Chapter Five
Cash kissed Sophia’s forehead and tweaked her nose. “I love you punkin. Night.”
“Night, Daddy,” she mumbled around a huge yawn.
He was just about to close the door behind him when she sat up. “Daddy?”
He paused. “Yes?”
“Can I sleep with you tonight?”
He’d allowed Sophia to sneak into his room and snuggle with him after Georgia died, but now, over a year later, the time had come to break the habit, even at his parents’ house. He’d put her in his dad’s office in a sleeping bag tonight.
Cash blew out a silent breath. “No, baby. You need to stay in your own bed.”
Her lower lip jutted out in adorable stubbornness. “But I’m company for you.”
An ache started in his heart and dropped into the pit of his stomach. “Is that why you’ve been sneaking into my room?”
She nodded, her precious face both innocent and serious. “I don’t want you to be lonely.”
Cash moved to sit beside her on the bed and smoothed a lock of hair off her forehead. “You have such a good heart, baby. I’m so proud of you. Do you know that?”
She nodded solemnly.
“You don’t need to worry about me. I’m the Daddy. It’s my job to worry about you, not the other way around. Got it?”
She laid her small hand over his. “But aren’t you sad?”
He gave her hand a squeeze. “Sometimes I am. But then I remember I have you.”
“And Gammy and Pop-pop.”
He smiled. “And all my family.”
“Don’t you miss Mommy?”
She turned, and Cash followed her gaze to the picture his dad had on the bookshelf. Georgia holding Sophia the day she was born.
A slash of bitterness for his deceased wife shot through the ache for his sensitive daughter still twisting his insides. “Your mama will always be special because she gave me you. But I’m all right sleeping by myself. Okay?”
Sophia scrunched up her face. “So you don’t need company?”
Cash pulled her in for a big hug. “No, sweetie. I’ll be fine. You stay in your own bed from now on. Yes?”
“Okay, Daddy.”
He gave her another squeeze before settling her back under the sleeping bag and leaving the room, closing the door behind him.
In the privacy of the hall, he ran an agitated hand through his hair. Was he mucking up this whole single parent thing? He should’ve figured out Sophia’s intent sooner. She wasn’t yet five and was already outwitting him. Based on that, her teenage years scared the ever-loving hell out of him.
On a whim, Cash headed to the family room and pulled out the photo album chronicling the first year of his and Georgia’s life together—their wedding, the pregnancy and the birth of their daughter. He’d shoved his copy in the back drawer of his desk shortly after she died, but his mother still displayed hers proudly.
Every picture of their wedding showed them smiling and happy. Well…smiling at least. Happy had been more of a hope for the future than an actuality at the time.
Georgia had always been beautiful and fun; he’d always liked her as a person. But their marriage had been a rush job on account of an unexpected pregnancy.
One night of flirting when they’d bumped into each other at a bar had led to waking with her in his bed the next morning. He could blame the alcohol—and he hadn’t consumed as much since, always carefully in control now. However, he’d also been in need of attention that night. Looking back, feeling sorry for himself because his long-time girlfriend, Angie, had broken things off. She’d had no interest in returning to La Colina, while the Sheriff’s office had always been his ambition. In hindsight, being dumped had been a stupid reason to need a woman. But his twenty-eight-year-old self couldn’t go back and smack his twenty-two-year-old self.
He still had no damn clue how the pregnancy happened. They’d used protection. The condom hadn’t broken. But a month later, she came to him with a positive test.
Cash glanced down the hallway leading to where his daughter slept. He wouldn’t change that result now. Not for all the money in the world. He’d fallen head over heels in love with a baby girl who’d wrapped him around her tiny finger the second she’d been born.
“Taking a walk down memory lane?”
Will’s voice had him snapping the book closed with a muffled thump. “Something like that?”
The couch dipped under Will’s weight as he sat, and he handed Cash a beer. “Want to talk about it?”
A year ago, Cash would’ve shrugged off Will’s offer, but lately…
“Holly still here?”
Will shook his head as he took a sip of his own bottle. “She left about twenty minutes ago.”
Cash ignored the dip of disappointment at that news, unwilling to give any emotions involving Holly any credence. The woman was an unusual combination of upbeat and shy. Upbeat despite a rough start to life and experiencing the loss of family and close friends. Upbeat was not how he’d handled his own losses. But perhaps Holly’s attitude was a front. He wondered if she realized how she used humor to divert people’s attention. Was it on purpose?
The thing was, if he were honest with himself, he’d admit he genuinely liked her. That was a huge problem given his determination not to trust her or let her into his life. His family weren’t helping much either.
“You didn’t answer my question,” Will pushed.
Cash blew out a deep breath as he leaned back in his seat and propped his feet up on the coffee table. “It’s a long story.”
Will shrugged. “I’ve got all night.”
Right. Now that he’d decided to talk about it, Cash had no clue where to begin. He spent a few minutes sipping his beer in thoughtful contemplation, and Will didn’t speak, letting him think.
“You know Georgia and I didn’t marry for love—that was no secret.” Cash glanced at his brother.
Will nodded. “I assumed feelings came later though, because your marriage seemed to work well.”
Cash fiddled with his bottle. “I did love her, though it was more a friendship, a partnership. We worked well together as parents. I wouldn’t say we were in love.”
Hell, when Georgia died, they hadn’t had sex in at least six months. Maybe longer.
“Anyway…the night Georgia died, she was leaving me. For Marcus Jones.”
Will shot straight up, coughing on his beer. Cash slapped him on the back a few times.
“Holy shit,” Will said when he could breathe again.
