Chapter 29
“Sixteen people from all over the globe think they have what it takes to take on one of the most gruelling mountain challenges known to man.” Rhian paused a beat as Angela had requested of her and cast her gaze over Jayden before pulling her attention away again. “The Fitz Roy Traverse.”
“Guillaumet, Mermoz, Fitz Roy, Poincenot, Rafael Juarez, Saint-Exupéry, and finally de l’S. Five days of climbing, hauling kit, and sleeping on the mountain, spanning four and a half miles and thirteen thousand feet of snow- and ice-covered rock.” Jayden read her lines into the microphone, one hand over the headphones to hold them in place. The voice recording was going to play over the opening credits while images of each peak flashed across the screen as Jayden said its name.
“In the best of conditions, it’s brutal. In the worst, deadly. And every one of our competitors wants to be the first across the finish line,” Rhian continued. “The first pair across gets the prize of a lifetime—a fully sponsored trip to the summit of Mount Vinson on Antarctica, the most inhospitable habitat on earth, and the title of The Amazing Climb Champions.”
“Every one of them believes they can do it.” Jayden glanced at her, then quickly looked away again.
“Most of them are going to be proved wrong.”
“Cut.” Angela’s voice cut through their headphones. “That was really nice, ladies. Let me just check it back and see if we need another take.”
Rhian held up her thumb and glanced at Jayden again. She’d been quiet since she’d come back off the ice with the group. Pensive. And Rhian couldn’t help but wonder if something had happened out there that had upset her. Something else she would blame on Rhian and hate her for. Or was she just psyching herself up for this conversation they “needed” to have? Rhian scrubbed her hands over her face and pressed her fingers into her eyes.
“Hey, you okay?” Jayden asked quietly.
Rhian dropped her hands and smiled weakly. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
Jayden looked at her, head cocked to the side, a frown on her forehead. “I don’t believe you.”
Rhian bit her lip. She didn’t want to argue, not with Jayden, but she couldn’t do this. Not right now. She couldn’t keep doing this. She didn’t know how Jayden had done it this long. “Well, I guess that’s up to you. Angela, are we done here?” she asked into the mic. When Angela gave her a thumbs up from the sound booth, she pulled the headphones off and hooked them over the mic stand. She was out of the booth before Jayden could say anything else.
She ran the mile back to the conclave and straight up to her room. It was too hard. Knowing what she knew now, she was disgusted by her own insensitivity. By the way she’d manipulated Jayden into the position she was in. She was angry at herself for having put so much pressure on her. Angry at Rachel for not letting any of them back out. Hell, she was even angry at Fen for agreeing to the project and then getting herself hurt and landing Jayden in the position she was in.
She’d done things for the business before, things she’d not been entirely comfortable with. But she’d never crossed a line and forced someone to do something that hurt them emotionally, psychologically…whatever. She wanted to wash away the stench of manipulation, but it permeated from inside her, and no water or bleach could wash that away.
She leant her forehead against the cool glass of the window and stared out with unseeing eyes. She tried to swallow the urge to vomit. How do you learn to live with yourself when you make yourself sick?
“Hey.”
Rhian spun around. She thought she’d locked the door. “What are you doing here?”
“I… You’re upset. What’s wrong?” Jayden asked, crossing the floor until she was stood in front of her.
Rhian crossed her arms over her stomach. “I told you, nothing.”
“And I told you I don’t believe you.” Jayden wrapped her fingers gently around Rhian’s biceps. “I can see it.”
“I’m fine, Jayden. I’m sure you’ve got lots to do.” God, Jayden should not feel obligated to comfort Rhian for how she felt about manipulating her. It was sick. She turned away and stared out of the window again.
“I do. But that can wait. Somehow I don’t think this can.”
Rhian heard the rustle of the bedclothes. When she peeked over her shoulder, Jayden was sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning back on her arms and with her ankles crossed, an expectant look on her face.
“So what is it? Is there a new problem with Killian?”
Rhian shook her head. “He’s dropped the suit. There won’t be any problems from him again. Rachel’s plan and Luiji’s help have definitely put an end to that issue.”
“Good. Well, it can’t be Brooke. She’s been a pain in my backside for the past four days. Rachel, then?”
“No.” She pressed her hand to her forehead, shielding her eyes. She didn’t want to look at Jayden sitting on her bed. The expression of concern on her face looked so…genuine, so caring, that it hurt to see it. “I told you, it’s nothing.”
