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Ride With Me by Ashley Hastings (25)

Twenty-seven

After going to class and then working a few hours at the coffee shop, I felt awful. I desperately needed rest. My body acted like I had the flu. I had aches and pains, and a severe headache. I hadn’t eaten all day, so I forced myself to eat two tacos that I really didn’t want, and I took a couple of aspirin.

Of course, I was tired after going on the ride along all night and then putting in a full day. But I knew that wasn’t the real problem here. My heart was broken from missing Grayson, and that was the source of all my misery. There were no magical tacos or medications that would make me feel better.

I headed back to my dorm and fell face first onto my bed. I wondered how Pearl was doing. Was she eating enough? Was she wondering where I was?

I rolled over on my back. Did Grayson miss me? Or was he already planning on moving on? Maybe with that bitch with the flat tire. Not that he would have any trouble replacing me. Women would line up for the opportunity for a night with Grayson Jackson.

That bothered me, and not just for the obvious reasons. No, I didn’t want anyone having sex with Grayson, but that wasn’t my immediate objection. I didn’t believe Rebecca cared about him. Did she see the man with the big heart? Had she ever witnessed his caring side? Did she know about the Grayson that rescued pigs and dogs, and always made me feel beautiful?

A tear leaked out of my eye and ran down my face, and I wiped it away. I was angry at myself. I had to stop thinking about this, or I would never get over Grayson.

It took effort, but I finally managed to get up off my bed, and I headed for the shower. I scrubbed my body with rough hands as if I could wash Grayson out of my life. Then I went back to bed where I cried myself to sleep.

***

THE NEXT MORNING I got ready for another day of class, and then remembered I had left my backpack in my truck. I stopped by my truck in the parking lot behind my dorm before I walked to class, and was surprised to find a note sitting in the driver’s seat.

It was an envelope, actually, sealed with my name on it. I recognized the handwriting at once as belonging to Grayson, and he would have known that my door was always unlocked. It would have been the easiest thing in the world for Grayson to swing by here and stick the envelope in my truck.

With sinking heart and shaking fingers, I opened the envelope and pulled out the sheet of paper. There were multiple sheets of thick, high-quality paper, filled with Grayson’s masculine handwriting.

I headed back to my dorm and sent a quick email to my professor saying that I would miss class. I hated to do that, but I could not delay reading what Grayson had delivered to me. And I had a feeling I would be in no shape for class afterward.

Bailey was already gone for the day, and I was alone in the room. I sank down on my bed and prepared to read. I opened the envelope, scared of what I might find. Would Grayson try to get me back? Or would he say that I was right all along, and we shouldn’t be together?

The letter smelled like him, masculine and sexy. I took a long moment to just breathe it in.

Dear Lucy,

It’s three in the morning, and I can’t sleep. Again. My bed is cold and empty without you in it. I’m aching with loneliness, and although Pearl has tried to comfort me as best she can, we are both miserable without you. I decided since sleep was impossible, I would write you a letter instead.

Full disclosure: I talked to your grandmother for a long time today, asking for advice on how to win you back. She told me that love letters never go out of style, so I’m taking her advice. I’ll start now by typing this on my laptop. I promise to go to town in the morning and buy the best fancy letter writing paper I can find, and then handwrite it. Only the best for you.

I don’t know how to write a love letter, so I Googled it. That’s right. I did my research. I searched for “Best Way to Write a Love Letter.” I read everything I found that looked relevant, and I made a list of the elements that needed to be included in my letter to you.

So here’s my love letter list.

  1. Tell her why you are writing a letter.

I need you back in my life, baby. You said I never listened to you. That’s not true. I heard every word you ever said to me. They play in my head over and over like a song on repeat. The good stuff you said is comforting, and it helps me get through the day. The not so good stuff is haunting, and it keeps me up at night.

I get you, Lucy. Having your dad killed when you were such a little girl has damaged you, and changed your outlook on the world. How could it not? You are afraid to be married to a police officer because you don’t want to get that knock on the door telling you something terrible has happened to me.

  1. Tell her your future plans for her.

I say married because let’s be real. We both know marriage is where we are headed, or at least I hope so. I see us married, happily settled into my house. We will do our own home improvement projects and sit out on the patio with a glass of wine and Pearl at our feet at the end of each day. In a few years, we will have that glass of wine while watching our kids swing on the playset we will build for them. Later on, we will watch our children preparing for proms and packing for college. Finally, we will hold hands in our old age. I’ll kiss your beautiful wrinkles, and you will lie to me and tell me I am handsome as ever.

