Chapter 20
Delilah
“A silver lining wouldn’t stand out on a diamond cloud.”
~ Grant Turner
Brand new day. Brand new start. Brand new possibilities.
I repeated my newly adopted mantra as I walked past the spot where Sawyer and I had collided before the fundraiser. It was only a few weeks ago, but it felt like an eternity.
If I closed my eyes, I could still feel the way it felt, that day, to be held in his arms. How protected and small I’d felt. How nervous I’d been about going through with my plan. How naïve I’d been that my plan had a chance of working.
Technically, I guess that it had. Everything that I’d set out to do, I’d done.
Win the bid. Check.
Remodel my kitchen. Check.
Ask Sawyer intimacy questions. Check.
Seduce Sawyer. Check.
Live happily ever after with Sawyer…
Well, I’d accomplished almost everything I’d set out to do. It hadn’t turned out quite how I’d wanted, but, the one positive take away was, I could put that chapter of my life behind me now. It was time for me to stop living in a fantasy world where Sawyer and I end up together. Which was turning out to be a lot easier said than done.
Pushing all thoughts of what might’ve been out of my mind, I turned the key to open the shop. The chime sounded as I pushed the door open and I flipped on the lights. I took a deep breath in through my nose, loving the distinct scent that had been my favorite smell since I could walk.
Normally, the shop’s aroma calmed me, centered me, and transported me to a place where my world consisted of floral art and bringing happiness to other people’s lives. And although its potency had been diluted as of late, it still helped. I’d never thought that having sex with someone could affect the five senses, but it had. With each day that passed they dulled even further. It was a subtle decline but seven days in it was becoming too noticeable to dismiss.
When I’d woken up to a note saying that Sawyer had left to go to work and asking me to “lock up behind me,” I’d told myself that that was what I’d signed up for. He’d made it clear that it was going to be one time, which had turned out to be two times, but…semantics. So, I’d pulled on my big girl panties, literally, got dressed, said goodbye to Chewy, and taken my walk of shame with my head held high.
The sun was shining. Birds were chirping. The sky was blue and the trees were all vivid shades of green. Nothing seemed amiss. But the next day when I woke up, everything seemed duller, quieter. I checked to see if there was a storm front making everything gray, but there wasn’t. Each day, things lost some of their vibrancy. Even food had lost its flavor. For dinner last night I’d made myself a summer salad with my favorite raspberry vinaigrette, hoping that it would lift my spirits, but it had tasted bland.
I wasn’t a physician, but I had to believe that my declining senses had more to do with the dark cloud of depression hanging over me and less to do with the sex that I’d had. The symptoms were most likely getting worse each day because the realization that Sawyer had meant what he said was setting in.
He hadn’t called. He hadn’t texted. He hadn’t contacted me at all.
I’d seen Coop a few times, and Mr. and Mrs. Briggs as well, but none of them had mentioned Sawyer. And why would they? He wasn’t my boyfriend. I wasn’t even sure he was my friend at this point.
Trying to shake off the melancholy mood that I’d been in, I turned on the music that played through the speakers during business hours before counting my drawer. I tried to lose myself in the soft melody, but unfortunately, it was LeAnn Rimes’ version of “How Do I Live (Without You).” I shut it off.
That was not the song I needed to listen to. At least not if I had any hope of snapping out of my funk.
I made a quick list of to dos today. First up was contacting the bank. On Saturday the five thousand dollar check that I’d written had been mailed back to me with a stamp of the word void on it. When I pulled up my bank balance, sure enough the money was still in my account. I wanted to get it resolved as soon as possible. The fewer reminders I had about my “failed” plan the better.
After counting out my drawer, I unlocked the door and before I’d even turned the closed sign to open, Mrs. Higgins, Sawyer’s receptionist walked in.
“Hi,” I smiled brightly as my heart sped the same way it had when I’d seen Coop and Mr. and Mrs. Briggs around town this week.
It wasn’t lost on me that it was utterly ridiculous that I was now getting butterflies just seeing people that were associated with Sawyer. It didn’t even need to be the man himself for me to swoon. That was a problem.
“Good morning, sweetie.” She rushed in, flustered and distracted. “I tried to call, but I got the answering machine.”
“Oh, sorry, I just got in and haven’t checked the messages.”
She stopped and looked at me with a strange expression. “You haven’t heard?”
“Heard what?”
“Oh, dear.” Mrs. Higgins reached out and covered my hand with hers. “Walker Briggs had a heart attack last night.”
“What?!” I asked in disbelief. “Is he okay?”
“He’s out of surgery, and as far as I know, everything went well.”
“What about Sawyer? Is Sawyer okay?”
“Sawyer is at the hospital, he’s…Sawyer.” She squeezed my hand. “He says he’s okay. I think he’s mainly concerned about his mom and his siblings.”
“Of course.” I instantly felt guilty that I hadn’t asked about his mom. “How is Mrs. Briggs?”
“She has a lot of support.” She patted my hand before lowering it. “I’m sure it helps to have her kids there. You know Dolly, family is everything to her. I was thinking I should send her an arrangement as well as Walker.”
“That’s a great idea,” I encouraged.
I did my best to pay attention as she explained to me what she was thinking of regarding size and style, but all I could think about was Sawyer and what he must be going through. One of the intimacy questions I’d posed to him was which family member’s death would affect you the most. His answer was automatic, his sister Harmony. But after a beat, he’d added, and my dad.
I wanted to call him, to make sure that he was okay. Well, actually, I wanted to go to the hospital to see for myself if he was okay, but I didn’t think that was appropriate.
We’d had what was the equivalent of a one-night stand. Why would he want to see me or hear from me? That was fantasyland. Back in reality, I knew that my need to make sure he was okay was about me, not him.
A ring sounded, and Mrs. Higgins pulled out her phone. “Hello.” She glanced back down at it and then put it to her ear again. “Sawyer? Can you hear me?”
“Reception is horrible in here,” I explained, and she hurried outside.
I watched her through the glass talking to the man that unfortunately was the current landlord of my heart and I selfishly wished that I were the one who was talking to him.
After a few minutes, Mrs. Higgins came back in and above the sound of the chimes I asked, “How is he?”
She placed her hand on her chest and relief washed over her face. “He’s awake.”
Oh, right. Mr. Briggs. Wow. First I was selfish and now I was completely inconsiderate. Love really did bring out the best in me.
“That’s great!” I enthused, glad that she hadn’t caught that I’d been asking about a different Briggs man.
As Mrs. Higgins made her selections and filled out cards I decided that, whether he wanted to hear from me or not, I was going to text Sawyer to tell him that I was sorry and that I was thinking of him and that if he needed anything I was here. I was also going to deliver these arrangements to the hospital personally. Our regular delivery boy was at camp as a counselor for the next two weeks. My dad usually picked up the slack, but I would gladly volunteer to do this run.
I knew that I was being ridiculous, but I just needed to see that Sawyer was okay with my own two eyes. Then, I was going to put the past in the past. That was my new plan.