Chapter 28
“We’ll be back in three days.” Jayden lifted the last bag into the belly of the coach. Rhian was behind her, holding a flask. Jayden pointed at it. “What’s that?”
Rhian held it out. “Coffee for you.” She still wasn’t sure what had possessed her to make it. All these little domestic things they were doing for each other were only making it more difficult for Rhian to separate the pretence from reality.
“Thanks.” She took the thermos and pointed to the bench outside the hotel. “We don’t leave for another ten minutes. Want to share with me?”
“I’d love to.” They sat, and Jayden poured coffee into the cup.
“Mind sharing germs, or should I go get another cup from inside?”
“I don’t mind.”
They sat together, passing the cup back and forth. Rhian didn’t want to finish the drink, or break the peaceful moment. Jayden’s own slow progress hinted at a similar inclination.
When the group began to filter out of the conclave and onto the bus, Jayden wrapped her arm around Rhian’s shoulders and sighed when Rhian rested her head on Jayden’s shoulder. Rhian tried to block out the fact that Jayden had waited until they had an audience before offering the PDA and instead pretended no one else was there.
“I need to go,” Jayden whispered into her hair.
“Be careful out there, okay?”
“I promise.” She didn’t pull away. Instead, she whispered in her ear, “Can I kiss you goodbye?”
Rhian closed her eyes and nodded. She knew it was a bad idea. She knew it was just for show. But neither fact seemed to stop her wanting Jayden’s kiss. Didn’t stop it being sweet even as she tried to swallow the bitter taste of the lie it truly was. Jayden’s fingers were soft against her cheek as she eased away from the kiss.
“Maybe we can have dinner again when I get back?”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I know, but there’s something I need to talk to you about. Something really important.”
Rhian cleared her throat but her mind was spinning. What could Jayden need to talk to her about? And not want but need? The way she stressed the word spoke to how imperative it was. Rhian swallowed her nerves and said quietly, “Okay.”
“What are you planning for the rest of the day?”
“I thought I’d tag along with Carlos into Calafate and go visit Fen for a couple of hours while he picks up another load of camera gear.”
“Give her a kiss from me, okay?”
“Sure.” She smiled. “Now go and get on the bus before they leave without you.” She chuckled at the narrow-eyed look Jayden threw her.
“Funny.”
The doors of the bus closed behind her, cutting off the cacophony of wolf whistles and clapping. Rhian was so glad she wasn’t on the bus at that moment.
The silence left in the wake of their departure made her even more glad she wasn’t going to be around for the rest of the day. It wasn’t just how quiet the conclave was without the contestants around. Nor the fact that most of the crew were also out on the ice, setting up their remote cameras in their high positions and establishing their eagle’s nest for all the drone cameras’ remote piloting. Santiago and a couple of other guides would be working with them until the show was completed.
No, none of those were the reason the building felt so quiet. It was simply because she knew Jayden wasn’t going to be around for a few days. At least getting away from the conclave would give Rhian a change of scenery for a few hours.
By the time Carlos dropped her off at the hospital, it was almost two in the afternoon, and she’d brought with her a packed lunch from Isabella. Fen was sitting in the chair beside the bed, reading a book. The spine of it rested on her cast, while the other hand held it splayed open.
“Hey, skivver. How’re you doing?” Rhian rapped her knuckles against the door frame.
Fen looked up, a grin on her face that reminded Rhian of Jayden, even though the sisters looked very little alike. Fen’s straight red hair and hazel eyes were so different from Jayden’s mane of dirty-blond curls and her expressive blue eyes that it was almost impossible to tell they actually were sisters. The air of mischief that Fen’s grin spoke of was what reminded Rhian so much of Jayden.
“Well, hello there, stranger. Long time no see.”
“It’s only been a week.”
“A lot can happen in a week.”
Rhian shrugged, conceding the fact. “Indeed. So how much has changed here, then?” She waved her hand up and down Fen’s body. “Any interesting developments?”
“Well, the casts come off on Monday. Then we can start doing a little rehab to get me back home.”
“What about your spine?”
Fen closed the book and put it on the table next to her. “No change.”
“But I thought there was no—”
Fen held her hand up. “None they could see. And the swelling has gone down. They don’t know what’s going on now. All they say is time will tell.”
“Shit. I’m sorry, Fen.”
Fen shook her head. “Don’t be. It’s just one of those things, and what will be, will be.”
“I don’t know how you can be so…magnanimous.”
“Oh, I’m not being brave or noble.”
“Could have fooled me.”
