Somewhere in the Middle of Forgiveness
Emrys
I liked the way Sutton Warner felt underneath me. I wanted to keep him there all night, long after I dragged him inside and out of the chilly barn.
All that long, lean, coiled strength focused entirely on me and getting me off was a heady experience. He’s been holding himself in check since getting out of the hospital. His restraint was admirable, but it had vanished the instant he put his hands on me. There was a thread of wild and wicked in him that made me lose my mind and forget every reason that getting lost in him was a terrible idea. He had the ability to shatter common sense with nothing more than a kiss. I also enjoyed the way he felt on top of me and pressing in close behind me. I felt anchored and secure instead of floating around, searching for a place to land. I adored the rough glide of his hands across my skin and the low rumble of his voice as he issued dirty commands in the dark. He wasn’t shy when it came to getting what he wanted from me, and I loved that he didn’t hesitate to give whatever he was asked for right back to me. There was no guessing or trying to figure out what the other person liked, what made them feel good. We clicked. We fit in a way that was surprising considering how different we are. It was entirely too easy to get turned on by the scrape of his facial hair against all my most-sensitive parts. Everything about being with him was tactile and physical. He was doing a good job making sure I wouldn’t be able to forget anything about him anytime soon.
I had a hand on the center of his chest, his scar was smooth and warm under the tips of my fingers. I couldn’t stop touching it, the mark that tied us together and reminded me just how far this man was willing to go in order to protect someone else. He might not be able to see all the things that made him a good man without him having to try, but I did. I could see them as clear as day.
I could see how much he loved his family and his daughter, even when he faltered. I recognized the way he made room for Leo in his life when he didn’t have to. I saw the way he stayed committed to this property and the legacy he felt he had to maintain even though it was obvious he didn’t want to cater to outsiders. I felt the way he handled me, gentle and ruthless at the same time. He wanted the time we had together to be worth something, to have an impact, but he didn’t make promises or give me platitudes. This thing between us had a looming expiration date, even with the slip-up in the barn. I typically took precautions when it came to birth control, but after everything that happened the last time I was in Wyoming, and all the ensuing drama that followed as I tried to remember who I was and why I mattered beyond my pretty face, I let everything fall by the wayside. Besides, I hadn’t exactly been trolling for hookups while I focused on healing, so there was no need to keep popping my birth control pills. Even with that major lapse in judgment on both our parts, he hadn’t freaked out or started tossing blame and accusations around. He’d given me what he could, and that was still more than the men who had come before him.
He was a good man, one with flaws and faults. He was far from perfect, but that made me like him even more. I understood imperfect. What was new was his desire and drive to address all those imperfections on his own. He wasn’t looking for someone else to swoop in and save him. He wasn’t searching for someone to come and clean up his mess. He was a man who rolled up his sleeves and did all the dirty work himself, even when it got hard. Even when he stumbled and faltered, he pushed on in his own stubborn and relentless way. His determination appealed to me.
I loved the burn in his green eyes, the way they got darker the closer he came to losing control. One of his hands was spread wide across my rib cage, the edge of his thumb tracing underneath the curve of my breast as they swayed with my movements. I’d lost track of how many times we’d reached for each other in the remaining hours of the night. I was sore in places I’d forgotten could get that pleasant ache. I had whisker burn on the inside of my thighs and across my chest. My mouth felt swollen and tender to the touch, but that didn’t stop me from pressing it against his when he grunted in satisfaction as I rolled my hips. His tongue darted out to play with mine and I got drunk on the way we tasted together. The man wasn’t shy when it came to oral sex, giving it or asking for it, and as a result we were mingled together on both our tongues.
I was fairly certain he’d wrung every last bit of pleasure out of my body. I’d never come so hard or for so long until Sutton Warner got his work-roughened hands on me. At the moment, one of his talented hands was centered between my legs, torturing my over-sensitized clit and surprising me with the rush of desire that he managed to pull out of my tired and incredibly well-fucked body.
I made a mewling sound in my throat and ground my hips down even harder on his, seeking out more pressure and a harder sweep of his fingers across that sensitive flesh. My body responded immediately when he complied, trapping the tiny bundle of nerves between his fingers and using his thumb to roll steady circles over the quivering spot. We both groaned at the surge of wet heat between my legs as my swollen folds fluttered around his thick cock. After tonight, I knew exactly how sensitive the rim under the head was. I knew how much he liked it when I swirled my tongue around the slit and that his entire body practically levitated off the bed when I put my mouth on his balls. I knew that the long vein that ran the length of the shaft warmed up and throbbed right before he was getting ready to blow. I also knew he liked to pull my hair and that he had a serious infatuation with my ass.
