Lia
Tory had delivered on her promise of single men, in addition to several of our sorority sisters. More than fifty people milled around the pool and back garden. There was a slight chill in the early summer air, but I’d chosen an outdoor venue to allow more space. It had absolutely nothing to do with wanting Declan to see me having a good time with anyone but him. I was completely full of it, and my actions were immature.
Speaking of having fun, I forced myself to smile harder at Leo. Smiling wasn’t the problem so much as keeping in the laughter. He was a nice guy, and clearly well educated, but his beard was a phenomenal mistake. Some guys could carry the lumbersexual look and make it hot, but slightly chubby Leo wasn’t one of them. Rather than looking like a hot bodybuilder laden with tattoos and facial hair he was too badass to shave, he looked more like a college professor or a computer engineer too busy in the lab to shave.
Even that wasn’t quite right, because his full beard was bushy and meticulously groomed. He appeared to have waxed and combed each whisker separately. I didn’t want to be shallow, and I certainly wouldn’t rule out dating someone based on his lumberjack beard, but every time I looked away from his brown eyes, the mesmerizing sight caught my gaze. I couldn’t help imagining trying to kiss him and how that hair would tickle, and the urge to giggle would return.
It wasn’t going to work out with us, but I didn’t make any move to engage the other guys. I’d had more than a passing look tossed my way by several of the male guests, but I couldn’t work up the enthusiasm. Instead, I’d gravitated to Leo, who was safe and not sexually tempting.
That wasn’t going to help me accomplish my goal of getting laid, but I couldn’t seem to get over the mental block. Finally, Leo excused himself to go get a drink, and when I saw him pause to flirt with a couple of girls who clearly appreciated his rugged look more than I did, I knew I’d lost my safety net.
Forcing myself to circulate, I nodded to guys, but only stopped to talk to groups with women. It was silly, but I kept thinking Declan would show up and find me. Our eyes would lock across the crowd, and he’d sweep me off my feet, grovel for being a bastard the last couple of days, and take me to bed.
That wasn’t how it played out, because reality always sucks way more than fantasy. I saw him join the party about an hour after it had started. Unlike a lot of the guys, who had dressed up in slacks and oxfords even for this kind of gathering, he wore sinfully tight pale blue jeans and an even tighter red shirt that revealed every detail of his sculpted abs from half the distance of the patio.
He glanced briefly at me before taking a bottle of beer from a tub of ice. With either skill or luck, he opened it with his thumb, and the metal lid hit the cement with a ping. A girl near him, wearing a dress even more revealing than mine, giggled and bent over to pick it up for him. They were soon talking and standing too close.
Annoyed, I turned my back on them and walked farther away. The next hot guy to catch my eye got an adoring smile, and I veered over to him. He was tall and broad-shouldered, with light blond hair, blue eyes, and blinding white teeth when he grinned.
“I’m Chase.”
“Lia.” I put my hand on his forearm. “Do you want to dance?”
“Sure, babe.” He set down his drink on the patio.
I was too far immersed in my pissed-off temptress mode to worry about the health hazard posed by a glass on the cement. Instead, I let him sweep me too close and pull me toward the impromptu dancing area farthest from the pool.
Chase wrapped me up in his arms, and I tried to pretend like it felt good. I closed my eyes and laid my cheek against his chest. We swayed slowly, though the music was faster than the beat we kept. Somehow, he held me tightly and groped me at the same time.
I gritted my teeth and really tried to endure it, but I knew my heart wasn’t in it. Heck, not even my body was into it. I didn’t want him. I just wanted to be away from him.
Politely, I tried to wiggle backward, but he followed, swallowing up my space. I lifted my head to make an excuse to slip away, but he grabbed my hair and tipped back my neck. His mouth was on mine before I could speak or say no.
Ugh, he was a zombie kisser. Chase ravaged my mouth roughly, his tongue and teeth fully engaged. The movie scene popped into my head, and the thought of him biting off my tongue made me nauseated even as I had to stifle the impulse to giggle.
Suddenly, Chase was no longer holding me, and he wasn’t trying to devour my tongue. Instead, he went flying through the air, hitting the pool with a loud splash, followed by a string of angry curses.
