Chapter 10
Noah lay on the weight bench, watching as Zach added the weights. There was no way anybody in the gym knew what he and Zach had done last night with an innocent fruit bowl and not so innocent medical equipment, but…he was embarrassed. His face had been red since the moment they’d stepped off the elevator. For somebody who usually did everything possible to not be noticed, he’d felt like every damned eye in the lobby had turned in his direction. Swear to God…half of them were eating fruit!
Zach smirked. He blushed.
On top of that shit storm of humiliation, this was the first time they’d worked out together in the mornings, when most of the other folks used the gym, and Noah literally felt every eye lasered in on him. People appeared curious as they watched the two of them. Surely it was because Noah was always alone…not because they knew the things he’d let Zachary do to him last night.
No, that wasn’t possible. There was no way humanly possible anybody there, other than him and Zach, could possibly know about the kink they’d participated in last night. Could they?
No, they can’t. Shit, I’m talking inside my head again.
“You okay, babe?” Zach asked with a sexy smirk. “You look…distracted. Were you thinking about the fruit salad we have back up in your apartment?”
“Shut up,” Noah hissed as his skin flamed even hotter. “Don’t make me start thinking about it,” he demanded. “You know what will happen.”
Laughing, Zach stepped around and then hiked one leg over Noah, straddling him as he lay on the weight bench.
Noah glanced around nervously. Yeah, just as he expected—everybody watched them. “What are you doing?” He hissed.
“What does it look like I’m doing?” Zach asked innocently.
“What does it look like? It looks like you’re about to feed me your dick. What. The. Fuck. Zach. You’ll get us kicked out of here, and newsflash, this is the only gym I can use.” His eyes surveyed the room again. Yeah, still watching. He shouldn’t be shocked. Whether they would admit it or not, most folks enjoyed watching a blow job. “Stop it!”
Zach frowned and then looked over at a hugely muscled guy about to get on the treadmill. “Hey, Jordan.”
Noah’s entire body tensed in shock as he stared, wide-eyed, at Zach. When the muscled guy started walking in their direction, Noah’s heart rate spiked.
“What’s up, Meadows? You don’t usually come down in the mornings, do you? Good to see you mixing it up some.”
The man’s green gaze dropped to look at Noah, but quickly returned to Zach’s piercing gray gaze when he heard Zach clear his throat. Noah suspected he was about to have a heart attack—this time it was real. No more panic attacks or silly nonsense like before. This was the big one. Zach knew he didn’t talk to people, knew how they made fun of him. Why would he bring one of them over into Noah’s space? Breathe. Start breathing. He could do this.
“I was wondering if you had a minute to help John,” Zach said.
He couldn’t do this.
Holy shit! Zach wouldn’t do that to him…would he? Did Zach think just because he enjoyed all kinds of kink with him that Noah would be promiscuous with just anybody? Breathe.
Odd…he was breathing just fine. He was mostly pissed Zach would think so little of him. Ha! He was pissed, not scared. That, of course, didn’t matter, though. He wasn’t blowing Mr. Muscles. Zach could get that shit out of his head.
Jordan glanced down at Noah, his eyes inquisitive but friendly. “Hey, John. I’ve noticed you around here a lot, but haven’t had the chance to talk to you any. It’s nice to meet you finally.” He rubbed his hands together. “So…what does John need?”
“He needs somebody to spot him.” Zach looked down at Noah and laughed. “Apparently, he doesn’t trust me. I was going to spot him, but he demanded I move.” Zach shrugged innocently. “I have no idea why he’s worried about it, but I live to make him happy, so…”
“I was just kidding, Zach,” Noah interrupted, feeling like a huge fool. Turning to Mr. Muscles, he said, “I’m fine, Jordan. Thanks for coming over, and it was nice to finally meet you.” Burning with embarrassment, all Noah wanted to do was escape. “You know what? I’ve changed my mind, anyway. I think I’m finished for the morning.” He went to sit up and nearly bumped his head on Zach’s junk, since the frustrating fuck still straddled him. He bit his lip and plunked back down on the bench, even more embarrassed than he’d been seconds ago. He was so going to kill Zach for baiting him like he was. On the other hand, he felt pretty damned good because he’d interacted with another person and hadn’t had a panic attack.