“I wasn’t born yesterday, Rhian, and I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s upset you so much.”
“Fine. Then stay there.” Rhian crossed the room and slammed the door closed behind her. Mel was coming out of her room as she did, and Rhian quickly ducked under Mel’s arm and into her room.
“Hey, what the—”
“Sh. Please just close the door and let me hide for a few minutes.”
Mel did as she’d been asked and stared at her, a questioning look on her face.
“I just need to get away from stuff for a while, and no one will look for me here.”
Mel shook her head. “Fine. But I’m going to lunch. Want me to bring you something up?”
“No, I’ll be okay, thanks.”
Mel sat on the bed next to her. “What’s going on, Rhi? You haven’t been yourself for a couple of days now.”
Rhian couldn’t take it anymore. The questions, the emotion, it was all too much, and in a rush, it all came pouring out. “I know why she hates me. It’s because I made her do this after people died on her in Nepal, and I made her go back on the mountain. And I can’t help the way I feel about her, but she hates me, and she’s got every right to hate me. She really does. I hate me now. But I really like her, Mel.” Tears coursed down her cheeks as the words fell from her tongue. She didn’t care that she probably made no sense to Mel. She didn’t care that she was blubbering like a baby. It hurt, and she just couldn’t hold it in anymore.
Mel’s arms snaked around her shoulders and pulled her into a tight embrace. She stroked her hair, rubbed soothing circles over her back, and whispered soft words against her head until the sobs wracking her body eased. Mel pulled away to reach for a box of tissues on the nightstand and held them out to her.
“Thanks,” Rhian whispered.
“Better?”
Rhian shrugged. “Not really.” She blew her nose and tossed the tissue into the wastepaper basket. “Sorry.”
“No need. Now, start from the top, and tell me why you think someone hates you.”
“Jayden hates me.”
Mel laughed. “No, she doesn’t.”
Rhian nodded and wiped another tear from her face. “Fen told me.”
“Fen told you that Jayden hates you? She used that exact phrase?”
Rhian shook her head. “No, of course not. This isn’t the school playground.”
“Thank goodness. I was worried there for a minute.”
“Sarky.”
Mel just waited.
Rhian rolled her eyes. “She told me Jayden hadn’t been in the mountains since the earthquake hit Nepal.”
“Why not?”
“She was at Everest base camp when it was decimated by the avalanche.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah.”
“But Fen didn’t say the phrase ‘Jayden hates you because you made her do the show’, did she?”
“No.”
“So you jumped to that little conclusion?”
Rhian stared at her. “Her girlfriend died there. What other conclusion would you arrive at?”
Mel was quiet a moment. “I’m sorry to hear she went through that. I am. But I still don’t see why she would blame you for that.”
“I didn’t say she blamed me for that. I said she hates me because I made her do this show. Made her go back into the mountains again, made her face this awful, awful thing that happened to her, or face a lawsuit. Of course she’d despise me for it. I would.” She put her hand over her mouth and bit her knuckle, determined not to cry again.
“Hon, I’ve seen her with you, and she doesn’t act like someone who’s having a hard time being around you.”
“It’s an act. You said it yourself.”
Mel tutted. “If she’s really that good an actress, she should be earning billions in Hollywood, not leading groups up mountains and freezing one’s derriere off on glaciers.” She cuffed Rhian’s shoulder gently. “Talk to her. Let her tell you.”
“No, I’m not going to make it worse.”
“Make what worse?”
“The situation.”
“What situation? And how can talking to her make it worse?”
“I made her do this even though she clearly told me she didn’t want to. Now I know why she didn’t want to. I should’ve done the research. I kept meaning to. I just got so busy and forgot. It just didn’t seem to be relevant once she agreed. No, that’s not true. Not really. I knew there was something—something painful.” She hung her head. “Talking to her about it will surely only make it worse.”
“For who?”
She was an utter weakling, wasn’t she? “For me.”
“Why? How?”
“I don’t want to be the reason she’s hurting. I don’t want her to hate me. I don’t want to hear her tell me what she’s going through…what she’s dealing with, what’s hurting her, all because of me. I can’t bear it.” The sobs tore through her again, but she glared at Mel through the tears. Why couldn’t she see it? Why couldn’t she see what Rhian was so afraid of hearing from Jayden’s lips—that it would be made all the more real spoken aloud?