Declan stood near me, glaring at Chase and the others. “Get the fuck out. Party’s over.”
Several people groaned, and Chase protested as he tried to lift himself from the pool. It took two more overdressed boys of similar stature to lift him from the water, due to his attire and slick loafers.
“Who the hell do you think you are?” he demanded as he stormed toward us.
I curled my hands into my dress, tugging on the stretchy fabric in my anxiety. “Please just leave, everyone.”
“No.” Chase poked Declan in the chest. “Who does this guy think he is, Lisa?”
“Lia,” I corrected.
“Her stepbrother,” said Declan at the same time.
Chase rolled his eyes. “Go play big brother somewhere else. Lisa and I are having fun.”
“Yeah, no we weren’t exactly.” The jerk couldn’t even remember my name. Did he really think this was going somewhere?
He arched a perfect blond brow. “Really, babe? Because you were all over me.”
“I was not.”
He shrugged. “You were two seconds from humping me, Lisa.”
“Lia,” I shouted in outrage before looking around. Fortunately, most of the partygoers were leaving, but a few stood around to watch the drama unfold.
Tory came over, lightly touching Chase’s arm. “Let’s head out, buddy. I’m sure there are other parties.”
“Hell yeah.” Chase glared at me. “Without slutty cockteases and psycho pieces of shit.”
I knew he was going to do it, but I didn’t bother trying to issue a warning—maybe because I wanted to do it myself. Before he’d even finished the last word, Declan’s fist connected with his jaw. Chase went reeling, leaving his two buddies to catch him and keep him on his feet.
Ignoring them, I moved to Declan. On instinct, I grasped his hand, looking down at the knuckles. “You shouldn’t have hit him. You might have damaged your hand, and then you couldn’t play.”
He gave me an inscrutable look, but didn’t tug his hand from mine. With a glower in Chase’s direction, he nodded his head toward the exit after making eye contact with the jerk’s friends. They hustled out their humiliated pal, who was still yelling threats about lawsuits and arrests as they dragged him away.
I bit my lip. “What if he presses charges?”
Declan waved his hand. “He won’t. First, he’d have to admit that someone got the best of him. Someone like me. P-O-O-R,” he spelled mockingly. “And second, I doubt he’s even twenty-one. He won’t want to admit he was drinking underage.”
I hoped he was right and allowed myself to be convinced. As soon as I stopped worrying about him, I started getting angry again. Not because he had interceded and pulled Chase off me, because I was grateful for that. I was just plain pissed about his hot-and-cold manner.
“Now that you’ve run off everyone, I’m going to bed.” Alone and still a virgin. I was never getting rid of this damned albatross. I supposed I should consider it no big deal, and it would happen when the time was right, but my hormones contravened taking such a relaxed approach—especially with my sexy-as-hell stepbrother so close.
We were all alone out here, and the awareness muted my anger. Those cursed hormones were raging, and the tight dress suddenly felt too hot and constricting.
“What the fuck are you doing?” asked Declan.
I scowled. “What do you mean?”
“You were practically screwing that guy in front of everyone.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “Seriously? You’re so full of it. You seemed to be steering that girl toward the guesthouse. I’m sure you weren’t going to play video games.”
He jerked me against him, holding a handful of my hair almost painfully. For some reason, the aggression in his moves increased my arousal. I still glared at him and tried to pull away.
“Stop.” He spoke firmly, and the authority in his tone was so unexpected that I obeyed the command in spite of myself. “Why are you fighting, Lia?” His hands gentled, and though he still held me close, it was no longer with a sense that he was making me stay. “You want me.”
“I did.” I licked my lips, aware of his gaze following the motion of my tongue. “Three days ago, Declan. I’m over that.”
“Are you?” With a cocky grin, he thrust his lengthening erection into my stomach, grinding slowly. “I’m not over it.”
“Then why have you been such a dick the past few days?” I hated the way my voice broke a bit, betraying how upset I was behind the anger. I didn’t want him to know he’d hurt me.
He shifted slightly, looking uncomfortable. “I was sorting stuff out. Like whether it’s okay to bang my stepsister.”
