannot pass on my apologies via Chase. Jumping up, I put the moisturizer back in the bathroom and race down the hall. Grabbing my keys, wallet, and phone, I quickly lock up and jump into my car drive over to the Archibald’s. Along the way, I make a pit stop at the grocer to pick up an apology present. For Judy I grab a bunch of sunflowers, for Jonathan a bottle of scotch, and a packet of peanut butter cups for Chase.
Five minutes later, I’m driving down the long lane and then the house comes into view. “Holy shit,” I say to myself. The building before me is absolutely stunning, something right out of the movies. It’s a Queen Anne style brick Victorian complete with classic columns, oriel bay windows, slate roof, a gorgeous front porch, and amazing gardens filled with roses, greenery, and shrubs. It must date back to the early 1900s, but they have kept up with the maintenance because it and the yard are very well maintained.
I’ve just pulled up and before I get out, Chase is there, opening my door for me. “Ems, what are you doing here?” It happens again, when he called me ‘Ems’ that tingly feeling prickles over my skin.
With a smile, I say, “I wanted to speak to Judy and Jonathan myself. I shouldn’t send you to apologize for me, I need to do it myself.” Leaning over, I grab the flowers and presents as I hop out of my car. Chase eyes the presents, but he doesn’t say anything, he places his hand on my lower back and escorts me up the front stairs.
Judy and Jonathan are sitting at a table on the veranda that wraps around the house. They each have a drink in hand. Jonathan stands up and kisses my cheek. Judy stands up and wraps me up in a hug, a mom hug. It feels just like a hug that my mom would give me, and I can’t help but tear up. She pulls back and when she notices the tears in my eyes, she pulls me in for another hug. We break apart. “Mr. and Mrs. Archibald, I want to apologize for earlier…”
Judy interrupts me, “As I said earlier, it’s Ma and Pa, or Judy and Jonathan.”
Nodding, I say, “Okay, Judy and Jonathan, I apologize for running out earlier. I was raised better than that. These are for you, Judy, and, sir, I hope you enjoy a nice single malt.”
“This one’s a keeper, Chase,” Jonathan says, nudging him in the arm. “Now, go put these flowers in some water for your mother and bring Emerson here a glass of wine.” He pauses and looks to me. “You do drink wine, don’t you?”
With a smile, I say, “Coffee in the a.m. and wine in the p.m.”
“Good, good, my kind of girl. Get to it, Chase. Please, take a seat, Emerson,” he says, as he stands up and offers me his chair.
“Thank you, sir.”
“Please, call me Jonathan.”
We all sit in silence, and like earlier with Chase, it isn’t awkward at all. Chase walks back out and hands me a glass of white wine. He tops his ma’s glass up and then hands Jonathan another beer. He leans against the railing, next to his father.
I’m the first to speak up. “I wanted to explain to you in person, why I acted the way I did earlier at Tiff’s.”
Judy shakes her head at me. “There is no need, Chase explained. You do not need to apologize at all. If anything, we should be the ones apologizing. Teasing you like that, it wasn’t nice, not knowing you. Now that we know your story, Jonathan feels terrible.”
“No, please, don’t feel bad. I feel bad for reacting the way I did. It’s still raw to talk about it, and I guess to be confronted with a running away joke, when that’s exactly what I did, it hit a little close to home.” Pausing, I take a sip of wine. “If I’m honest, I’ve only just spoken to a friend from back home. I hadn’t spoken to her since I left. I guess I still feel guilty.”
“Why do you feel guilty?” Chase asks.
Before I answer, I look at the three people near me. Their faces don’t show anger or outrage, they show concern and empathy. “Where do I start with the guilt? Guilt ‘cause I’m alive. Guilt that I lost our baby. Guilt that I ran away rather than face things. Guilt for shutting out the one person that was there for me. Guilt ‘cause I’m happy here in Nels Cove. The guilt list is endless.”
Chase opens his mouth to speak, but his dad beats him to it. “There is nothing to feel guilty about, Emerson. You suffered a terrible loss. Anyone who belittles you for how you reacted can piss off. No one knows how they would react or cope in your situation, and therefore their opinions and feelings are null and void. In the end, all that matters is that you are healthy and on your way to recovery. The loss will never go away, but I promise you it does get easier.” He looks to Chase and adds, “But you need to let people in. You can’t do it on your own.”
“Thanks, Jonathan, it means a lot that you said that, but it’s easier said than done.”
“Yes, yes, it is,” he replies, staring at Chase. “When we lost Cadence, this one here shut everyone out. He became a different person, but it wasn’t until he let someone in that we got our boy back.” He smiles at Chase and nods his head in his direction as he adds, “Chase here is a good listener, and he’s been through a similar incident. Maybe you two should chat sometime.” Jonathan winks at me as he stands up and walks toward the front door. “Emerson, will you be staying for dinner?”
I start to say ‘thanks but no thanks,’ but Chase beats me to it. “She’d love to, Pa.” And before I can refute, he’s already inside. Looking over to Judy, I notice that she is staring off into the distance. A happy yet melancholy look on her face. She must sense me looking at her because all of a sudden, she is smiling at me, her happy persona back in place. As she tops off our wine glasses, I think to myself that she also needs someone to talk to.
“Thank you, Judy,” I say as she places the wine bottle back in the bucket. “Judy, would you be free to help me with my back garden? The gardens here are stunning and I’d love your opinion. Coming from the city, I’m not very planty. Back in the city I killed my cactus.”
“I’d be no help to you, I also kill cactuses. Bamboo too, but Chase here,” she flicks her thumb in his direction. “He’s the gardener in the family. I’m sure he’d be happy to help. Wouldn’t you, Chase?”
“I’d be happy to offer my services, Ems.”
Again, when he says Ems, it causes a shiver to course through my veins. What’s with that? I think to myself. “Are you sure?”
“Absolutely. My schedule is kinda full this week, so how about next weekend? We can make a day of it.”
“Yeah, that’d be great, thanks. And to show my appreciation, I’ll pay you in beer and pizza when we’ve finished.”
With a wink, he says, “It’s a date.” We stare at each other, smiling. My heart rate accelerates under his gaze. I haven’t felt a stare deep like that since Brian.
The moment is interupted when Jonathan yells, “Dinner’s ready.”
The three of us grab our glasses, the wine bottle and bucket, and head inside for dinner.
The night flies by and it’s the most fun I have had since I arrived in Nels Cove. The evening is filled with great food, many, many laughs, and new friendships are formed. Ma and Pa are awesome. They are so much fun to be around and they love one another with all their hearts. They remind me of my mom and dad. Then there’s Chase. He isn’t as arrogant as I first thought, and underneath those good looks is a genuine, down to earth guy who I completely misjudged.
We are sitting back on the front veranda drinking coffee and over my mug I watch Chase. I find myself smiling, butterflies appearing in my stomach every time he talks, and when he looks at me, I blush and become shy…I think I like him.