Jordan laughed, soaking up the entire scene and understanding Noah and Zach were a couple. He looked toward Noah. “Don’t be a stranger. If you’re able to get rid of this guy, yell at me,” he suggested with a wink.
Zach growled.
Noah grinned since Zach’s plan had just backfired on him. Ha! Take that, big man.
“If you’re looking for a physical workout, yell at me instead.” Connor’s gruff voice interrupted them. He stuck out his hand to Jordan and said, “I’m Connor Vanderwall. Nice to meet you.”
His eyes practically raped Jordan as he looked him up and down. Jordan didn’t seem to mind, though. Quite the contrary, he looked more than interested in what Connor plainly offered.
“Uh…actually, I was about to hit the showers.” He nodded toward Connor’s gym bag. “Looks like you’re headed in that direction to get changed.” He gave Connor the same once-over. “Follow me. You’re new to our gym, right?”
Noah noticed Zach’s frown. He also noticed Connor’s smile was about as fake as humanly possible. What was troubling Zach’s best friend?
“What the hell, Conn?” Zach demanded when his friend started to breeze past him to follow Jordan to the locker room. “You were with Wayne last night, weren’t you? A real date? In case you’ve forgotten, Conn, I think Wayne’s a good guy. He doesn’t deserve you jerking him around like this.”
Connor snorted. “Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to work out. Let’s just say that we didn’t see eye-to-eye on some things.”
Zach’s frown deepened as he swung his leg back over the bench and stood closer to Connor. “Wayne’s a good guy, Conn. What’s up?”
Jordan cleared his throat and asked, “You coming? It’s okay if you’ve got something else going on.”
Flashing the other man a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, Connor answered, “Yeah, I’m coming. I’ll be right behind you.” Turning to Zach, he said, “You’ve already said Wayne’s a good guy. I heard you the first time. Did you hear me say it wasn’t going to work out?” His tone dripped with sarcasm.
Noah hadn’t seen Connor mad before. Sure, he’d only known him a little over a week, but he was consistently funny and friendly, nothing like what he witnessed now. “Are you okay, Connor?” he asked.
“I’m fine, John,” Connor answered in a much friendlier voice. He clapped Zach on the back. “I’m good, Zach. It just isn’t going to work out between Wayne and me. No biggie. It’s fine.”
“You were so excited. Give it some more time. See what happens,” Zach urged.
Jordan started walking away. Without another word to Zach, Connor followed him.
Noah stood up next to Zach and watched with worry as Connor ditched them without a backward glance. “He doesn’t look happy. Who is this Wayne guy? Is it somebody you trust? If it isn’t, I don’t think I like him very much. Something happened last night to upset Connor.” He looked at Zach. “Connor’s always happy.”
“Yeah…it’s weird. Wayne is a nice guy, but I guess I don’t really know him well. He’s an EMT and comes into the hospital on a regular basis. He was there the day they brought you in, and I thought I was going to have to step between him and Cameron.” Zach laughed. “Actually, truth be told, we both wanted to kick Cameron’s ass but managed to hold our tempers at bay.”
“Does Connor date a lot? While we were waiting on you to walk Denala, he told me all about his upcoming date. I don’t know him that well, but he was awfully excited. I mean, it seemed like more than just a normal date.”
Zach stared off in the direction Connor went, brow furrowed as if thinking through the possibilities. Then he shook his head slightly, wrapped an arm around Noah’s shoulders, and said, “Let’s hit the steam room. I’d like to take a quick shower, grab some breakfast from the restaurant, and then fuck you until you scream loud enough for the neighbors to hear, but now the showers are suddenly off limits.” He tugged Noah toward the hallway leading to the steam room.
They quickly ditched their clothes, wrapped white towels around their waists, and stepped into the steam room. Noah automatically went straight for the corner, because that was where he always went, head down and invisible to anyone inside. When he’d settled into his corner, he looked up at Zach and found the mountain of muscles staring at him with a confused look on his face.
“What?” Noah asked.
Shaking his head, Zach walked the few steps that would place him right in front of Noah and then, shocking a yelp of surprise out of Noah, he reached down and lifted him up and into his arms.
