Clothes disappeared quickly. What Elle couldn’t shed with ease herself, Mal helped her with. But even that small measure of patience disappeared as he glimpsed her push-up bra and the tiny scrap of panties she’d worn in the hopes of getting to see this very look in his eyes as he peeled them off later.

Feeling guilty all the while, because she’d found happiness in the center of tragedy. A victory for her, absolutely, but what about Jules and Tris? They were grieving so much, and here she was, about to lose herself in Mal. Again.

“Don’t.”

The soft word shook her out of her trance. She blinked down at him, shaking forward her hair so it draped over them both. Cocooning them. He gripped her jaw and brought her mouth to his, kissing her gently. More gently than she’d known he was capable of, though he had a way of surprising her.

“Stay with me,” he said against her lips, and she knew he didn’t just mean in the apartment. He meant in the moment.

This beautiful, perfect moment that she wouldn’t have guessed in a million years could be theirs.

“Not going anywhere.” She dug her knees into his hips and rubbed the heel of her hand over his belly, inching low enough to tease the waistband of his boxers. The outline of his big, hard cock was making her crazy, but she wanted to take her time. To not rush through every second as if they wouldn’t get another.

“No, you are not.”

He rubbed his lips over hers as he teased her nipples through the cups of her bra. His calloused thumbs stroked the tight tips, making her breath catch. She tipped back her head, offering him everything.

Even the parts of herself she’d never given away to anyone. They were his for the taking.

He kissed his way down her throat as he filled his hands with her breasts. The hot sweep of his mouth just above the delicate fabric that held her in made her shudder. God, she was soaked already. She squirmed against him, positioning herself so she had his thick cock between her legs, just separated by a few layers of fabric.

“Fuck, you feel good. So wet for me already.” He cupped her between her thighs and she let out a moan, closing her eyes.

As much as she wanted this to last, she ached. So much. She rocked to get more friction on her clit as he closed his mouth around her nipple, helpless to stop clenching around nothing. Him inside her was what she needed. Maybe they could go fast first, and slow things down later—

The door slammed against the wall. Elle jumped and would’ve fallen off Mal’s lap entirely if he hadn’t grabbed her waist, halfway righting her as two people stormed into the apartment.

Oh dear God, there were people in the apartment, and she was naked.

And she was related to one of them. Had shared a womb with him, in fact.

“What the hell are you doing?” she yelled.

“What the hell are you doing?” Nick shouted back at precisely the same time.

Mal stared at them for a second before shaking his head and grabbing a throw off the back of the couch. “That was the weirdest, sorta cool thing I’ve ever seen in my life.” He drew the fabric around Elle, who was still glaring at her insane brother.

She got that Nicky was overprotective. Most of the time, she even loved him for it. But keeping her from getting her horny on was the lowest of the low.

“Twins,” Lila explained with a sigh. “And they’re fraternal. You should see my set. It’s even worse.”

“Way too many of them around.”

“It’s hereditary sometimes. Just so you know.”

Since Nick was still staring at Elle, who was still staring back, Mal must’ve felt the weight of keeping this strange-as-fuck conversation going. “Um, thanks for the warning.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t keep the secret any longer, Ricki. I tried to call you to warn you he’d pulled the whole thing out of me and was on a tear,” Lila said. “But your phone was off.”

Elle didn’t respond. She had other truth bombs to worry about just then.

“Having twins is not hereditary. At least not the way Nick told you. He just wants to pretend he has super sperm.” Elle propped her fist on her hip, nearly displacing the throw.

So what if they saw something? They were the ones who had so rudely stormed into her private sex act.

“What are you going on about? And I want to know what you’re doing.” Nick jutted his chin at Mal. “With him, no less.”

Lila held up a hand. “Now I want to know what you’re talking about. Twins aren’t hereditary?”

