For once, I’m awake before Rock. I’m freezing. Easing out of bed, I find his flannel shirt from yesterday and slip into it, then pad into the bathroom. When I walk back into the bedroom, Rock’s still curled on his side, sound asleep. He’s so much more relaxed and so gorgeous my heart skips while I watch him. Knowing how little sleep he normally gets, I want him to rest as long as possible. I also want to have some coffee waiting for him when he does finally get up.
My jeans are draped over the recliner across from the bed, and I tug them on over my sleep pants. I jam my feet into my boots too because I’m just not comfortable walking around here in my socks.
Pocketing the room key, I glance at Rock one more time before venturing out into the quiet clubhouse.
I find Axel sprawled out on a couch in the lobby area. He tips his head up and flashes a brief smile. “Morning, Hope,” he rasps.
“Morning. Did you sleep out here?”
“Yeah. Prospects don’t get rooms,” he says with a tired grin.
Ah, to be young and still think it’s cool to sleep on some random couch.
“I need coffee,” I hush-whisper at him.
His face scrunches into a frown, but before he can say anything, a large hand shackles my wrist.
Definitely not Rock.
“Hey, you’re new. Come here,” he says, tugging me back.
“Get off me.”
“Mouthy little bitch,” he growls, grabbing me harder.
“Hey!” Axel says as he flies off the couch.
“My old man is gonna kill you,” I grind out through clenched teeth.
“You ain’t got no patch.”
Dammit. I didn’t know I needed to wear it everywhere like some sort of fucking safety vest.
“What the fuck’s going on here?”
I whip my head around to find a shirtless Murphy entering from the hallway with the blonde he was cozy with last night.
“Fuck off, upstate,” my groper growls from behind me.
To me, Murphy has always seemed very sweet and non-threatening. Burly and easygoing. I’ve apparently only seen one side of him, and I shouldn’t be surprised. He is, after all, part of Rock’s MC, and as willfully ignorant as I try to be, I know violence is a large part of their culture.
Before my eyes, Murphy transforms into pure menace. “What the fuck you say to me?” he asks with deadly calm.
“Mind your own business. This bitch is fair game.”
I finally manage to jerk out of his grasp. Just in time too, because Murphy crosses the room with lightning speed and wraps his hand around my tormentor’s throat, shoving him into the wall.
“She’s my president’s ol’ lady. You don’t even fuckin’ look at her without permission, you fucking inbred piece of shit. You sure as fuck don’t touch her. What the fuck’s your joke of a support club teaching its bitch-ass hang-arounds?”
The guy can’t answer because Murphy still has his hand clutched around his throat. He does sputter.
Axel comes over and curls his arm around me. “You okay, Hope?”
Too stunned to speak, I nod, and Axel walks me to the couch.
A few more threats and a good shake later, Murphy lets the guy go, and he stumbles down the opposite hallway.
“Motherfucker,” Murphy grumbles while walking toward me. “You okay, Hope?”
“Yeah.”
He plants his hands on his hips and jerks his chin at me. “Where’s Rock?”
“Sleeping.”
“Where’s your rag?”
“In our room. I just wanted… I didn’t think I needed to wear it this early.”
“I know, sweetheart. We shoulda explained things better.”
Murphy’s skinny blond friend returns, handing him a T-shirt and his cut. With all the commotion, I didn’t get a chance to appreciate bare-chested Murphy. What I thought was huskiness is bulky muscle covered in an explosion of colorful tattoos. Murphy plants a kiss on the girl’s cheek and slaps her ass. “Thanks, babe,” he says, clearly dismissing her.
Flicking his gaze at Axel, a smirk curls his lips. “What’s wrong, prospect? Couldn’t pull any tail?”
Next to me, Axel tenses. I frown. I appreciate Murphy saving me, but I hate how he’s constantly picking on Axel.
I’m frantically thinking of what to say when Axel beats me to it. “I got a girl at home. Don’t need some random skank.”
