Mal had never spent half a day decorating and ho-ho-hoing before—well, not since he was a kid. Somehow he had even enjoyed most of it. His grandparents had spent the bulk of their time with them, except when they had chores to do. But his patience was at an end.

Besides, he had a sneaking suspicion Ricki liked his snark. She always seemed to be ready with some of her own to throw back at him.

“I think this is probably enough lights now? And decorations?” His voice was heavy with sarcasm as he gestured around them at the assorted blow-up creatures filling the pasture. “And fucking everything?”

“Almost done.” Ricki reached around a giant inflatable snowman with a jaunty red scarf and flicked some button on his ass that made a tinny rendition of Elvis’s “Blue Christmas” fill the air. She moved back and clapped her gloved hands, wincing a little with the motion.

She’d only grabbed the gloves off the shelf in the gift shop at his insistence. For an incredible guitarist, she did a shit job of protecting her instrument—aka herself.

“There. That’s perfect.” She caught her tongue between her teeth and flashed him a teasing look. “Don’t you think so?”

Lola, the excitable golden retriever that had been there almost as long as Mal had been coming around, raced around the assembly of blow-ups, barking up a storm. Mal sidestepped her and aimed straight for Ricki. “You’ve got the devil in you.”

“Not right now, but I did a bunch last night. And this morning. And hopefully tonight too.”

“Uh-huh. C’mere.” He slipped his hand in the back pocket of her jeans to yank her close.

His mouth was already on hers when Lola’s barks turned sharp and pronounced, signaling someone had arrived. It was late afternoon, which meant the apple barn and shops were still open. There had been a steady stream of foot traffic all day.

He’d turned off his phone the moment he’d awakened. The investigators might want to talk to him, but the fact was he didn’t know anything they didn’t. And this right here? It was everything.

Every-fucking-thing.

The back door off the kitchen opened, and he started to lift his head. Then Ricki grasped a handful of his sweatshirt and curled her tongue around his. Just like that, he forgot the damn door and the inflatable insanity and everything but the feel of her pressed so tightly against him.

He’d found his own personal heaven, and it was sinking into Richelle Crandall.

“Ricki.”

She didn’t move at first. Neither did he. The familiar female voice barely intruded on the buzz in his brain.

Ricki’s eyes flared wide as understanding dawned and she slipped back, still holding on to the front of his sweatshirt. Even as she turned toward Lila, she didn’t let him go.

In that moment, he fell in love with her even more—and he was already miles deep.

“Li. This is a surprise.”

“I see that.” Lila didn’t come down off the stoop into the yard, just kept her distance and cupped her elbows in her thin jacket. “Explains why your texts have been so sporadic though.”

“Does it? I figured as long as I checked in daily, that would reassure you both that I hadn’t gone off on a bender.” She dug her fingers even tighter into Mal’s coat. “But since you’re here and honesty is an important part of my sobriety, I should tell you I did go off on a bender. A fairly big one.”

Lila cupped her hand over her mouth, saying nothing.

Ricki moved closer to the stoop, dragging him with her. Probably so she didn’t have to talk so loud over the rising wind. The sky had been threatening snow all day, but other than a few flakes, it hadn’t produced.

She’d been so bummed about that. California girl just wanted to see some snow.

He wished like hell he could make snow fall for her. That he could pile up enough around them that they could stay here and never have to go back if she didn’t want to. Or deal with any of this, period.

“You know why I didn’t keep spiraling?”

“Ricki.” He covered her hand still on his jacket with his own.

“Well, there were two reasons,” she said as if she hadn’t heard him. “One, I was pretty much under house arrest and threatened with losing the most important things—and people—in my life if I didn’t get my act straight.”

Lila dropped her hand and stopped staring at Ricki long enough to stare at him. “House arrest?”

He jerked a shoulder. “Seemed to work well enough at the time.”

“It was the bucket of cold water I needed. But that wasn’t all. I talked to my sponsor, and I tried to focus on what mattered most. The present moment. Getting through that one and not worrying about the rest.”

Lila’s exhale plumed out in the cold air. “Did it work?”

“Ask me tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the next. Every day for the rest of my life, I’m going to be figuring out how to make it through each day on my own steam. Hopefully, I’ll have help. I’ve already had more than I ever expected.” She glanced back at him, and between the warm pink of her cheeks and the fire in her eyes, he couldn’t look away.

