I bit my lip harder, wishing he would just go ahead and take me. The pain would be over quick… well at least that was the rumour.

After twenty-six years, my virginity wasn’t something that I dwelled on too much anymore; instead it was a sad reminder of the life I didn’t have outside of my work and demanding position. It was a reminder of everything I had missed out on. Always waiting for the right guy to come along, and who never did.

Until now.

I was probably the oldest virgin in London who didn’t have a legitimate excuse as to why I’d had held onto it for so long. Not that there hadn’t been opportunities. It just never seemed to be the right time.

I moved under William, my fingers digging into his shoulders, pleading, urging him to continue. Him turning chivalrous now would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me. He wouldn’t stop now, would he? I had done things with him tonight that I had never experienced and instead of being extremely embarrassed, I wanted to do more of it, much more, my mind flashing upon the toys he’d had in his suite at the club.

God, he had made me feel special. Like I wasn’t just another conquest. That he actually saw me—the real me—and the romantic I’d tried to keep trapped inside.

He was struggling with the revelation that I was a virgin, though, and I wasn’t quite sure how to get him to continue other than me pinning him down and taking matters into my own hands.

Realising he was waiting for me to answer his question, I gave him a bashful shrug. “I didn’t think it was that important.”

“Bloody hell,” he muttered, sweat popping out on his forehead. “I’ll stop now if you want.”

“No,” I blurted out. “Don’t you dare turn gallant on me now.”

His brow creased, and one of his eyebrows quirked up in an amusement. I gave him a shy smile. “Sophie—”

“I mean… Please d-don’t stop. I want you to be my first.” And only.

Will let out a groan and there was a subtle flash in his eyes. Had I said the magic words? Or had I just ruined everything between us, forever?

For a moment I thought he was done with me until he started whispering in my ear and running his hands up my torso, touching, caressing, squeezing. “You are gorgeous, you don’t even realise it… and your body is mine.”

He pressed deeper into me, harder, filling me. I let out a gasp, the tension in my clenched muscles easing the more he stroked me with his sweet words. I closed my eyes and ran my hands over his shoulders, wanting him closer than he’d ever been before, as he delved his way in. My pulse hummed with anticipation and when he pulled back, another more delicious building sensation rocked my body, sparking tendrils of pleasure.

My eyes flew open as he thrust into me again. He was watching me intensely, his body moving back and forth, varying his pace, making it so I had no idea what was coming next. My head was spinning, I felt unbalanced, as if I were on a fairground twister, oscillating every which way, its only intent and purpose to leave me breathless and trembling.

The pressure inside me began to swell like an inflating water balloon getting ready to burst. Frantic and lost in a tangle of arms, I wrapped my legs around his upper thighs, feet brushing against his arse, and urged him on. I wanted all of him.

His lips crashed against mine as he pinned my arms wide, revealing my body for him to see. On a long thrust, driving himself upwards, he caught my nipple in his mouth and tugged. Nibbling then biting. All the breath left within my body evaporated in a pleasurable moan.

What was he doing to me? Every part of me felt like I was simultaneously on fire and being doused with shocking freezing water. I couldn’t get my breath; it was a fruitless endeavour even trying. He released me and I gasped, clutching for him, holding onto him as if he was the only thing that could keep me from drowning.

“Let go Sophie, let it all go,” he demanded in a whisper against my lips as I felt the peak of an orgasm breach the surface. “For me. Come for me, come for your master.”

“William,” I gasped as I shattered around him, clenching against his assault. I vaguely heard him utter a few words, “you’re mine” before he groaned and stiffened, his deliciously soaked body collapsing on top of me a moment later.

We lay there, my hands on his rippling back, our hearts in a frantic rhythm as I waited for the world to settle around me. But I feared it would never be the same again. The world was forever altered. And it was all because of him… of all people that could have taken my virginity, I mused, I would have never expected it to be William.

Did everyone always feel this way afterwards? Is it always like this?

It had been so much more than what I’d expected or read about or watched in movies… heart-rending and explosive. I wanted to grin and cry all at the same time. It felt like I’d ripped out a large piece of my heart with a sharp blade and handed it over to him. It was painful but sharing that piece of myself with him was also so necessary. Like I had no other choice in the matter.

“It’s not.”

“What?” I asked, puzzled. He lifted his head, his blue depths darker than I had ever seen them. “It’s not always like this.”

I blushed, realising I’d said the words aloud. He let out a contented sigh and rose off me, his fingers trailing over my blazing hot skin as he retreated from the bed. Silently he walked out of the room down the stairs towards the bathroom. I reached for the covers and pulled them up over me, wondering what I was supposed to do now. What would William would do? Would he just dress and leave? Would he want to do it again? I knew I wanted nothing more that to do it again and could go another round easily with him. I wanted to touch him, to have him groaning under my touch this time.

