41
“Baby, you sleep?”
It had been a few days since all of her family drama. The last time I tried to say what I needed to say, her sister interrupted me, but time was getting away from us. In two weeks, I’d have to leave to start my next assignment, which was already lined up for me.
“No. Can’t sleep.”
“Worried about your sister?”
“No. I’ve talked to her, and she’s fine. I’m more proud of her than anything.”
“Your parents?”
“Not really. Mama’s good and I haven’t heard from Daddy. I tried to call his office like he asked me to, and he had them take a message.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I figured this was how it would play out. Can’t miss what you never had. I never had a relationship with him.”
“Then what is it?”
She rolled over, and even in the darkness, I could feel her eyes on me. “Us.”
She’d been kind enough not to bring it up since our argument, but I guess she was over being kind.
“Come with me,” I blurted.
“Come with you?”
“Yeah. They’re sending me to Arizona. It’s not a franchise this time. The company is actually building a huge resort there. I’ll be there for at least a year, maybe longer, and I want you to come with me.”
“Come with you?” she repeated.
“Yeah. I think that’s the best solution. You can still do your videos and rent out the other side of this place and manage it from there. Your sisters can keep watch over it.”
She sat up. A second or two later, the bedside lamp popped on. When she turned to look at me, there was apprehension on her face. “So you want me to move to Arizona with you?”
“Yeah, baby.”
“As your girlfriend?”
I chuckled. “Yes, isn’t that what you are?”
She sighed. “You want me to leave my home and my family while it’s all in disarray and move to Arizona as your girlfriend? What If we break up? What then? I just hop on a plane and come home? Go on with my life?”
I sat up. This was definitely not the reaction I expected. “That’s not going to happen. We won’t break up.”
“You can guarantee that?”
“Yes!”
She stood and crossed her arms over her chest, causing her night shirt to bunch up under her breasts. “I love you, but I’m not doing that.”
I hopped up and stood on my side of the bed. “What?!”
“I’m not moving to Arizona as your girlfriend!”
“Angie, what—” I stopped myself, realizing what was going on. “Ang, you wanna get married? Is that it?”
She dropped her eyes. “I want security. There’s no security in being your girlfriend, Ryan.”
“Baby, I don’t think I’m ready for that. This is my first real relationship. I’m not saying I’ll never propose, but I can’t right now.”
She rubbed her hands up and down her arms. “I’m not trying to pressure you into anything you don’t wanna do, but I’m thirty, Ryan, and this is my third serious relationship. I spent years as someone’s girlfriend—six with one man, five with another—and each time, I was left alone with nothing to show for it. I can’t keep doing the same stupid stuff and ending up alone. You might not be ready, but I am. I’m more than ready.”
I stepped around the bed. “So if I don’t propose, that’s it? We’re over?”
“No! No, I love you Ryan. That hasn’t changed. You’re it for me. I guess we’ll just have to do the long-distance thing for a while.”
I rested my hand on her cheek. “I don’t understand. If we’ll still be together, why stay here? Just come with me, baby. I’m not going to break up with you or cheat on you. I’m not those other guys.”
“I know you’re not. But this is what I feel I have to do, Ryan. For me. I’m not going to be someone’s girlfriend for years again. If I go with you, I’m afraid that’s all I’ll ever be to you. I feel like I’m the one who’s making the sacrifice and I’m the one who stands to lose the most if we don’t work out.”
I didn’t know what to say other than, “But…Angie, I don’t want to leave you. I need you with me.”
“I know, and I need you, too. I just can’t go. Not like this.”
I sighed. “Okay. Whatever you want.” I backed into the bed and sat down. “Angela, what did you expect me to do when I said I’d figure something out? There were only two options: me staying here or you coming with me. My job requires that I travel, so you coming with me makes the most sense.”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I just…” Her tears fell then, a steady stream that she tried to wipe away before totally breaking down. “I don’t want to lose you, Ryan. But I just can’t do it.”