She was sexiest when she was strong. And she was getting stronger with every minute that passed.

He didn’t know if he’d had anything to do with that. Maybe he’d acted as a reminder to her of what she could and couldn’t control. All the crap from back home—Jules and Randy, and playing with the band again, and the guilt he knew still ate at her—didn’t make a damn bit of difference if she lost herself.

But Jesus, watching her find herself again was a beautiful thing.

“You always have help. Your brother and I would move the world to help you. You know that. You don’t even have to ask. If you want to move in with us for a while, we have plenty of room. The girls would love to have their favorite aunt around.”

Mal did his best not to tighten his grip on Ricki’s hand. He knew quite well what his stepmother was intimating. He didn’t doubt for a minute that she was genuinely concerned about Ricki—that was what had brought him into her life, after all—but he also recognized a two-stones-one-bush situation when he saw one.

If Ricki moved in, she’d be under their roof and easier to keep an eye on, both when it came to drugs and when it came to Mal. Hard to say which Lila was more worried about.

Frankly, he was amazed Lila hadn’t come right out and said it yet.

Worst of all? If he’d been his brother—before his brother had become a happily married father, that is—Lila would’ve been dancing in the streets. Mike was a good guy. Mal was not. Handy when she needed him, but otherwise? Exit stage left.

“That’s really sweet of you. You know how much I love those girls, even if I’m their only aunt.” Ricki smiled. “But when I go home, I’m going back where I belong.” She moved not-so-subtly closer to Mal. “Back to my apartment and back to the bus.”

“I can see why you’d want to.” Lila glanced between them and cleared her throat. “I wondered if you two would see each other while you were both here in New York.”

Neither of them said anything. What was there to say? It was obvious they’d been doing plenty of seeing.

This was one of the many reasons he no longer yearned to have a regular family anymore as he had when he was younger. They asked too many questions. Took so much ownership of you that just living your life could seem like a betrayal.

He was waiting for that sense of betrayal to filter into Ricki’s expression. So far? She was standing firm.

“I don’t have a problem with it,” Lila said after a long moment passed.

“Really?” Ricki cocked a brow. “Considering you haven’t even said hello to your own stepson and you’ve been here how long now?”

Mal slid her a glance. Okay, that he hadn’t expected. He should have. She’d always been like a mother cub about those she cared about. He just hadn’t ever anticipated being in that category. Usually, he was the one getting swiped by her paw, claws out.

“He’s not my stepson any longer, though that wouldn’t matter to me if he’d ever shown any interest in us being family.” The wind kicked up, sending leaves skittering across the stoop. Lila turned toward the kitchen door. “Let’s have this conversation inside.”

“Let’s not.” Ricki dropped her hand from his jacket and instead, locked her fingers with his. “You have to understand why it was hard for him, you coming in when his father was divorcing his mother. Being part of the reason for that, even if it wasn’t your fault.”

“Don’t do this,” he said, voice low, his hand tensing around hers.

“It needs to be done. We all have too much we don’t talk about, and secrets harm people. They’ve harmed me. The stuff you’ve plotted behind my back, even if it was for my benefit, harmed me, Li.” As Lila turned back, Ricki gentled her voice. “I know how you sent him after me. Long before the band. I wondered why it always seemed like he had insider information on me, but now it’s clear.”

“I should’ve known.” Lila flashed Mal a hard stare. “Instead of focusing on each other, he chose to take this opportunity to cause issues between you and me.”

“I never intended to tell her. But she asked me, flat out, because she was starting to remember. You expect me to look into her face and lie? I’ve done shit like that for too long.” He pulled off the glove on his other hand with his teeth. He was burning up in this damn coat and gloves. “No more.”

Lila swept a hand over her hair, tucking it back under her pale purple scarf. She was rattled, no doubt about it. “Everything I’ve ever done regarding you has been because of love.”

For the first time, Ricki let him go and walked up the stoop to take both of Lila’s gloved hands in her own. “I know that. You think I don’t know that? You’re my sister. I love you so much.”

Mal nearly tripped halfway up the second stair as he glimpsed Lila’s eyes filling with tears before she buried her face in Ricki’s shoulder. He frowned and stopped, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets. One gloved and still warm from Ricki’s grip, the other already getting cold.

Somehow that was a good metaphor for his life.