Mel glared back, then laughed again, haughtily this time. “Mighty high opinion you’ve got of yourself there.”
“What? No, I don’t—”
“I’m the reason she’s hurting, she’s going through it because of me.” She mimicked Rhian’s voice.
“You know what I mean.”
“Yes, I do. You don’t want to face her because you’re afraid you’ll feel worse than you already do. You feel guilty and angry and manipulative. And you feel all those things more because you genuinely care for her.” Mel squeezed her hand. “Don’t you?”
Rhian nodded and hid her face in a tissue.
Mel chuckled. “I’ve seen the way she looks at you. She likes you.”
“Piss off. She doesn’t. At all.”
“Fine, fine.” Mel took her hand and squeezed her fingers gently. “But you like her?”
Rhian’s eyes stung as the tears sprang back. She nodded.
“Really like her?”
The tears began to fall. She grabbed another tissue and hid her face in her hands as she nodded.
“Maybe love her?”
Sobs wracked Rhian’s shoulders as Mel wrapped her arms about her again.
“Bloody hell. Rachel’s gonna have my guts for garters if you come back a mess.”
Jayden could hear Rhian’s sobs and the muffled conversation through Mel’s door, but she couldn’t bring herself to eavesdrop. Rhian was hurting, but she’d sought out the comfort she needed. That was what was important. She tried not to feel stung that Rhian had run from her in a time of emotional need, tried not to worry about what could be eating at her. She’d thought they’d made progress after the rafting trip. That they’d grown closer. That was what she wanted to talk to Rhian about. She wanted to lay everything out on the table, so to speak. To tell her how she felt. Playing games didn’t feel right any more. She’d thought she’d seen something on that trip, some spark to suggest that maybe—just maybe—there was more to Rhian’s feelings for her now than friendship. Rhian had had a glint in her eyes that Jayden was sure wasn’t just from the excitement of the rapids.
She rested her hand against the wooden door. Jayden knew that the only place in there to sit was the bed. It was less than twenty feet away from where she stood. But she’d never felt further away from Rhian than she did in that moment.
Head on her chest, she sighed and curled her fingers into a fist. Knock, don’t knock. Turn and walk away or push further, when Rhian had made perfectly clear what she wanted.
No, Jayden wouldn’t push. But the way her fingers ached to reach out and hold Rhian as she cried only made her more determined to be the person Rhian would turn to next time she needed comfort. She turned and headed for the stairs.
Then the most unwelcome of thoughts crossed her mind.
What if Rhian was upset because Jayden was making her feelings obvious and Rhian didn’t want it? What if she didn’t want Jayden to pursue her? Was that the reason she’d run away from her? The reason she was sobbing on Mel’s shoulder?
Christ, it was all getting so bloody complicated.
The air outside was cool for the time of year, and filming the first episode was due to begin in the morning. Jayden had been excited earlier. The weeks of work she and Rhian had put in so far was coming to fruition. Now all she knew was that she wouldn’t be getting any sleep tonight. She needed to figure out what the hell was going on and what she should do. Should she just back off and do no more than was required for their sham to work? Or was she reading too much into Rhian seeking comfort from someone she’d known a long time?
Her mind was spinning in circles, and she couldn’t find a place to begin to unravel the mess she was in. She needed to talk to Fen.
Her mobile phone rang three times before Fen answered. “Hey, back off the glacier?”
“Yeah, this morning, actually. Listen, I need some advice.”
“Shoot.”
“I’m not sure where to start or what’s going on but Rhian’s…well, she’s really upset. I don’t know what I’ve done.”
Fen sighed. “She thinks you hate her.”
“What the hell? Why?”
“Well, she probably thinks I told her that.”
“Fen. Why the hell would you lie to her like that?”
“I didn’t.”
“Then why…? You better explain.”
“I was going to. I was going to explain to her as well, but she won’t answer my calls and won’t return my messages either.”
“Okay, explain it to me.”
“She came to visit the other day. We were talking and I mentioned something about Nepal.”
“And?”
“And the fact you were at base camp.”
“And?”
“And she ran out of here saying that you must hate her.”
“And what did you do when she said that?”
“She wouldn’t listen to me. She said she’d see me next week, and then she was gone. It’s not like I could chase after her. Look, I’ve been trying to call her ever since, but like I said, she won’t respond.”
At least Jayden knew what she was dealing with now. All she had to do was figure out why Rhian’s reaction was so…extreme. She already knew that Jayden had been reluctant to pick up the reins of the show, so why would the reason behind it matter so much now?
