Chapter Sixteen
The soft beep of the alarm on her phone woke Holly at six. She’d set it when she snuck back into Carter’s room in the wee small hours of the night. Now she grinned like a fool as she remembered those last minutes with Cash.
She’d woken to the butterfly-soft flutter of his fingertips over her face, as if he were a blind man memorizing the contours.
When she opened her eyes, he’d smiled. “Hey, there.”
“Hi,” she whispered.
“It’ll be dawn soon. Time to get back to our rooms.”
Holly wrinkled her nose. “If we have to, we have to.”
He nuzzled her neck. “My thoughts exactly. I don’t want to leave you, but…”
“Time to return to the real world?”
He softly kissed the base of her throat. “Something like that. Yeah.”
Holly licked her suddenly dry lips. “Okay.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Okay? No arguments or regrets?”
She shook her head, suddenly shy. “I’ll never forget our night together. It was beautiful.”
His expression was satisfaction mixed with something indecipherable. Then he smiled, and it was gone. “Let’s get dressed and I’ll escort you back.”
She’d floated back to the house, struck by the loveliness of the first rays of light on the eastern horizon turning the black sky navy with a golden glow. The beauty of the morning around them somehow added to the beauty of the night they’d shared. She refused to let sadness that their time was over weigh on her. Not yet.
She’d made it into Carter’s room without getting caught, and without disturbing Carter, and had set the alarm on her phone so she wouldn’t rudely oversleep. Then she’d sacked out and slept like a baby.
Now, sitting up in bed, she rubbed her eyes. She hopped up and quickly showered and dressed in jeans and a white top made of some floaty material. Her long hair she left wet and loose, but she took the time to apply a light layer of makeup. She wanted to be as fresh-faced as possible, and those bags under her eyes definitely needed cosmetic help.
She stopped in the hallway outside the kitchen to gather her thoughts and school her features. Now came the hard part…returning to their previous behavior. By the sound of it, everyone was already sitting down for breakfast, except Sophia. Holly assumed the little girl was still asleep or off playing somewhere.
“I have something I need to tell you.”
Cash’s words had her hesitating. What was he going to tell them?
The rowdy Hills fell quiet, waiting for Cash to continue. After a long moment of silence, during which she had no idea what was happening, he finally spoke.
“There are some things about Georgia I haven’t told you.”
Holly’s heart lightened, even as her stomach clenched. Cash was finally going to share his burden with his family. Whether he’d listened to her or come to the same conclusion himself didn’t matter. She was just glad he’d decided to.
Not wanting to interrupt, she listened as Cash finally confessed all the things he’d been holding on to, everything he’d been trying to deal with alone—finding about Georgia’s plan to leave him after she died and the question of Sophia’s biological father.
By the time he was through, Evaline was crying softly. “Why didn’t you let us help you?”
Holly could just picture his shrug. “There was nothing you could’ve done about Georgia leaving, because I found out after she died,” Cash said. “And, if Marcus had turned out to be the father, I would’ve told you, but until I knew, I figured why worry you?”
“Why worry us?” Now exasperation snapped in his mother’s voice. “We are your family. And families support one another and help each other through the hard times.”
The scraping sound of a chair being pushed back reached Holly.
“I’m sorry, Mom. I know you’re right. Holly helped me figure that out.”
Holly sucked in a silent gasp, her heart turning over.
“Holly did?” Cash’s dad’s gruff voice sounded now.
In her spot in the hallway, Holly grimaced. Now he’d share her part in it, and they’d hate her.
“Yeah. She was Marcus’s witness.”
“She was what?” Carter’s voice spiked.
Yup. They were going to hate her. Regret lanced through her, her heart aching with the knowledge that these kind people wouldn’t want her around anymore. Being around them had been like having a family again, even if from afar.
“She didn’t want to, but she was the only person Marcus had. Please don’t blame her like I did.”
Cash was defending her? Holly’s emotions pinwheeled into shock. Yes, they’d made love, but she’d never thought she’d gain his forgiveness.
“That poor girl. What a rough spot to be in. She must’ve been so worried.”
Evaline’s words brought a rush of instant tears to Holly’s eyes. Her actions could’ve ripped Cash and Sophia apart, and his mother was worried about her?
“She was. And she’s the one who basically told me I was being an idiot. That losing her family had taught her the importance of keeping the people you love close, and sharing with them. Even the bad stuff.”
“Remind me to thank her when she comes down,” Evaline said.
“Maybe you should marry that girl and keep her around,” Carter drawled.
