Chapter 14
Delilah
“Just because somethin’ gets ya down, don’t mean it’s holdin’ ya there.”
~ Grant Turner
“No, Dad. It’s fine.” I stood in my backyard, staring through the window at Coop and Sawyer as they put the final subway tile on the backsplash, which we’d got up in record time thanks to Sawyer’s tips and expertise. “We’re good.”
“Are you sure? It’s almost four now, and I don’t mind coming over when I close the shop.”
“Thanks, but we’ll be finished by then.” I hoped that my dad didn’t hear the disappointment in my voice.
Neither of my parents knew about my feelings for Sawyer, and I wanted to keep it that way. I’d thought that I was going to have to come up with some reason for why my donation had been so high, but when they’d assumed it was because I was still trying to pay him back for saving my life at the river, I’d left it at that. My sisters guessed that my intentions weren’t so pure, but I knew they wouldn’t say anything to them. They were too wrapped up in their own lives.
“Okay, baby girl. But if you change your mind, I’m only a phone call away. Love you.”
“Thanks, love you too.”
I hung up, and when I did, I saw that I had a text from Madison. There was a picture attached. She was in her kitchen, which looked like a disaster zone, surrounded by a mess of bowls, cooking utensils, and ingredients. Her arms were outstretched, and she was holding a pan of cookies and wearing a proud smile. The message below it said that she’d come home early from her getaway and spent the day baking. She was showing me the result of her hard work and thanking me.
Wait.
I reread the last line of the text. Yep, I hadn’t misread. She said that she had no idea how much work it would be, and she thanked me for all the times I’d made the baked goods she’d promised to provide.
As I read it one more time, I got a little misty-eyed. A year ago, I probably wouldn’t have gotten emotional. Then again, a year ago, I probably would’ve figured out a way to get the baking done while remodeling my kitchen.
Until I’d started my mission of self-improvement, I hadn’t even realized how taken for granted I’d felt. But now that I had decided to put up boundaries, it was incredible to see that they weren’t only respected but also that I was appreciated. I knew that it could’ve just as easily gone the other way and my sister could’ve been mad at me for not doing what I’d always done.
I sent her back a quick reply telling her that they looked delicious with a GIF of the Cookie Monster devouring cookies. I sniffed and wiped beneath my eyes as I placed my phone in my back pocket.
When I looked up, I saw that Coop and Sawyer were wiping down the backsplash. The project was done. Sawyer was going to leave.
I needed to get back inside, but I needed a moment to regroup. To recalibrate. To readjust my plan.
I’d been so shocked when Coop had arrived. I was normally an inclusive, more-the-merrier type of gal but his timing couldn’t have been worse. Sawyer had just admitted that something had happened at the door last night. I was finally getting my opportunity to tell him how I felt. Coop showing up had not only destroyed the moment, but it had also smashed all of my plans for today like a bug on a windshield.
Today was the day that I was going to lay it out there for Sawyer. I’d woken up at four and hadn’t been able to fall back to sleep because I’d been so excited and nervous. I’d lain in bed and mapped out the entire day, emotionally and practically. I’d visualized the heck out of it.
It broke down like this: first, I was going to ask the remaining intimacy questions before lunch. Then, I planned on relaxing and eating together with no pressure. Just two people enjoying a meal. After that, we’d finish the kitchen. I’d make sure there were lots of accidental brushes. And when it was all done and we were completely spent from a weekend of hard labor, we would stand back and admire the product of our teamwork, and I would tell him that we made a great team. This would seamlessly segue into how I felt about him. I’d even toyed with the idea of confessing my plan of the renovation, the apprenticeship, the questions, laying it all out on the line. That was when I’d imagined he’d pull me into his arms, kiss the living daylights out of me, pick me up An Officer and a Gentleman style and take me to bed.
None of that had happened or was going to happen now. Cooper being here had cut our workday in half. Instead of finishing up after eight, as I’d planned, it was barely two. His presence had also made Sawyer even quieter and more withdrawn than usual, which I hadn’t believed was possible. I’d only been able to ask four of my remaining 16 questions and I had to slip them in when Coop was using the restroom or out in the front yard taking calls. We’d worked through lunch because Sawyer “just wanted to get it done.”