“They are, but only in the case of fraternal ones and the genes only affect the female. So, me, yes, I could have fraternal twins. That jackass who just ruined my evening? Not so much. The reason you have twins wasn’t because of his genetic code, sorry to say. Your girls could both have fraternal twins though, because he would’ve passed on his genes to them.” Elle jerked her good shoulder. “Identical is just an egg splitting. You got lucky, Li. Or unlucky, depending how you view it. But he didn’t have a damn thing to do with it. So there.”

Lila frowned and glanced at Nick. “Hmm.”

Nicky, however, wasn’t paying attention. He stomped forward and stuck his finger in Elle’s face. “We are not discussing your high school biology class recollections right now. We are discussing why you are on his lap, and why apparently you have been on his lap ever since you left California.”

“Wow, and I missed that? Damn, guess I better start paying more attention.” Mal curled his arm around her lazily and Elle smothered a smirk.

Until Nicky turned his ire on Mal.

“I didn’t ask you to speak. Did I? No.”

“No, but then again, I didn’t invite you into my apartment either. How did you get in anyway?”

“We followed someone in,” Lila explained before Nick could.

“Seems to be the explanation of the day,” Mal said, glancing at Elle.

She tugged the throw tighter and went back to glaring at her jerk of a twin.

“Lila told me what was going on. She didn’t want to,” Nick added as Elle started to interrupt. “She’d been sworn to secrecy or some such shit. But I knew something was up with you, Ricki. Barely answering my texts, evasive when I call. Hardly ever initiating your own. Today at the service, all cuddled close to Mal until someone saw you. I can’t believe you. Are you really that keen on self-destruction?”

“Watch it,” Mal growled. “You’re about to cross the line.”

“Am I?” Nick demanded. “Or am I just telling the truth? Why else would my sister get involved with a guy who not only helped cause his fiancée’s death, but also then did favors for his ex-stepmother to make sure the story got covered up?”

Elle jolted, either from what Nick had said or from the way Mal’s body braced as if he’d just taken a punch. “Favors? Is that what you call it when Lila pulls in her markers and insists he do her bidding?”

“She did it to help you, for God’s sake.”

“I know that. I know that,” Elle repeated, glancing at Lila again to soften her words. “Something else I know is all about that story. He told me already.” She shrugged again, ignoring the pain in her shoulder.

Okay, so Mal had left out the part about the woman being his fiancée, but he’d mentioned the rest. For him, he’d practically been verbose.

“This is a new relationship for us,” she said into the silence. “We’re not going to know every detail about each other from day one. But we’ve been in a band and lived on the same bus for the last few years, and you know, we have some people in common.” She lifted her eyebrows at Lila.

“So that means you don’t care he apparently has a thing for people with drug issues?”

Because she knew Nicky was upset, she gave him a pass. A hard one, and if he kept it up, his next comment was going to lead him to getting his butt thrown into the hall.

“He told me she was an addict. There are a few of us in the world, just FYI. But you know what else? If he hadn’t told me all that yet, it would’ve been okay too.” Elle flashed her brother a saccharine-sweet smile. “Though I do have a magic vagina, I don’t consider it truth serum. If there’s stuff in his past he hasn’t told me yet, I’m going to give him the time to do so. Just as he’s giving me that time.”

With that said, she finally climbed off Mal’s lap and plopped down beside him on the couch. She wasn’t even sure he was still breathing. And Nicky’s face was beet-red.

“Was magic vagina going too far?” She pretended to examine her nails. “Oh well.”

“No, I think it was the perfect touch actually.” Lila stepped forward and gripped Nick’s arm. “We’re leaving now.”

“No. Not yet.” Nick’s shoulders were brutally tense as he gazed at Mal. “You’ve already dealt with one dude who turned his back on you when you needed help, Ricki. You don’t need another one. Especially since he has a history of it.”

Mal didn’t try to defend himself. He just sat there silently, as remote as a statue. Gone somewhere else in his head.

