Lia
I wanted to sleep, but I couldn’t. I’d lain in bed for the past hour tossing and turning, but I still couldn’t drop off. Another glance at the clock revealed the numbers had crept up five minutes from the last time, to one-fourteen.
He’d left. I couldn’t believe it as I stood watching him drive away like he was qualifying for the Grand Prix. Just that morning, we had seemed so close, and then our dads discovered us, and he’d been so ugly.
Even now, I winced as I remembered his hateful words, especially the moment when he’d lewdly revealed my previously virgin status to my dad. It had been humiliating and painful. At least my dad hadn’t thrown it in my face or been too upset. He’d comforted me and done his best to hide his own anger as I indulged in a spate of self-pity.
I was over that now, and I knew I’d just have to move on from all of it. I didn’t know why Declan had done what he’d done, but I figured it had something to do with hurting my dad. Ever since that first night in the guesthouse, I’d sensed his bitterness about our dads’ relationship, but I’d tried to be understanding. I should have blasted him for being an oblivious dickhead instead of trying to be sensitive.
I definitely shouldn’t have gone to bed with my stepbrother. I writhed in renewed shame as I remembered the kinky things I’d said and done just last night. At least my dad didn’t know that part. No one did besides Declan, and since he’d acted like such a jerk, Dad wouldn’t believe anything he said if he tried to tell him about the encounter.
It was embarrassing now, but I still couldn’t help remembering how naughty it had been at the time, and how much I’d wanted Declan. Damn, I still did, though it went against every shred of common sense. Not that I would ever have him again, even if I could overlook his actions. He was clearly done with me. I’d been nothing more than a means to an end, and he’d left without saying goodbye or apologizing.
I snorted softly. As if he would do that. He had to be sorry to apologize, and I doubt he felt anything but smug satisfaction in the damage he’d wrought. I would just have to remember how hateful he could be whenever I had a craving for his touch.
It was pathetic to still want him. My brain urged me to cut myself some slack, since I was still recovering from the shock of it all, but I couldn’t help being disgusted by my weakness. Was I really such a loser that I could still want to have sex with the guy who had humiliated me and used me to hurt my dad?
I slammed my lids shut and forced my breathing to level out. I was going to fall asleep. I was going to forget all about Declan and what he’d done.
I was so full of shit.
With a sigh, I started to sit up as my door creaked open. I stilled, closing my eyes again. My dad was probably checking on me, and I really didn’t want to talk about it all again. I’d shed enough silly tears over a stupid boy earlier. It was easier to feign sleep.
As he came closer, my nostrils filled with his scent, and I stiffened. My dad didn’t wear that cologne, and neither did Mike. Declan.
My eyes snapped open, and I glared up at him as he hovered over me. “What the fuck are you doing in my room?” He flinched, but still sat on my bed, without an invitation. “Get out.”
“We have to talk.”
I glared at him. “Just leave. You’re good at that.”
Declan sighed. “Yeah, I deserved that. I’m sorry I left so abruptly before, but I had to…take care of something.”
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t care. I never wanted to see you again. I don’t want you here, so get out.” Again, the jerk ignored my command.
“I was an idiot.”
“Yeah.”
He looked at me from the veil of his lashes, an expression of pleading on his face that was meant to soften me. I maintained a hard expression and shored the walls of my defenses. I didn’t know why he’d come back after accomplishing his goal, and I didn’t care.
Liar.
I ignored that voice in the back of my mind and crossed my arms over my chest. Affixing him with a glare, I spoke slowly, stretching out each syllable. “I do not want you here. Get out of my room and my life, Declan Mulvaney.”
“I had to leave earlier, because I needed to stop my mom from doing something terrible.”
I frowned a bit. “Your mom? You aren’t trying to blame her for what you’ve done?” How low could he sink?
He lifted a shoulder. “My mom instigated some of what I did, but I’m not blaming her. I fell for it, and I made it worse by coming up with a horrible scheme to hurt Tom.” He dropped his head. “A scheme that meant using you.”
