I should never take Trinity’s planning skills for granted. She’s been after me about organizing some sort of an engagement party for weeks. Now that the downstate trip is over and things have settled down with Heidi, she’s right back in party-planning mode.
Since I have a bit of an aversion to this sort of thing, it’s honestly a relief to have her help. Rock surprises me by being game for anything. I don’t suspect there’s a lot of gruff bikers into wedding stuff, but he seems charmed by every idea Trinity presents.
The contradiction between the scary biker and loving fiancé make me love him even more.
Trinity has a folder of magazine clippings and menus in front of her. “I know usually the parents of the bride are supposed to—”
I have to stop her. “Trinity, it’s fine. Trust me. You don’t want my mother involved.”
Her smile falters. “I’m sorry, I didn’t—”
“Don’t apologize. It’s not like I need my mom to pay for it. Rock and I—”
“I’ll take care of whatever comes up, Trinny,” Rock interrupts.
“Some of them will be my guests, Rock.”
He makes that face I always suspect means he’s counting to ten in his head before saying anything. Instead of answering me, he addresses Trinity. “Whatever you need, let me know.”
“Rock, I have my own money.”
“Making it worse, Hope,” Trinity mumbles under her breath with a sly smile.
Exasperated, I give Rock a small shove. “This is women’s work. Don’t you have scary biker business to attend to?”
He bursts out laughing. “Fuck, I love you,” he says, planting a kiss on my cheek as he stands.
Trinity nods at him in a way that suggests they just had some sort of silent conversation over my head.
Once he leaves, she turns her attention to me. “So where do you want to have it?”
“We can do it at my house. Just low key.”
“Not Rock’s?”
I think it over. The last time I hosted anyone else at my house, it was after Clay’s funeral. I like the idea of something a little happier being held there. It helps cement my feeling that I’m moving forward. The guilt I expected doesn’t come either, which is a relief. Of course, the next logical thing is getting rid of the damn house, but I can’t think about that right now.
“Yeah, it’s a little closer for some of my friends.”
“Okay.” Trinity’s busy making notes. She stops and taps her pen against her chin. “Low key. Not too simple, though. Something more than a backyard cookout. But we don’t want to scare the guys away with anything too fancy either.” She seems to be thinking out loud more than looking for any actual input from me.
“Oh! How about some sort of chicken wing tasting thing? There’s the restaurant downtown that does like twenty different kinds of wings. You could have little tasting stations.”
“That sounds like fun. Messy, though.”
“They can do boneless. And then, so it’s not too much man food, we can have like really girly gourmet ice cream sandwiches for desert. I just read this whole article and have a bunch of recipes—” She grabs her folder and starts scattering pages all over the coffee table again.
“Okay. I trust you, Trinity. That actually sounds kind of awesome.”
She flashes me a bright grin and jots down more notes. “Open bar of course.”
“Can you hire a bartender, though? I don’t want you serving drinks. I’ll need you to help me survive my psycho mother.”
She glances up, surprise clearly written on her face. “Of course, Hope.”
“I mean. You’re a guest. I want you to enjoy the party too.” Hell, I don’t know what I mean.
Since Trinity isn’t an overly affectionate person, she shocks me by throwing her arms around me and squeezing tight. “I’m so happy for you two.”
For some reason, I’m sniffling. “Thanks.”
She jumps up off the couch, yanking me along. “Let’s go down to Wing Fling and see what they can do.”
“Right now?”
“Sure, why not?” she says over her shoulder as she walks over and taps on Rock’s office door. Inside, Rock, Wrath, and Z seem to be conducting a meeting of their own. Trinity leans on the door frame. “Hope and I are going to run downtown and check out a restaurant.”
She gives the guys a rundown of her chicken wing idea, and they all seem to approve. Rock catches my eye, and I smile and shrug back at him.
“You need one of us to go with?” Wrath asks.
“Nah, we’ll be fine.”
“Making any other stops?” he persists.
“We’re not going to the pinup store,” she answers with a giggle.
Wrath feigns outrage, but he’s laughing too hard to be convincing.
Z has no idea what’s so funny.
The restaurant is smack in the middle of Empire, so of course it’s impossible to find parking. We end up walking quite a way.
