I didn’t know what to expect when I arrived at Lilly’s house. Her mother had insisted on meeting me at the airport and we’d talked almost nonstop during the forty-five minute drive from the airport to Lilly’s house.

They’d only agreed to let me come because they knew that Lilly would want to see me.

“And you walking out like that…” her mother was saying after she’d finished telling me how angry she’d been at Freya.

“I’m sorry. I know it looked like that, but I was so single minded with anger towards my sister that I couldn’t even see straight. When I got that out of my system, I rushed back to the living room, but everyone was gone.” I leave out the part where I went to Lilly’s room and ruined everything.

“I understand it was all a big shock for you, too. It was for everyone.” She sighs, her eyes watching the road diligently as she drove, but I can see that she grimacing as she speaks.

“It was, but shock was all it ever was. I wasn’t angry at Lilly. ” Not until she told me I wasn’t as important as the phantom she was chasing. “I handled it badly.”

I still feel like what she was doing was wrong, but I shouldn’t have left her to work through it alone.

It was my turn to grimace. “The only word to describe how I felt is devastated. I spent a week basically shut off from the world. It took dragging me out of bed and reminding me of what a mess I’d made to bring me to my senses.” I admit, hating how fragile I sound.

She gives a short, humorless laugh at that

“Hmmm. Lilly did the same thing. When she got back she wouldn’t talk to any of is. She spent a week not answering her phone, responding to emails or anything. And when her father decided we should just go there, we found out that the only address any of us had for her was really the address for a P.O. Box. Her own family and none of us even knew where she lived.”

She’s shakes her head. “We let our girl down so badly. We knew it. We just didn’t know how to fix it. And then, a few weeks after we all got back, she finally called and then she came home.” Her smile is small and tinged with a little sadness.

“So, she’s okay?” I ask, eager for her to tell me more. I want every detail.

“No, not really. She’s learning how to live a life that doesn’t include the child she’s had to give up for a second time. She’s accepted it,” she sighs, “still feels that she made the right choice…but she has days, still.”

She glances at me for a second and her eyes flash with wariness but also warning.

“She thinks you’re lost to her. She’s been afraid to reach out to you because of the way you left things. But, if you came to your senses,” she puts emphasis on the last two words, “So long ago, why are you just now, months later, calling?”

“I called her as soon Jan gave me her number. She answered and hung up when she heard my voice. I called a couple more times and then decided to send texts instead. She’s never responded. I never stopped texting, even when I got nothing back. It took me a while to decide to reach out to you. I knew that me or my family were the last people you’d want to hear from. ”

Her brow creases as she turn to face me as pull up at a stoplight.

“Are we almost there?” I ask as I look around the decidedly residential area we’re now in.

“You’ve been calling and texting?” She asks, as if I hadn’t heard my last question.

“Yes.” I pull out my phone and open my text messages. I show her the conversation box for Lilly, It’s nothing but blue message bubbles.

“See? she never responded.” I

She snatches the phone from me and glances at the traffic light to make sure it’s still red before she presses something on the screen.

“Oh my God.” She mutters with an eye roll before handing the phone back just as the light turns green. “That’s not Lilly’s number. It’s very similar but those two numbers are fives, her number ends with two threes.”

I slap my forehead, groan and sink in my chair.

“Are you kidding me? I’ve been sending these to someone and they haven’t had had the fucking decency to tell me I was texting the wrong number?”

“Watch your mouth, young man,” she slaps my leg in admonishment.

“Sorry,” I say. It’s more out of instinct than true remorse. My mind is reeling from what I’d just learned.

“And you kids are supposed to be tech savvy.” She grumbles. “Anyway, you’re here now. Thank goodness. I’m so ready to see my daughter’s smile reach her eyes again. But Harry, you’d better not do a single thing to disturb the delicate peace she’s created for herself. Or else, I will not let you near her again. I mean it.” She says vehemently and I believe her. She can’t know what’s in my heart. If she did, she would know she didn’t need to give me that speech.

But, I can’t tell her before I tell Lilly, so I’ll deal with her lack of faith in me - I know I’ve earned it - and just show her what my intentions are.

When I leave her in the car, waiting for Lilly’s dad to come out, the only thing I say before I walk in the house is “You’ll see.”

* * *

Now Lilly’s in my arms and every single word I’d planned on saying is forgotten. The way she’d looked at me, like she’d won the lottery, made me hard.

Instantly.

I didn’t even say hello to her father.

Fuck me, but she was all I could see and I couldn’t get to her fast enough.