“Yeah, I remember.” Fire flared along my nerve endings as I relived that moment when my dad caught us in bed and the awful things he’d said. “I was there.”
He shook his head. “It’s worse than that, Lia. Your dad discovering us together was a small bonus, but it wasn’t how I’d intended him to find out.”
My brow scrunched as I considered his words. “I don’t understand. Why did you even want him to know we’d fucked?”
“I wanted to hurt him for stealing my dad.” Declan rolled his eyes. “I know how goofy that sounds coming from a twenty-five-year-old guy, Lia, but it’s true. He’d hurt my mom and screwed up my plans by stealing my daddy.”
I scowled. “Dad didn’t steal Mike. Your dad made the choice to leave your mom. He wasn’t leaving you.” I bit my tongue before I could say something else nice or encouraging. I didn’t give a damn that he was a hurt little boy beneath the bad-boy veneer. If I repeated that enough, I might even believe it.
“I know that now, but I was reacting from emotions instead of logic. And I let my mom’s attempted suicide drive me to make a promise to get revenge.”
I blinked. “Wow, is she okay?”
He surprised me by snorting. “She’s fabulous. It was all an act. She’d hoped to get me to break off contact with my dad, because she’d told him he would lose everything if he left her and came out publically. She was determined to make me hate him as much as she did.”
“That’s why you…we…” I trailed off, not able to find the right words. I’d almost said seduced, but it hadn’t been like he’d lured me into his bed. I’d been eager to jump in there before learning about his motivations.
He nodded just once. “I couldn’t agree to never see my dad again, so I promised revenge on Tom instead. When I met him, and you, it was obvious how much he loves you, so I knew you were the best way to hurt him.”
“Congratulations.” I said it as coldly as I could, wanting to wound him even a little bit, though I didn’t think I could. He’d have to care for anything to hurt, and the only things he cared about were his mom and his revenge. “Now you’ve done what you set out to, so just go away.”
He shook his head. “I can’t until you know everything. Then if you want me to leave…” With a sigh, he said, “I recorded us.”
I froze. “What? Us? Last night?” At his quick nod, I balled my hands into fists and gave serious thought to punching him. “Why would you do that?” Recalling how uninhibited I’d been, I writhed with shame. “Oh, my god.”
“I was going to make it public.”
He uttered the statement my brain had been framing, and I stared at him with literal open-mouthed shock. Somehow, I finally remembered how to close my mouth, but I still couldn’t seem to find any words to express the hot rage burning inside me.
“After my dad and I talked, I realized what a prick I’d been. I’d planned to come talk to you right then and admit everything.”
“Instead you got lost on the way and sped out of here?” Anger buzzed through me, and I couldn’t distinguish what percentage allocation for which action. Was I most enraged about the video, his departure, his willingness to use me, or the cold machinations he’d undertaken in the first place?
“When I was deleting the video, I discovered it had been downloaded.”
My blood seemed to freeze in my veins. It wasn’t until he’d said those words that I’d considered the tape might actually go public. In my naiveté, I guess I’d believed he wouldn’t go through with it, and he’d changed his mind if he was telling me about it. I had unconsciously chosen to have faith in him doing the right thing. Damn, I was an idiot.
“My mother.”
Those two words chilled me further, because I didn’t know much about Deidre, but I could guess how vindictive she was just by a few things Mike had said in passing. “Is it already on the ‘net?”
He shook his head. “I stopped her before she could.” Declan looked a little sick, but also kind of pleased. “I ended up smashing her laptop in case I couldn’t trust her not to leak it.”
“What if she backed up the copy?”
Declan hesitated, but then shook his head again. “I don’t think she had time or knew how. She only had my password because she snooped in my room and found the book where I write down all that information. She’d had the file less than two hours before I got back to her house. I doubt she’d even had time to watch it, let alone copy it.”