“Are any of your friends vegetarians?” She’s chattering and firing so many questions at me that the walk doesn’t seem so long.
Once we’re inside, I feel good about the selection. The owners are friendly and more than willing to sit down with us without an appointment.
I end up having to text Rock with a few dates, and we agree on one two months out. Trinity says it’s more than enough time to put this together, and I trust her.
We’re standing at the register as the owner puts the information into his computer. “Kendall-North. Engagement party.”
“Hope?” someone shrieks behind me.
I recognize that voice and stand stock-still, praying the ground will swallow me whole.
“Hope?” Trinity questions.
“Can you finish up here?” I ask her softly.
“Sure.”
Pasting on my patient lawyer smile, I turn and greet my former sister-in-law.
“Think the girls are okay?” Wrath asks maybe an hour after they left.
“Yeah. Already got a text from Hope looking for a date for the party.”
“That’s good, right? You said she’s been hard to nail down.”
I nod, not completely comfortable discussing this with him at the moment.
“Will Lilly come to the party?” Z asks.
“I assume she will. Why?”
Z shrugs.
“What’s wrong, brother? She still dodging you?” Wrath asks with a dickish smile.
“You’re one to talk.”
That’s an effective way to shut Wrath up. I’ll have to remember it. “Can we focus and get this shit done?” I ask.
There’s a bunch of new security stuff Wrath wants added to our compound. Since this crosses into all of our job functions, it makes sense for the three of us to sit down together to order the hardware and work out some of the other details. So far, it’s been fine, but I’m well aware these two can only sit down and concentrate on something other than bikes or sex for so long.
Before we clear out of the office, I try to get an update on Wrath’s cast. Something he’s intensely pissed off about, according to Trinity.
“Another fuckin’ week at least.”
“You gonna do the physical therapy the doc suggested?” Z asks.
Wrath snorts. “I’ll go and get the exercises, then do them myself.”
“Good. Well, when you’re up to it, I’d like you to take Hope out to the gun range and give her some training.”
Wrath’s eyebrows lift. “Yeah? You don’t want to teach your girl yourself?”
“I’ll join you, but no, you can do the training. That’s your area.”
“Okay. Cool. I got no problem doin’ it now. Someone’s just gotta drive me out in the side-by-side.”
“It’s not urgent. I’d just like her to be more comfortable. You remember what happened when we got run off the road.”
The corner of Wrath’s mouth lifts. “Yeah, but she did okay.”
Z and I both cock our heads at him.
“What?”
“Nothing. What kind of gun you thinkin’ of having her start with?” I ask Wrath.
He shrugs. “Glock three-eighty? Your little pussy-ass nine mil might be fine too.”
“We’ll see how pussy it is when I put a few holes through your obnoxious ass,” I grumble.
Not at all threatened, Wrath grins. “She can’t handle my Glock twenty, but maybe a revolver if she’s uncomfortable loading the magazine in an emergency. I dunno. I’ll let her test out what we got and see what she likes.”
Z shakes his head. “Carrying that cannon around just makes everyone think you have a small dick.”
Wrath snorts.
Z turns to me. “Should be real easy for her to get a permit.”
“Yeah, I don’t need to get involved in that.” I agree. I have a connection at the sheriff’s office for those of us with less-than-clean records. But being a lawyer should make it easy for Hope to get a pistol permit, so no need for me to call in any favors. The less connection she has to me the better. “Weather is supposed to be nice this week, so let me know when you’re feelin’ up to it.”
“Anytime, brother.” Wrath gives me a fist-bump as I walk out of the office.
“You’re getting married again? Already?” Lynn asks in an extremely loud voice, sending shame spiraling through my body. My cheeks heat up. “How could you? My brother’s barely cold in his grave. What’s wrong—”
“Stop talking before I slap the shit out of you, lady,” Trinity snarls as she steps up beside me.
My entire body trembles. I’m hot all over. Mortified doesn’t begin to cover it. Thankfully, Lynn’s mouth snaps shut and she takes a step back as she gets a good look at Trinity. While I find Trinity to be sweet and almost shy at times, I’m reminded she can be pretty damn fierce when she needs to be.