“Yeah.”
“You’re sure?”
Cash leaned to one side so he could fish a crumpled, pathetic, folded piece of paper out of his back pocket. He handed it over without a word.
He didn’t need to read over Will’s shoulder. He knew every word by heart.
Dear Cash,
I’m so sorry, but I can’t do this anymore. You are one of the best men I’ve ever known, and, other than Holly, my best friend. You’re a wonderful dad to Sophia, and I will always love you for marrying me, even though you didn’t love me.
I thought I could do this…be your partner in life and maybe even fall in love with you, grow old with you. But I have a confession. At the time we married, I was in love with Marcus Jones. We’d just broken up the night you and I got together. Once I knew about Sophia, I ended things completely. I’ve never cheated on you, but he and I have remained friends.
Last month, when Lauryn Marshall lost her husband, it struck me how short life is. And Holly is always telling me that sometimes the right thing to do is also the hardest. I’ve ruined so many lives with that one crazy night with you. I would never wish away Sophia, but maybe I can set things right. I’m asking for a divorce—an amicable one, I hope. I will stay in the area, so I’m hopeful we can share custody and time with Sophia equally.
I’m not saying I’m going to Marcus, because I don’t know if he’d take me back, but I have to try. I love him, Cash. I never stopped, only I was too young and stupid to figure it out sooner. I hope and pray you will find your own love, someone who truly makes you light up from the inside. Because no one deserves it more.
I arranged for Sophia to stay with your parents this weekend. Please take that time to think about things. I’ll be staying at the Kickapoo Motel in town until I can find a place to rent. I’ll be in touch Monday morning to talk.
I’m so sorry. I think I’ll be apologizing to you the rest of our lives. But I do think this is the right thing to do.
I hope you understand and forgive me,
Love, Georgia
“Holy shit,” Will repeated. Given that he rarely swore, that was saying a lot.
“I know.”
“When did you find this?”
“Right after she died. I got the call about her crash before I got home that night. When I went home the next morning, I found it on our bed.”
“And…how did you feel about it?”
Cash barked a harsh laugh. “I still don’t know how I feel about it. Angry that she’d give up. Relieved too, if I’m honest. A failure that I couldn’t keep it all together. Shit, I’m still pissed that I got her pregnant at all, not that I’d ever wish to go back, because I love Sophia like I never thought possible. Furious that Georgia lied to me for five years. Mostly furious, I guess. I mean, what the hell was she doing with me that night if she loved Marcus so much?”
“Same thing you were doing there without Angie, I guess.”
Cash held up a hand. “I know. I’ve told myself that a thousand times. I was just as much to blame for her pregnancy as she was.” He ran a hand around the back of his neck, rubbing at muscle that seemed perpetually tense. “But things with Angie were completely over, and I was faithful to Georgia all of our marriage. Not just with my body, but with my heart. I didn’t even think about any other woman. She may not have cheated with her body, but our marriage failed because she never truly gave it a chance.”
Even now, impotent anger boiled inside him.
“I can’t believe you held all this in for a year. Why didn’t you tell any of us sooner?”
Cash flopped back against the couch. “Why? It wouldn’t change anything.”
“But we could have been there for you.”
Cash sat up to clap a hand on Will’s shoulder. “You were. Every day.”
“When you let me,” Will muttered.
Cash didn’t want to argue about it. They exchanged a long look, one only brothers would understand. Then Will glanced down at the open photo album, at the page Cash had been looking at when Will came in. A picture of Holly and Georgia laughing together with Sophia between them. The picture was taken on the Cornell campus in front of a huge maple tree. Georgia had taken Sophia there a few months after she was born.
“Is that why you don’t like Holly?” Will asked.
Cash wanted to laugh. To shake his head. Will had no f’ing idea.
“She had to have known, Will. I’ve never seen two women closer. They talked every day until the day Georgia died.”
“But Holly didn’t come to the wedding, or Sophia’s birth. Maybe she didn’t approve?”
Will was right about that. Come to think of it, Holly and Georgia hadn’t interacted at all until after Georgia took Sophia for that visit. Cash’d never thought of that. “I guess she got over it then.”
“Has she ever said anything?”
“No.”
“But you think she knew about Georgia leaving you?”
“I wouldn’t be surprised.”
Will considered that for a long moment, taking several swigs of his beer as he thought. “I guess there’d be no reason for her to bring it up after Georgia died.”
Cash shrugged. “Maybe. But Holly has already proven she only does what’s right for herself. You know how she left her brother and sister with total strangers after her grandmother died. She let them be split up, just so she could go off to college.”
Will scowled. “Now you’re listening to rumor. You don’t know anything about that situation, or what she did or didn’t do for Kris and Noel.”
“I know she looks guilty every time the subject comes up.”
“Maybe because everyone around here treated her like a monster after she did it. I think you’re letting Georgia’s actions taint your opinion of Holly. She’s been nothing but professional with folks around here from what I understand, and she’s been kind to Sophia.”
“Why are you defending her so much?” Did Will have a thing for her? A new ugliness joined the hurt and anger and suspicion Cash carried around with him. If he didn’t know better, he’d suspect the negative emotion to be jealousy. But of course that was crazy.
Will shrugged. “I don’t get the impression she’s a bad person, Cash. That’s all. Maybe think about giving her a chance.”
Am I being too harsh? Cash mentally grimaced. He wouldn’t be surprised. Harsh and bitter seemed to be his MO since Georgia’s death. Trouble was, he couldn’t seem to shake the attitude. He doubted a shy, green-eyed woman who stirred up all his old anger would be the one to fix it.