When Cash didn’t immediately laugh himself hoarse, Holly’s heart took off in a hopeful gallop.
“After Georgia died, I told myself I wouldn’t marry again. Yes, we rushed into things because she was pregnant, but I expected loyalty. Instead, I got a woman who’d rather abandon her family and walk away from her responsibilities for her own happiness.”
Bile rose, sour and stinging, up her throat. Cash might have been talking about Georgia, but his words might as well have been about her too. She’d abandoned her family, her responsibilities, to go off to school. And the thing was, he was right. Cash deserved more. So did Sophia. And Holly had lost the right to marriage and kids.
Not wanting to hear more, she hurried away quietly. She’d have to make an appearance eventually, but she’d be ready to go when she did. She hustled through packing up her few things and then got the horses loaded and ready before she headed back inside.
There she found the Hills still sitting around the table, just chatting. As she walked in, Cash laughed at something Jennings had said, and Holly’s heart warmed. He looked younger and happier than she’d seen him since Georgia’s funeral. At least she’d played some small part in that.
“Can I help, Evaline?” she asked the older woman who had stood to clear up.
“There you are!” Evaline crossed the room and pulled her in for a big hug. Had Holly not already known about the conversation they’d just had, she’d be quite confused about her reception. As it was, she just hugged her back.
“Go sit down. There’s still plenty left to eat. I’ll warm something up for you. Eggs? Bacon?”
Holly nodded as she took the only free seat. Beside Cash, of course.
“Good morning.”
She glanced over to find Cash watching her closely, a smile playing around his lips. Her heart fluttered as she took in his tight jeans and navy T-shirt. He’d shaved, changing back from the bad boy of last night to the clean-cut sheriff. The man was sex appeal wrapped up in a fantastic package.
Not for me, though.
She gave him as casual a smile as she could muster. “Why, yes it is.”
Then she turned away and poured herself an orange juice.
“I’m not surprised you slept so late,” Carter commented. “You weren’t in our room most of the night.” She said it casually but pinned them both with a speculative look.
Dang. Holly thought quickly. “I don’t sleep well in general. It’s worse in strange places. I went out to get some fresh air and fell asleep on the porch swing.”
“That must have been awfully uncomfortable.” Evaline placed a plate of hot food in front of her.
Holly cleared her throat. She didn’t dare let her gaze stray to Cash. “Actually, I slept very well.”
But Carter angled her head, apparently unconvinced. She had an odd little smile, as though she knew something. Holly ignored her and shoveled eggs into her mouth. She barely tasted the food, eating quickly. All she wanted to do was get out of there.
“You okay?” Cash asked in a low voice meant only for her ears.
She flicked him a smile, which she hoped was convincing. “Fine.”
His small frown told her he wasn’t fooled. Holly finished chewing a bite and cleared her throat. “I have the horses already loaded up, so I can’t stay too much longer.”
Evaline paused in scrubbing a pan. “Oh, we were hoping you’d take your time before leaving.”
Holly managed not to grimace. “I would’ve liked that, but Luke called…” Not wanting to add to the lie, she let the statement dangle and prayed no one would ask for details.
“What rotten timing. That’s too bad.” Evaline tsked.
“Yeah.”
*
Cash watched Holly drive away with a mix of emotions.
Thanks to Holly, he’d finally told his family, his heart letting go of the bitter anger he’d been holding on to with a white-knuckled grip until now. His family had been shocked not only to learn about Georgia, but also to find out Holly’s role. Unlike him, however, they forgave as soon as they heard it, unable to blame her for something that had been a mix of accident, youth and having no good choices.
But then she’d come into the room and would hardly look at him. She’d shoveled food into her mouth as fast as she could swallow it and practically run out to her truck. She’d shown zero regret when they parted in the barn this morning. What had happened since then to spook her? Because, without a word being said, she’d put a wall up between them.
After months of wanting her to go away, now he wanted to chase after her, call her back, pull her into his arms and not let go. All he could think about was wanting to be with the woman he loved.
The woman he loved…
He’d thought it so naturally, it took a second for him to realize it. Now, that fact—because it was a fact—slammed through him. He loved her. With everything inside him. He’d thought he’d never feel this, but she had somehow eased her way into his life and his heart. Now she’d taken up residence there, and he couldn’t imagine life without her.
What a time to make this discovery, as she drove away from him.
*
Holly frowned at the ring of her doorbell. She hadn’t made any plans for tonight since she’d only gotten home this morning. The house seemed too quiet after the constant noise and activity at the Hills’.