Trinity grabs my arm. “We’re all set here, Hope.”
Lynn’s like a cobra I can’t take my eyes off in case she strikes again. “Okay.”
“Let’s go.” She steers me around Lynn. As Trinity’s hand brushes the door, Lynn grumbles something under her breath at me.
“Hang on, Trin.” Feeling a little more in charge of myself, I whirl around. “What did I ever do to you, Lynn?”
“You trapped my brother into marrying—”
Something inside me breaks when it registers what she’s about to accuse me of. Before I know what’s happening, my palm connects with her cheek. A satisfying pop fills the air, and Lynn’s head snaps back.
Through clenched teeth, I manage to get out a few final words. “I loved Clay. You, not so much. Don’t ever speak to me again, Lynn.”
Trinity’s mouth is hanging open, but she takes my hand and pulls me out onto the street. “Holy shit, Hope. Nice job.”
My lips twitch into an uncertain smile. “I can’t believe I did that. Oh my God.”
Now that the moment is over, I’m absolutely shaking with rage. Hurt and humiliation are also present in my mind. I can’t believe Trinity witnessed me so out of control. I can’t believe the lovely couple I spent an hour going over my engagement party menu with heard the awful things Lynn said to me. I can’t believe Lynn had the nerve to suggest—
“Hope? Are you okay?”
We’re standing in front of the Jeep. Somehow we walked all the way here and I didn’t notice.
Trinity opens my door and I slide in. All I can do is stare out the window.
Next to me, she taps out a text, then sets her phone down on the console. “Buckle up, Hope. We’re going straight to the clubhouse. We’ve had enough fun for one day.”
Are you at the clubhouse?
The text from Trinity surprises me.
Yes.
I answer back.
Bringing Hope back now. Something happened. She needs you.
What the fuck?
“What’s wrong?” Wrath asks.
“Yo, I’m heading down to CB,” Z announces, coming out of the office. He stops when he spots us. “What’s wrong, prez?”
“Got a weird text from Trinity.” I answer without looking up.
“They okay?”
“I think so. She says they’re on their way back now.”
“Okay. Let me know if you need anything.”
Wrath pulls my phone out of my hand to review the texts. “Wanna call her?”
“Nah, if she’s driving, I don’t want to distract her.”
“I meant Hope.”
I shake my head. “They’ll be here soon.”
When they get here, everything seems fine at first. Trinity laughs and jokes around with Hope. But I’ve known Trinity a long time; her laughter is forced.
The girls give me a rundown of their meeting with the restaurant before Trinity takes off.
“Everything okay?” I ask Hope.
She glances at me with watery eyes. “Yeah. Can we go upstairs?”
“Sure.”
In our room, she moves like a robot while she changes into a pair of sweatpants and an old T-shirt of mine.
Finally, she comes and sits next to me on the bed. Wrapping my arm around her shoulders, I hug her tight to me. “What’s wrong, baby?”
“We ran into Lynn at the restaurant.”
It takes me a second to remember who the hell that is. “Aw, shit, baby. I remember what a selfish bitch she was.”
“Yeah, she overheard we were planning an engagement party and flipped out in front of the entire place. It was so embarrassing.”
I’d love to find that bitch and fucking choke the life out of her. “What’d she say?”
“Just that she couldn’t believe I was getting married again so soon. Stuff like that.”
Shit. “I’m sorry.”
“I slapped her, Rock. She got me so mad I actually slapped her across the face.” Hope whispers the last words while she stares down at her hand.
I’m not at all sorry about the feeling of pride that surges through me.
“Good. Sounds like she fucking deserved it.”
Her mouth finally turns up a bit. “Yeah. I can’t tell you how many times over the years I wanted to smack her. Guess it was pent-up aggression.”
“I can imagine.”
She giggles a little and leans against me. “It was just so awful. Why’d she…? Ugh.”
“I don’t know why. Sounds like she’s been a miserable person for years. Probably just wanted someone to take it out on.”
She’s silent for a while.
“Baby, you can tell me the truth. Do you feel like it’s too soon?”
Hope sucks in a deep breath before answering. “No, Rock.”
Thank fuck. I don’t know what I’d do if she said yes. “It’s done. I’m glad you stood up to her.”