After a few still moments—though the questions inside my head were anything but quiet—he came back and I stared at him, peeking over the pulled up covers, letting my eyes ogle his body. My heart started to thud all over again. Full of anticipation. He was gorgeous, not a bit of him unmatched, seemingly perfect in every which way.

“What now?” I whispered. But my question was answered before I finished the sentence. He climbed in the bed, settling beside me, so close. His cooler bare side lined up against my own hot skin, almost making me jump with shock. Fire and ice. And cool as a cucumber he put both of his hands behind his head as he settled in beside me. We lay there in the darkness, the strong tang of sex still heavy in the air. I could hear him breathing, deep and slow, and wondered—more like worried—if he’d fallen asleep already. I had so many questions, there was so much to process and analyse. But I curbed the urge… for a couple of seconds at least.

Finally I got up enough nerve to break the silence, clearing my throat as quietly as I could before saying, “I, um, I know it wasn’t like what you are used to, but thank you anyway.”

He let out a choked laugh and turned on his side, pulling me toward him until there was barely space to breathe. He pressed a kiss into my hair and smoothed a thumb over my cheek before looking at me.

“It definitely wasn’t what I was used to… it was incredible. Sophie, hell, I shouldn’t have taken your virginity. I’m not… I mean, I’m not worthy.”

I laughed. “It’s not that big of deal, Will, really.”

“No, that’s where you are wrong,” he interrupted, touching a finger to my nose. “It’s a huge deal. You only have one first time.”

“I’m glad it was with you,” I whispered.

I laid my head on his chest then, hearing the rapid beat of his heart as I settled against him. “When was your first time?”

His chest rumbled as he chuckled. “You don’t want to hear about that.”

“I do,” I insisted, my fingers running over his abdomen. “I want to know everything.”

“I was young… fifteen.”

My head shot up and I looked at him, looking for any deception in his eyes. “Fifteen?”

He gave me a wink that I felt all the way to my toes. “Hey I wanted to be experienced early on. What can I say?”

“You wanted to be first,” I said before I could sensor myself. I winced. Bringing up the brotherly rivalry between him and Frederick right then wasn’t appropriate pillow talk.

But William merely smiled, one that told of sadness, mischievousness, and a time long ago. “You could say that.”

“And were you?”

“The first to lose my virginity? Of course,” he replied as he ran a finger over my hairline. “Frederick was far too traditional, courting girls like he was Prince Charming—”

“Where as you were…”

“I was the scoundrel,” he said, his brows rising and his eyes darkening. His mouth moved closer to my ear and whispered, “I was the royal rogue, the bad boy, taking what was mine.”

I shuddered and I could almost feel the smile on his lips and he nibbled at me, kissing me on my neck, softly and slowly.

“Do you remember who your first was with?” I asked breathless, while a thread of jealously spun around my heart.

He nodded. “Sarah Trevelyan, back of the stables at a polo match. It was the quickest two minutes of our lives.”

I laughed, thinking of what he had done to me in less than ten minutes. “What happened to her?”

William shrugged, one of his hands rubbing circles on my back now. “I don’t know. I must have been horrible because she never talked to me again. I think she used me far more than I did her that day.”

I hugged his upper torso then bashfully glanced away from him. “She doesn’t know what she is missing out on then.”

He laughed. “God, you’re amazing. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like you before.”

“One of a kind, that’s me,” I mumbled.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” He cradled my head and made me look at him. “You are to be treasured, Sophie.”

I bit my tongue, willing the tears to fuck right off. No one had ever said such sweet things to me. But I had to know it couldn’t last. The night would be over, the sun would come up and everything would disintegrate. The dream of him would fade.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

I gave a noncommittal shrug and summoned what probably looked like an unconvincing smile. It had been the best time of my life, in his arms, but I couldn’t tell him that. Not when it would be over soon and I would have to let him go. I wanted to let the moment last a few moments longer, let myself luxuriate in the fantasy. Instead though, my traitorous head poked and prodded at more important issues, unearthing ugly truths, unable to let dangerous questions lie even for just a moment.

Like, what the hell were we going to do now? I’d lost my virginity to a royal prince, and not just any royal but my boss. I’d gone against everything I stood for. Betrayed the royal family, broken my word, and utterly disgraced myself. That, coupled with the fact that he was pretty much engaged to another woman, I was at a loss. On top of all that I was still digesting what I’d learned that evening about Frederick, the letter, the loss of a dear friend. And if I was feeling this conflicted about it, then surely William was bearing the brunt of the weight on his shoulders.