“Nah, I just learnt a long time ago that there was little point worrying about something you can’t change. It only makes you bitter and the situation worse.”
Rhian furrowed her brow, unable to stop thoughts of her dad and Jayden and all the things she couldn’t change from popping into her head. Would she, and those around her, be better off if she let go of some of the stress and the worry? And the hurt. “But that doesn’t necessarily mean your mind stops worrying.”
“True. It is a conscious choice to not worry, and one I have to keep making. But it helps me. It lets me stay in the present and focus on what I do have and what’s important to me.”
“And that is?”
“My family, of course. My friends. My life.”
“Like I said, magnanimous. I know I couldn’t be so upbeat, not knowing what was going to happen.”
“Oh, I’m not always so upbeat.” She chuckled wryly. “I’ve spent more nights than I can count crying on Mark’s shoulder in here. But today’s a good day. So let’s not spoil it.”
“Your wish is my command.”
Fen snorted. “Yeah, right. Anyway, where’s my bossy sister today? Putting the troops through their paces again?”
Rhian nodded. “Yes, she’s taken them out on the glacier for a few days. Final bits of training before we start filming next week.”
Fen’s grin was infectious. “Are you ready for it?”
“I think so. As ready as we’re going to get, anyway.”
“Oh, you’re ready. Jayden tells me you’ve got everything organised like it was a military operation. Down to the second, she reckons.”
Rhian snorted a quick laugh. “Oh, I don’t know about that.” Her cheeks heated up.
Fen watched her with a curious look on her face.
“What?” Rhian asked.
“Nothing.”
Rhian’s lips fell back into another frown, but she decided to let it drop.
“How is your wayward bunch of miscreants holding up?”
“Well, since Oskar shut Brooke down and Luiji fired back at Killian, it all seems to be going well. As long as we keep everything going along as it is, we should be good. The sponsors are all happy with the buzz the show’s creating, and the feedback from the Twitter storm has been really good. Very positive for the show. Killian’s dropped the threat of a lawsuit, so we’re looking all right.”
“Good.”
“Yeah. Good.”
“And your mother? Is she happy?”
Rhian laughed. “Rachel’s never happy.”
Fen chuckled. “Like that, is it?”
“Always.”
“Well, what about you, then? Are you happy?”
Rhian felt the grin slide from her face and tried to catch it before it ran away entirely. “Of course,” she said mildly. “Why wouldn’t I be happy?”
Fen studied her a moment. “Don’t know. But there’s… I don’t know.” She shrugged. “You just don’t seem your normal self. Like something’s bugging you.”
My dad. Jayden. Where would I even start? Rhian tried to relax her shoulders and tightened her mouth into what she hoped was a smile. “No, I’m fine, really. Just still catching up on some sleep, I guess. Probably the bags under my eyes that are making me look haggard.”
Fen just continued to watch her before saying, “If you say so.”
Rhian opened her mouth to tell her to stop with the judgey comments and the not-so-subtle looks but held herself in check. I’m getting paranoid. Seeing things that aren’t there. Fen couldn’t possibly know what was troubling her. Fen hadn’t even seen her and Jayden together since those early days in the hospital. And she knew nothing about the situation with her father. Why would she? Rhian had come away from the conclave and the office to get a little distance and forget about it all for a little while. Perhaps visiting the sister of your obsession wasn’t the smartest move, then, dumbo.
Obsession?
She thought about that word—about all it meant and about how she was unable to concentrate on anything when Jayden was around. And how when Jayden wasn’t, all Rhian could do was think about her—well, almost all she could do. So, yeah. Obsession seemed like the right word. It was better than the alternative, anyway.
“Enough about me. Tell me what’s going on around here. There must be tons of gossip.”
Fen examined her a little longer before she relented and told her about the nurse who worked nights, was married to one of the doctors, but was having an affair with the cleaning lady. Apparently, Mark had caught them—in flagrante—in one of the empty rooms. It was one of half a dozen juicy titbits Fen had to divulge over the course of the afternoon. The hospital was more like a microcosm of soap-opera antics than a place of healing and recuperation.
As it neared five and Rhian was getting ready to leave, Fen caught hold of her hand. “Will you do me a favour?”
“Of course,” Rhian said without hesitation.
“Will you take care of Jayden for me?”
Rhian laughed and looked away from Fen’s earnest expression. “I’m pretty sure your sister’s more than capable of taking care of herself, Fen.”