Lila eased back and rubbed her gloved fingers under her eyes. “I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid you’d be angry. You have every right to be.”

“I was, and I am still, a little. Mostly at myself that you’ve felt like you had to save me from myself. Nicky too.”

“Nick doesn’t know about that.”

“What?”

Lila lowered her head. “The thing with Mal… No. He had no idea. Still doesn’t.”

“I didn’t think you two had any secrets.”

“We don’t.” Lila tipped back her head. “Except this.”

“So you should tell him. I don’t want to be standing between you guys in any way. That’s not fair. Even if it was your decision to handle things that way, if I hadn’t been such a colossal screw-up, you wouldn’t have felt you needed to.” She pivoted to encompass Mal in what she was saying. “Like when you had to help me dry out. I pushed you to that point. Did you have to do that? No. But you did because you cared. Because thank fucking God, even with all my fuck-ups, somehow people still care about me.”

“Don’t cry,” Mal rasped. “Not today.”

“I’m not going to. It’s been a good day. A very good day, and I need to stack those together.” Ricki reached out toward him, pulling him into the circle, and though his feet did not want to move, the rest of him did.

For fucking once, he didn’t want to be on the outside looking in.

“I’m going to go inside now,” Ricki said, “and visit with your parents and see where Lola disappeared to.”

Lila smiled, still wiping her eyes. “My dad bribed her with sweet potato biscuits so we could have a few minutes. They’re her favorite.”

“Ah, is that the secret? I’ll remember that.” Ricki glanced at Mal and lifted her eyebrows. “I think you two need to talk privately. Don’t you?” Before Mal could reply, she held up a finger. “I’m trying to scale a hell of a lot of mountains right now. You can try to scale a little eensy teensy fence.”

Mal heaved out a breath, squeezing her hand before he let go. “Yeah. Okay.”

Lila had been on the verge of saying something, but she fell silent. And stared at him as if he’d possibly sprouted a thick white beard and renamed himself Santa Claus.

“Okay. Going in now. No bloodshed, because you’re both very important to me.” She kissed Lila’s forehead and then shifted to kiss him dead on the mouth, for probably a good half a minute. Her eyes held more support than he’d ever received from anyone, ever.

No matter what happened, she’d respect him for trying and she’d let it alone. He knew that much just from her expression.

Already he knew so much about her, and he didn’t know if it came from the years spent in the periphery of her company or instinct or both. But he was grateful for it. He didn’t have to doubt her or wonder if she was bullshitting him. Her truth was always right on her face.

Even so, the second she left them and that kitchen door swung shut, he wanted to bolt from that damn stoop. Going out to make sure all the lights strung up on the fences seemed preferable to emotional shit with a woman he’d never wanted to get close to for a myriad of reasons.

Top of the list? He’d already been fucked over by people who claimed to care about him. He wasn’t about to believe anyone else he wasn’t sure he could trust. Sure, she loved Mike. She’d proven that over and over again.

But Mike was easy to love. Him? Not so much. If she’d ever been able to truly look past his issues, that time had come and gone. She was no longer married to his father.

But if this whatever-the-hell-it-was with Ricki went somewhere, she’d be in his life again beyond her role as his pseudo boss. She’d be in it in a whole new dynamic as well. He damn well wasn’t going to screw up the good thing he had going with Ricki just because he wasn’t in the market for another mommy.

“What is she to you?” Lila asked. “That’s all I need to know. The rest of it is between you and not my business, unless it affects the band.”

He was pretty sure he did a slow blink like they did in cartoons. “Did my hearing just fail me or did you just say it isn’t your business?”

Her lips twitched. “Not everything that happens needs to be in my purview.” She shrugged. “Just most things.”

Mal cast a quick look at the closed door, then shrugged too. What the fuck. She could hear it too. She would, soon enough. “Other than Mike, she’s the most important person in my life.”

He wouldn’t have been surprised if she’d questioned the timeframe. It was too soon. Too fast. Tragedy had brought them together, so it probably wasn’t real. Any number of objections in that arena would’ve made sense.

Lila didn’t know it had been building on his side for a while now. Yes, the accident had sped everything up. It was hard to live through something like that and not swiftly realize the value of not wasting time.

Still, he’d needed a push. A Ricki-style one.

“You love her.” Lila’s voice was low, and she didn’t give him time to confirm or deny.