Finding my voice, I gazed into William’s eyes. “This probably isn’t the most appropriate pillow-talk, but I just wanted to let you know you can tell me anything. And if I can offer any kind of advice about… erm, the letter… don’t let it eat it up inside, ok? You can’t let it consume you. Because if I know you, and I think I’m starting to, you’ll end up letting Frederick’s last words dictate the rest of your life.”

Will frowned, his body stiffening slightly. “No offence, Soph, but what on earth would you know about it? Maybe his words should have an everlasting effect on what I do next… he must’ve had his reasons for writing it. He wants me to live my life to the fullest and simultaneously embrace my fate, what’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing,” I said softly, swallowing hard. “But even the best of intentions can obliterate your own dreams…”

His eyes narrowed and instead of pulling away as I thought he was going to do, he shuffled closer. “I have a feeling we’re not talking about me and Frederick anymore.”

When I didn’t answer he swept a finger under my chin and tilted my head a fraction. “Sophie? Tell me… this works both ways.”

“Not many people know this, but I had a sister.”

“What? Had?”

I choked back the tears, the emotions surprisingly still raw after all these years, all recently disturbed with the loss of Frederick.

“Louisa. She died when I was nine. She was seven when she lost her fight with leukaemia.”

“Oh, Sophie, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok, it’s a long time ago now… I still miss her of course, but in a way she’s always with me, by my side. Looking over my shoulder all the time,” I said trying to laugh, but it merely came out strangled. “She made me promise that I’d live an extraordinary life. Reach for the stars… and beyond. We were just kids, she didn’t realise what she was asking of me; to live a life for the two of us since she wouldn’t be around…”

“Louisa would be proud of you,” he said.

“She would. But I realise now, especially after reading Frederick’s letter, how unfair that request was. Everything I’ve done I’ve always asked myself ‘What would Louisa do?’ and in the end maybe she kinda took over? Drove me to do things I wouldn’t have done, changed the course of my life… some for the better, some for the worse. But I think I’ve also lost a little of myself along the way.”

He nodded and sighed. “That’s rough, but I can’t believe you would’ve let yourself disappear. You’re too stubborn for that,” he said with a small smile.

“Maybe. But I still can’t get it out of my head of how things could’ve turned out had I’d never made that promise.”

“Your life story is not over yet…”

This time I did laugh. “Fair point. My point though, is don’t make the same mistake that I did. Though mistake is not the right word…”

“I think I know what you mean,” he said and shifted on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. “You don’t want me to let Frederick’s wishes to completely overrule my decisions.”

“Yes… you can’t compromise who you really are.”

“Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if I did take on a few of his traits though?”

“Only if it’s what you want, wholeheartedly.”

He nodded and fell quiet. The room settled around us as we each dealt with our own thoughts. Though I did feel lighter for telling him, it hadn’t been my intention, only wanted to forewarn him, but already it felt like the ghost of my sister who’d been trailing behind me for my entire life had let go of the tether. Perhaps now we both could finally be at peace.

The only question that remained now was what did this all mean for me and Will?

“What are we going to do?” I asked breaking the silence again, unable to help myself.

“I know what I’m going to do,” he said as his hand skated up my thigh. “I’m going to worship your body until the sun comes up. And even when it does, I might not stop.”

I closed my eyes and attempted to shut out the negative thoughts about what was going to happen come morning, when everything would be bright and there would be nowhere to hide, and tried to instead concentrate on the here and now. The way Will was making me feel, the sound of my ragged breath as his fingers explored, making me ache.

I was losing my heart to this man, a man I could not have despite every cell in my body screaming to hold onto him for dear life, desperately wanting him for my own.

When I woke, Will was gone.

Like he hadn’t even been there, like I’d dreamt the whole thing.

The sun was streaming through the windows and I silently cursed the new day. I climbed out of bed, wincing just slightly as I walked down the stairs to the bathroom, pleasantly sore. The ache was perhaps the only proof I had that I hadn’t conjured up a night with a prince.

After climbing in the shower, staying there till my skin turned bright pink, I looked at myself in the fogged mirror, attempting to see anything different about me after last night. I looked tired, but there was a small sparkle in my eyes that I hadn’t seen before and knew it wasn’t because I’d lost my virginity.

It was because I’d lost something else. He’d stormed the castle of my heart and stolen it. Without even looking back. Without a kiss goodbye.

You silly girl, I scolded myself. Why hadn’t I locked my heart away and kept myself safe? Why hadn’t I listened to my more sensible self all those weeks ago? Why had I been foolish enough to give into temptation?

The bigger question, or at least the one that was shouting from the rooftops of my mind, was he going to ever acknowledge me again? And if he didn’t, how would I cope?

“You can’t have a relationship with him,” I reminded myself out loud. He wasn’t mine to begin with. He belonged to Annabelle. To England.