Murphy’s eyes narrow. “Your girl is underage, so you best be keeping your little pencil dick in your pants.”
“Why don’t you worry about where you park your own diseased dick and leave me and my girl alone?”
“What the fuck did you say, little man?” Murphy says, advancing.
Axel jumps up, ready to defend himself.
I spring off the couch between them. “Stop, guys. Please? Murphy, I could use your help.”
My pleading tone diffuses Murphy almost instantly. With one final glare, he turns away from Axel, dismissing him entirely. “What do you need, Hope?”
“I want to bring some coffee back for Rock. Where can I find it?”
Murphy slings his arm over my shoulders and pulls me toward the back of the room. “Serena should be able to help you out. But maybe I oughtta stick with you for now. I’ll walk you back to your room. Make sure you stay out of trouble.”
I bristle at his words, except he’s right. “Thanks.”
Two Styrofoam cups of coffee in one hand, Murphy leads me down the hall. He’s checking his phone, texting, and looking stuff up as we walk, so conversation is limited. When we stop in front of my door. I tug out the key and push open the door. Murphy hands me my coffee cups.
“After prez has had his”—he smirks and winks at me—“morning coffee, tell him I need to speak to him.”
Worried it’s about Axel, I try to get a little more information out of him. “Any more to the message than that? Is it urgent?”
“Nah. Just a highway report for him.”
“Highway? Are we leaving today?” I might sound a bit too eager.
“Probably not.”
Damn. “I’ll tell him.”
Murphy nods and pats my shoulder. Apparently, he’s not leaving until I’m safely inside.
“Thank you for taking care of me.”
His face lights up. “Anytime, first lady. Text me if you need anything. And no more wandering around here alone and unpatched, okay?”
“Trust me. I won’t.”
Enclosed in our room, it takes a second for my eyes to adjust. Rock’s still sound asleep, which makes me happy. I set his coffee on the nightstand next to him, shuck my boots and jeans, grab my book, and take up residence in the chair across from him. Every now and then, I lift my head and enjoy watching him slumber.
After a while, I get lost in my reading, but I sense his breathing has changed, so I look up to find him watching me.
“How long you been up, baby doll?” he asks in his sexy morning-rough voice.
Closing my book and setting it aside, I give him my full attention. “A little while.”
“Why didn’t you wake me?”
“I thought you needed some rest.”
A soft, bewildered smile curves his lips at my explanation. He tosses the covers aside and strides over to me. Settling his hand under my chin, he rubs his thumb over my cheek. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” I’m not ready to tell him about the incident in the lobby yet. There’ll be plenty of time later to ruin his morning. Right now, I want to enjoy some peace and quiet with my man before God knows what goes on today.
His hand drops to the collar of his shirt. “Were you cold, baby?”
My shoulders lift. “A little.”
“I like you in my shirt.” He plants a kiss on the top of my head and pads into the bathroom.
When he reemerges, he notices the coffee and frowns. “Did you leave the room?”
So much for peace and quiet.
“Yes.” Rising from the chair, I meet him halfway and wrap my arms around his middle. “I wanted to bring you coffee.”
“Thanks, sweetheart.” He picks it up and takes a sip.
“Still warm?”
“Yeah. Anyone bother you?”
That didn’t take long. “Well. Sort of. Some guy, I guess, thought—”
“What guy?”
“I don’t know. Murphy said from a support club? He was pretty rude, but Murphy and Axel took care of it.”
Rock all but slams the coffee cup back on the nightstand and curls his hands over my shoulders, turning me to face him. “Are you okay?”
I wave my hand in the air between us. “I’m fine.”
“Were you wearing your patch?”
I thrust my chin up. “No.”
“Hope, I thought I explained—”
My temper flares at his tone, even though I expected the mini lecture. “You said I ‘could’ wear it all weekend, not I ‘must’ wear it all weekend—”
“Don’t fuckin’ lawyer me, Hope.”