“When you phrase it like that…” I rolled my eyes. “You’re the one who told me this was between us, not our fathers, and now you’re having second thoughts?” I wrenched away from him, putting a few feet between us. “You aren’t my brother. You’re barely more than a stranger. I’m so done with your games.” In a huff, I spun around and strode back toward the house.
When he jerked me into his arms, I screamed and tried to pull away.
“Easy, princess.” He set me down, pointing to the ground and Chase’s discarded glass. “I didn’t want you to trip and kill yourself. Your dad would never forgive me.” He spoke as if that prospect didn’t bother him.
“Oh.” I stood frozen. “Uh, thanks.” As I started to turn back to the house, he spoke again, making me pause.
“I know exactly what I have to do now, Lia. I want to take you to the guesthouse and fuck you.”
I looked at him cautiously. Fuck sounded so raw and vulgar. I shivered with anticipation, even as I fought my own hesitation. I had vowed I wouldn’t just roll over and accept his shitty behavior the past few days if he approached me again. I also admitted I had staged this whole party to get his attention, and I wouldn’t have gotten tangled with Chase under any circumstances if I hadn’t been trying to make Declan jealous.
“You want to fuck me?” I licked my lips. “How long?”
“All night.”
I sighed. “No, I mean what are you expecting?”
“Orgasms.”
I sighed more heavily. “Is this just a quick fling?”
He shrugged. “I don’t do labels and all that crap, Lia. We can fuck for however long it lasts, or we can forget the whole thing, but don’t expect roses, promises, and tender lovemaking. That’s not my style.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I figured that.” I was surprisingly okay with it. Declan was offering me what I wanted, and he wasn’t pretending it was more than that. In my mind, I tentatively affixed an end date of when our dads returned. “Okay.”
“Okay, what?”
“Let’s fuck.” It was strange to say it so baldly, but also exciting. By the time he dragged me into the guesthouse, my panties were sodden, and my stomach was bubbling with anticipation.
He stripped me in the foyer, barely waiting for the door to close behind us. I preened as he admired me in the sexy underwear. There had been no need for a bra with the lined dress, and he had already seen my breasts. He’d technically seen all of me, but this felt different. Maybe because I knew where it was going this time.
“Come on upstairs.”
I clutched his hand and followed him up the stairs after kicking off my high heels at the bottom step. He shed the red T-shirt on the landing and had hopped out of his jeans by the time we reached the first guestroom. It was the one with the king-size bed and black and red décor. Such a perfect setting for a first-time fuck.
The lights were dim and arranged to spotlight the bed. It was kind of romantic. I frowned. “Were you planning this all along?”
He looked sheepish. “My intent was to bring you here, but then that damned party interfered. I was annoyed with you making me wait, and by your flirtation with Paul Bunyan, so I grabbed the first chick and pretended to be way into her.” I didn’t doubt his sincerity when he added, “But there’s only one girl I want to be in tonight, Lia.”
Feeling nervous, I confessed in a rush, “I’ve never done this before.”
He smirked. “Yeah, I figured that out on my own.”
“I really want to. I’ve been writing about it in my stupid diary and thinking about it for months, but it’s gotten really bad the past few days.” I stepped closer, pressing my hand to his chest. “I want you so much, Declan.”
“I want you too, sweet stepsister.”
His words were naughty and wrong, and I didn’t miss the teasing in his gaze. That didn’t mean there wasn’t a tiny part of me that didn’t find the taboo aspect kind of hot.
A second later, his mouth was on mine, starting slow and coaxing. By the time he escalated to what I’d normally consider zombie kissing, I was too far immersed in my own passion. I kind of feared biting off his tongue in my state of frantic need.
He eased me back to the bed as we kissed, until he had to break contact to lay me down. I was amused as he arranged me just so. He clearly had a vision of this encounter too, and I was content to play along.
Until he lifted my wrist to strap me into a leather cuff. Reflexively, I tugged. “Let me out of here, Declan.”
He grinned. “Nah, I don’t think so.”
I yelped with protest when he brought my other wrist up to the opposite frame. “I don’t think I like this.” That wasn’t entirely true, because a new flood of arousal spilled into my tiny lace panties when he buckled me in securely.
