Chapter 20

I hate you, and then I love you. It’s like I want to kick you in the balls, then kiss them better for you.

-Ruthie to Sterling

Sterling

“What are you doing?” Garrison asked me.

“He’s about to fuck a cop up, which is why I’m with him,” Loki said, sounding slightly annoyed.

I grinned at him.

“What makes you think I’m going to fuck her up?” I asked.

He gave me a look that said he wasn’t dumb, nor was he going to believe my nonchalant act.

“Because you flipped out on me this morning when you asked where Thomasina lived. And when I wouldn’t tell you, you yelled at me,” Loki said dryly. “Then you found out anyway.”

That was true.

I’d done my research with Garrison.

And the only thing we could come up with as to why the letters weren’t delivered to me was that one of us took them.

Our foster father was not only lazy, but refused to do anything he didn’t have to do.

That included cleaning the kitchen. Walking his dogs. Washing the trucks. Mowing the lawn. Getting the fucking mail.

Getting the mail, though, was one of the easier jobs, and usually given to Thomasina.

So after Garrison and I got to talking this morning, after Ruthie left for her shift, (and I had to admit that I liked being that close to Garrison without actually being in the house) we realized that there really was only one person that would’ve been able to slip letters out of the mail without us realizing it.

Thomasina.

Hence, why I was now walking up the pathway of her house after receiving the information from Silas, who used his vast network of contacts to obtain the information for me.

“I’ve had enough trouble from her over the years…it’s time to clear the air,” I said stiffly, raising my fist and pounding on her door.

I didn’t have to wait long.

Thomasina answered the door within moments.

Surprisingly, she looked good.

Really good.

I’d only ever seen her in her police uniform over the past ten years.

Seeing her in yoga pants and a cute t-shirt reaffirmed the position that she was, indeed, a female and not a ball busting cop who tried to appear less female in a male world.

Then she spoke, and all thoughts about her being feminine fled.

“What the fuck are you doing here, fucker?” She growled, narrowing her eyes into slits.

I didn’t waste time beating around the bush.

“Did you steal my letters from my mother?” I asked, crossing my arms across my chest.

She blinked, then looked down at her feet.

“He told me to,” she whispered.

We all knew who ‘he’ was.

The question was, was that what would he have done to make her do it.

I knew Thomasina wasn’t the type to blindly do something.

I knew she was a good cop.

I also knew that my irrational hatred for her wasn’t felt by other people. Only me and Garrison…and Cormac.

So I knew she was a good person.

Knew that she wouldn’t have done it if she wasn’t provoked.

I just wanted to know why.

And where the fuck my letters were…if there were any letters at all.

Taking the word of someone else wasn’t my thing.

I had to see the real thing with my own eyes, and right then, I knew that the letters were real, even if Thomasina had taken them.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked.

She looked down at her hands.

“There are things a man can do to a woman that don’t show scars, Sterling,” she finally answered.

It felt like a lead anchor had been dropped in my gut.

No.

NO!

“Fuck me,” Garrison whispered somewhere behind me.

I studied Thomasina.

Realized precisely when she was herself.

The nice little girl who followed us around.

And knew the instant that foster father of ours had gotten to her.

“You could’ve told us,” I said gruffly.

Her eyes turned up, and the vulnerability there was staggering.

“You never knew that I knew you were beaten,” she whispered. “You always thought I was jealous. And in a way, I was. Just not jealous of you ‘spending time with him.’ I was jealous of you getting beaten…and me getting…what I got.”

My eyes closed and I realized my monumental mistake.

So huge that I didn’t think I’d ever be able to make it up to her.

“God, I’m sorry, Thomasina. I wish I’d known. I would’ve done something,” I whispered.

Garrison was suddenly at my side, and I moved to let him speak his peace.

And it was then I realized that the two of them had had some sort of relationship.

Whatever that may consist of.

And maybe Cormac had known they had something, and he was mad at her for hurting Garrison. I made a mental note to ask him about it later.

“The real question is, is after all that we shared, why the hell you couldn’t tell me something like that,” he asked roughly.

I moved back, not worried about the letters any longer.

They needed some privacy, and I needed room to think.

“Where are you going?” Loki asked.

“To The Clubhouse. I need some time to think.”