“Did you tell her about Rebecca?”
Fen sighed. “Yes. I knew you never would, and I thought it might…help her. To see past your bitchiness and moodiness, and…well, you know, help her like you, like you want her to. I was trying to help, hon. I thought it would explain some things for her.”
“Well, clearly that didn’t work, now, did it? I mean, I thought we were making progress. I thought after the rafting trip we were getting closer. But now…it’s like everything’s back to square one.” She chuckled bitterly. “Actually, it’s worse than square one. She can’t seem to stand being in the same room as me.”
“What happened?”
Jayden quickly filled her in on the afternoon’s drama.
“So what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what’s for the best or what’s likely to make things worse at this point.”
“Want a suggestion?”
“No. Your suggestions have done nothing but make this whole thing worse from start to finish. You need to stop interfering and stay out of it.”
“Well, I’m going to tell you anyway. Carry on doing what you’re doing. Ramp it up, even. Make sure you show the same if not more affection and attention when there’s no one around. Show her this isn’t just for show.”
“I told you not to make suggestions.”
“Yeah, but we both know you’re just blowing off steam cos you’re mad at me—”
“I’ve every right to be mad at you!”
“And you only really called because you wanted me to tell you what to do to win your girl round.”
“Bitch.”
“And?”
Jayden sighed. She didn’t know what to do. Clearly Rhian didn’t want to talk to her. She didn’t want to tell her what she knew and—what—have Jayden explain again what had happened out there? How would that help either of them? But what about this event was tearing Rhian apart so much that she could barely look Jayden in the eye? Surely only talking to her wasn’t going to get to the bottom of those details?
“Do you still want her to fall in love with you?”
“Yes,” Jayden whispered.
“Do you think she’s there yet?”
She blew out hard. “Given that she’s crying on her friend’s shoulder rather than mine, no.”
“Then what do you think?”
Jayden closed her eyes and swallowed. “You don’t think this is, I don’t know, wrong, do you?”
“Wrong?”
“Yes. Trying to make someone fall in love with you. Manipulating her like this. It feels wrong. I mean, how is this different to Brooke continually hitting on her?”
“Wow. This is not like Brooke at all.”
“She told Brooke she wasn’t interested. She told me she wasn’t interested. Brooke continued to pursue her, and I’m…well, so am I.” She shook her head. “I think I should just back off.”
“Okay, tell me this, Jay. Have you drugged her?”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“I’ll take that as a no.”
“Of course I haven’t. But neither has Brooke.”
“I’ll give you that. Have you forced her to do something after she’s said no?”
“Other than trying to get her to talk to me this afternoon, no.”
“Brooke did. You told me she kept feeling her up after Rhian had made it clear. True?”
“Yes, but I kissed her—”
“Only as part of the charade. Not in your private time. Right?”
Jayden agreed.
“See, different. Have you taken her out to dinner?”
“Yes.”
“Taken her on an adventure activity?”
“Yes.”
“Brought her flowers?”
“Yes.”
“Chocolates?”
“Yes.”
“Spent time talking to her?”
“Yes.”
“Spent time listening to her, laughing with her, and generally being there for her and doing sweet things for her?”
“Yes.”
“Now tell me…if you’d just started dating a new woman, how would you date her?”
Jayden snorted. “I’d do all the same things.”
“Why?”
“To get to know her, let her get to know me, and see what develops.”
“I see. And is the situation with Rhian somehow different?”
“Yes.”
“How?”
“She wouldn’t have agreed to the first date if I’d asked under normal circumstances.”
“I wouldn’t be too sure about that, Jay. She didn’t look…uninterested in you the day she saw you here.”
“Doesn’t change the fact that a few weeks later, she told me she wasn’t attracted to me.”
“I’m still not convinced.”
“Well, it’s the truth. So much so that she wasn’t even sure she could pretend to be attracted to me.”
“Hey, Jay?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re an attractive woman.”
Jayden laughed. “You’re my sister. That’s just weird.”
“I’m your sister, so think how hard that was for me to admit. It’s much easier to tell you that you look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame.”
Jayden chuckled. “Thanks for the ego boost. Me and my repulsive self need to get some shut-eye now. We’re filming tomorrow.”
“Right. Night, Mogo.”
“Night, Fen. And thanks.”
“Don’t mention it.”