But she wasn’t lonely. She refused to let herself be.
Wondering who was there, Holly got up from the couch, where she’d been watching TV, and went to look through the peephole. She pulled back at the sight of Cash’s face. He hadn’t said anything about coming by. He thought she was working with Luke, so why would he come?
She swung the door open, and her eyes widened at his appearance, dressed in starched jeans and a button-down shirt, with a bouquet of red roses.
“Cash?”
“Hi, Holly. Mind if I come in?”
“Not at all…” She ushered him in.
He grinned. “I bet you’re wondering what this is about.”
“You could say that.”
“Well…I am here to officially ask you for a date.”
Holly’s jaw dropped. “A…date?” She had no idea how to address that, shock snatching all thought from her brain. “But…we agreed after our night together that a relationship wasn’t a good idea for us.”
Cash’s grin dissolved into a frown, and Holly felt awful for making that happen. A small amount of panic was also starting to take hold. She couldn’t do this.
“I’ve come to the realization that isn’t good enough for me. I think there’s potential for us to be a lot more to each other.”
Yearning clogged her throat. “I—”
“Don’t tell me no. Not yet.”
“There’s nothing you can say…”
His shoulders drooped and he looked away. She wanted to reach out to him and comfort him, but she couldn’t. Suddenly, he pulled his shoulders back and started walking toward her. “Prove it.”
Holly took a step back. “What?”
“Kiss me.”
Her eyes just about popped out of her head. “What?” She was starting to sound like a parrot.
“Kiss me and show me we don’t have something.”
“Oh we have tons of chemistry.” She almost rolled her eyes at the smug look that crossed his face. “But you don’t trust me.”
“I do.”
She shook her head. “I’m sure there are still some doubts floating around in your head. I can’t spend my life proving myself to you over and over again.”
“You won’t have to. I know in my soul I can trust you.”
She didn’t miss the regret shadowing his eyes but held firm against it.
“Even if that’s true, it’s not the only reason to stay apart.” Holly ran a hand over her face. “I’m not planning on a relationship. Ever.” She said the last word in a hushed voice. She’d never told anyone this.
“Why?” The question seemed punched from him.
She moved into the living room, away from his confounding proximity.
“Please, Holly. You at least owe me an explanation.”
Turning, she wrapped her arms around her body. “I told you about my brother and sister. How I left them.”
He frowned but nodded.
“If I could do that to them, I could do it to you or Sophia. Someone like that…like me…doesn’t deserve a family.”
Cash closed his eyes. “Do you really believe that? That you don’t deserve a family?”
She shrugged.
“You are the most nurturing woman I’ve ever known. Look at the way you took in Solario, despite his temperament and your lack of finances.”
“Oh, I have lots of love for my horses, but they are part of the career I wanted.”
“And Georgia? You were loyal to her.”
“Hurting you and Sophia in the process,” she pointed out, misery in her voice.
She could tell Cash was starting to realize she was adamant about this. His lips turned white as they flattened. His hands balled into fists at his sides. “I’ve seen you with Sophia. You’re a natural. Great with her.”
“Anyone can be good with kids a few hours at a time.”
“I can’t convince you to give this…give us a try?”
Heart ripping in two, Holly shook her head. “You’ll find someone someday, Cash. She’ll be perfect for you and for Sophia. But it’s not me.”
*
Cash stared at the woman in front of him.
How had he missed this belief that was so ingrained in her thinking? Panic started to fill him. He was in love with a woman utterly convinced she should never enter into a relationship. He had to show her she was worthy of love and a family.
Instinctively, he moved across the room, surprising her as he took her face between his hands, and laid his lips against hers in a lingering kiss. At first she held herself stiffly, but in a few moments, she softened under his touch.
Lifting his head, he found unshed tears glistening in her eyes, and his heart cracked in response. “I’m not going to let you walk away from something that could be wonderful. Not without a fight.”
She pursed her lips and took a step back. “I think you should go.”
“This isn’t over, Holly.”
She didn’t say anything, didn’t even look at him.
With a shake of his head, Cash walked out of the house, closing the door behind him with a quiet click. He was in his truck and driving without knowing where he was going. He had to do something to convince Holly she was wrong, but he’d seen how entrenched her beliefs were. Otherwise, no way would she walk away. Their night in the barn had proved exactly how compatible they were. The tears told him she cared. But did she care enough?
God, he hoped so. But what could he do?