I walk us into her bedroom and lay us down her bed without breaking our kiss. Her kiss is like a drug. Everything in my world feels right and so fucking easy.

I pull my lips from her reluctantly, drawing them between my teeth for a quick nip. When her tongue darts out to lick the place I bit, all I can think about is how silken that tongue had felt swirling around my cock last time we’d been together.

I hop off the bed and pull off my clothes as fast as I can while she watches me, her bright golden eyes glazed with lust, her pink lips wet and swollen from our kiss and her hands squeezing her breasts, her finger twisting her nipples through her t-shirt. She moans low and when I fist my cock. Want radiates from her as she licks her lips when give it a long stroke.

“Feed me. I’m so hungry for it.” She whispers and holds out her hands to me.

I crawl onto the bed and move up so that I’m kneeling next to her head. She grabs my cock with one hand and pulls me into her mouth. My eyes close and flickers of light burst behind my lids as her hot, soft as sin mouth slides down my cock. When her tongue presses into the head, my hips thrust forward on their own and hit the back of her throat. She coughs and when I start to pull out her hand cups my ass to hold me where I am.

She uses her hand to control the thrusts of my hips into her mouth and I gaze down at her. Her eyes are closed in ecstasy while she uses my dick to fuck her mouth. She’s so goddam beautiful. I let me eyes roam, taking in the rest of her. Her hand is still teasing her nipple. My mouth waters and grab her hips, turn her to the side and then lay down so that my head is in between her legs. I flip up the skirt of her dress, push her panties to the side and press my nose into her.

“I have missed this.” I lick her in long lazy strokes. I lose my rhythm when I feel the vibration from her groan against the head of my cock.

I pull her lips apart, “I love how fucking pretty your pussy is,” I tell her before I take a long lick. Then, I pull her clit into my mouth. I eat her, she sucks me, and I come first. I try to pull out but she grabs my ass and holds me there while she takes every drop.

When she’s taken everything, my cock slips from her mouth. I turn myself around so I can lay between her legs. And then I eat the sweetest pussy that God ever made until she’s pulling my hair and calling my name while her silken thighs tremble on their perch over my shoulders.

“Harry. Oh, God,” she rasps as I move up her body and press a kiss to her lips.

I taste myself and her on my lips, and I enjoying knowing that this is our taste. The unique blend of us.

And then, we fall apart. Both of us lying on our backs trying to catch out breath.

I’m trying to figure out how we ended up doing sixty-nine when I’d planned on walking in here and begging her to forgive me.

She speaks first. “I’m so happy you’re here.”

I grab her hand and sit up. Pulling her up to sitting, too When we’re facing each other, our legs crossed underneath us, I start to beg for my life.

“I’m sorry for what I said in Coventry. I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you. I’m sorry that I didn’t understand. But more than anything, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I love you.”

She squeezes my hand to silence me and I stop speaking. “Harry, it’s me who should be saying sorry. I didn’t mean what I said. Not at all.” She shakes her head for emphasis.

I was just so scared because everything was happening so fast. I was so happy one moment, and then everything seemed to be falling apart. And then you asked me to give up the one thing I’d thought I couldn’t.”

“Lilly, I—” She squeezes my hands again and leans forward and looks me squarely in the eyes. Those eyes that I love so much are full of that naked honesty that drew me to her in Ghana.

“But, you were right. You told me the truth and it helped me start to see what I was doing in a different light.”

She tells me in detail what happened with the Michaela’s mother’s profile. She keeps her eyes on our interlocked fingers the whole time she’s talking. My heart breaks with sadness and guilt. I wish I could have been here for her. I make a silent vow to her - that I’ll always be here to support her.

“So how do you feel now?” I ask her when she’s done.

When she looks up at me, my chest constricts with relief to see the peace in her eyes.

Her voice is steady as she speaks, “There are days I regret everything. But, I know I did the right thing for me and for her. I wasn’t prepared, mentally or emotionally, to be her mother. Not the mother she needed. It was my first lesson in unconditional love, Harry. I did what I thought would be best for her.” She shivers and presses her lips together on a hard swallow.

“I’ll never stop missing her. I can’t help but love her, a piece of my heart will always be hers. I hope you can understand that.” I can hear the fear in her voice — the concern that maybe I won’t. But, she’s not letting that prevent her from speaking her truth.

She gives me a small smile and my heart skips a beat. She’s amazing. I smile back and say what I came to say.

“I’m proud of you. And of course I understand. I understood then and I shouldn’t have given you that ultimatum.” My thumb brushes the tiny beauty mark under her eye and I see some of the tension leave her body.