“I know it looks that way, and I know she acts like she’s made of the rock she’s so good at climbing, but she isn’t. The last couple of years have been really hard on her. Between Nepal and our mum having to go into care, well, she’s struggled.”
“I didn’t know your mum was in a care home.”
“Alzheimer’s.”
“I’m so sorry.”
Fen shrugged. “It was harder on Jayden. She was at home to see it happen. She was the one who had to put Mum in that place. I was over here. I saw them on Skype, learnt what was happening through text messages. Jayden lived it, and after everything else… Well, it didn’t help to fix what was already broken.”
Rhian tried to remember if this was something she knew or something she was supposed to know. But she couldn’t think of anything Jayden had told her that explained what Fen was saying.
“I’m sorry. I don’t understand.”
“The earthquake in Nepal.”
“The one a couple of years ago? She was there?”
Fen nodded. “She was at the Everest base camp.”
“Oh God.”
“Yeah, it was… I can’t even imagine, in all honesty.” She took a deep breath. “I don’t really want to.”
“Was she hurt?”
Fen shook her head. “Not physically. But what she saw there…”
“There was an avalanche, triggered by the earthquake, wasn’t there?”
“Yeah.”
“How many people died?”
“Nineteen. The worst single day in Everest climbing history.”
“Did she… Did you both… Did you know…?”
Fen nodded, seeming to understand the question Rhian wanted to ask but couldn’t form words for.
“Adventure Trekkers worked all over the world, leading climbing tours and groups. I was the static base here, and Jayden led groups, commission groups, on tours of different summits, long-distance treks—whatever came to us and caught her interest, really. Whatever kept her moving from one mountain to another. That season, she was working Nepal. They’d just finished on the Annapurna circuit, and the Everest summit was the next on the hit list.”
“They?” Rhian asked quietly.
“Jayden and Rebecca.”
Rhian watched Fen’s face as the seed of what was coming began to germinate, and her own face went cold.
“They were supposed to be leading their expedition up to the summit the next day. The quake hit just before midday.”
“Rebecca was her…girlfriend?”
Fen nodded. “They’d been together a few years.” She smiled gently. “They worked well together, always moving around, always outside, always laughing and joking.” Fen fell silent.
“What happened?”
“Maybe you should ask Jayden that.”
Rhian studied her, then shook her head. “Why start this when you know she won’t tell me? For whatever reason, you think I need to know this, so you may as well get on with it, Fen. You’ve come this far. You might as well finish the story now.” She wiped her hands on her jeans, trying to clear the sweat from them.
“You’re right. I don’t think she will talk about it. Because she never has. I only know what happened from a colleague who was there with her. A doctor. Jost Clabben. When the quake hit, Jayden was with him in the medical tent. She’d gone to pick up the first aid kits and medical supplies for their expedition. When they felt the quake, they went outside to see what was going on. Jost said all they could see was the side of the mountain, and it looked like the whole thing was collapsing. It was just the ice and snow coming down, of course, and they thought that at base camp they’d be far enough away. You see, base camp is supposed to be a safe place on Everest.” She shook her head. “Not that day.
“He described it like a tsunami of ice and rock crashing over them. He said Jayden saved his life by shoving him back into the med tent and under a gurney. If she hadn’t, he could have been swept away by the avalanche and buried, as many of those who perished were. Instead, she got him to safety. Half the medical tent collapsed under the weight of the snow, and he told me Jay was trying to get to them, to dig them out while the avalanche was still pounding them into the ground. He had to pin her down to stop her, to keep her from getting buried too.”
Rhian covered her mouth with her hand, not sure if she was holding back the sob or the nausea she felt growing in her chest.
“When it finally went quiet, she was the first one digging, trying to get to the people she knew were buried in the tent. He said there must have been tons of snow covering what was left of the medical area. Tons, and she was just scrabbling through it with her bare hands.” Fen wiped her eyes. She opened her mouth to carry on speaking, but the words seemed to fail her.
“What?” The word barely made it past Rhian’s lips.
“It wasn’t just ice and snow and rock that the avalanche carried into the medical tent. It dragged people in with it. Dead and injured, all buried along with those who sought shelter in there.” She blinked rapidly and swallowed. “Rebecca was one of them.”
“Rebecca? Her Rebecca?”
Fen nodded. “She’d been out with their client that morning, helping him practice some technique or other, when the avalanche struck. Wherever they’d been, it just picked her up and carried her along until it dumped her there.”
“Injured?” Rhian only managed to mouth that word. There was no longer enough breath in her to give it voice.