“Stop squirming,” Zach growled as he settled both of them in the center of the longest bench. “No more corners for you, babe. When you’re with me, I want you to feel safe enough to talk to other residents, look at something other than your sexy feet, and sit anywhere you damn well please, not the corners meant for hiding. Will you try for me?”
Noah blushed in embarrassment. Was it that easy for people to see how hard he’d been trying to hide? Funny, there was a good chance he would’ve preferred being called crazy over being called a coward.
“Well, I’m not going to sit here in your lap, Dr. Meadows. If somebody walks in, we’ll be the talk of the building.” He wiggled out of Zach’s lap and perched on the wooden bench next to him. He had to admit it was nice not to be in the corner.
Zach’s husky laughter echoed off the walls. “Oh, honey pie, we’re already the talk of the building. They started talking about us the first day we walked into the gym together and you were looking at my ass instead of the floor or your feet. Tell me you’ve noticed all the whispers and blatant stares?”
“Uh, yeah, I’ve learned to block that stuff out,” Noah quipped. “If I let myself get distracted by people talking about me, I’d be trapped in a never-ending distraction wormhole.”
Smiling sadly, Zach answered, “I know, babe. I know. Those days are behind you, though. They were interested in you before because you’re a really hot guy who never gave anybody the slightest bit of attention. They all wanted to be the one to lure you out of your shell. Now they’re looking at you because you’re walking funny since I’m fucking you silly.”
“Ha-ha,” Noah said. “I am not walking funny.” I am definitely walking funny.
“Whatever makes you comfortable, babe. Tell yourself whatever you need to,” Zach teased. “Now…lie down and put your head in my lap. I want to be able to see your eyes while we’re talking.”
Noah felt a tad foolish, but followed Zach’s instructions anyway. Following Zach’s lead always led to fun times. Once he was laid out on the wooden bench, towel still tucked properly in all the right places, and his head in Zach’s lap, he looked up to find Zach watching him. “I’m not blowing you in the steam room, Zach. Get that look off your face.” I’d totally blow him in the steam room if he asked me to. Hell, Zach might not even have to ask.
Gently, Zach swiped Noah’s damp hair out of his face and then toyed with the silky strands. “You were dead-on when you said how excited Connor was last night, and to answer your question from earlier…no, Connor doesn’t date. He bar hops. He blows and gets blown by strangers in club bathrooms. He fucks. He rarely dates. Connor is all about the fun. Somehow, this felt so different. I don’t know what could’ve turned things around so quickly.”
Zach’s fingers moved from testing the texture of Noah's hair to massaging his scalp. Noah nearly melted into a big puddle of satisfaction. The gentle touch felt so fucking good.
Noah forced himself away from the magic of Zach’s fingers and back into the conversation. “Maybe you could ask Wayne? Connor sure didn’t seem to want to talk about it, that’s for sure.”
“Maybe,” Zach answered noncommittedly. “Connor doesn’t shut down often, but when he does, you might as well get ready to just wait him out. He’s a master of the silent treatment.”
Noah visited the gym every day, and on most of those days, he visited the steam room. Even though it had become a daily routine, he never really felt safe. But with Zach watching over him, barely touching him physically but stroking his soul mentally, an intoxicating calmness consumed him.
“Are you listening to me?” Zach asked with a laugh.
“Of course, I’m listening,” Noah lied. His heart listened, but his ears may not have been paying close attention to Zach’s words. With a naughty grin, he said, “Tell me again, though. I listened but I might not have heard you.”
“I asked if you thought I should just mind my own business. Let Connor handle this shit himself. It’s not like Wayne’s a close friend. Maybe I step aside and let whatever is supposed to happen, just happen?”
Noah snorted. “Trust me, minding your own business is always much better than getting involved. I wished to hell I would’ve minded my own business instead of worrying about Moretti’s pathetic son. If I hadn’t been sucked into that bullshit, I might not be afraid of my own shadow right now. Being a coward is so damned time-consuming.”
Zach’s gentle strokes halted. “You aren’t a coward, Noah. The Moretti family’s bad fucking news. They do bad things to good people. Being concerned for your safety is a perfectly acceptable reaction when faced with that kind of evil.”
“Let’s get back to discussing Connor,” Noah said. “Forget what I said about minding our own business. Let’s talk Connor.”