“Me too. I think I shocked the hell out of Trinity too.”
“Probably.”
That’s it. We don’t discuss Lynn again. Hope moves forward… sort of.
Club business pulls me away from my girl more than I care for. Loco from the Green Street Crew calls another one of his bullshit meet-and-greets. They’re our biggest customer, but they’re starting to wear on all our nerves.
“He does this shit again, prez, I say we take a vote to put his ass down,” Wrath suggests at church the day after.
“Simmer down.”
Z pipes up. “He might be right, prez. Something stinks about this. He’s way too up in our business.”
“I’ll take it under advisement.”
As much as I dislike it, I need to spend some time at Crystal Ball, cleaning house, too. The phone call I had with Inga prompted me to have all the employees—not just the dancers—take a surprise drug test. Should have done this a long time ago. The results were discouraging, and in the end, a lot of people had to be cut loose, which means I need to spend time there filling in for Z and Dex. I plan to leave the hiring to them, though.
I don’t think Hope’s mad about all the time I’m away from her, but it’s hard to tell because it feels like we barely talk anymore.
What I do know is every fuckin’ night we’ve spent together since she ran into that fuckin’ ex-sister-in-law of hers, Hope’s been cryin’ in her sleep. At some point, she’ll turn and cling to me as if she’s trying to keep me anchored to the bed.
Once the sun comes up, though, that invisible space between us comes right back. It’s so fucking thick I can’t cut my way through it. Hope’s polite but distant when we cross paths. My body’s in knots whenever I see her.
I gotta fix this before we get married.
If she ever sets a fuckin’ date.
Lately, I’m feeling like the chick in this relationship. I keep pushing her to set a date, but she keeps making excuses.
Is she having second thoughts? Has the reality of what it means to be married to me—married to the club—finally settled in? Has she decided it’s not for her, and she doesn’t know how to tell me?
I’m too fuckin chicken to ask, because if she confirms my worst fears, I don’t know what I’ll do.
No. There will be a fuckin’ wedding. Even if I have to wait another two years for her.
Or a lifetime.
I convince myself it’s not the club. She gets along with all my brothers. They fuckin’ adore her. Even Wrath, although he’ll never admit it and he still loves pickin’ on her.
It’s not the club. Unless she’s still worried about all the illegal shit we’re into. Especially after that fuckery with Sway’s club. Shit. I know how ballistic she went when she got called into the ethics board. Let’s face it. My activities endanger her career all the time. One arrest could easily get tied to her and bring all the shit right back up.
Has that finally dawned on her the way it’s dawning on me?
“Babe, have you told your mother about us gettin’ married yet?” Rock asks me not long after the incident with Lynn.
My entire body goes rigid at the thought. “No. After she wasn’t worried about me when I was in the hospital, I don’t see the point.”
“She’s still your mother. Maybe she didn’t understand. I probably should have done more and called her back. It was just so—”
“Rock, trust me. It’s not your fault. She’s always been like this. But if it makes you feel better, I’ll call her.”
He nods, and I can tell he won’t be happy until I make the call. I know how stressed out he’s been lately, so I’ll just have to set aside my discomfort.
My hands are shaking as I pick up the phone and dial the number. “Hello, Mother.”
“Hope! Why haven’t I heard from you in so long? You have no idea what I’ve been through at work…”
And as usual, my mother can’t stop talking about her favorite topic—herself. No motherly concern about my recent hospital visit. Not even a simple “how are you.”
I flick my gaze to Rock, who quirks an eyebrow at me. A small part of me is embarrassed he’s about to find out how little my own mother cares about me. I long to crawl under the bed and hide.
My mother continues for a good five minutes before taking a breath. “Hope, are you listening? Can you believe that?”
“No, I can’t. Um, I actually called because I have some news. I’m getting married.”
“What are you talking about?” Her screechy voice makes me pull the phone away from my ear. “How can you get married again already? What’s the matter with you?”
This is why I hadn’t told my mother yet.
Lead settles in my gut as I watch Hope on the phone with her mother. Why the fuck did I insist she do this? Even from that brief conversation we had while Hope was in the hospital, I could tell her mother is a piece of shit.