Fen shook her head. “Her throat was cut by her own ice axe in the violence of the avalanche. It was Jayden who found her body. In the ice. She just dug until she found someone and then pulled her out. Jost said when she turned Rebecca’s body over, she just—well—it broke her.”
Rhian sat, unable to move, unable to think of anything but the decimation she’d seen on TV of base camp in the aftermath. She remembered the stories of those who had been stranded at the higher camps, unable to get down because the avalanche had wiped away the ladders and ropes they needed to safely traverse the crevasses and gullies, and she still remembered the devastation of base camp all but wiped out as helicopters ferried the injured and the dead, two by two, off the mountain. Those who could walk slowly picked a path back to civilisation. But what they found was just a road to more and more destruction, death, and despair.
“That’s why she disappeared from the mountains?” she whispered into the silent room.
Fen nodded.
“That’s why she didn’t want to do this project? That’s what you meant when you said I was asking more than I could possibly know?”
“Yes.”
Rhian closed her eyes and didn’t even try not to cry. She let the tears fall for everything Jayden had witnessed and lived through. She let them fall for all those who had perished that day, for those who still battled with the aftermath of Mother Nature’s fury. It all made sense now, Jayden’s desire to do anything but this project when it had first landed in her lap. And I made her do it. I forced it on her.
Jayden’s attitude towards her, her attitude towards the contestants, and her single-minded need to make sure every one of them was as prepared as she could possibly make them all made sense now too. Because Jayden had seen how devastating disaster on the mountain could be, even when you were prepared.
Rhian could see just how much it must have taken for Jayden to even be able to work with her in a civil manner, never mind anything more. Rhian was the woman who had made Jayden face those demons again, who had threatened her with a ruinous lawsuit if she didn’t. She wondered which part of the ordeal haunted Jayden the most—her dead lover? The ferocity of the mountain? She simply couldn’t imagine. The only thing she knew for certain was that in Jayden’s place, Rhian wouldn’t be able to forgive the bitch who put her back out there.
Does this have anything to do with this conversation she needs to have with me? Is this what she needs to talk about? Why now, though? Oh God. Did she feel guilty for pretending to be someone’s lover? Did all this fake-girlfriend stuff feel like a betrayal to Rebecca’s memory? Was Rhian making Jayden sell her soul to avoid bankruptcy?
Rhian had thought they were becoming good friends, but everything about their relationship had to be called into question now. How had Rhian not seen it before? She held all the cards here. Jayden must have figured at some point that she’d better be nice to Rhian, befriend her, keep the bitch happy who could sue her and her hospitalized sister into poverty at the first wrong move. And here was Rhian, blithely going on hikes with her, letting her wine and dine her…and never even noticing how all this must be killing Jayden inside.
So much was just getting more and more confusing for her. There was only one thing that seemed all too clear:
“She must hate me.”
“Hate you?” Fen questioned, a note of surprise in her voice. “She doesn’t—”
“I’m sorry, Fen. I have to go. Thanks for telling me. It explains a lot, but Carlos will be waiting for me.” She bent and kissed Fen’s cheek. “I’ll see you next week.”
“But, Rhian, wait—”
“It’s okay. It makes sense now. Bye, Fen.”
She closed the door behind herself, hoping it didn’t sound as loud in the corridor as it did in her head. She pressed her hand to her breastbone, surprised to be able to feel her heart still beating inside her chest. She could have sworn it had stopped entirely. She leant back against the door trying to recover her balance as wave after wave of dizziness made the world pitch and spin. Bile churned in the pit of her stomach. She covered her mouth in an attempt to supress the urge to vomit. Tears threatened and she knew she couldn’t stay there, back pressed to Fen’s door.
She stumbled away and eventually crashed into the door of the restroom. She braced her arms on the vanity counter and let the tears fall. She hung her head, but still she didn’t feel low enough. Her knees crumpled beneath her, and she slid to the floor. Turning so her back leant against the wall, she wrapped her arms about her knees, and sobbed until the tears dried on her cheeks and her breathing returned to normal.
“I’m so sorry, Jayden. I’m so sorry.”
She’d never be able to apologise enough. She knew that now. What she’d done was unforgivable. The fact she hadn’t known what she’d been doing only made it worse. How many times had she wondered to herself why Jayden had stepped out of climbing? How many times had she promised herself she’d look into it? How many times had she ignored her own fears because she was scared of knowing?
Well, now she knew. It would make it easier to…let go? Move on?
Getting past this obsession with Jayden would be easier now. Surely. It had to. She just had to.