Chapter 17

When a woman starts a sentence off with, “I just find it funny…” That means you should run. Fast. Because nothing is remotely funny to her. In fact, it’s the exact fucking opposite.

-Words of wisdom

Ruthie

Two days later

I’d never been in a biker procession before.

Never seen the sheer perfection of it.

Never would I have thought that grief would just slip away.

Not permanently…but for now.

Which was good enough.

I’d take just about anything right now to make this heartache stop hurting…especially for Sterling.

His hand on my thigh tightened, and I looked up to see the hearse that was carrying Cormac’s body turn the turn signal on, then take a right into the cemetery where he would be buried.

We’d been going about thirty miles an hour for about an hour now, and I couldn’t say whether I was thankful or not that we were finally here.

The funeral had already taken place, and now we were following the hearse to the cemetery that would be the final resting place of Cormac’s body.

Garrison and Sterling had shelled out quite a bit to get him into this cemetery, supposedly it’d been a very popular one and people had to be put on a waiting list to get in there.

It wasn’t like it was a country club or anything, but if that was where they wanted, that was where they’d get.

We were the first bike of about seventy-five who pulled up into the parking spots directly in front of the gate.

A huge tent like structure had already been erected about a half a football field away from the front entrance, and I only assumed that was where we were headed.

“You ready?” Sterling asked me.

I nodded. “Yeah, ready when you are.”

He nodded and held out his hand for me to dismount, following suit moments later once I was standing next to him wearing my new dress pants and dark purple shirt I’d gotten at Target the day before.

Sterling was in his dress whites, a dilemma since he wasn’t sure whether he should wear his dress whites, or his dress blues.

Eventually, he’d called and asked, where we’d learned that he could wear either one.

And although I knew why he didn’t want to wear white for the overall feeling of the funeral, I still think he’d made a good decision with the whites since those had been the ones he’d been leaning towards.

Not to mention it was extremely hot and either one would’ve been uncomfortable.

Sweat was pouring down his face, and I could tell he was extremely uncomfortable.

“Come on,” Sterling said. “I want to get into position before they start moving him.”

I understood why he wanted to minutes later when he stood in a perfect salute, hand at a perfect ninety degrees.

Six of ULM’s baseball team members moved to the back of the hearse, and as one they hauled the casket from the back.

He stayed that way as the coffin was moved from the back of the hearse, down the pathway leading to the grave, and stopped once they’d reached the graveside stand that would hold the coffin for the remainder of the service.

My throat felt like there was a golf ball lodged deep in it, and I couldn’t help but study Sterling’s face.

He looked unaffected by it all, but I knew for a fact that he was affected.

Deeply.

This was the face that he showed the world when he didn’t want anyone to see what he was feeling.

The face that he’d perfected when he was a young boy trying to stay alive.

When the rest of the gathering finally gathered close, Sterling latched onto my hand, almost making me wince with his intensity.

“As we all gather here today, I’d like to go ahead and say thank you one more time for attending. This gathering by the graveside is a celebration. A celebration of Cormac and the beautiful life that he had.”

Sterling’s hand tensed, and I knew instantly what he was thinking.

Cormac hadn’t had a nice life, just like Garrison and Sterling hadn’t.

He’d had a shit life, and it’d ended too soon.

“His best friends have requested that they speak. Now, if you’ll turn your attention to this young man over here, we’ll get started,” the officiator said.

Sterling gave my hand a slight squeeze and let me go, moving up to the front for all to see him.

Sawyer took up one side of me, while Garrison took up the other, and together we watched as Sterling poured his heart out.

“Cormac made me promise that I would chop his head off and burn his body once he died so he couldn’t be brought back as a zombie,” Sterling said, looking down at his hands. “I thought I’d never have to tell him that I’d never do that for him, because zombies weren’t real.”

I closed my eyes as a tear spilled over my cheek.

The first of many.

“We didn’t do that, in case you’re wondering,” Sterling said, looking up at the crowd.

A small ripple of laughter coursed over the gathering.

I hated funerals.

They were so sad.

Everything about them made me sick to my stomach.

The crying.

The flowers.

The sea of black on all of the mourners.

Then there was the baseball team for ULM.

Every one of them was dressed in their baseball uniforms, and they held their hats in their laps as they looked down at their feet.

“I did wear this stupid uniform, even though it’s nearly a hundred and ten degrees out. He made me promise that I would wear a bright color to his funeral,” he said, laughing slightly. “Again, I never thought I’d have to worry about it. I always thought I’d be the first one to die.”

Garrison, at my side, made a choking sound, and I placed my hand on his, which he grabbed on to and held onto for dear life.

His body shook, and I wanted to wrap my hands around the big, scary man.

“Cormac, Garrison, and I were like The Three Musketeers.

“I had them, and only them, to depend on for a good part of my life, until I’d met the Dixie Wardens.” He said, leaning his head in the direction of all the bikers that were at my back.

Men who’d taken Sterling in and helped mold the man he was today.

“I thought we’d grow old together. Raise our kids together. Sit out on the back deck and drink beer. I thought we’d finally won when I heard he was trying out for a major league team…and I was going to ask the woman I love to marry me. I thought we’d won.”

My heart broke.

And as listened to the rest of Sterling’s eulogy, I knew that today would forever mark him.

Forever be a day in his mind that meant he’d failed.

But he wasn’t a failure, not even a little bit.