Despite the fact that I was confused, hurt, and shit, even angry, my only thought was to make her feel better, so I pulled her to me, into my lap, and I held her in my arms and whispered in her ear, “You’re not going to lose me, baby. I love you. I’ll always love you. We can visit each other, talk on the phone, Skype, whatever. And when the time is right, we’ll be together again. Permanently.”
“You promise?” she whimpered.
“Yeah, baby. I promise.”
*****
I kind of dragged through the next couple of weeks in a haze. No matter how I tried to reason with myself that I hadn’t known Angela that long and that I could survive without her, this shit still hurt. The thought of being in Arizona, anywhere, without her, made my chest tighten. I went through the motions at work, went home and spent nearly every second I could holding her, loving her, trying to fill my mind with memories of her scent, her touch, the sound of her voice.
This was hard, probably the hardest thing I’d ever done. It was easy to leave my dad and brother behind, because that was what I needed. Being around them was bringing me down after all the hard work I’d put in to make myself what I was—educated, successful. I had to get away from them. And yeah, I’d dumped women left and right without a second thought. But this? I didn’t want to do this. This was the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted her. I needed her. And I was scared to damn death that once I left, I’d lose her for good.
I had to wonder if this was my punishment for all the stuff I did to women before. Was this karma? If so, I guessed I deserved it, but that sure didn’t make it hurt any less.
The day of the hotel’s opening, just three days before I was supposed to fly to Arizona, I stood around and smiled and shook hands as the CEO of Sable Inc., Derek Hill, praised me for a job well done. Mr. Hill was good people, so it was nice to get a compliment from him. Even my boss, Glenn, was in a good mood as I led them on a tour. I had done my job, and I’d done it well. Romey, Tennessee’s Sable Inn was beautiful, a perfect representation of the company, and while an accomplishment like this once would’ve brought me joy, at that moment as I led the gentlemen through the hotel, I felt miserable, like none of this mattered anymore because I was about to lose the only woman I had ever loved.
“Can’t wait to see you work your magic in Arizona,” Glenn said. “You’ll have a lot more on your shoulders there. Are you ready?”
I looked at him and nodded. “I’m always ready.”
I thanked the ticket agent as I clutched my boarding pass in my hand and slung my carry-on bag over my shoulder. Angela was waiting for me off to the side with a look on her face that made my heart ache. She looked so…sad.
I walked over to her, grasping her hand and kissing her on the cheek. “You okay?” I asked, as we walked toward the TSA checkpoint.
She shook her head. “No.”
“You could still come with me.”
A tear trickled down her cheek. “I know, but—”
I looked away from her. “I know, baby. I wish I could stay. I…” I shook my head and stopped talking, because my grown-man-ass was tearing up. I wasn’t going out like that.
I spotted a row of seats just to the right of the TSA area and led her to them. We both sat and kind of just stared at each other. Finally, I said, “Two weeks. Remember? It’ll take that long for me to get everything going. Then I can come back to see you. But I need to concentrate on the job for those two weeks.”
She nodded. “I know.”
“And if you want, you can fly back with me for a few days.”
“Okay.” She was sobbing now, so I pulled her to me and held her for as long as time would allow me.
Then I pulled away. “I gotta go, Angie.”
She sniffled, wiped her eyes, and said, “All right. I love you.”
“I love you, too,” I said, wiping away the remnant of her tears.
She walked me to the security checkpoint line and waved. I waved back, and turned away from her, felt like I couldn’t breathe for a second, and turned back around. When I saw her walking away, I panicked. Took off running behind her, yelling, “Angela! Wait!”
She stopped, spun around, and waited for me. Once I reached her, I dropped my bag and wrapped my arms around her, holding her tightly to me, kissing her. At that moment, I realized just how much I loved her and knew I wouldn’t be any good without her.
Thirty minutes later, I was on a plane to Arizona.
Alone.