He’d spent most of the night inside of me, imprinting himself on my body, and his hands had mapped out every inch. I had no trouble recalling what it felt like to have his fingers stroking me, or the way I’d nearly come out of my skin when those tricky digits disappeared into the valley between the globes of my ass. He had grinned up at me with a mischievous glint in his eye like he knew it was a place I didn’t let anyone play around with. He had no boundaries and it clearly turned him on to push against mine. He relented when I shook my head in the negative. I was already wrung out and emotionally drained. I didn’t think I had the reserves left to let him have that part of me, as well. A girl had to be careful not to give every part of herself away when the guy who had his hands on her made her want to be crazy and reckless.
He was insatiable, hungry, and difficult to deny. It felt like he was making up for lost time. Each time I drifted off to sleep or rolled away so he could get up and go, he reached for me with greedy, grabby hands. It felt like there was more to it than two hard-up people finally having a shot at guilt-free, really good sex. Every time I moved I was going to feel the impression of him deep inside of me, and I could tell by the soft smirk on his face that that had been his plan all along. I just hoped I’d left him with a piece of me in the same way.
I tossed my head back as I rode him slow and steady, which had my long hair tickling the tops of his thighs. I could tell he liked the way it felt because his dick twitched lazily inside of me. The movement thrust my breasts wantonly into his palm and had his hips shifting restlessly underneath me on the messy bed. His palm rasped over my distended nipple, which made a hot throb work through the place where we were joined. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from how hot he looked, pleasure stark on his face as his body hammered into mine. The entire room smelled like sex and sleepy satisfaction. It was addictive and had blood rushing to parts of my body that I thought were numb from all the orgasms he’d wrenched out of me.
The fingers on my clit switched from stroking to tugging and pressing. I heard his breathing quicken and I felt the way his heart thudded heavily under the press of my palm. The contact had my eyes rolling back in my head and made my rhythm unsteady. I liked being on top of him, but I didn’t complain when his hands hit my hips as he jacked upright and used his momentum to roll us over. His weight pressed my back into the mattress and his eyes blazed into mine as he growled, “You got one more to give me, Em?”
I didn’t think I did, but the warmth spreading throughout my stomach, and the tingle that had started at my toes and worked its way up my legs, proved me wrong. The man played my body like a finely tuned instrument. He was hitting high notes I didn’t know I was capable of producing.
I felt a grin pull at the corners of my mouth. I threw my arm around his wide shoulders and wrapped the other one around his trim waist so I could get a hand on that taut, flexing ass. There was a reason cowboys looked so good in their jeans and I wasn’t about to pass up an opportunity to get my hands all over that part of Sutton. “That depends on how good you are, cowboy.” He was good, really good. He’d been proving it all night long. So good, I was wondering if it was all a dream. No one should be able to get my body to respond the way he did. No one should be able to wipe out the memory of every single touch and caress that came before his.
He chuckled at the quiet taunt and used one of his hands to lift my leg up around his thrusting hips. His head dropped and his lips brushed across my cheek. The feather-light caress caused my breath to hitch and my fingers tighten on his sweat-slicked skin. His teeth grazed my ear and danced across the side of my neck. I had no idea that was such an erogenous zone, but as soon as I felt the sting of his bite nip at my skin, my back arched off the bed and my body went molten around his. My pussy clenched, slick flesh quivering and convulsing around his cock in a long, slow beat.
The pull of my orgasm triggered his. I felt his big body shudder above mine as his powerful lunges shifted to a gentle rocking. My body milked his and though I would never admit it to him, I missed the careless, hot rush of his cum filling me up and marking me with his completion. He was the first and only man I’d ever had inside of me raw and uncovered. He was the only one who stayed with me long after he’d pulled out. Those kinds of thoughts were reckless and stupid, but I had them anyway, especially when he rolled to the other side of the bed so he could get up and deal with the condom. I’d never cared about space after sex. It never bothered me to be left in bed satiated and alone. It bugged the crap out of me to let go of Sutton. I hated the chill that replaced his body heat and the hollow feeling that worked its way into all the places he had just occupied.