“Yeah, you do.” To emphasize his point, Declan stroked me between the thighs, dipping two of his fingers into my slick folds without resistance. “You’re a dirty girl, Lia. You just need to admit it and embrace the idea.”
“I’m not going to let you boss me around.”
Declan grabbed my hair, pulling my head back forcefully, but with a touch of gentleness. The juxtaposition made the whole thing more exciting. “Yeah, you are, sis.”
I shuddered. “Don’t call me that.”
He smirked. “It’s true, isn’t it? Technically, you’re my stepsister, and you want your stepbrother to fuck you. Don’t you?”
I nodded eagerly, stretching to reach his mouth.
Declan brushed a kiss against the corner of my mouth before speaking clearly. “So beg me, sis. Plead with your big brother to fuck you.”
I gasped, shocked, outraged, and aroused by the idea. “This is ridiculous, Declan. Untie me.”
“You’re not tied.” He grinned. “You’re strapped. I’ll let you go if you really want, but no more fun games, sweet stepsister.”
“Stop it,” I hissed, hating and loving the way he exaggerated the forbidden aspect of our attraction. It wasn’t really scandalous, but I knew some people would construe this as completely wrong. Sick and disgusting, I guessed. There must be some people who would consider our affair incestuous despite the lack of growing up together, or that we barely knew each other.
I decided I didn’t care. I wanted Declan, and if he wanted to play kinky games, I could do that. Licking my lips, I looked up at him as innocently as possible. “Please, big brother, fuck your little sister.”
A flash of dark satisfaction morphed his expression before it faded into one of serious passion. His mouth was soon on mine again as his hands explored me. It was exciting, if unnerving, to have my hands restrained and be at his mercy. It required a lot of trust, and I was surprised to find I did trust him. Declan might be a jerk sometimes, but I was sure he would never hurt me deliberately.
My certainty increased when he settled between my thighs after kissing his way down. I’d never felt anything like it when he dipped his tongue inside me, swirling around my slick passage. When he centered on my clit, I cried out his name and arched frantically against his face.
It didn’t take long to come, but the release only fueled my need for more. I was eager when Declan pulled on a condom before kneeling between my splayed legs. I lifted my pelvis to open myself to him as his erection pressed into my tight walls. It hurt for a moment, and then he was fully inside me, and I felt nothing but bliss.
As he thrust in and out of me, his pace increasing and mine matching, I couldn’t believe the filthy things coming out of my mouth. He seemed amused and aroused by my dirty talk, so I gave it free rein. As I came, I gripped his buttocks and pulled him deeper into me. I screamed his name as release swept through me. He swelled inside me, and his cock twitched before his warmth seeped through the condom, though the barrier remained intact.
I was a woman now. My stepbrother’s woman. It was still a deliciously dirty thought, and I dozed off with a grin on my face.
Declan
Oh, fuck. She had been like a filthy porno actress. I couldn’t have asked for a better performance if I had directed her. Goddamn, Lia was hot with a side of kinky that was a complete contrast to her sweet demeanor. She was fucking perfect.
And I was going to fuck it all up by releasing the sex tape I’d filmed last night. She’d followed the first performance with a few more, always up to what I suggested. Sweet Lia had done everything I’d suggested and had some of her own ideas that we’d indulged before she’d fallen into an exhausted heap and slept the rest of the drained.
I wanted to sleep, but I couldn’t. Instead, I sat at my computer, editing the images I’d captured. I couldn’t help being aroused by watching our sex. I groaned softly when she turned on all fours and offered me her sweet pussy. I’d taken her hard that time, and she had loved every minute.
So had I, and it showed in the video. The whole world would know I’d screwed my stepsister, but when I was done editing, they would see Lia begging me for it, not my instigation. The sex tape would do nothing to harm me. It might even propel my career.
It would completely destroy her reputation and probably her confidence. It might even wreck her sexuality. I was going to utterly ruin the one woman who’d made me feel anything besides desire in a long time. No, ever. I had never really felt anything for the women I bedded, other than physical urges. I hadn’t connected with them on any other level.
I liked Lia. I could probably even fall in love with her, if I allowed it, and we were together long enough. I didn’t think I was imagining that she was feeling similar emotions for me. It was way too soon to be thinking anything serious, but the hollow words I’d offered her earlier, about avoiding labels and relationships, came back to mock me.