“How about Cameron? Let’s talk Cameron,” Zach countered. “Have you been talking to him any? Has he been over while I’ve been working?”
Zach didn’t trust Cameron. But Noah thought he was way off base thinking Cameron could be intentionally doing him harm. Was Cameron actually concerned about his well-being? No, absolutely not. Did Noah blame him? Hell, no. Cameron was only a few years older than Noah and, surely, he had better things to do than babysit a grown man.
“No, he hasn’t been over, but I’ll probably have to give him a grocery list before long or he’ll get suspicious. Me starving to death might not look good on his FBI resume. I’ll make a list of the usual stuff and send it to him this afternoon.” Glaring up at Zach, he said, “Then you can take it all away like you did with my other goodies. You’re such a mean, mean man. Sugar is not my enemy, contrary to what you keep telling me.” Noah would never admit it to Zach, but he already felt much better since he’d stopped the majority of his sugar and caffeine intake. He wasn’t sure if it was the loss of the unhealthy foods or the reduction of his medication. It was probably a combination. Either way, his head was clearer and some of the paranoia he fought on a daily basis seemed to be easing up.
“That’s me,” Zach acknowledged with a smile. “Maybe you could just tell him you’ve decided to try for a healthier lifestyle and get him to pick up things you actually need. That way, you won’t be wasting food and money.”
“Nah, he’d never believe it. Hell, half the time I don’t even believe it. Did you know it’s been over one hundred ninety-two hours since I had a bite of chocolate?”
“Hmm, it has been a while. Maybe you’ve earned a reward.”
“Can it please involve melted chocolate and your naked body?” Noah asked with a sly grin. “Because I would lap that up like a kitten with cream, purring the entire time.”
Laughing, Zach answered, “It can definitely involve those things. I do love to hear you purr.”
“I like purring, so we should get along just fine, Doctor.”
Zach cleared his throat, looked away, cleared his throat again, and finally, looked back down at Noah. Noah knew what was coming. By putting Cameron off for this week’s session, he’d only bought himself some time. Zach didn’t seem like a jealous man, but he did come across as possessive.
“Go ahead. Say it,” Noah told Zachary.
After taking a deep breath, Zach said, “It’s time for one of your photo shoots this Friday, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” Noah answered, not intending to make it easy on his new lover. Zach needed to understand why he did the photo shoots. Zach needed to respect his decision to continue working and, more importantly, still respect him afterward. Noah had a hard enough time respecting himself after a session. He didn’t need Zach judging him, too.
“I, uh, was thinking,” he stammered before he stopped altogether.
Noah waited…and waited. Finally, he said, “What were you thinking, Zach?” He tried not to sound irritated, but he failed. He couldn’t help it. Zach’s condemnation pissed him off.
“Well, it’s painfully obvious I’m not interested in sharing you with anyone, much less everyone.”
“It’s necessary,” Noah answered through gritted teeth. “And, before you suggest it, I won’t allow you to pay me for a private photo shoot. I’m not a charity case, Zach. I get it. You don’t like what I do to earn money. I don’t like it, either. We can agree on the fact it sucks, but don’t ask me to stop and don’t suggest you will pay my bills. It’s insulting and pisses me off.”
Zach coughed out a laugh. “Damn, babe, you’re a firecracker. Remind me not to ever piss you off. I don’t want to meet your evil personality in any alleyways.”
“Lucky for you, this building doesn’t have any alleyways and I can’t leave. You should be perfectly safe…as long as you don’t treat me like I’m fragile. When I’m with you, I’m all man.”
Zach reached a hand down and lifted the white towel wrapped around Noah’s waist, taking a quick peek at what was underneath. “Don’t I know it, babe. You’re definitely all man, but the problem is you’re my man.”
“Don’t ask it, Zach. It’s going to get ugly.” Noah hesitated and then added, “Don’t make me feel worse about myself than I already do.”
“What I was going to suggest was you ask Cameron about me doing the photoshoot with you,” Zach said calmly. “Me and you, nobody else. That should give the viewers what they’re looking for, right? I’m mean…I’m an okay-looking guy, right? We could even spice things up a little more than what you usually do. Go rogue on your subscribers.”