That almost makes me laugh, but I’m still annoyed. “I didn’t know I was leaving myself open to being molested if I went to grab a cup of frickin’ coffee.”
“Whaddya mean molested?” Rock practically shouts while grabbing a pair of jeans and throwing himself into them.
“Rock. I’m fine. Please calm down.”
At my pleading tone, Rock slows his movements. “I’m sorry, baby. That shit shouldn’t happen.”
“Can we please spend some quiet time together before we go out there and do whatever for the rest of the day?” I ask with a flick of my wrist toward the door.
Rock’s whole demeanor changes with my request. “Of course, baby doll. Come here.” He pulls me close and wraps me in his arms.
“Thank you,” I murmur against his chest.
“Tell me what you need.”
“Just you. Just us for a little while longer.”
I’m seething with rage, knowing there’s a motherfucker in this clubhouse who dared put his hands on my woman. But I can’t ignore her request. Not when she asks with her soft, pleading tone and wide, innocent eyes. So finding this fuck and breaking every bone in his hand will have to wait. Besides, if I know Murphy, he’s busy taking care of the guy for me.
“Come here.” Adjusting my hold on her, I walk her over to the recliner and sit, pulling her into my lap. Right away, she tucks her legs up and curls her body into me.
“Did you sleep okay?” she mumbles into my neck.
I did, actually. Strange because I sure as fuck ain’t comfortable here. Exhaustion, I guess. “Yeah. Did you?”
She nods, her silky hair sliding over my shoulder.
Suddenly, her whole body convulses in a violent sneeze. “Crap. Sorry,” she mutters.
Brushing her hair off her cheek, I look in her eyes. “You’re not getting sick on me, are you?”
“I hope not. I think it’s just dusty in here.”
“Hmm.” I’m not so sure. And I wish like fuck we could go home today.
She picks up her head again. “Murphy wants to talk to you. About a highway report?”
“He does, huh?” I chuckle at that, surprised my tight-lipped road captain would give Hope even that much info. “He rescued you out there?”
She bristles at the question. “Yes, I always thought he was so sweet and mild-mannered.”
My blood quickly jumps to boil. It must have been bad if Murphy got that intense. I hum again, but Hope isn’t fooled.
All in a rush, she speaks. “I’m sorry. We haven’t even been here twenty-four hours, and I already screwed up, Rock. I’m trying so hard. I don’t want to make this trip harder or embarrass you—”
“Doll, stop. Please. You could never embarrass me.” If anything, I should apologize to her. This is partially my fault for not being clearer with her.
She lets out a soft chuckle. “Come on, Rock. The guys in your club barely accept me. I can’t imagine what these guys must think.”
Something about her words and her tone bothers me. She’s been voted in. Obviously, she still doesn’t understand how monu-fucking-mental that is.
“Baby, that’s not true and you fucking know it.”
I’m interrupted from a lengthier explanation by my phone going off.
Z: Sway wants us @ church in 2 hours. K?
An exasperated breath slips out of me. I need to get my head out of my ass and stay sharp.
I tap out a “yes” to Z, then hit up Murphy.
Stop by room.
“Everything okay?” Hope asks.
I’m not sure, but I don’t want to worry her.
“Yeah. Why don’t you get dressed? Murphy’s going to stop by in a minute. Then we’ll go down to the kitchen and have breakfast. If I know Tawny, she’ll have a big spread ready for everyone.”
“Should I go help her?”
“No,” I answer simply. I don’t like her waiting on the guys at my clubhouse. She sure as fuck ain’t doin’ it here.
A soft thump on the door turns my attention away from Hope bent over, pawing through her bag.
“I’ll be in there,” she says, pointing at the bathroom.
“Thanks, doll.”
One look at Murphy, and the lazy ease from the morning flows right out of me. “What up?” I ask, stepping aside so he can enter.
“Nothing. Z tell you about church?”
“Yeah.”
“Where’s Hope?”