I could be happy with Lia, but at the expense of my mother’s happiness. She was still suicidal, and I had promised to deliver her revenge. I racked my brain for any other way to make that happen without involving Lia, but I came up blank.
Finally, with a sick twist in my stomach, I saved the edited video and uploaded it to my Cloud account for safekeeping. Then, feeling like the world’s biggest bastard, I crawled back into bed beside the woman I had spent the night fucking and was about to fuck over.
My conscience didn’t keep me from pulling her into my arms and holding her close to me. Nor did it dampen the pleasure I got just from having her so close, even without engaging in anything sexual.
Fuck, I was so far gone. My revenge scheme was still brilliant, but hadn’t accounted for the idea that I might start to care about my target. I cared more about Lia than I did about getting revenge on Tom Ambrose, but I couldn’t deviate from the course.
She snuggled closer, whispering something sweet, and returned to a deep sleep. I surrendered, allowing myself to enjoy the moment, because it couldn’t last. She would hate me when she found out what I was planning to do—had done, because it would already be completed by the time she discovered my scheme.
***
“What the hell is going on here?”
The angry question jerked me out of a sound sleep, and I blinked fuzzily. Lia was still against me, but she was stirring in my arms. I forced open my gaze to see Tom looming over the bed, with my dad a half-step behind.
“Hey, Dad,” I said, voice raspy. “You’re back early.”
“Food poisoning,” said Mike, shooting a worried glance at Lia’s dad. “Um, what is going on here, Declan?”
With a regretful glance at Lia, I embraced the opportunity to really throw it in Tom’s face. I hadn’t expected this, but I had to seize the moment. “What’s it look like? I’m just fucking my sweet sister.”
Lia stiffened in my arms before sitting up and putting some distance between us. “Declan,” she hissed.
“What’s the problem, babe?” I affected an unconcerned demeanor. “We’re all about the family, aren’t we? And about doing whatever makes us happy, no matter who gets hurt?”
“That’s enough,” barked Tom. “Get dressed and get out.”
“He’s my son,” said Mike firmly.
“He’s…” Tom waved his hands.
“I’ll deal with it.” Dad glared at me. “Get your clothes on and come down to the sitting room. We need to talk.”
I shrugged. “About what? It’s just a little fuck. It didn’t mean anything.” I pretended not to notice her indrawn breath or hurt expression. “Hey, Tom, you’ll be glad to know she’s not a total slut. Lia was a tight little virgin before I popped her cherry.”
She slapped me as hard as she could. I saw her hand coming, but I did nothing to block it. She owed me that and more. I took it stoically, not allowing a hint of the sting to show. Damn, she had a good swing. If she’d hit me with a fist instead of her opened hand, I might be spitting blood on the sheets. “Feel better?” I asked coolly. “If not, I know how to make you feel good.”
“You bastard.” With a cry of outrage, she stumbled from my bed, wrapping the comforter around her awkwardly as she ran from the room.
Tom glowered at me for a second before turning to run after his daughter.
The revenge wasn’t as satisfying as I’d hoped, but this had only been a tiny, unexpected bonus. The public humiliation was forthcoming, as soon as I uploaded the video to the right sites.
“Get dressed,” barked my dad again, making no attempt to mask his anger.
With a shrug, I slid from the bed as he stormed out of the guestroom. I slid on fresh underwear and a pair of lounge pants, forcing myself not to allow Lia’s hurt expression to infiltrate my mind.
I padded on bare feet down the marble stairs, finding my dad in the sitting room. I stepped into the room, but didn’t sit. I had no obligation to stay, and I planned to bail as soon as he knew why I’d done this.
“Oh, Declan.”
I frowned, not expecting the note of sadness in his voice. It made me defensive, which I didn’t like. I wanted to be cold and distant. “What?” Damn, I sounded just like I did when I scratched the car the first week I’d gotten my license and tried to hide it.
He shook his head. “How could you use Lia to hurt me and Tom?”
I blinked, not having expected him to figure it out so soon. I debated about playing dumb or brazening it out. In the end, I simply said, “You had it coming.”
