When Danny aced his certification exams, Jörg, Christina, Ricky, Simon, Danny, and I all went out to celebrate. Vanessa didn’t join us, though. She and Ricky had just broken up, and although they’d parted as friends, she didn’t want to see him just yet.

After bar-hopping for a while, we all sat around Danny’s backyard late into the night. Finally, Christina cleared away the empty bottles, and Danny drove us home.

“You won’t have to drive me around much longer,” I said as he drove up to my building and shut off the engine. “Four more weeks, and then I can drive myself home!”

“I don’t mind driving you, Ducky,” he said. “I’m happy to do it.”

“I mind, though. I’d like to be able to come out to see you without my brother.”

Danny nodded. “Okay, I can understand that. But then you’ll need a car. What kind of car would you want?”

“I’ve never told you this, but I already have a car,” I told him. “I’ve had one for almost a year now.”

He blinked. “Why would you own a car before you have a license?”

“Back when I was still with Alexander… Well, he works for Mercedes, and buying old, rare Mercedes models and restoring them is a hobby of his. I bought one off him. A 190. AMG, DTM edition.” I was proud of that car. It was one-of-a-kind, lovingly cobbled together. I wouldn’t have wanted any other one.

But Danny wrinkled his nose. I didn’t know if it was because the car was from Alexander, or because he wanted to give me one himself. Maybe both. I suspected he’d been planning on doing just that for my eighteenth birthday. “Is it halfway decent, at least? Is it safe?”

“Of course!” I was indignant. “It’s a Mercedes. Cars don’t get any safer.”

He nodded, obviously trying not to let his irritation show. “Maybe you should just start sleeping over at my place on weekends.”

My heart began to race. I’d been wanting to do that for a long time, but I’d never had the guts to bring it up. “Sure, if you want,” I said, trying to sound nonchalant.

“Why not, right? I mean, you stayed over once before.”

That felt like a hundred years ago.

“You’ll be eighteen soon. Then nobody else can have a say in it.”

“Nobody would have a problem with it now, either,” I said. “My parents like you a lot.” It was true, they really did. We’d all gone out to eat together a few weeks before, so that they could meet him, and they’d liked him immediately.

How could anyone not like Danny?

“As soon as I’m back, you can stay over every weekend,” he said, interrupting my train of thought. “During the week, too, if commuting all that way isn’t too much trouble for you.”

Back?

I eyed him distrustfully. “As soon as you’re back from what?”

He hesitated. “Promise me you won’t completely freak out.”

My pulse sped up immediately, and I grew warm. “Where are you going?” I studied his face.

“Tina has to go back to a drug rehab clinic. Follow-up care, so to speak.” He gave me a meaningful look. “She told me about your conversation.” Of course she had. I’d thought she might, but then, all this time, Danny had been acting like everything was normal. “She’s clean already. She spent thirty weeks there last year. Involuntary inpatient. She’s doing well. I spent a long time trying to get her off the stuff, but it was tough. She kept relapsing. So, it’s important for her to go back again this year to reinforce the progress she’s made. If everything goes well, she can start working part-time this summer. I think I can get her a job at the gym, working at the juice bar…”

When he talked this much, it was usually because he was trying to avoid discussing something specific.

“Well, I’m very happy for her,” I said, and I genuinely meant it. “I’ll keep my fingers crossed that everything works out. But what exactly does Christina’s rehab clinic have to do with you?”

Danny took a deep breath, as if bracing himself. “I’m going with her. I’m going to stay with her. We’re leaving next week.”

“What? Why? Why didn’t anyone say anything to me about it?”

His gaze held mine fast. “She needs me. She can’t do it alone. Someone needs to be there to support her, and I’m all she has. I’ll be back, I promise!”

“How long will you be gone?” I made no effort to hide my displeasure.

“Depends. The plan for now is eight weeks. Six, if everything goes well... Ten, if it doesn’t.”

“Ten weeks?” I shrieked at him. My stomach cramped up in knots, and my blood began pulsing hotly in my veins. “And you’re telling me now? A few days before you leave? We couldn’t have discussed this sooner?”

“There’s nothing to discuss.” His voice remained steely. “I don’t have a choice. This is about her life!”

Determined not to lose all composure, I clenched my purse tightly, as if I were trying to crumple it into a ball. “You’re not responsible for her.” I sounded like a sullen child.

“That’s not how I see it, Jessica. Like I said, I’m all she has!”

I sighed deeply. “Right.” Peas in a pod. Yin and yang. “Where is this place, then? I’ll come visit you.”

He closed his eyes, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. “Too far for you to drive by yourself. But Jörg and Ricky are each planning to come at least once. They agreed to bring you with them, if you want. So that’s two visits right there.”

Wonderful. Thanks a lot, Christina! “As soon as I have my driver’s license, I’ll drive myself,” I told him, still trying to process all this information.