“I should have told you… I would do anything for you.” I press a kiss to the tip of her nose. The corners of her mouth turn up in a smile and I press forward.

“I should have said that I would stand beside you so that you didn’t have to face anything alone. That I would sooner die than see you hurt. I won’t ever forgive myself for not telling you that. You didn’t owe anyone that story. I wanted to say so many things, babe.” I let my fingers trace the shell of her ear. I cup her jaw and look into her remarkable eyes.

“Knowing everything, only confirmed what I already knew. You’re strong. Selfless in a way that I can’t comprehend. I know it hasn’t been very long, but the way I feel about you – it feels better than anything else I’ve ever known. Even when I’m miserable and pissed, there’s a part of me that’s always so damn happy…” I stroke her bottom lip when it starts to quiver. “Because I’ve known you at all. No matter what happens between us, there’s a part of me that only you own, that is irretrievably yours,” I whisper. My heart is in my throat, in my words, in my eyes, and in her hands.

A tear rolls down her cheek. I brush it away with my thumb and rub my lips, moistening them with the essence of her.

“I didn’t even know having my mind blown was possible until I met you. And every time I think about you, every time, it happens. I can’t believe my luck. That you decided I was worthy of your trust, your love, your grace.” My voice is strained, the words struggling to escape my tight, dry throat.

She blinks, her eyelashes fluttering as they shadow her high cheekbone. When she looks back at me, her tears are gone. Her teeth bite into her lower lip and her gaze is contemplative. She licks her lips and says quietly, “Harry, I—” I’m afraid of what she’s going to say so, I cut her off. I let go of her face and grasp both of her hands.

“I know that we have stuff to work out. But, I’m going to do whatever it takes to turn things around.” I can see she wants to respond, but, I’m desperate for her to hear everything. “I know I let you down. I know I hurt you. That I wasn’t there when I should have been. But I swear to God, Lilly, that won’t happen again. Please, give me another chance. Let me prove I can take care of your heart,” I grin at her and add, trying to lighten the mood and hoping to remind her… “Even better than I take care of your body.”

She pulls close to me and we wrap our arms around each other.

“Oh, my love. You’ve already shown me.” She cries into my shoulder. “No one has ever taken care of me the way you have. And I’m so happy you’re here.” She presses a kiss to my shoulder tucks her face into my neck. Her breath tickles my throat and when she whispers, “I don’t want to be apart again.”

“No baby, we won’t. We may have our issues, our families have shit to work out.” We groan as we think of our siblings. And then, I get to the part I’ve been dreading, but also looking forward to.

“I want to know everything you want to tell me. I know you’re just getting settled here and I can stay as long as you need me to. I’ve taken some time off and Louis’ home helping my dad until I get back. But I am praying like a motherfucker that when I have to leave, I can persuade you to come home with me,” I say and she jerks in my lap.

I pull back to look at her. “Not right away if you’re not ready, but that’s what I want.” I tell her, my eyes firm, my voice steady, my heart beating calmly even after being laid bare. I know that when it comes to her, I have nothing to fear. My heart is in excellent hands. Our love is effortless. Our feelings don’t need divining or translation. We found each other. Everything else, all the drama and the logistics, are just details.

“It’s what I want too. So much. Because, Harry wherever I am, wherever I go - if you’re there, it feels like home. Your heart is my home.”

Her face softens, “I just ask this. Please, be patient with me. I’m not one hundred percent there yet. I’m in therapy, it’s online but I have two sessions every week. I’m going to stumble…I don’t want you to be sorry you chose me.” She says, her eyes glistening.

I stare into her eyes and I can see forever. I brush the unruly mass of silky curls off her face and press a kiss to her forehead. I give myself a minute to savor the way she feels pressed up against me. Her body still clothed, while mine is naked. The way she smells, the cadence of her breaths and heat of her skin.

“I love you.” She kisses me, a soft lingering kiss and she melts into me as the rest of the tension leaves her body. When we pull away, I cup her jaw, tracing the soft underside with my thumb.

“If you stumble, I stumble with you and we will catch each other.” As I talk a smile starts to spread across her face and by the time I’m done it’s dazzling. My heart trips and my lungs squeeze as I take in the living miracle that somehow fell in love with me.

“I’m so happy. I’m smiling in every cell of my body.” She says and I smile at her in return.

“Yeah Lilly, that’s what it looks like too.” She laughs and throws her arms around my neck and press lips to her ear, her hair tickling my nose and I whisper, “And baby when you smile that smile…”

“Tell me,” she says, nudging me slightly with her hips, when I don’t continue.

“Mind blown.”