He shook his head again. “Maybe, but I don’t think so. I’m finally happy, Dec, and I don’t believe I should have to pay for that. Whether you believe otherwise still doesn’t excuse dragging an innocent girl into this.”
I snorted. “You’re one to talk about innocence. Look what you did to Mom.”
My dad mimicked my snorting sound. “Deidre got exactly what she deserved, Declan.” He sighed. “I’d hoped to avoid telling you our sordid history, but you need to know everything, I guess.”
“I know all I need to.” Remembering Mom bleeding on the floor strengthened my resolve. “I’m outta here.”
“Not yet. You’re going to sit down and listen to me.”
He was so forceful, yet quietly so, that I found myself reverting to childhood and automatically obeying. I walked over to the nearest chair and sat down, aware I did so with the ill grace of a pouting teenager instead of the resolve of a grown man committed to a path.
“Your mother has known all along I was gay, Declan.”
I stared at him, allowing my expression not to betray the shock coursing through me. I shook my head, rejecting the idea. “That’s a lie.”
“It’s not.” He sat in the seat nearest me. “Things were different thirty years ago, son. I couldn’t be out, especially if I wanted to be successful and not be disowned by my family. She offered to pretend to be my girlfriend to take off the pressure.”
I forced myself not to react, though my hands folded into tight fists.
“I thought she was being a good friend, but your mother had an agenda.” Looking disgusted, he said, “She drugged me and raped me.”
My eyes widened, and I shook my head. “That’s bullshit.”
“It isn’t. She did it several times until she was pregnant. I had no memory of it, of course, and I still don’t, but she was happy to tell me all about it when I told her I was leaving to be with Tom. When she first got pregnant, she told me we’d gotten drunk and had done something stupid. I had no memory, so I took her word for it.”
“How could you get that drunk?” I scoffed, still not believing his version of my mother.
“Tom had left me.”
I jolted in shock. “Tom? Tom Ambrose?”
Mike nodded. “Yeah. We were lovers for a few years, but he got tired of my reluctance to embrace our relationship and go public. He had issued me an ultimatum, and I was too frightened of the backlash to choose him. Your mother’s explanation was plausible, and there she was pregnant with my baby.”
Looking deep into my eyes, he seemed completely truthful when he said, “I did the right thing and married her. It was a disaster. Your mother thought I was a lot wealthier than I was, son. My family was comfortable, and I made a good salary, but I wasn’t rich. The trappings she’d seen—yachts, helicopters, limos—had all been provided by Tom’s wealth, not mine.”
“Why didn’t she divorce you then?” I challenged.
“Because the life I could give her was still better than her humbler roots. She wanted to be a cherished housewife and mother, not a hardworking waitress as her mother had been. I tried to stick it out, but I was miserable.” My dad exhaled raggedly. “When you were three, I knew I had to get out of the marriage. I packed my bags and left.”
I had no memory of that.
“I came home that weekend to pick you up for a visit, and I found your mother on the bathroom floor, bleeding from shallow cuts on her wrists.”
Rather than sounding concerned, he sounded bitter. I glared at him. “You’ve known she’s suicidal all this time and did nothing to help her?”
He snorted. “I insisted she get help. I moved back in and made another effort at being a husband. A few years later, I was done and couldn’t keep up the pretense. Again, she tried to kill herself, and I stayed.” He looked directly in my eyes. “That pattern repeated three times before I gave up and just accepted I was stuck. I couldn’t have her death on my conscience.”
“Until Tom came back.” I sneered. “Then she didn’t matter.”
“It’s true that Tom was the catalyst. We ran into each other at a conference, and the spark was still there. I had never stopped loving him, and he felt the same way. My parents are gone, and I’m at a point in my life where I don’t give a damn what being gay does to my career. I decided it was my turn to be happy.”
I didn’t bother to hide my disgust with his selfishness. “She’s going to kill herself.”
He shook his head. “No, she won’t. I had an illuminating conversation with your aunt Celia a few years ago. She told me your mother has often used attempted suicide to manipulate the people in her lives. She’s practically perfected her technique. She always cuts just enough to bleed, but not enough to risk death—and shallow enough to avoid going to a doctor or leaving a scar, because she would be too ashamed if anyone found out.”
