Jörg Pfisterer read the file through once more before closing it for the last time. It wasn’t like he didn’t know it backwards and forwards already—it just seemed like it might make saying goodbye a little easier. But really, the only thing that made it easier was knowing that it didn’t necessarily have to be goodbye forever. This was mostly just a formality.
He’d worked with the boy for five years. The kid had been at the children’s home the first year, and then he’d gone to the teen group home. Finally, in the summer of 1996, Jörg had helped him move into his own apartment. That had been just after the verdict.
The trial had lasted more than a year. Going through the whole story all over again in court had been hard on Danny, but he’d stuck it out bravely. Together, they’d fought their way through his father’s string of appeals, and, ultimately, they’d won the case. Justifiably, of course, and to be expected. But the whole thing should have gone a lot faster. There’d been no doubt of his father’s guilt. His mother had proven to be an obstacle, though. She’d defended her husband and contradicted herself constantly.
They’d barely finished that ordeal when the next blow hit. Even harder than the one before it. Jörg knew Danny hadn’t come to terms with this madness and probably never would, not in all his life. It would be too much for anyone to handle. Too cruel, too unbearable, too final.
Danny had gotten excellent grades in school, despite everything, but he’d given up on his plan of going to college and getting a degree in something sports-related. Inescapable as his fate had seemed to him, he didn’t see the point of staying in school. The whole thing hurt Jörg’s soul. The boy had become like a son to him. He loved Danny, and if necessary, he’d have adopted him immediately, without hesitation.
Ever the optimist, Danny had decided to become a personal trainer instead and had gotten a job at a gym. Soon, Danny had started training young athletes as well, and his own list of athletic achievements had become truly impressive. College really wouldn’t have benefited him all that much, Jörg supposed.
He wrapped a rubber band around the file and put it away. Preparations for Danny’s birthday party were in full swing downstairs. Danny was celebrating at the children’s home this year. He still had friends here, felt at home among them. Christina, Ricky, and Simon would be by soon. Jörg’s gift for Danny was already meticulously wrapped and waiting downstairs with the others. He’d invited Danny’s mother as well, but he didn’t really expect her to show up. She’d never come once in all these years.
There was a short knock at the door, and Danny walked in. “Hey,” he said. “You coming down to join us?”
Jörg stood up and embraced him. “Happy birthday, kiddo,” he said, looking Danny over. He knew the kid well enough to see that something was on his mind. “What’s wrong?”
Danny shrugged.
“Sit down,” Jörg commanded him, dropping back down into his desk chair. Danny obeyed but didn’t say anything. “Tell me!”
Danny nibbled on the skin around his fingernail. “I met a girl.”
“Hey, that’s wonderful.”
Danny gave him an accusatory look. Even after all this time, Jörg still sometimes flinched at the sheer intensity of the kid’s gaze. “It’s not wonderful, and you know it.”
Jörg was torn. He wished more than anything that Danny could enjoy a functioning relationship, but the kid’s previous experiences had just been so painful. Danny’d had his first girlfriend when he was sixteen, just after his father had gone to jail. She was a delicate, dark-haired girl, shy and inexperienced enough that Danny had felt like it was a relationship he could handle. But they’d still only lasted a couple of months. The girl just hadn’t been able to handle Danny’s withdrawn nature… And she’d never understood why he could touch her, but she could never touch him. Finally, she’d broken up with him.
The fateful call from Danny’s father had come soon after the relationship ended. After that, Danny had sworn off women entirely. But two or three years later, he’d tried to make things work with another girl. This one was completely different from the first—self-confident, outgoing—but the problems had been the same. With the third girl, Danny had left feelings out of it entirely, resulting in what was more or less a functioning affair. Until his conscience had finally forced him to come clean to his partner, and she’d disappeared forever.
Jörg wanted so badly for the kid to find someone. But what could he tell him? To keep his secret to himself? Wasn’t it his duty as Danny’s guardian to emphasize the importance of honesty and fairness?
Then he remembered that he wasn’t Danny’s legal guardian anymore, and his mood brightened. Now he could give him advice as a friend.
“It is wonderful, Danny. You just can’t make the same mistake. Don’t tell her.”
Danny stared at him, aghast. “You can’t be serious.”
“I am. Nobody can force you to do that. You’ve got to think of yourself every once in a while. And you’re not an idiot; you know when to exercise caution. As long as you don’t put her in danger, keeping it to yourself is a totally legitimate option.”
“I don’t know.” Danny’s expression darkened, and he began chewing on his fingernail again. “I’m not very comfortable with that.”
Jörg took a deep breath. “I’ve been giving you advice for five years. And for five years you’ve been ignoring my advice and doing whatever your stubborn head tells you to do. You could at least listen to me this one time.”
“I’ll think about it.” Danny sank down further into his chair and tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling. “Though it’s probably a moot point anyway,” he added thoughtfully. “I was pretty rude to her a couple weeks ago, told her in no uncertain terms that I didn’t want a relationship.”
Jörg shook his head. “You need to work on yourself, Danny. You’re too impulsive.”
“It wasn’t impulsive. I did it on purpose. Out of fear of the future.”
“You think way too much. At your age, relationships come and go. Most of them end after a short time, anyway. Don’t think about the future at all.” Jörg smiled almost euphorically. “Call her. Apologize. Smooth things over!”
“How am I supposed to do that? How can I apologize? I can’t explain myself to her without actually saying anything about…you know.”
“True.” Jörg pondered for a moment. “Well, think of something. Tell her you just got out of a failed relationship. Tell her you needed time.”
Danny shook his head in amazement. “You can’t be suggesting I start a relationship based on a lie!”
Jörg shrugged. “If necessary, that’s exactly what I’m suggesting. There has to be a way. Don’t just throw in the towel.”
“I’ll think about it,” Danny repeated.
“Tell me about her. What do you like about her?”
“Her name is Jessica.” Danny’s unusually blue eyes seemed to light up. “She’s a couple of years younger than I am. Slender, with long hair. She’s kind of bitchy, but she’s sweet, too.” Danny squinted one eye in thought. “But most importantly, she stands up for herself. I can’t just wrap her around my little finger like I can most girls. She gives as good as she gets…and she seems like she’s interested in me as a person. She doesn’t just like me for my looks, the way everyone else does.” He smiled crookedly. “I think I need that. I need someone who will look beneath the surface sometimes, not just tune out the things they don’t want to hear… Yeah, I want someone who will really get to know me. It’ll have to be a girl who doesn’t scare too easily. You need pretty damn thick skin to put up with me.”