If there was any path to get things back on track, I sure as heck didn’t see it. All I could do now was end the day with grace when all I wanted to do was throw a temper tantrum like a two-year-old whose mom just told her she couldn’t have candy.
“Stop it.” I chided myself.
There were people with much bigger problems than this. I refocused my attention on the things I was grateful for. My health. My family. My business. My friends.
I’d known this was a long shot going in and no matter what the outcome, I could walk away from this with my head held high and the knowledge that I’d given this the old college try. I’d pushed myself to step out of my comfort zone. I hadn’t given up when I hit roadblocks, and I still wasn’t giving up now, I just had no idea what my next move should be.
My new perspective didn’t exactly raise my spirits, but I refused to stand outside sulking. Taking a deep breath, I walked back in, resigned to my new game plan, which was basically no plan. I found Coop and Sawyer having the moment that I’d pictured Sawyer and me having. They stood beside each other in identical stances, each with their arms folded over their chests and feet shoulder width apart as they surveyed the newly remodeled area.
Even through the stubborn fog of disappointment that had moved in and was refusing to disperse, I could appreciate the fact that there were two very good looking Briggs brothers standing in my kitchen. I took a moment to soak that in. As I studied them, I noticed a few similarities that I’d never seen before. I’d always thought that they didn’t look anything alike.
Sawyer was a good four inches taller than Coop, who was no shorty at six foot two, but looked average height next to his brother. Sawyer had dark brown hair and milk chocolate eyes. Coop had dirty blonde hair and the unique distinction of having one blue and one hazel eye. The younger Briggs brother was fit, but in a lean and athletic way whereas the eldest Briggs was large and muscular.
Those were things I’d already observed about them, what I hadn’t noticed was that they had the same mouth and jawline. Their eyes, although differing in color, were both the same size and shape and although I hadn’t seen evidence of it in Sawyer today, their smiles were the same. When they grinned, their lips pulled higher to the right.
“There you are.” Coop walked over to me, hanging one arm casually around my shoulders while the other fanned out in front of him towards the kitchen. “What do you think? Was it worth the five K you dropped?”
“Cooper,” Sawyer spoke his brother’s name through clenched teeth.
For some reason, whenever Coop had mentioned the amount of my donation today, Sawyer had gotten irritated, or rather more irritated than he’d already been. I wasn’t sure why it bothered him so much. I would’ve asked him if we were alone, but since we weren’t, I didn’t.
“Yes.” I nodded. “It looks great.”
“How about we all get cleaned up and head over to The Cow to celebrate?”
My heart jumped up and down in my chest at the thought of this day not ending. Maybe this third wheel situation wasn’t so bad if the wheel drove our trio to spend more time together. The Tipsy Cow was the only bar in Wishing Well so of course I’d been there at the same time that Sawyer had been, but I’d never been with him. Even in a group setting. For being part of such a big family, Sawyer didn’t do group outings that often.
I checked to see if he was going to agree or not.
“I’ve got plans.” Sawyer didn’t even glance up as he put his tools away.
The heart that had just been jumping for joy in my chest, now leapt head first off the twentieth floor of the Hope Tower that I’d built. He had plans. It made sense now, him asking Cooper to come and help out today. He must be meeting someone and needed to make sure he was finished in time.
This entire weekend I’d thought that we had moments. I’d been sure that we’d connected. I was convinced that we were on the precipice of something happening.
Now I knew that it had all been in my head. There were no moments. There was no connection. And nothing was happening.
When my heart splattered all over reality sidewalk, it was hard not to crumble under the pain of it. But, I’d gone into this thing with my eyes wide open. I’d known that the cards were stacked against me and it was a long shot. I’d decided it was worth rolling the dice and taking my chances.
At least now, after I recovered from the blow to my heart and self-esteem, I’d be able to move on. The days that I pined after a man that went the other way when he saw me coming were over.
“What about you, beautiful?” Cooper grinned from ear to ear. “You gonna let me buy you a beer?”
“Sure.” It wasn’t the ending I was hoping for, but neither was sitting at home feeling sorry for myself.