Blue sucked down the foul-smelling formula the hospital had given me last night. If it smelled this bad going in, what would it be like coming out?

I pulled the bottle from his lips. He didn’t love the rubber nipple, but he loved to eat, so he figured it out. What was it about men and nipples?

Looking down, I saw he was doing much better. His skin was pink and soft, and the blotchy patches had all but disappeared.

“Hey, little buddy.” I used the name Silas had given Blue the night I met him. “I’m so sorry. Mommy didn’t mean to make you sick with what she ate.” I couldn’t shake the guilt that sat heavy on my chest. I didn’t do it on purpose, but it reinforced the point that every decision I made affected my son.

His eyes drooped closed, and the nipple fell from his lips. I wiped the dribble of creamy formula from his mouth and lifted him to my shoulder. Once I got one good burp out of him, I walked him back to his room and put him in his crib. I turned up the baby monitor and tiptoed back to the living room.

Now that Blue wasn’t eating what I did, I had free rein to drink real coffee. Five minutes later, I sat on the couch sipping a cup of the best coffee I’d had in at least nine months. With the press of a finger, American Movie Classics flashed to life on the television just as a knock sounded on the door.

I never had a minute of peace to myself. I supposed I would have to get used to that.

When I opened the door, my father stood there. He lowered his head like a penitent seeking forgiveness. “Can we talk?”

I opened the door wide and let him enter. He looked around my house like he was taking inventory.

“Coffee?” I asked.

He nodded, and I pointed to the sofa. Dad liked his coffee black. In his life, everything was black and white—or at least he thought it was. But in real life, there were many shades of gray.

He took the cup I offered and sat in the red chair.

“I’m sorry about last night.”

My hand jerked in surprise, and I almost spilled my coffee. My father never apologized. It was one reason Mom lived a separate life from him. He’d told her that his sins were between the good Lord and him, and he didn’t owe her anything but his last name. When my father had given up his mistress, he’d married the church instead. Whether it was the mistress or the church, they were both demanding lovers.

I remembered the Bible verse about doing unto others and thought, oh, what the hell. “I accept your apology.” I sipped my coffee and stared at the man who sat in my house. I barely knew him. And the sad part was how I had no desire to develop a relationship with him.

The problem with having him around was that he could be an influence in Blue’s life, and I didn’t want my son growing up to be anything like his grandfather.

Dad was apologizing for last night, but what about the thousands of other transgressions and hurtful words he had hurled at me over the past twenty-six years?

“I overreacted.”

I wanted to roll my eyes and scream, “understatement,” but I didn’t because it would serve no purpose.

Dad scooted forward and set his half-empty cup on my recently delivered coffee table. “Blue is my first grandchild, and I want to be part of this new family’s life.” He craned his neck to look past me and down the hallway. “Where’s that husband of yours? I’m pretty sure he owes me an apology too.”

I didn’t know what twisted my gut more. Was it that my dad had asked for my fake husband, and I would have to come clean right now? Or was it because he considered Silas’s protection of me an act that required an apology?

“Silas isn’t here.”

He looked at his watch. “It’s just eight o’clock, where in the heck is he?”

I sat up straight and steeled myself for his wrath. “Dad, Silas doesn’t live here.”

He narrowed his eyes at me. “Just like your mother, aren’t you?”

I knew what he meant. He was referring to the fact that he and my mother hadn’t been a real married couple for decades. It was in name only. “No, Silas never lived here. He’s not who you think he is.”

“What … are you telling me you’re not married to that man? That he knocked you up and won’t take responsibility?” Dad rose from his seat and paced the room. “I’ll get him to step up.”

Like you did? What Dad didn’t understand was his presence didn’t count as actual parental participation. “He didn’t knock me up. Blue isn’t Silas’s son.” There was an ache in my throat that felt like I’d swallowed glass.

“You lied?” he yelled.

“Dad, the baby is sleeping,” I whispered, trying to keep the situation from turning nuclear.

“You lied, Grace.”

“Yes, but you have to ask yourself why. Look at what you're doing. You’re judging me and bullying me.”

“I’m not judging you. I call it like I see it. You’re a damn slut, Grace. Now tell me who Blue’s father is.”

He towered over me, and in an instant, I turned into a little girl in trouble. “He’s not in the picture.”

“What’s his name, Grace? I’m not leaving without a name.” He plopped back into the red chair and disrespected my space by kicking his feet up on my new table. The table Ryker made solid with wood glue and screws. “Is he married?”

Leave it to Dad to latch on to the only shame I felt regarding Blue’s conception. How could he know? Did he have some superpower? Was it because he was a cheater he recognized something in me? I hadn’t knowingly helped a man cheat. I buried my head in my hands. “I didn’t know.”

“You’re a damn home-wrecker?”

Anger boiled inside me. “Like you have room to talk. You allowed another woman in to your marriage, and it ruined all of our lives. Why did you stay with Mom if you two are so unhappy?”