“Yeah, Mal definitely is the sort of guy to turn his back on me. You have that exactly right.” Elle forged on even as Mal stiffened even more beside her, if that was even possible. “That’s why he was the one who kept an eye on me all night when I got drunk and took Molly in NY.”

The expression of pure pain that crossed her brother’s face triggered an answering one inside her, and she cupped her good arm over her belly to stave it off. She had to say the rest. To get it all out.

“I nearly went off the rails. I slipped and I fell. And if he hadn’t been there, reminding me of all I had to lose—meaning you and Li, and the girls, and my career—I probably would’ve kept falling. He didn’t have to do that. It wasn’t like I made it easy on him. But he didn’t make it easy on me either. He didn’t coddle me, because he understood the absolute last thing an addict needs is someone already believing they’re doomed to fail.”

She stood and went to Nicky, wrapping her arms around him. He didn’t move, and he definitely didn’t return the hug.

But she didn’t stop.

“He helped me to see how much I have. How much I’m worth. I’m not there yet. I may never be there,” she whispered against Nick’s leather jacket. “You may hate me now, and I wouldn’t blame you. But the one thing you don’t have to doubt is that I’m still trying. I’m trying with everything I am.”

“I couldn’t fucking hate you. I never did.” Nicky curled his arms around her and she let out a sob as she buried her face in his chest. “You’re my heart. You always were, even when you were besting me at my own damn instrument.”

Sniffling, she eased back and smiled as he knuckled away one of her tears. “Don’t have to worry about that now, huh?”

“She’s starting PT soon.” Mal spoke before anyone else could. “So she’ll get it back.”

Elle laughed weakly, shaking her head. “See? If this is what not caring looks like, then somehow I’ve never found it before in my entire life. That isn’t even why I’m falling for him. It’s because he makes me feel alive in a way I never have before. Like myself, but better.” She glanced over her shoulder at Mal and rubbed at the tear dripping off her chin. “I hope I’m doing the same for him, since, you know, he could smile more. Just for a change of pace.”

Mal held her gaze for a long, humming moment before he cleared his throat. “Nick, can I talk to you alone for a minute?”

Elle glanced between them. “Sure, I make a lovely speech then I’m shuffled out of the room.”

“No,” Nicky said finally, shifting her in his arms until she faced the sofa where Mal sat, his expression as hard and impassive. But his eyes were not. They were hot and filled with so much emotion that she couldn’t be afraid of what he’d tell her brother.

Already, she trusted him. That bond had been forged through fire, and nothing and no one could break it now.

The short time they’d been together didn’t matter. The years of jabbing at each other and being general pains in each other’s asses didn’t count either, except to give them a foundation. Even when she would’ve sworn the guy hated her, he’d kicked the ass of her ex-boyfriend when he’d dared to cheat on her.

He’d always had her back, from day one. And now she would do the same for him.

“If you want privacy, I’ll give it to you,” she said quietly. “Nicky may not like it, but he’ll deal. Lila and I will go in the other room and discuss why becoming a lesbian is still a viable choice.”

No one laughed.

Mal scraped a hand over his head, then clenched the back of his neck. “No. Stay. I was taking the coward’s way out, but you didn’t let me.”

She waited.

“Cassalia was a fan back when I raced. She came to every one of them, and she asked for autographs and all that. She wasn’t the only one. There were other women, and some men too. We liked the support, but it always made me nervous. The line between polite professionalism and going too far is narrow. And I crossed it.”

She wanted to make some off-the-cuff joke. Nearly did until she caught herself. She was a good listener when it came to being there for a friend, but God, knowing he was in pain was almost too much for her. She wanted to erase it. End this conversation and kick out Li and her brother, even though they were her heart as much as she was Nicky’s. But right now, Mal was her priority.

He also wasn’t done talking.