My stomach sank as his words penetrated my brain. “I found her bleeding,” I whispered.
My father’s sympathy was genuine. “I suspected that was the case when I realized what you had done. You’re a good person, Dec, and you wouldn’t normally hurt someone deliberately.” Tentatively, he reached out to touch my hand. “You might hate me and Tom for being happy, but Lia has nothing to do with your anger and bitterness. She isn’t a way to make your mother feel better by hurting Tom or me.”
I nodded, nausea creeping up my throat as I realized what I had done. I had fully intended to destroy Lia just to satisfy my mother’s need for vengeance. I’d had what I thought was a good motivation, but with hindsight, I could see what an idiot I had been. Even without knowing my mother’s propensity to use suicide for manipulation, I had acted all wrong.
I should have gotten her medical help instead of running off half-cocked to fulfill her need for revenge. I shook my head, sickened at how I had allowed her to twist me into her blunt instrument of rage. I had swallowed every bit of her routine and had been compelled to continue with the plan even after admitting to myself how wrong it was.
I hung my head. “I’m no better than she is.” A tear slid down my cheek as I allowed myself to wallow in the shame of hurting Lia to get back at Tom and Mike.
“Yes, you are. You know what you’ve done is wrong, and you’re going to make amends.”
He wasn’t issuing a dictate. He was simply speaking as though it was a fact. His confidence in my desire to make things right blew me away. In spite of everything, he still believed in me, and it soothed me a bit, even as it made me feel worse for my part in the scheme.
“How do I fix this, Dad?”
He hesitated before shrugging. “I’m not sure. I guess the first thing to do is figure out if you were just using Lia. If so, I’d suggest a heartfelt apology and steering clear of her for a while. But…”
“But?” I prompted as the silence lengthened.
“But if she means more to you than a way to hurt Tom, I’d suggest you be honest with her. Tell her everything, including what you had planned, and especially how you really feel.”
“Do you think she’ll give me another chance?”
My dad hesitated again. “I don’t know, son. Would you in her position?”
“No.” Utter misery underscored every syllable.
“Let’s hope she’s more forgiving.” He patted my hand before standing up to give me a hug.
I let my dad hold me as I shed a few tears of remorse and shame. Would Lia ever forgive me for what I had done? The idea of confessing everything to her, including how I had manipulated her to play the part of my filthy whore, made me want to run away without looking back. Only the thought of not seeing her again, and not pursuing the possibility of being with her without pretenses or agendas, kept me from bolting out of the guesthouse.
I had fucked up, and now I had to try to make that right. Even if she wanted nothing to do with me, I owed her the truth. Dread filled me at the prospect. As soon as my dad left, I ran upstairs, shrugging on a shirt as I sat down at the desk to shove my feet into sneakers. My first mission was to delete the sex tape and pray she never had to know about it.
No, I knew I couldn’t avoid telling her. I had to confess everything. That didn’t mean I had to keep a copy around. I opened my laptop and logged in to my Cloud storage. I clicked the box to select it and delete, but as I started to press the trashcan icon, I froze.
According to the program, the file had been downloaded one time. I stared, trying to comprehend what that meant. No way could it be true. I had sent it to the Cloud my Internet service provided, but I hadn’t even confirmed its arrival. I sure hadn’t downloaded it.
Who could it be?
Even as I asked myself, I knew. My mother. She somehow had accessed it. I had never been specific about my plans to destroy Tom, so she must have undertaken snooping on her own. It wouldn’t have taken a genius to figure out the file could be important, since I had so cleverly titled it Lia.mpg. Fuck.
I finished deleting the file and emptying the trash to remove it permanently as I debated how to proceed. I could see no alternative but to confront her, and I couldn’t wait. The longer she had that file, the more likely she was to do something awful with it. The same awful thing I had planned.
My stomach burned with acid as I rushed from the guesthouse and straight to the garage. I thought I saw Lia standing in her window as I peeled out of the driveway, but figured it was just wishful thinking on my part. She wouldn’t be standing around looking for me after what I’d done.
I would be lucky if she ever talked to me again—especially if Deidre released the raunchy tape of me bating her to emphasize the stepsibling connection during sex.