I turned my head when I heard the toilet flush and the bathroom door open. The man looked good walking away, but he looked so much better coming back. I shifted unhurriedly on the bed, pushing my tangled, sexed-up hair out of my face. He took a seat on the corner of the mattress and let his gaze drift over my flushed and naked form.
“I gotta get back to my own room, but before I go,” He reached out and put his palm on my stomach, his touch making the skin under my scars tingle. “I gotta tell you that you don’t have anything to be sorry for, Em. There was never anything for me to forgive. What happened up on that mountain was a shit show. I was ready to fall out of the saddle myself; I had no idea what we were really in the middle of or what you had been through before I showed up. I was pushing too hard and too fast. That doesn’t fall on you. You didn’t do anything wrong and you didn’t deserve what happened to you. You’re one of the bravest women I’ve ever met. I can’t believe you came back here.” He cleared his throat and lowered his lashes so I could no longer see what was happening in his evergreen-colored eyes. “You handled everything so much better than I did. I was an asshole when I sent you away. I was weak and scared. What kind of example is that for Daye?”
His hand swept down my thigh and his thumb brushed along the side of my knee. He watched me with hooded eyes as I pushed myself to a sitting position. I was grateful for the simple coverage my hair offered when it fell forward and covered my chest. I wanted his eyes on me, not the reminder of what had happened to me.
“You didn’t do anything wrong, either, Sutton. You were trying to do your best to save everyone, including me. Your plan didn’t work out, that doesn’t mean you failed, it just means you needed a new plan. Things would have been so much worse if you hadn’t fought for me the way you did. You never gave up. You took a bullet trying to help someone who couldn’t help themselves. I think that’s a pretty damn good example for your daughter to follow. Things aren’t always easy; seeing them through to the end is admirable. That’s why I came back. You and I had unfinished business.” I reached for the sheet as he climbed to his feet.
I watched him pull his jeans up over the firm globes of his ass and bit back an appreciative sigh. There were a lot of things that were going to be hard to say goodbye to when it came to this man; I had no shame in admitting his very fine ass was at the top of that list. My attention jerked back to him when he braced his hands on the bed and leaned forward so he could touch his lips to mine. I lifted a hand to his scraggly cheek and tried to read the look in his eyes. Some of the torment that was constantly clouding that clear green seemed to have lessened, but there was something else dark and unidentified swirling in those depths.
“I didn’t know that I needed to hear you tell me that you don’t blame me for what happened to you.” He let out a pent-up breath and rose to his full height. “I don’t know that I’ll ever stop blaming myself, but knowing you don’t hold me responsible makes me feel like I can breathe normally again. You always seem to be giving me something I didn’t know I was missing. Perspective, patience, forgiveness.” His eyebrows lifted and that sexy smirk was back on his handsome face. “Inspiration to stay hard all night long and a much better distraction than a gut full of cheap booze. If I were the optimistic sort, I would say you’re good for me, Emrys.”
He was gone, the door clicking shut behind him, when I found my voice. I wanted to tell him I was good for everyone I let into my life. I went out of my way to make myself useful and important to them, mostly so I could hide the fact I didn’t have much to offer beyond a pretty face. I was never going to share my life with anyone. I was never going to open up my heart. I never wanted anyone close enough to see that I was lacking drive and ambition, that I wasn’t passionate about anything. I sought out what was easy and never wondered if easy was good for me or not. At least until it came to him. I was obsessed with making sure he understood that what happened to me didn’t fall on his overburdened shoulders. I knew without a doubt that forgiveness was what we both needed to move forward.
Sutton Warner and the way he made me feel were the opposite of easy. Nothing about him or the things that had happened between the two of us was effortless. In fact, I’d never worked harder at anything in my life. Getting close to the stubborn cowboy was the most difficult thing I’d ever attempted.
He was problematic, but there was no getting around that the challenge he presented was the best thing that had ever happened to me. The struggle of falling for Sutton made me feel alive and gave me the sense of purpose I’d been missing. The man kept me on my toes and I loved the balancing act. It made me feel alive and vital. It made my heart beat faster and my skin tingle. Keeping my feet under me had given me a purpose I’d been craving since long before Sutton came into the picture.
We were good for each other and good together, even when things didn’t work out the way we wanted.