“At first, it was just the usual thing. Same story we see all the time at the shows. Guy likes having a chick fawning all over him, so he enjoys the perks that come with it. She was beautiful and I was young and stupid. For a long time, I didn’t see what she was into. That she was getting into it deeper all the time.” He hissed out a breath. “Hell, I can’t even claim she was the only one I was with. She wasn’t. She knew it, but doesn’t make it right.”

Nicky’s arms tightened around her and he tipped his head against hers, but he didn’t interrupt. Neither did she.

“Months passed and she seemed to be doing better. We were spending more time together, and the other women were out of the picture. I figured the same for her, that I was the only man in her life. Somehow we ended up engaged. I don’t even really know how. I hadn’t even thought about it, then there was a ring in my hand and we were going to get married. But one night I came over and she was in bed with her ex. There was drug stuff on the dresser. I barely even noticed it. To say I dumped her because she relapsed would probably be giving me more credit than I deserve. I dumped her because she wasn’t faithful. Period.”

“You don’t have to tell us all of this,” Elle whispered. “Not now, and not ever if you don’t want to. I won’t force it out of you.”

“That’s exactly why I can tell you. Because you just sat here and gave me the benefit of the doubt. You trusted me, and do you have reason to? No. I fucking treated you like crap for years, because I wasn’t going to fall for another woman who would never see me the same way.”

Heart racing, she bit her lip and waited.

“The drugs were an issue, yes. Of course they were. But I wanted to believe she was doing better. That I could love her enough to fix her. It just doesn’t work like that. She wasn’t betraying me by relapsing. Even what she did while she was high wasn’t totally her fault. I still needed a break. Some space.” He leaned forward and locked his hands over his knees. “She killed herself next to the track where I had a race one night. Just shot herself up with whatever it was she was on and it must’ve been a bad batch because she died. Or she took too much. Did she intend to die? I don’t know for sure. Didn’t matter. Word on the street was she killed herself because I used her and broke her heart, and that was that.”

“So you walked away from all of it,” Elle murmured, grateful she had Nicky to lean against. Though she wanted very much for it to be Mal right now.

And for him to be able to lean on her too.

“The joy was gone. I loved her and whatever mistakes we’d both made, there weren’t any do-overs. Time’s so fucking short. I wasted so much of it pretending these past couple of years. I don’t want to anymore.”

“Me either,” she said. “Well, not that I was pretending not to like you. I really didn’t.”

His smile was probably the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen in her life, outside the excitement on her nieces’ adorable faces on Christmas morning.

“But then you didn’t really let me see you. You gave me glimpses and they always disappeared so fast I thought I imagined them. But I didn’t.” She squeezed her brother’s hand before walking away from him to curl into Mal’s side.

He looped his arm around her and held on as she rested her forehead against his.

“We both know all too well that no one is promised tomorrow. Even good, decent people don’t always get what they deserve.” Her throat clogged as she gripped his hand. “But I don’t want to be anywhere else than where I am right now, here with you.”

He smiled again, and for the briefest second, her tears were reflected in his eyes. The alternative was more than she could comprehend.

“Me too,” he murmured. “Me fucking too.”

“Okay, now we’re leaving,” Lila said from behind them. If Elle wasn’t mistaken, she heard a sniffle. “C’mon, Nicholas. We have some high school biology to research.”

Elle couldn’t help snorting as she shifted to give them a quick wave. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Dinner this week,” Lila said as she tugged Nick with her. “Both of you are invited.”

Only Elle heard Mal’s groan. She hoped.

“Sounds great. We’ll figure it out.”

At the doorway, Nicky stopped and turned, pointing at Mal. “I’ve still got my eye on you. Hurt her and you’ll be singing falsetto without the benefit of lessons.”

“I’d expect nothing less.” The second Nicky shut the door behind them, Mal added, “Not sure you could pull it off, but I’m sure you’d try.”

Elle giggled and snuggled up against his chest. “So where were we?”

He stroked her hair. “I was about to take you into the bedroom and make love to you the right way.”

She grinned. “Dear God, if this has been the wrong way thus far, not sure I can survive right.”