I already know you will be gorgeous at every stage of our lives together. I know this because your beauty comes from within. Yes, you are beautiful on the outside. But you have a light that comes from deep inside you. It shines through your eyes and comes out in your words to me.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

You are scared that bad things will happen to me because I am a police officer. I want to make you so many promises, Lucy. I want to promise you the world. I want to promise you I will love you forever. I want to promise you children, happiness, and good times. I can make all of those promises, and feel confident that I will deliver. Yes, we will have our share of bad times, but there will be more good than bad.

I can’t promise you I will always be safe on my job. You know I encounter all sorts of situations while I am working. I won’t lie to you and say I am completely safe. I won’t insult you that way. However, I can promise you that I will do my best to come home to you every single day. That means I will stay alert and take my training seriously. I will keep in shape, and practice with my weapon at every opportunity. I will work with my fellow officers for backup when necessary.

My number one priority in life will always be you and our little family. That is a promise I don’t take lightly, and I will make that promise to you every single day, if that’s what it takes. You are my everything.

  1. Remind her of special memories.

Remember the day you were so sick? That’s one of my favorite memories. I bet you were expecting me to talk about the incredible sex we have. I’ll get to that, don’t worry. But my favorite memory is of the two of us cuddling in that stupid sheet fort, and just enjoying each other’s company. That was a special day, and there was no sex involved.

But I also loved the day we had sex while you were wearing your pearl necklace. And there was the night in the hot tub under the stars. And who can forget the first time we got naked together, out in the middle of nature on top of my patrol car. Good times. Glorious times.

Remember when I almost kissed you in the Piggly Wiggly, and you knocked all the oranges down? That memory still makes me laugh. I’m smiling while I write this letter, thinking about that day.

  1. Tell her something she doesn’t already know.

Okay, baby, hang with me here. This is the big section. I have a couple of huge confessions to make.

First, I asked that you be assigned to me for the ride alongs. Chief Kane came to me with his idea to improve community relations. He said he wanted a college student to film a documentary about police officers and how they try to help the public. I had seen you around town and at the coffee shop. I had asked questions about you, and I learned you were a journalism student. I suggested that Chief get you assigned to the project, and that I would be more than willing to be the cop featured in the documentary. I’m pretty sure Chief saw right through me, but he followed through on my suggestions.

I’m so glad he did.

My second confession is much bigger than my first. Here it goes...

I told you the reason I became a police officer was because my mom got pulled over by a cop for having a taillight that wasn’t working. The officer that pulled her over was so helpful he inspired me to choose law enforcement as a career, even though I was too young at the time to understand all that meant.

What I didn’t tell you was the officer who pulled my mom over was your father. That night he comforted a scared and frustrated single mom and impressed her young son. And as he was talking to her about coming by the police station later so he could fix her taillight, a drunk driver came over the hill. The driver swerved and hit your dad right in front of us.

I remember my mom running to your dad’s patrol car, and fumbling with the radio. She managed to call for help, and then we waited with your dad for help to arrive. My mom told me to stay in the car, but of course, I didn’t. I sat with your dad, and he talked to me. He said he had to get home to his Lucy. I didn’t learn until later that Lucy was his daughter, but that name stayed with me all these years. It wasn’t until I went to lunch with you that day when you were assigned to a ride along with me that I realized you were the Lucy he talked about.

Lucy, I love you so much. I’m asking you to try to be understanding of my job, but I totally understand if you can’t. If that’s the case, I will quit. I can do something else if that’s what it takes to keep you in my life. I love you more than enough to make that sacrifice to secure our future.

Google told me that Ronald Reagan wrote his wife, Nancy, a love letter a long time ago. He wrote to her, "The important thing is I don't want to be without you for the next 20 years, or 40, or however many there are. I've gotten very used to being happy and I love you very much indeed."

That’s how I feel, Lucy. I don’t know what the future will bring, but I will be content with whatever is in store for me if you will only be by my side.

I told you once that the Internet is only good for finding pick-up lines and getting sports scores. I learned that it is also good for writing love letters. I hope you agree, and I hope my words will move you.

Please take a few days and think over what I have said in this letter. I will respect you and stay away so you can think clearly. Then I will be in touch.

I love you with all my heart and soul,

Grayson

After I finished reading, I sat on my bed and cried, clutching his precious letter to my chest. I couldn’t believe that my caveman, Grayson Jackson, had written such a beautiful love letter.