Ariana hovered outside her father’s hospital room and tried to talk herself into going inside. She’d peered through the cracked door into the dark space to make sure he was alone. Part of her angered to find him by himself. Her selfish family should be spending every possible moment at his side. What if he died when no one was here? But he had to be alone if she was going to do this. She sure as hell wasn’t going to do it in front of her mother or Lorraine.
After several deep breaths, she pushed the door open and walked inside. Her father was sleeping, but she could tell it was restless—his head rolled back and forth and his face scrunched tight. She stopped next to the bed and laid her hand on his arm between the monitors and IV feeds. He twitched but didn’t wake up, and she reached to brush her other hand over his head. He jumped, his eyes flying open, and he looked around like he didn’t know where he was. How much morphine were they giving him?
She saw the moment he recognized her in the scowl on his face. “What are you doing here, Ariana?” His voice was hoarse, either from screaming or lack of use. She couldn’t really tell the difference.
“I came to see how you were feeling. I know it’s late, but it’s the only time I could make it by with work and school and everything.” It was hard for Ariana to look at him. His hair had been gray for years, but it seemed to have thinned just since his arrival at the hospital. He was so thin and pale he reminded her of the cadavers she’d had to work on in her first biology class.
He coughed and wheezed. “You know damn well how I am. Say your goodbyes and get out. I don’t want to hear you blame me for your troubles, and I don’t want to listen to your mother hound you about her problems. I don’t want to hear her tell you you’re inadequate, and I don’t want Lorraine looking down her nose at you because you didn’t marry a rich bastard who cheats on you like she did.”
Well, that just about summed up what would happen if her other family members were here. “I’m not going to blame you for anything, Dad. I came to tell you I love you, and I want to close this gap between us.”
He shook his head and looked away. “I screwed up, Ariana. All you ever wanted was to be like me, and I disappointed you and set a bad example. And because I couldn’t just leave the practice quietly, because I had to make a big stir about and drag my family’s name through the dirt, you have to fight twice as hard as you would have anyway to get respect. I nearly ruined your life.”
Ariana gazed down at her hands, and she peered over at his. Her hands looked like her father’s had looked years ago, with long, slim, capable fingers. Now, her father’s knuckles were enlarged and knobby, and his fingers curled in odd ways. Arthritis, yes, but also just poor health. “I still want to be like you, Dad. I want to be as good a surgeon as you were. And I would rather fight my way through this and earn the respect I deserve than slide through on your name.” She twisted her fingers together, realizing the truth as she spoke it. “I think, in the long run, you did me a favor. I’ll be twice the doctor I would have been because of that fight.”
He turned his head to stare at her, and she’d never seen such an open, honest, and vulnerable expression on his face before. “I only wanted the best for you girls. I’m sorry I screwed up. Your mother… she was always so neurotic, and I started taking a drink here and there to keep from getting too irritated. But that only made it worse, and she hounded me more. I hid in the liquor, and it killed my career. It nearly killed a patient. And it could have killed all of you.”
There were tears in his eyes, and Ariana felt some on her own face as well. At least she seemed to have handled the rotten childhood better than her sister. “I don’t want an apology, Dad. I want you to fight. I want you to let me get tested and see if I can give you part of my liver.”
He wrinkled his brow and shook his head. “This is karma, Ariana. And you and I both know, as surgeons, that it won’t be enough. This thing had hold of me, and I’m fading fast. You have a whole life ahead of you. I want you to live it happily.”
She sighed and swiped at her eyes. “I feel like I’ve missed out on the time I should have spent with you.”
“That’s my biggest regret, honey. I haven’t been the staple in your life that you deserve. And I’m sorry. But I know you’ll find someone to give you the attention you should have.” He frowned. “Are you seeing anyone? I can’t remember you ever seeing anyone.”
Ariana hadn’t ever really dated. She’d been too focused on building a career she couldn’t even guarantee she’d be able to manage. She thought of Vince, and it brought a smile to her face. She realized the mistake as her father gave a ghost of a grin, too, and it was too late to take it back. “Who’s the lucky man?”
For a split second, she wished her father was still drunk so he wouldn’t remember this conversation. But he was a dying man. What was wrong with embellishing a little to give him some satisfaction before he died? He’d never know the difference in the way her relationship with Vince worked. “His name is Vince,” she admitted. “He’s kind, with a great sense of humor. And he’s really good looking,” she added with a blush.
The shell of a man in front of her chuckled, and it made him hack and cough again. Ariana hated seeing him this way, but at least he sounded happy. “You say he’s kind. I guess he treats you well.”
“Yes, he does.” Vince really was a good man, and even though theirs was nothing more than a sexual relationship built mostly on a mutual need to release stress, he had never treated her poorly. Even when they fought, he often backed down before she did. “He’s a tough guy, but he’s still tender with me.”
“He sounds perfect.” Ariana’s father reached for her hand and squeezed with what little strength he had. “Do you think you could bring him to me so I can meet him? I just want to thank him for taking care of you before it’s too late.”
Ariana panicked. She’d definitely exaggerated their relationship, and she didn’t want to tell Vince that. But how else could she get him in here to meet her father and know that he’d play along? She’d backed herself into a corner, and she swallowed hard. “I’ll try to get him up here. He has his own trucking business, so he’s not always in town, but I’ll do my best.” There, you covered your ass in case you’re too chicken or in case he walks away because you’re crazy.
“Good. That’s good, honey.” Her father was starting to fall asleep again, and she got the impression he’d received a dose of his pain meds. “I love you, Ariana. I’ll see you later.”
She kissed his forehead as his eyelids fell. “I love you, too, Dad.” His face was much more peaceful now, and as Ariana left, she hoped she’d had something to do with that peace. She loved her father, and this whole idea of meeting Vince was insane, but if she could help him leave this world a bit happier, she would do it.