I cock my head at him. “Getting dressed. Why?”
Murphy’s wide shoulders lift. “Just making sure she’s okay. She tell you about earlier?”
“Yeah, but you’re gonna tell me after you give me your highway report.”
“We’re clear to roll out tomorrow morning. Langan’s got from here to Catskill, and Klouse has up past twenty-four. We don’t have to take back roads unless you want to.”
Back roads could be just as risky, more places for surprise road traps, but they were usually small-town sheriff departments that were easier to handle than state troopers.
“Let’s see how things go down today. Sway tell you why he wants us at church?”
“Nope.”
Great. It wasn’t unusual for a visiting brother charter to be included, but I still didn’t like it.
“Okay, so who am I killing?”
Murphy’s mouth flattens into a grim line. “Fucking nobody hang-around from their support club. Don’t worry. We had a conversation after I dropped Hope off earlier.”
I don’t doubt it.
“She was runnin’ around unpatched, prez.” What he means is my girl was in the wrong, so besides the beatdown, there’s not a lot more I can do about it.
“She told me. He receptive to your advice?”
Now he smirks. “Sure. I used reason”—he lifts his right fist in the air—“and wisdom to get my point across,” he says, waving his left fist in front of him.
A snort of amused appreciation leaves me. “Nice. Thanks.”
“You know I got her back.”
“I know.”
From behind me, the bathroom door squeaks open. “Everything okay?” Hope asks, which I recognize is her way of asking if she can join us.
Turning, I’m relieved to find her in a loose turtleneck sweater, jeans, boots, and a smile. She’s covered from neck to toes—the way I want her around here. “Yeah, baby.”
Three sharp pounds on the door can only be Z. “Let him in. I’m gonna get dressed.” I drop a kiss on Hope’s head on my way to the bathroom.
The tension rolling off Rock as we enter the common room practically vibrates through me. He has his arm draped over my shoulders in what seems like a casual pose, but I doubt I could get away if I wanted to.
Not that I want to.
My attacker steps up to Rock, and I gasp at his face. His right eye is swollen almost shut. Lip split. He obviously had another “conversation” with Murphy.
“Uh, Rock, I gotta apologize for earlier. I didn’t realize she was with you.”
Rock smiles. But it’s not the easy or fun smile I’m used to seeing. It’s his hardened biker smile, and it’s more frightening than friendly.
“Apologize to my woman, not me.”
“Um, Hope, right? Sorry about earlier.” It’s hard to tell whether he’s sincere or scared of another beating.
I nod and whisper, “Sure. I forgot about the patch. It’s a little new to me.”
Rock’s hold on me tightens. “Doesn’t fuckin’ matter.” He shoots a glare at the guy who I finally notice has a patch that reads “Peanut.” What an awful road name. I wonder how he got stuck with that. “You might want to learn no means no, clubhouse or not. Patched or unpatched. We clear?”
“Yeah, man. Are we good now?”
Rock glances at me. “Are you okay?”
I just want this over with. Rock’s pulsing with so much anger I’m afraid he’s going to kill this guy. “Yeah, I’m good.”
Rock lifts his chin at Peanut. “My RC do that to you?”
He flinches but answers, “Yeah.”
Rock glares at him a little longer. “We’re good. Keep away from her, though.”
“Okay. Thanks, man.” He flicks his gaze to me. “I really am sorry,” he says before taking off.
“Motherfucker,” Rock grumbles under his breath.
“Geez, I had no idea Murphy was so—”
“Violent?” Rock finishes for me.
“Yeah, I guess.”
“It’s a hard life. I told you, baby, any one of my brothers would kill to protect you.”
“I know. So does that earn Murphy special brownie points with you?”
His eyebrows draw down as he considers my question. I was really teasing, but he seems to be contemplating how to answer. “That’s not what it’s about, Hope.”
“I know. I was only kidding.”
He nods once and pulls me toward the kitchen.