Not that he would have, because if the time came to say those words, he’d be saying them to Ricki first. She could decide what—if anything—she wanted to do with them.

“That’s something we share then. I love her, just as I would if she was my own flesh and blood. For all intents and purposes, she is. If anything ever happened to her—” She broke off, staring out into the field of Christmas decorations, gaily waving in the cold breeze.

“It’s not going to. Not while there’s breath in my body.”

She nodded. “I know that. I think I knew that the first night, when you got your ass all beat to hell to get her out of there.”

“Strong words,” he muttered, though not untrue. What had happened after he’d pushed Ricki out that window wasn’t something he relished going over even now. But he’d made it through.

She’d made it through, and that made it all worth it.

He hadn’t been sure she wouldn’t return. Why would she listen to a stranger? But to his knowledge, she’d never returned to that apartment—or that man. Or if she had, she hadn’t stayed long. She was stronger than any of them gave her credit for.

“Then the night of the concert—”

“Don’t,” he said gruffly as Lila’s eyes dampened once again. “No fucking crying from you today either.”

“I know you never believed this about me, but loving someone isn’t easy for me. Once I do, I’m all in. I don’t always make the best choices, maybe, but my intentions are good.”

“I know you called me to see if I could get her out of there because you love her and Nick. I got that.”

“What you didn’t get was that I love you too.”

He said nothing. Could say nothing, because he would’ve sworn a pair of fists were twisting his chest, pulling in opposite directions. Wrenching until nothing was left, not even air.

But she wasn’t waiting for him to speak. That was Lila. She was a bulldozer in a dress, and at that moment, he was grateful to her for that—and for a few other things as well. Like introducing him to Ricki, as fucked up a meeting as it was.

Story for the grandchildren. Once they’re fifty and members of AARP.

“You were always loyal. I admired that. You decided when you were young you weren’t going to bend and be on any side but your mother’s. Ricki understands that, and she obviously got there faster than I did because all I could see was that I couldn’t reach you. Not that it surprised me.” She let out a dry laugh. “I was no more than a child myself.”

“No. You weren’t. What was put on your shoulders was more than you should’ve had to deal with.”

“My choice,” she said lightly. “I just want you to know I get it. I understand why you always hated me for coming between them. It didn’t matter if that was actually how it was or not. I would’ve hated me too. There were times I did anyway.” She fumbled for the end of her scarf, pulling it tighter. “I didn’t know the situation I was coming into. I should have.”

“You were no more than a kid yourself and he preyed on you. I didn’t understand that then. I do now.”

The corners of her mouth lifted. “Is this where this turns into a movie of the week?”

He didn’t expect to laugh. Not with her, of all people. “Nah. I’m no Cameron whatever-the-hell-his-name-is. That pretty dude who used to be on the soaps.” At her surprised glance, he shrugged. “Live with a bunch of women. You learn shit.”

They were both quiet for a few moments while the wind whistled through the thicket of trees and nighttime crept closer, making the twinkle lights in the pasture shine that much more brightly.

“I owe you for being there for her at the apartment and at the show. And this week, when we were back home and you were here. Keeping her safe.” She met his gaze unflinchingly. “You gave her something we couldn’t.”

As touched as he was, he couldn’t help letting out a snort. Hey, Malachi wasn’t built in a day. “I should say so.”

“Not that, you jerk.” Lila smacked him. “You didn’t coddle her. You treated her as if she’s strong because she is strong. Maybe I haven’t acknowledged that enough. I won’t make that mistake again.”

“Love makes us all weak. Why it fundamentally sucks.”

“Same reason it’s amazing.” She took a shaky breath. “Can I have a hug?”

That twisting feeling was back in his chest. “You for real right now?”

“Very much so.”

Swallowing deeply, he stepped forward and wrapped her in his arms. Didn’t even wait for her to make the first move.

She was smaller than he’d expected. Her personality was such a force, that it was a shock there could be delicacy under the steel. Even the tears he’d just witnessed didn’t diminish her Dragon Lady persona—and he hadn’t even come up with that name. Her husband had, long before he’d been her husband.

Which probably said a lot right there.

“Thank you.” She gave Mal a good, long squeeze then stepped back. “I’m not going to tell Nick about this yet, but I can’t keep the secret for long. I don’t want to cause waves, it’s just—”

“You’ll be couching it for twenty years if he finds out you knew and didn’t say anything.” Mal rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, I get it.”

