chapter 14
Scarlett
“I MADE A CREAMY CHICKEN pasta, beef ribs, garlic bread, and a salad. I figure it covered anything he could be craving, and I hope he likes it. I’ve never cooked for any other man besides Darren. Before I started dating him I’d only had one boyfriend, and I didn’t know how to cook then, nor would I have wanted to at that age. I place everything on the table while Jaxon washes the dishes that have accumulated. I told him not to, but he didn’t listen. It’s kind of hot, watching him, still in his white shirt and dress pants, washing up.
Really hot, actually.
Not only am I not used to being around such a good-looking, put-together man, but I’m not used to a man helping around the house either. Today has been the craziest day, from the courtroom to the beach to my house. It’s hard to even process it.
And now my lawyer is in my house, scrubbing a pan, with his sleeves rolled up, looking sexy and making me wish that he’ll use those hands on me next.
Goes to show you never know what will happen in life.
I set the table with plates, silverware, wine, and water—not sure which one I feel like having with this meal. I know Jaxon has to drive home, so he probably won’t consume any more alcohol. Once I’m happy with the layout, I wait for him to finish up then sit down.
“Everything looks amazing,” he murmurs, eyes going wide. “You weren’t joking about a lot of food.”
“We can eat some tomorrow,” I say, then realize that sounds like I expect to see him tomorrow. I quickly try to backtrack. “I mean you can take some home tonight and take it to work for your lunch tomorrow. If you want to, that is.”
And this, among a million other things, is probably why I’m single.
His lip twitches, letting me know of his amusement. We eat the food, chat, and make each other laugh. It’s natural, and I notice how much I like being around him. He helps me clean up, and I pack him some food to take home.
But when he leaves, I only get a kiss on the forehead, which is sweet, but I find myself wanting a taste of his lips.
Maybe next time.
“WHEN ARE YOU COMING back?” My aunt Leona asks me when she calls me the next day.
“I’m not sure, I have a few things I need to sort out here before I can leave,” I say, referring to the properties, Darren’s money, and, most of all, Jaxon. I’m not ready to leave him yet. I know it’s stupid, and I know I should just go and not look back, but something is telling me that I should wait and see what happens with him. Maybe the hopeless romantic in me is returning a little, and I don’t know whether to embrace it or tell it to shut the hell up. Maybe it means old me is returning to some degree I don’t know, but I’m listening and trusting that gut feeling I get when it comes to him.
“Okay, honey,” she says, coughing a little. She beat lung cancer once, but there’s a high chance of its coming back. I pray every single day it doesn’t. “I’m just glad the whole court thing is over. I don’t know what I would’ve done if they’d put you in prison. Your mother would roll in her grave.”
“You don’t have to worry about any of that,” I tell her, rolling my eyes at her comment about my mother, who passed away when I was fifteen. “I’m fine, I’m safe, and I’ll let you know when I’m coming back.”
Not that I know when that will be. I have the freedom to do whatever I want now; I just need to figure out what that is exactly.
Now that the case is over, I don’t have an excuse to see Jaxon. Who will initiate the next time we see each other? Will we see each other again? We don’t have a reason to, really. What if he leaves my life now? I guess I’ll just have to let him go, although I know I’ll never forget him. He’s really left his mark on me, and I know that whenever I think of him, I’ll smile. I think it’s because I’ve let him in. He made me stronger, and it’s nice to know that a man can do that. He believed in me. He helped me, and I like the way he makes me feel.
“Good-bye, I’ll talk to you soon. Take care of yourself, okay?” I say, then hang up the phone before heading out to my garden. Today I’m going to plant some flowers. I don’t know where this green thumb is coming from, but I’m thankful for the distraction. I hate that I’ve been bringing my phone with me everywhere I go, just in case I get a call or a message from him. I hate that I keep checking it compulsively. I don’t know what else to do though, because he’s always in the back of my mind. I don’t want to make the first move, because this needs to be a two way street.