I couldn’t quite believe we’d had a lucky escape, but I hoped so. “You know how embarrassing it will be for my dad if that gets out?” Not to mention myself. People would think I was a slutty whore with a taste for fucking my brother. They wouldn’t bother distinguishing between step and real, or pay attention to the fact that we barely knew each other, and it had just been a kinky game. Or so I’d thought.
“My god, I can be a real dumbass. I just realized you manipulated me into being that way. You wanted me to come across as a cock-hungry slut fucking my brother.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, hoping for strength and the ability to get through this.
“I did do that, but the video won’t go live.” His voice was hard. “I made it clear to my mother that if she somehow had secured another copy in the short time she’d had it and figured out how to release it to someone that would make it public, I was done with her.” His eyes glittered with anger. “She’s manipulated me enough. I won’t cut her out of my life for what she’s already done, but I wouldn’t hesitate if she shames you.”
“You shamed me.” I hit him with my pillow though it was completely juvenile. “You can’t just fix this by threatening your mother.”
“I know.” He sounded calm, though his gaze was tortured. “Believe me, I get that, Lia. I fucked up all on my own. I’m trying to make amends and do damage control, but I know how badly I screwed up.”
He lifted his hand and trailed his fingers down my cheek. I wanted to push him away, but I just sat there staring at him. At least my expression didn’t betray that I felt anything besides loathing and disgust. I hoped.
“I’m sorry I hurt you. It didn’t take me long to realize how much I like you, Lia. We have a good time together, and we’re fantastic in bed. I accepted I could fall in love with you easily, but I still proceeded with my plan.”
I glared at him. “Don’t you dare try to pretend you love me.”
He shook his head. “I’m not, honey. I could love you. It wouldn’t take much, but I’m not there yet. We don’t know each other well enough. I don’t deserve a second chance, or an opportunity to fall completely, madly, and helplessly in love with you, but I hope you’re a better person than me.”
I shook my head. “Don’t.”
He cupped my cheek, caressing my chin with his thumb. “Don’t what?”
Tears scalded my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. “Don’t use pretty words or whatever to hurt me more. You’ve done enough.”
The bastard had the audacity to lean closer, his lips almost brushing mine. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore, Lia. I just want to make you feel good and show you how much I care.”
He actually kissed me. That no-good dickhead pressed his lips to mine. As soon as I could get my lips to stop molding to his and responding, I was going to tell him he was an arrogant ass, and he’d blown his chance.
At some point, we broke apart mutually. I was a little surprised to find myself in his arms, our foreheads touching. My brain was crystal clear about the fact he was scum, and he didn’t deserve more chances to hurt me. My hormones were in conflict with that dictate, and I refused to even consider my emotions in the equation. “Get out,” I said softly, recognizing the lack of conviction.
He bit his lip. “If that’s really what you want, I’ll leave you alone. Tell me to go, and I’m gone.”
“Go,” I whispered.
He groaned. “No.”
“You’re a liar.”
“Yes, I am. I’m also manipulative, scheming, and heartless.” He closed his eyes, his breath caressing my lips when he exhaled raggedly. His lids opened a second later. “I’m also completely and sincerely sorry for hurting you, Lia. I let myself get caught up in the drama between my parents, and I blatantly ignored my own conscience. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’m begging for it.”
“I don’t know if I can forgive you.” The words were true. I might still want him, but could I get past what he’d done?
“Could you at least try? Please give me a chance to show you I really am sorry?”
It was a ballsy request, and I knew I should say no. Protecting myself from further hurt should trump the pain I saw in his eyes. I shouldn’t give a damn about his feelings, since he had been so cavalier with mine.
I guess I was just a weak-willed sucker, because I found myself nodding and kissing him back when he slanted his mouth over mine. I hoped I wasn’t making a mistake, but as he held me against him, I couldn’t help thinking something that felt so wonderful couldn’t be the wrong thing.