He was right. Sex with Prince Charming was better than last time. Our connection was even stronger this time around. Danny was such a gentleman. He wiped me clean and took care of the condom. He also snuck down to the kitchen and brought us a large piece of leftover chocolate cake to share. We ate the dessert and cuddled in bed like we’d been doing it for months. It was a strange feeling and an overwhelming one too. Tears pricked my eyes all of a sudden. I tried to hide them from Danny but it was too damn late. He already saw them. Fuck.

“Hey. Why the tears?” He wrapped a comforting arm around my shoulders and kissed my forehead. “When I said it was better the second time, I did not mean that the first time we had sex was bad. On the contrary, it was mindblowing.”

“No. Sorry. I just...” My voice trailed off as I struggled to explain my emotions. “I’ve never experienced something so beautiful before. You and I are so fucking different yet we somehow fit together. We click. It’s.. It’s just very confusing to me.”

“I feel the same way,” Danny admitted. “There are so many questions I wanted to ask you. So many things I would like to know about you.”

“Like what?” I cleared my throat. He seemed hesitant. I raised an eyebrow and encouraged him to speak up. He opened his mouth and closed it. Again.

“Come on. Speak your mind. I promise I’ll try to answer.”

“Well, there is a question that’s been plaguing my mind for ages. What’s stopping you from coming out?” He asked while twiddling his hair. I normally found this habit to be so fucking annoying but it had the opposite effect on me when Danny did it.

I folded a tissue paper in half and dug deep inside my conscience for a reason. There were so many that I eventually lost count. “Growing up, I was bullied big time for simply being myself. I grew up without any parents, so I spent a large chunk of my childhood in the system. Everywhere I went, kids were fucking mean to me and I’ll never understand why. I had trouble getting close to anyone because of that. It basically ruined my relationship with people. I had a hard time trusting anyone. I also got into a shit ton of trouble for standing up to myself.”

“Oh Nathan. I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that.” Daniel rubbed my arm affectionately.

“Yeah. It was tough.” I shrugged. “My foster family was poor so I used to work a few odd jobs here and there. I worked at a record store for a while until I graduated high school. Singing was my only form of expression, so I hung out in karaoke bars and started singing in birthdays and jazz clubs. It was a shitty decade. A very shitty decade for me.”

“And how did you end up becoming the lead singer of The Moonstones?”

I folded and unfolded the paper in my hand while I spoke. “Joining the band was pure coincidence. I ran into Theo, our bassist, and the rest like they say was history. He told me about his band and how they’ve been searching the country for a unique voice. Fast forward a few months later and we’re performing at a large venue in Chicago. I made enough money to support my family for a whole year after that. Joining the band changed my life for the better. And to answer your question, I’m terrified that If I come out, I’ll be putting both my career and my family at risk. I might even lose a huge chunk of my fans. I can’t do this to them. It’s out of the question.”

“I see.” Danny looked thoughtful as he digested my words.

“Yeah. So this is the story of my life in a nutshell.”

“None of this stuff is in your online bio by the way.” He remarked.

“Yeah. You’ll mostly find rumors and fake shit about me on the internet.” I traced lazy patterns on his chest. “Listen, Danny, I would very much like to see you again.”

He sighed and sat up straight against the headboard. “Me too, but you’re clearly not ready for any of this Nathan. I can’t be with someone who wants to stay hidden deep in the closet. I saw you flirting with those bridesmaids today.”

Ouch. So he did see that. “Oh.”

“Yes. This did not go unnoticed by me.” He revealed. “Sure, you and I have a strong connection, but I need more from a guy than you can afford right now.” He ran his fingers through his hair.

“Are you saying this out of experience?”

He nodded. “Last year, I met a man called Peter while I was in the States with Lizzie. We had great chemistry and ended up dating for quite some time. He also did not want to come out of the closet. I tried to convince him to change his mind but he was set in his ways. He was afraid of how his friends and family would react when they found out. Of course, I stubbornly tried to make things work between us, but he eventually decided to get married to a woman.”

“Oh shit.”

“Yes. It was one of those -oh shit- moments for sure. His decision slapped me in the face. Hard.”

“Damn. That must’ve been terrible.”

“Oh, you have no idea.” He rubbed his face. “So let’s enjoy this moment for what it is without making a big fuss out of it. We both enjoy each other’s company, so let’s keep things light and fluffy.”

“Sure. You’re right.” I got out of bed knowing he had a point. He had every right to be cautious after what happened to him. I would have done the same thing if the shoe was on the other foot.

And I know I should’ve felt relieved he wanted to keep things simple. I should’ve been glad.

But I wasn’t.