“You may get it sooner than any of us realized, even you.” Her smile helped mitigate the buzz of nerves that statement caused. Only slightly.

She turned to open the door and leaned in. “All clear,” she called. “You can come back now.”

Ricki appeared in the doorway a moment later and glanced warily between them. “Everything all good?”

“Yeah. Except for one thing.” Lila motioned for her to step outside, and Ricki did so, bracing against the cold air.

Or maybe she expected the sharp slap of reprisal Lila gave better than anybody.

“Donovan knows the investigators who contacted you. They’ll be here by morning.” Lila cleared her throat and gripped Ricki’s bare hand. “We’d prefer if you both weren’t. The jet is fueled and waiting.”

A wrinkle formed between Ricki’s eyes. “Why don’t you want us talking to the cops? Not that I even understand why we have to. It was an accident.” When Lila didn’t respond, she pressed, “Right?”

“They have some concerns. When something of that magnitude occurs, especially with loss of life involved,” Lila cleared her throat again, “they want to make sure they dot all the i’s and cross all the t’s. Add in the security breaches we had at Ripper leading up to the event, and it only makes sense they’d want to ensure everything was on the up and up.”

“So why don’t you want us to speak to them?”

“It’s not that we don’t want to cooperate with the authorities. Of course we do. Donovan just would like his own team of investigators to question you both first, before you speak to the police. It’s just routine.”

Mal finally pulled his other glove off. Didn’t sound like he’d need them where they were headed, but he’d liked holding on to the warmth from Ricki’s hand a few minutes longer. “That doesn’t sound routine.”

He didn’t want to worry Ricki, but he also didn’t intend to shield her any more than necessary going forward. She didn’t want that from him. As much as he wished he could wrap her up and keep her safe, she wanted to know the people she cared about believed she was capable of handling whatever came her way.

“It’s routine until they—or we—find anything to say otherwise. If it’s there, we will. In the meantime, if you wouldn’t mind speaking to our investigators, that would be a big help. We realize you likely don’t know much, but even the smallest kernel can sometimes produce more than you expect.” Lila smiled thinly. “Once we have your statements, feel free to talk to the officials. We just want to control what’s released to the media and sometimes the information that’s disseminated isn’t helpful.”

Spin. It always came down to spin.

“Okay.” Ricki moved closer to Mal and slipped her arm through his. “We’ll come back with you. But I hate leaving so soon.” She glanced out toward the pasture. “Even though it didn’t really snow.”

“Maybe we can come back for Christmas.” He wasn’t fully aware of the words leaving his mouth, or even thinking them. Once they were out, and delight raced over Ricki’s face, he couldn’t regret them. He wouldn’t have anyway. Being with his grandparents was never a hardship. And hell, if it had to be the holidays, better to spend them with his grandparents than on his own, watching shit TV and brooding.

Much better all around to spend them with Ricki.

But that was a bit in the future. Not quite six weeks, which was a lifetime when it came to relationships. She might be all in now, but whether she would be by then was anyone’s guess.

“Really?” Ricki asked. “You’d be cool with that?”

“Sure, if you would.” Now he was sounding like an insecure douche. Lovely. Better to get on the plane before he slipped and called her buttercup or something.

“I know my parents would love to see you both, since it turns out you’ve been a frequent visitor here for years.” Lila tipped her head at him with a brief smile before reaching for the door. “I’ll just be inside getting as many hugs as I can cram into a few minutes. Take your time.”

As soon as the door shut behind Lila, Ricki wound herself around him, pressing her face into his chest. “I texted a little with Jules earlier. The services are now this upcoming weekend for sure. With the holidays coming up, she doesn’t want it to be hard for anyone.”

Nodding, he stroked her hair. There wasn’t much to say. There weren’t words to describe how rough this was going to be on all of them. Especially on Jules and Tristan and Randy’s sister Harper and her husband Deacon and Randy’s parents. They had to be wrecked.

And Mal had been afraid to face all that emotion. After what Jules had said in the hospital, he’d been glad he didn’t have to go back right away. Not that he blamed her for lashing out at him, even a little bit. He just didn’t know what to say or do. Still didn’t, but he needed to be home.

It was where he belonged.

Ricki glanced up at him and swallowed hard. “Let’s go home.”