And Jaxon Bentley is a man who fights for what he wants, so if he wants me, he’ll come and get me.
There’s another issue I have, one that I don’t think will be a problem for a little while, but it still plays on my mind. I haven’t been sexually intimate with someone in a long time. Three years to be exact, and the last time was with Darren, and it wasn’t an experience I want to remember. After he finished, he rolled off me and told me that I was terrible in bed. Cold and frigid, and that he was surprised he managed to come at all. He never bothered with making me come. I know Darren was an asshole and would say things to hurt me, but in the back of my mind I still wonder if some aspect of that was true. What if I sleep with Jaxon, and he doesn’t like it, or I do something wrong? The thought makes me nervous. A man like him would have women throwing themselves at him. He’s good-looking, has an amazing career, and a kind heart. I know that he’d never say anything mean to me, ever, but what if I can’t satisfy him? Sex with Darren was boring, and he’d blame that on me, but maybe it was him? Maybe I should watch a video or something, to see what sex should be.
I finish planting the flowers, then head back inside and take a quick shower before opening my laptop. What do I search? Good sex? How to have good sex? I try that one. Many links pop up, and I find myself watching a video of two people making love. Or should I say fucking. Porn. I’m watching porn for the first time ever, and to be honest, I’m a little excited about it. I feel rebellious. I grab a notepad and pen and start to make notes. I realize porn is not a realistic vision of sex, but surely I can learn something from it. Good blow job techniques? Maybe I should’ve searched that instead. I make a note to study blow job techniques, with and without a foreskin, because I need to be prepared. I don’t know what I’ll be working with.
“Oh, wow,” I mutter when I see the size of the man’s penis.
It’s huge.
I wonder how big Jaxon is. I bet he’s massive. Even if he’s not, I don’t mind. I’m not going to discriminate. But I’m betting on him being absolutely perfect. I turn the volume up and sit back on my pillow, watching these two go at each other, the man fucking her from behind. There definitely wasn’t any of this heat in my bedroom. None. I don’t want to think of how much of an idiot I was to stay so long, but there’s no point looking back now, that time has passed. I can’t get it back, so I just need to learn from it.
“Oooooh!”
The woman starts moaning really loudly, in a bit of a fake way, so I roll my eyes. However, I can’t deny that I’m a little turned on. I want Jaxon’s hands on me, and I want to see him naked. I want to explore his body, and I just hope I can be confident enough to be what he wants. No, not even that, I want to be confident enough to be who I want to be. I want to own every move I make, my sexuality, and I know it’s going to take a little time, but I’m going to get there. I make another note on the list to buy some new lingerie.
“Scarlett?” I hear Jaxon say, making my head snap up. I glance up to see him standing in my room. What the hell? “Your front door was open, I got worried.”
He glances down at my laptop, and I want to die.
No, seriously, is it too late to go to jail?
“Are you watching porn?” he asks, trying to keep a straight face. I slam my laptop closed, my notepad going flying, and of course he picks it up. It’s just that kind of day. He reads it out loud. “Blow job techniques.” He lowers it and arches his brow. “With and without foreskin. Sexy lingerie.”
I cover my face with my hands. “You had to read that out loud?”
“Aw, come on now,” he says, sitting down on my bed like he’s been in my room a million times before. “Don’t be embarrassed. It’s cute.” He pauses and grins. “And a little hilarious.”
I give him a death stare. “We’re going to pretend this never happened, okay?”
“Okay,” he murmurs, ducking his head, probably because he can’t stop smiling. He looks at me then, expression contained, and says. “Everyone watches porn.”
“Yeah, but not everyone gets caught by the guy they like during their first time watching it,” I blurt, groaning with self-pity. He wraps his arm around me and brings me to his body.
Safe.
Warm.
He’s teasing me, but he’s not belittling me.
This is a safe place.
I squint up at him, daring to look him in the eye after this whole ordeal. He just grins, kisses me on the forehead and whispers, “No foreskin over here.”
I groan, and fall back on the bed.
I need a do-over.