Family meetings were the worst. My grandmother enjoyed dragging us out of bed at the ass crack of morning. She loved uniting us all in one room and making fun of our choice of nightwear. Yes, Queen Emmeline was hilarious in her own right. She was also open minded and extremely generous with her time. I absolutely adored her. She was unlike anyone I had ever met. I only wished she would choose a different time for these meetings.

I shuffled down the hall, knowing it was going to take me around seven minutes to reach the conference room. Living in Lockridge palace may seem like a fantasy from the outside, but it really is one ridiculously large historical structure from the inside. My ancestors probably wanted to build a maze but changed their minds at the last minute. Growing up, I always managed to get lost in the many corridors and towers. My brothers and I used to play hide and seek until midnight. Our governess had such a hard time putting us to bed.

I wrapped my fluffy robe tightly around me and stepped into the paneled room. My two brothers and cousins were already there. We all looked like we could use more sleep, to be honest. I for one was looking forward to waking up late and having breakfast in bed for a change.

“Good morning,” I grumbled, dragging my feet to my usual chair. “Any idea why grandma summoned us all here this fine Sunday morning?”

“Uncle Timothy is probably getting another divorce,” Greg answered from beside me. “His marriages are like a revolving door. Out with the old wife, in with the new.”

“Good God, I’ve lost track of his army of ex-wives.” I snorted. “I do think he’s been through our share, gentlemen.”

I reeled in my laughter. My brothers and I exchanged knowing glances. Uncle Timothy was like James Bond. He had to have a new model on his arm every year.

Greg chortled, earning himself a glare from our serious aunt Edith, who said, “Perhaps the reason behind this meeting, Gregory, is for us to discuss the GGs.”

I frowned in response. Our aunt has been openly vocal about her anti-gay sentiment. She should go take a hike and get that rigid stick out of her arse.

“GG is short for Gay Grandsons.” Freddy, her son explained. He rolled his eyes at his mother who kept on giving us her usual judgmental looks.

“The monarchy is forever tainted with this perversity. It puzzles me how your grandmother continues to encourage this behavior of yours.” Aunt Edith continued to feed us spoonfuls of disapproval. This woman was absolutely incorrigible.

Our Queen grandmother finally graced us with her presence. We all stood up to greet her. How was she capable of looking so fresh and flawless at eighty? This was a question for the ages.

“Oh Good. You are all here. Excellent.” She sat down and motioned for us to do the same.

The servants finally walked in with fresh coffee, croissants, and our very own Raplen raspberry rolls. My stomach growled when they brought in hot, sizzling omelets with bacon and hash browns. We ate in silence for a few minutes until grandmother cleared her throat and finally revealed the reason behind this early meeting.

“I asked you all to come here so we could discuss Lizzie’s marriage. We need to gift her something grand and memorable. The future of this monarchy rests on her shoulders after all.”

“This is a wonderful idea.” I smiled. Lizzie was a big fan of unexpected surprises.

“So, any suggestions?” Emmeline asked.

“How about a treasure box filled with sex toys.” Greg cheekily suggested.

I know he did it on purpose to annoy aunt Edith. She predictably blushed and made a boring suggestion of her own. “A set of Prince Albert teacups will do the trick.”

“Sheesh. Lizzie hates china of any kind.” I remarked.

“Since when?”

“Since we were kids.” I rolled my eyes at my clueless aunt. Did she even know her daughter anymore? “She also hates high tea with a passion.”

“Can we please focus on the matter at hand?” Grandmother gave me a pointed look. She knew I enjoyed arguing with precious aunt Edith, how I loved rufflng her constipated feathers.

After thirty minutes of brainstorming and coffee drinking, we finally agreed on sending her on a luxury cruise for her honeymoon. She loved traveling in style, so this was more than perfect.

Everyone was pleased with the idea of sending her off on a memorable trip to the Seychelles.

I finished the rest of my coffee before following everyone else out of the room. We were suddenly ambushed by none other than Lizzie. “There you are. How come you called for a meeting without me, grandmama?” My cousin pouted.

“Good morning to you too, child.” Emmeline gave her a kiss on the cheek.

Freddy and my brothers snuck off to the gardens before Lizzie could stop them. “What on earth were you all discussing?” She called out after them.

I whistled and tried to walk away but she grabbed my hand and pulled me to the side. “Spill it, Danny.” She demanded.

I pretended to lock my lips and throw away the key. “Nope. There will be no spilling. I can’t tell you anything. Not even if you bribe me with limited edition Swarovski crystals.”

“This is about the wedding, isn’t it?” She tried to read my poker face. “Everyone is making such a big deal out of it. It’s starting to freak me out.” She complained.

“Well, you are the chosen one. The princess who will save our holy bloodline.” I snickered. “Of course the family will make a big deal out of it. You only get married once, unless you are Uncle Timothy, then it’s seven.”

Lizzie reached up and pinched my cheeks. “Danny, please talk to grandmama. Convince her to tone things down. I envisioned a small, intimate ceremony rather than this extravagant affair her highness is planning.”

I detached her cold fingers from my face and shook my head at her request. “Request denied. Sorry darling but your wedding is the highlight of Emmeline’s year. You’re her only granddaughter so get ready to invite Prince William and Duchess Kate to your fairytale wedding.” I fluffed her strawberry blond hair. “Besides, you are probably the only grandchild who’s going to get married.”

“Nonsense. You will get married someday too. Your prince charming is somewhere out there, waiting with a glass slipper in hand.” She smiled.

“I’m more of an Italian loafer type of guy.”

She linked her arm through mine and guided me down the hallway. “You’d better get me something awesome for my wedding or I will ruin yours.”

“Sheesh, cousin. What did I do to earn your future scorn?”

The lead singer of The Moonstones suddenly popped into my head. Ever since I saw him at that concert, his voice and those hypnotic emerald eyes kept on making an appearance in my dreams. I needed to book his band for Lizzie’s surprise bachelorette party.

Speaking of Mr. Rockstar. I needed to get in touch with his manager as soon as possible.