Dad gave me a deadpan look like the answer was obvious. “We’re Catholic.”

I looked up at him like he spoke in tongues. “Step into the twenty-first century. People get divorced. Women don’t need men to have babies, and not every woman who sleeps with more than one man is a slut.”

He rolled forward and stood hovering above me like a dark cloud. “Give me a name, Grace.” His voice was serial-killer cold.

I didn’t want to give him anything, but Dad was like a dog with a bone. He wasn’t going anywhere until he knew. “Trenton Kehoe, and he asked me to abort Blue.”

Dad stalked toward the front door and flung it open. “You’re a total disappointment. You should have given that baby to someone who would raise it right. I’m done with you.” He slammed the door after he walked out, which woke Blue. By the time I got to his crib, we were both crying.

I got him changed and dressed and walked him down to the place where no one called me a slut. Where no one made me feel less than what I was. Where people loved me no matter what. I walked him down to Mona’s because she—not that horrible man who’d walked out on me—was family.

“Come on in,” she said the minute the door opened. “Give me that boy, and you go make us some coffee.” She held out her arms, and when I put my whimpering son into them, she took him to a big black leather chair I hadn’t seen before. “Ana says he’s off the teat, so make it real and make it strong.”

I dumped the grounds into the percolator. I swear it was the same model that Ana’s grams had owned, only this one worked.

When I came back into the living room, Blue was cooing and looking up at Mona like he was in love. She softly sang him a song that went something like this: Good morning, good morning, we’ll dance the whole day through, good morning, good morning to you.

I looked at the clock on the wall. “It’s not morning, it’s nearly noon.”

Mona huffed. “He doesn’t know.” She kicked out the footrest on her chair and reclined with Blue on her chest. He kind of looked perfect there, and for the first time in a long time, I was glad I moved to Fury. Here he had a family. He had an aunt and an uncle, and he had Mona, who was the best grandma a baby could ever ask for.

“My dad disowned me today. It all came out about Silas not really being my husband or Blue’s father.”

Mona made a tsk sound, which meant I was in for a few words of wisdom. “Someone once told me that the truth costs nothing, but a lie can cost everything.”

The air took on the comforting scent of fresh-brewed coffee, and I relaxed back on the overstuffed sofa. It was a place I’d spent many a day watching Judge Judy with Mona while my body worked hard to create my perfect son.

“I didn’t set out to lie.”

She shifted Blue around and cradled him in her arms. For a woman who had never given birth to children, she was such a nurturer, but then again, she’d had children—hundreds of them if you count thirty years as an elementary-school teacher.

“Lies come in many forms. Go get our coffee and we’ll talk about it.”

I rushed into the kitchen and poured us both a cup. When I returned, she was cooing and smiling at Blue. He had that effect on everyone. Blue was like a bridge of goodness between everyone but my father and me. “Teach me something.”

That was Mona’s specialty. It didn’t matter whether she was talking about men’s dicks or the price of petroleum; there was always a lesson to be learned.

“We all lie, whether it’s to ourselves or to others. Take me, for example. I pretend I’m not going blind, but I am. You pretend that running your business and taking care of Blue will be enough, but it won’t. Ryker told himself that he was a bad person, but he isn’t. Ana, well … I’m not sure that girl has ever lied on purpose. Silas is lying to himself if he thinks he can be an island. We all lie, but it’s understanding why we lie that’s important.”

“I can’t answer that question.”

“I can answer it for you. Your mom and dad have never been there, and that’s been hard on you. I would imagine you didn’t tell them about Blue because you don’t want them to disapprove of him. And I think there’s a piece of you that wishes things were different—a piece of you wishes you were enough. Telling your dad everything he wanted to hear was probably like asking him to like you.”

Mona was right. She was always right. “There’s no pleasing my father.” Conflicting emotions tore me apart. Pride and disappointment. Concern and indifference. Love and hate.

“That’s my point. You can’t be responsible for his happiness, but he should have been responsible for yours.”

“How so?”

“You didn’t ask to be born. Your parents brought you into this world, and they had a responsibility to give you the best life they could. Did they?”

I sipped my coffee and thought about her statement. “No.” My whole life, I proved them right or proved them wrong. There was no middle ground, but I never gave up trying to please them, and I never thought about their responsibility to please me.

We sat in silence for a while. “How did you get so philosophical?”

“You don’t get to be in your seventies and not learn a thing or two.”

I stared at the chair that seemed to swallow her up. “Why the new chair?”

She took her free hand and rubbed the soft leather armrest like she was caressing a lover’s thigh. “Mabel and I went to Denver to that American Furniture Warehouse. All I had to do was sit in it once.”

“That good, huh?”

Mona laughed. “You know what they say. Once you go black, you never go back.”

I busted a big belly laugh. “I’m not sure they were talking about chairs.” I set my coffee on the table and took in the woman who brightened my dullest day. I’d be lying to myself if I said she wasn’t one of the best things to ever happen to me.