A long table takes up one end of the industrial-sized kitchen. Bikers line both sides of the table, but a section at the end seems to have been reserved for us.
Z stands up and greets us, even though we just saw him like ten minutes ago. “Prez. First lady.” He pulls out a chair for me. Surprised, I take it.
Rock sits at the head of the table. Sway is at the other end. They nod to each other. I don’t see Axel or Hoot anywhere, so I guess prospects don’t get to eat breakfast either.
Murphy sets a bottle of water in front of me, and I thank him while uncapping it. After another quick glance around the table, I realize no other women are sitting down yet. There’s water on the table, but not much else.
Pushing my chair out, I attempt to stand. “I should go help Tawny.”
Rock places his hand over mine, gently squeezing. “You don’t have to.”
“It’s okay. We’re guests. Let me at least offer.”
He nods and releases me. Before leaving the table, I lean over and brush a kiss on his cheek. His hand curls over my hip, squeezing tight before letting go.
The girls are organized with military precision under Tawny’s sharp orders. Everyone seems to have a task. As I approach her, she breaks into a wide smile and motions me closer.
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
She points at the counter. “Can you bring those jugs of OJ out and set them on the table?”
“Sure,” I answer, happy to have something to do.
There’s four of them so I grab two in each hand and set each one down at spaced intervals down the table.
Sway sort of grunts at me when I set the last one in front of him.
Am I supposed to pour it for them too?
I almost smack into Tawny as I turn back to the kitchen.
“Oh, thank God you at least have a brain in your head. Those dumb bitches would just plop all four of them at one end of the table.” She pats my shoulder. “Go sit down. We’re almost done. Thanks, honey.”
Relieved I seemed to have passed some sort of orange juice intelligence test, I return to my seat.
Breakfast here is much like it is at our clubhouse. The guys are rowdy and demolish every last bite. They rib each other and bullshit about their bikes. The guys who haven’t seen each other in a while trade stories and catch up.
I don’t have anything to offer to the conversation, so I just enjoy the chatter around me.
“You okay?” Rock asks when I set down my fork.
I flash a smile at him. “Yup.”
When everyone’s finished, Sway declares it’s time for church. “Rock, you and your boys joining us?” He phrases it like a question, but judging by the expression on his face, it’s clearly not optional.
This makes me wonder, because as far as I can tell, Sway and Rock are in equal positions of power within the Lost Kings. Sway is older, so he’s probably been a member longer. Maybe that gives him some… sway over Rock. I store that question in the back of my mind for another time.
Tawny supervises the girls who clean up breakfast and calls me over. “You gotta keep the bitches in line, Hope,” she informs me. “As the president’s ol’ lady, that’s going to be your most important job.”
Huh. I’m not sure how I feel about her acting as if these girls are some sort of servants.
“We don’t have as many girls as you do. Trinity seems to be the one doing most of the organizing.”
Tawny makes a disgusted face at the mention of Trinity’s name, which automatically raises my hackles. “She’s always had way too much power for a club whore. Never understood why Rock allowed that shit.”
I resent her talking about Trinity that way, but I don’t know what to do about it. “I guess there were no old ladies.”
“True. But you’re there now, so make sure you put her in her place.”
To borrow an expression from my man, like fuck is that happening. But I don’t say that to Tawny. Her opinion doesn’t really matter to me. The only opinion I care about is Rock’s, and I know that’s not how he’d like me to treat Trinity. Even if I had it in me, which I don’t.
When she seems satisfied the girls can handle things, she takes me on a tour of their compound. “Sorry about Carla showing up here last night.”
I shrug. “No biggie. At least I finally learned her name.”
Tawny lets out a brash laugh. “I hope you said that to her.”
I let out a snicker of my own. “Yeah, I kinda did.”
“Good. She did Rock dirty. She shouldn’t even show her face here, but the club has business with her old man, and unfortunately, she tags along a lot.”
Remembering some of the advice Trinity has given me, I bite down any questions I have about the “club business.”