Noah stared up at Zach, not believing what he’d just heard. Zach would pose with him? Zach? He couldn’t have heard him right. That wasn’t possible. Zach was a respected doctor, not a man-child afraid to leave his own apartment. Noah remained silent as he had conversation after conversation on a continuous roll in his head.
Finally, Zach said, “I mean, if you don’t want me to, that’s okay too. I’d been trying to think of a way to make this work for both of us. You mentioned you weren’t crazy about having to do it and didn’t like the other men getting close to you, so I thought maybe being with me would be better. I’m not as hot as you are, but I do okay in the looks department. I guess.” Zach blushed. “Just forget I mentioned it. It was obviously a stupid idea.”
Noah, still in shock, slowly sat up, stood, and then straddled Zach’s lap, not worrying at all that his flimsy white towel barely covered what it needed to cover with him in that position. If somebody walked in on them, fuck ’em. He was well adjusted to being gossip fodder. He raised his hands to hold the sides of Zach’s face, keeping his lover steady as he gazed into his eyes. “Would you do that for me? Really?”
Zach tried to glance away, but Noah wouldn’t allow it. When he accepted he couldn’t dodge looking him in the eye, Zach met him head on and answered, “This is going to sound stupid, Noah, but I’m finding I would do anything for you. I’m not relationship material. I’ve got issues with my past keeping me from being…acceptable. I know this, but with you, I struggle to remind myself I’m not what you need. You deserve so much more than what I’ll ever be able to offer, but I can’t stop wanting you. I want to give you everything, but I know I’ll never be able to give you what you need the most.”
Noah loved some of those words, but disliked others a whole lot. Zach wasn’t relationship material? Was this his way of saying the infamous it’s me, not you bullshit? Noah didn’t think so. That wasn’t the vibe he picked up from Zach. The muscled mountain of a man truly believed he wasn’t worthy. That very thought was preposterous to Noah. Zach was wrong and he’d prove it to him.
No, he wasn’t foolish enough to believe a forever relationship with Zach was on the horizon, but he damned well intended to prove Zach’s worth to the other man. Little by little, he would help Zach see what an awesome catch he was and then Noah would step away and let his lover fly. Yes, it would break his heart, but it wouldn’t be the first or last time his heart had been broken. He’d survive.
“Wanna go upstairs and let me show my appreciation for your offer?” Noah asked with a grind of his hips against Zach’s hardening erection. “I can’t fucking believe you would do a photoshoot with me. If you aren’t careful, I’m gonna fall in love with you.” Noah couldn’t believe he’d said the words out loud. He wanted to yank them back and stuff them back down his throat the minute they’d escaped. He was already more than halfway in love with Zachary Meadows, but the man he straddled couldn’t and wouldn’t ever return the sentiment. Humiliation and terror swept through him.
“Don’t do that, Noah,” Zach whispered harshly. “Don’t even think you can fall in love with me. I’m not worth it and not capable of it.”
Noah’s heart withered, but he refused to allow Zach to see what his words did to him. If Zach had any idea the direction Noah’s heart traveled, he’d pull over and put said heart out on the side of the road. Schooling his features and modulating the tone of his voice, he said, “Don’t panic, big guy. I’m not looking for a proposal, just a lick and fuck. You’re capable of that, aren’t you?” The words tasted like bile in his mouth.
The pain flickering in Zach’s eyes didn’t match his words. “I’m definitely the man to call for a lick and fuck, babe. Call on me anytime.” He kissed Noah, but the passion from earlier had wilted along with Noah’s heart. “Hey, I’ll probably have to wear some sort of mask or something to hide my identity for the shoot. That won’t be a problem, will it?” he asked with a grimace. “The hospital might frown on that shit.”
“They love masks in that world,” Noah answered as he climbed off Zach’s lap and unsuccessfully tried to arrange the white towel to hide his erection. That was a waste of time. There was no hiding that bad boy. He was pathetic. How could he still be aroused after being shot down so blatantly?
Zach nodded to Noah’s tented towel with a smirk. “You need me to take care of that before we step back out into the real world?”
“Ha-ha,” Noah said. “We’ve already been in here too long. I think I’d smother from the steam if you took care of that in here.” He grabbed Zach’s hand. “Let’s skip the showers and head straight to my apartment.”
Zach grinned. “I like you bossy.”