I guess I have some guilt about yanking Hope so deep into my world. I don’t want her to feel cut off from her only remaining family.
And maybe a small, selfish part of me thought talking to her mother might get her out of this funk she’s been in so she can plan our wedding.
“Mother, it’s been almost two—yes. I remember. After Dad. Yes. You waited. I know—”
This is a train wreck. A fuckin’ mess I caused. “Give me the phone, Hope.”
She shakes her head and walks over to the corner of the room so I can barely hear her.
“No, Mother. No, I’m not pregnant again. That’s not—no. He’s very good to me.” She turns and half smiles at me. “He’s a businessman. … A couple different things. … No, I still have my legal practice. It’s fine. … No, we’re going to have a low-key wedding. … Outside. I don’t know yet. … I don’t think so. Maybe.”
She flashes uncertain eyes at me, and I’m not sure what’s causing that panic-stricken face. “Sure, I’ll try to set something up.”
I can’t take any more. She’s in the same room, but it feels like we’re miles apart. Crossing the short distance, I take her hand because I can’t not touch her for another second. Turning it over in my hand, playing with her fingers, stroking my thumb over her soft skin. Her hands always seem so delicate, small compared to mine. She glances up and flashes a nervous smile while listening to whatever her bitch of a mother says on the other end. It’s the same smile that always makes my heart stumble and want to do anything I can to protect her.
“Give me the phone, Hope,” I whisper.
“Okay, Mom. I need to go. We’ll talk about things soon.” She ends the call and then hands me the phone.
“What was that about, baby?”
She shakes her head. “Just my mother.” She breathes out an exasperated sigh.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made you call her.”
“It’s fine. I’d be a terrible daughter if I didn’t tell her about my own wedding, right?”
I’m not sure how to answer that. She seems to be searching for an answer, not just being sarcastic. “If you guys had a normal relationship, then yeah. But if you don’t, then no. Not if it’s going to upset you, baby.”
She opens her mouth, then closes it.
“What?”
“Nothing, Rock. Can we—I just need to lie down for a while. I don’t feel well.” Her hand drifts to her stomach, rubbing in circles.
Fuck. Why couldn’t I just mind my own business? “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know,” she mumbles as she walks over to the bed and crawls under the covers.
Now I’m fuckin’ scared. I walk over and sit on the edge of the bed next to her. After almost losing her, anytime she so much as sneezes, I’m on alert. “Do you need to go to the hospital?”
She turns over and takes my hand. A ghost of a smile plays on her lips. “No, it’s nothing like that. My stomach is just upset.”
“Okay.” Unsure, I let her be. But I can’t help thinking there’s something more I need to do for her.
Talking to my mother brought up many bad feelings. Planning my first wedding with her had been a nightmare for a lot of reasons.
Reasons she so kindly reminded me of during our brief conversation.
It’s probably all in my head, but I’m sick for a couple days after that call. I run a pretty high fever for a day or two and generally feel miserable. Rock’s sweet and understanding.
At first.
He’s out pretty much night and day. Between Crystal Ball and club business, he’s gone a lot. I try not to be clingy and whiny. I don’t ask him where he’s going or when he’ll be back. It kills me, but I sense he’s under some strain and I don’t want to add to his worries. I’ve done enough to distract him lately.
I wonder if the time he spent away from the club while caring for me in the hospital and after has caused problems. When I try to ask, he brushes off my concern with a quick smile.
While I’m getting over this stomach bug, I stick to his room. I’d almost rather go home. The clubhouse is so big, and I feel so awful that walking to the kitchen for tea or toast is too much effort. Trinity says she’ll bring me whatever I want, but I hate doing that to her.
Rock sets me up with water and breakfast before he leaves in the mornings.
On the third day, I finally feel well enough to spend the afternoon downstairs with Trinity, watching a movie.
Even though Rock’s not back from wherever he had to go, I still head to bed earlier than normal. I’m almost asleep when his heavy footsteps enter the bedroom.
He flips on the light, startling me. “Sorry,” he mumbles before shutting off the overhead light and turning on a softer lamp. “Christ, Hope. Did you even get out of bed today?”
I bolt upright at his words and tone. Rock’s never spoken to me like that.