“It’s okay.”
“Then Cookie, but since she’s hooked up with our VP, there wasn’t anything I could do about that.”
“It’s really okay, Tawny. I spoke to her briefly, and we’re good.”
She eyes me skeptically. “You’re going to want to rein in that soft side you got going on there, Hope.”
I laugh before I realize she’s serious. “I know. Wrath’s always giving me shit.”
She throws back her head and laughs. “I can’t say I miss that big, miserable bastard much.”
Hmmm… I don’t think I really like her speaking about him that way either, which surprises me.
“You got any kids, Hope?”
Wow, that’s a sore subject for me right now. But Tawny doesn’t know that. “Not yet. Do you?”
“Yup. Boy and girl.”
“Oh, how old?”
“Twenty and twenty-two. She’s graduating from college in the spring, and he wants to follow in his dad’s footsteps in the club.”
I don’t want to insult her, but I’m genuinely curious. “How do you feel about that?”
“I’m proud of him. When he’s old enough, he’ll take over the club for his dad. He’s out on a run right now, or I would have introduced you.”
“Was it hard raising two kids in the middle of all this?”
She gives me the strangest look, and I wonder if I somehow insulted her. But she can’t really think this is normal, right?
“Not at all. Had a big, extended family to help watch them when I needed it.”
A family full of criminals. But I keep that to myself. I may have accepted Rock’s life, but could I bring children into this? Knowing their father’s luck might run out one day and he could end up in prison or worse? Knowing the dangerous people he does business with?
It’s a chilling thought.
“Besides, I’ve never worked outside the club, so I was always around for my kids.” Tawny continues. “Watched a lot of the other club kids over the years too.”
“Does your daughter help out at the club a lot?”
I get another curious look, and once again, I’m afraid I jammed my foot in my mouth.
“No. Her dad don’t let her hang around the club much. Too much shit for his baby girl, ya know?”
Uh, yeah. After what we walked into last night, I certainly understand his reasoning. My throat clogs as I think Rock would be the exact same way with a daughter.
If I can even give him children.
The chapel at Sway’s compound is a lot larger than our war room at home. Kings from all over are apparently in visiting for the weekend. It’s good to catch up with brothers I haven’t seen in a while. After an hour of bullshitting, Sway slams his gavel and we get to business.
Chairs have been added and people have been moved around—which I didn’t ask for—so Z and I are seated near the head of the table. Murphy’s over on one of the couches lining the back wall, and prospects are not invited to church here. Axel has been tasked with shadowing Hope, making sure she stays out of trouble.
Sway methodically goes through business that only pertains to his guys. I’m bored and wish I could have skipped this part. When they finish their chapter business, Sway finally gets around to the reason we were asked to sit in.
“Got a guy who stole a shipment from us, and we need to retrieve it—tonight.”
Fuck.
While my charter got out of running guns and harder drugs, this isn’t true of every Lost Kings chapter. Each one is free to decide for themselves how they earn. Sway has apparently decided the risks are worth the rewards.
“What are we talking?” I ask.
“Three shipping crates. High-end AR-15s.”
“They’re illegal in New York now, you know,” I joke.
Sway smirks at me. “Don’t worry. We’ll get ‘em registered all proper-like.”
Why Sway needs me or my guys involved in this, I don’t know. If either Murphy or Z ain’t feeling it, I won’t force them to tag along on this mission.
Sway has a good tip that his shipment is being stored in an old barn about twenty miles west of here. The guy who stole Sway’s shit is either stupid or crazy to be holding it inside Kings’ territory. I point this out to Sway, and he agrees.
He’s still convinced it’s where we need to go.
“It should be quick and easy. In and out.”
If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that… well, I wouldn’t need to be here doing this in the first place.
We hash out the plan a little longer, and it’s almost nightfall by the time we finally break. Sway wants us back in the lobby area in thirty minutes, ready to roll out. Four of his guys will be on bikes, the rest of us in vans or trucks. With a nod of my head, I silently ask Z and Murphy to follow me to my room.
