CHAPTER 6
“So, Staff Sergeant Gordon. You’re here for an evaluation.” The doctor glanced down at the paper in his hand through glasses that hung just on the end of his nose.
When he raised his gaze again, he looked at Jimmy over the top of the frames.
Jimmy hadn’t been referred to by his rank since he’d been recruited out of the Marines for the special task force. They didn’t use ranks on Zeta. It sounded strange hearing his mentioned now, but he supposed it was still accurate so he didn’t correct the man.
“Yes, sir, and call me Jimmy.” He glanced at the nameplate on the desk.
Dr. Marvin Stein, PhD, MD. That was quite a mouthful. Absently, Jimmy wondered what the good doctor’s friends called him for short. Marv, perhaps?
Doctor Marv took a pen from among the many lined up in his breast pocket and scribbled something on a pad of paper. “Okay, Jimmy. Tell me about yourself.”
Jimmy raised a brow.
Much like the stages of grief, he’d gone through many emotions over the last twenty-four hours since the commander had ordered the psych evaluation.
First he’d been elated, followed closely by anger that he didn’t need some doctor’s note to tell him if he was ready to go back to duty. Now, finally, he simply felt acceptance.
Whatever it took to get back on active duty, he’d do. Even put up with Freud here watching him over the top of his granny glasses while taking notes on everything he said and did.
“Um, about me. Okay. I was born in Pigeon Hollow thirty-four years ago on the horse farm that’s been in my mama’s family for three generations. Daddy was a drunk. He took off when I was fifteen, leaving Mama to raise us three boys. I’m the oldest so I helped as much as I could. I was all-state in football in high school—”
The doctor held up his hand. “This is all very interesting, Jimmy. But perhaps we could skip ahead to what happened on your mission and your recovery since then.”
As a doctor, he should be more specific with his questions. Although it was just the local VA hospital, not the Mayo Clinic, so Jimmy didn’t expect much.
“All right. Well, my family doc says I’m pretty much all recovered from the injuries I sustained. My ribs will be sore for a little bit more. Broken ribs seem to take forever to heal. But my spleen is just about back to normal now.”
“I’m not talking about your body, Jimmy, although I’m happy to hear you’re healing nicely. I’m talking about you emotionally.”
Hmm. Muddier waters. “I’m fine there too, doc.”
“Ah.” The doctor nodded and scribbled something else.
Ah? What the hell did ah mean? Jimmy fought the urge to stand up and grab the pad right out of his hand.
“Tell me what you’ve been doing during your time home, Jimmy.”
Wrestling his attention off the yellow paper, Jimmy managed to come up with an answer.
“Um, well I was totally laid up for a few weeks or so. The doc wouldn’t let me move because of the spleen thing. My ankle had been busted too and the house is full of stairs, so it was easier to stay up in my room. Now I get around all right though. The ankle’s practically good as new, though I bet I’ll be able to predict when it’s going to rain from now on.” He laughed at his little joke.
The doctor didn’t.
“And what do you do for fun?” he asked.
How was he going to explain the extremely fun but unauthorized and probably illegal op they’d recently staged under Jack’s command? “Uh, well . . . I, uh, joined my brother and some members of my unit for a night at our old hunting cabin a few weeks back. That was fun. Oh, and my brother got a new girlfriend. She works with the horses at our farm. We all hang out together sometimes.”
His life sounded pretty pitiful now that he thought about it. If it weren’t for Nicki and her mob friends, he’d have nothing at all to talk about.
“I see. What about you? Is there a special woman in your life?”
Besides the girl he’d spent one night having unforgettable sex with six months ago and hadn’t stopped thinking about since? “No. My job isn’t exactly conducive to long-term relationships.”
He could just picture the date-night conversation had he taken Lia out before he left for his mission. Having to tell her he wasn’t a waiter and that he was leaving for a job he couldn’t tell her about for he didn’t know how long.
Oh, and he couldn’t call, write or email for the undetermined duration of it either.
That would have gone over really well. About as well as if he could have told her the truth, that he would be pretending to be a terrorist recruit and if he was exposed they’d torture him before most likely killing him.
Marv nodded and scribbled some more. “Any trouble sleeping since you’ve been home? Nightmares?”
Jimmy shook his head while squinting at the upside-down writing on the pad. “No. Not really.”
During his first few days in the German military hospital, he would wake up in a cold sweat with his heart pounding until he realized he was safe.
That was to be expected, he figured. It wasn’t a bad dream. More like it took a minute to remember he’d been rescued from the real-life nightmare.
The doctor was giving him that probing stare again. “Anything you say here is confidential, Jimmy. So I want you to speak freely.”
Yeah, sure. So the doc could tell the commander not to put him back on active duty? No way.
As Jimmy considered that, his new pal Marv continued, “I’m going to be honest with you. You’re incredibly well adjusted considering what you’ve been through. I feel going back on active duty is the best thing for you at this point. I made that determination based upon the fact that the only thing you’ve shown any excitement over in this interview was the night you spent with the men from your unit.”
It had been one hell of a night, but more importantly, this guy was going to let him get back to work. His heart rate kicked into high gear at the thought.
“However, I also think there are things you’re not telling me. I really do want to help you. So . . .” The doctor took a white piece of paper out of his drawer, scribbled some more and then slid it across the desk.
“That is my recommendation you be put on active duty immediately. It’s yours to give to your commander. Take it and put it away, then tell me what you’re holding back.”
“Thanks, doc.” Jimmy took the paper, but still hesitated spilling his guts to this man. What good would it do? He just wanted to take his paper and go.
The doctor filled the silence. “Do you know why your commander sent you to me in particular and not to any of the other doctors here?”
Jimmy shook his head. “I guess I didn’t think about it.”
“I was a POW in Nam.”
“Wow. I didn’t know.” Jimmy saw the man with new respect.
Dr. Stein waited expectantly. What was it about silence that made a person want to fill it?
Jimmy shrugged. “I don’t know what kind of revelation you’re looking for here, doc. There’s really nothing to tell.”
“Isn’t there?”
Jimmy thought his lying skills had been honed pretty well, but good old Marv obviously saw right through him.
Actually, maybe he wasn’t all that great at lying. He’d apparently somehow messed up in Kosovo too and blown his cover. Maybe he needed some more training in the deception department.
He let out a deep sigh. “It’s just that I don’t seem to have much interest in anything anymore. I feel . . . Well that’s just it. I don’t feel anything at all. Not angry, not happy, not excited—except for that one time with my brother and teammates. I’m not even, um, horny.”
The doc nodded but thankfully didn’t reach for his notebook again. Jimmy was very happy he wasn’t taking notes on any of that, particularly the last part.
“It sounds to me like depression, which is not surprising. You’ve been an operative so long it’s become your identity. Being forced to sit on the sidelines has left you without purpose. The lack of sexual interest is typical of depression. I think all of the symptoms will pass when you get back to the base.” He smiled. “In fact, you perked up the minute I gave you that paper. But if it doesn’t get better, call me and I’ll prescribe something for you.”
Relief flooded through him. He hadn’t realized how good it would feel to admit his fears to a stranger, someone he hadn’t grown up with and who wouldn’t judge him, try to cheer him up or reason away his feelings.
Jimmy stood and extended his arm to shake hands with the doctor. “That’s great to hear, doc. I feel better already.”
The doctor laughed. “I can see that. Good luck, Jimmy.”
“Thanks, doc.” He nodded and was out the door with the golden ticket back to active duty clutched in his hand.
Now all he had to do was make it through Jared’s political circus this afternoon and he was home free.