“It’s a pretty long trip, and you’re a new driver,” he pointed out with a skeptical raise of his brow.

“You’re not worried, are you?”

“Of course I am! I’ve seen the way you ride a bike.” He took my hand and looked deep into my eyes. “I still need you.”

I stroked the back of his hand with my thumb. “Have you ever thought maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing if you spent some time away from Christina?” I asked gently, rushing on before he could answer. “How are you going to explain the fact that you’re there together, anyway? Will they let you stay with her if you’re not family? Are you going to tell them you’re her boyfriend or something?” The thought alone made me grit my teeth.

“No, of course not. She’ll be there voluntarily this time, so she’s allowed to bring someone along to support her. And besides…” Taking another deep breath, he let go of my hand and crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s also a therapy center for people working through childhood trauma, so I belong there, too.”

“Danny… Why do you belong there too?” I tried to meet his eyes, but he shut them, avoiding my gaze. His fingernails dug into the skin on his bare arms, and he pursed his lips grimly.

Slowly, I scooted toward him. “Talk to me, Danny, please,” I said, trying to pry one of his arms loose. But the more I tugged, the more rigidly he kept them crossed against his body as he shrank away from me as far as he could inside the cramped car. For a moment, I was afraid he would simply get out and walk away.

Too close, a voice whispered inside me. You’re much too close to him!

I let go of his arm so I could slide back into my seat, and he relaxed almost instantly. He took several deep, slow breaths before opening his eyes and blinking at me through his long lashes.

“You know why,” he whispered. “And someday I’ll tell you myself. I promise. Be patient with me.”

I swallowed. “Okay.”

He took my hand again and drew it in to give me a kiss on the finger. “Thank you.”

“So, Tina will be working through her own trauma there, too?”

“Yeah.”

Now I was the one bracing myself for a difficult conversation. This was a good opportunity to bring up something that had been bothering me for a long time. “She told me…she gets in bed with you when she can’t sleep.”

“That’s true.” He shifted uncertainly. “She does.”

“Which means she’ll probably do that at the rehab clinic, too, right? Where she’ll be facing all of that again? She’ll sneak into your room at night to sleep with you?”

Danny began chewing on his thumbnail. “Maybe, yeah. Is that a problem?”

“It is for me.” I twirled a lock of hair around my finger awkwardly.

Just tell him already!

“I don’t like it because I want you all to myself.” There. Now it was out, and there was no taking it back.

Danny’s expression remained earnest. “She just wants to feel protected, to be close to someone else. It’s not about intimacy, it’s about safety.”

“Don’t you think it’s weird that a girl traumatized by rape would climb into bed with some other guy to feel safe?”

Danny snorted and looked at the ceiling. “Not at all. I mean, it’s not just some guy she’s crawling into bed with. It’s me.” He shook his head, looking thoughtful. “Seriously, Ducky, you must have noticed by now. I’m not like that. All the flirting, the phone number hunting, that’s just for show. It’s a facade. It’s not me.” Still gazing at me, he added dryly, “You could tie Christina to my stomach naked and nothing would happen between us.”

I didn’t have the slightest doubt that he was telling the truth. “Yeah,” I said. “I know that.”

He turned his body toward me and laid his hand on my cheek. Even in the darkness of the car, I could see the gleaming blue of his eyes. “I love you, Jessica,” he whispered. “I’ve never loved anyone else the way I love you.”

All I could do was stare at him.

Danny laughed softly and held out a key ring with a single key. “In case you get bored or you feel like practicing your driving, you can come by and water the plants or feed the cat.”

They didn’t have a cat to feed, and I’d never seen a plant there, either, but I understood the gesture: his home was open to me at any time now. I could come and go as I liked.

 

***

 

They left on a Wednesday morning, and his first text arrived later that afternoon.

Ducky,

We arrived safely. It’s a beautiful house on a hill. The people here are super nice, and even the food is good.

Tina’s room is right beside mine, which she’s obviously very happy about (she hates having to travel far!)

But the best part are the girls here: all blonde, 36-24-36, with legs that go on forever!

So I won’t be missing you!

Danny

I had to laugh. I wrote my response while I was out walking Leika:

I’m glad you made it okay. Say hi to Tina for me, and tell her to give you a hug from me as long as she’s crawling around in your bed at night anyway.

Glad you’re keeping yourself amused. I’ll be sure and live it up here, too.

As soon as I get my license, I’m driving to your place and throwing the goddamn cat out the window!

PS: My legs are long enough to reach the ground—that’s good enough for me!

His reply came immediately.

I’ll pass the message on to Tina :-)

And in case you haven’t noticed yet, I live on the first floor, so the goddamn cat will survive the fall.

I really think this place is going to be good for both of us.

I miss you already. Hope you can visit soon.

PS: I don’t even like blondes!