As my hand curls around the knob, I hesitate. I don’t need Hope overhearing any of this shit.
“Where’s your room, Z?”
The fucker gives me a dirty smirk. “Right next to yours, prez,” he answers, pointing at the room to the left. I pin him with a hard stare, daring him to say what he’s clearly dying to say.
He shakes his head. I’ve taken all the fun out of it for him.
When we’re inside Z’s room, we huddle over the small utilitarian table. I can’t be sure Sway doesn’t have bugs all over this place.
“Listen, if either of you are having second thoughts, I’m fine with you backing out.”
“Hell fucking no, prez,” Z says emphatically. “Someone needs to watch your back, and I’m sorry, but I don’t trust anyone here to do it.”
“Me too.” Murphy agrees.
Christ.
“I’m not going to be pissed. What he’s asking is risky, and we all know there’s a slim chance it’s going to go down as smoothly as he says it will.”
“Sorry, prez, I’m in,” Murphy says.
Z just nods.
“All right.” Pointing at Murphy, I say, “Go suit up. Don’t stop to fuck around with Serena. Get your vest, check your weapons, and get your head straight.”
Z bursts out laughing. Murphy glares at me for a second before leaving the room.
When he’s gone, Z turns to me. “You got a bad feelin’ about this, don’t you?”
“Yeah. I have a feeling we’re jacking someone else’s stash more than rescuing Sway’s shipment.”
“I got that feeling too. So what do you want to do?”
“Brother charter. We’ll help him out. Just stay aware.”
“Okay.”
I slap my hand down on the table. “I need to get ready. You too.”
“Yeah, I got it.”
Entering our room, I’m surprised to find Hope curled up in the recliner, reading.
“How’d you escape Tawny’s clutches?” I ask. I’m on edge, so the question comes out sharp instead of teasing.
Hope’s face remains passive as she seems to study me. “She went to visit her daughter, and I didn’t think I should intrude.”
Taking her tablet out of her hand and setting it on the table, I pick her up and shift us so she’s in my lap. She loops her arms around my neck and peppers the side of my face with kisses. “Missed you.”
“Missed you too. ‘Fraid I’ll be heading back out in a few.”
The corners of her mouth twitch down, but she doesn’t protest. “Okay. I’ll be fine.”
“Hoot and Axel are staying behind, so if you need anything, ask them.”
“Will do. Axel said he’d take me into town later to grab some stuff.”
“We’re probably taking the van, babe.”
“Oh. No big deal. I’ll be fine. I wanted to find a Wal-Mart or something to grab a swimsuit.”
I groan at the thought of my girl prancing around in so little in front of anyone except me. “Make it a one-piece,” I growl against her ear.
She giggles and pushes me away. “Duh. Believe me, I was going to look for a full-on wetsuit.”
“Good.”
With great reluctance, I nudge her off my lap. “I gotta get ready.” I hesitate because my “getting ready” is going to cause her to ask a lot of questions I can’t answer now.
She cocks her head and takes me in. “Do you want me to leave?” she asks with a timid tremor in her voice that pisses me off. Not at her, but at the situation.
“No, baby. Stay. No questions, though.”
Her lips curve into a smile. “My lips are sealed.”
And she’s true to her word. She glances up at the ripping sound of the Velcro as I strap on my Kevlar vest, then goes back to her book. When I rack a bullet into the chamber of my 9mm Glock, she peeks at me again. After a while, I need to shut out her reactions and get my head on straight so I don’t forget anything. Two pistols, extra magazines—fully loaded—knife, burner phone.
My phone vibrates to life in my pocket. Pulling it out, I see it’s Murphy.
Placing a finger under Hope’s chin, I tip up her face. “I gotta go. Don’t know how late I’ll be.”
She braces herself on the arms of the chair and pulls into a standing position. The chair gives her the extra height she needs so we’re at eye level. She wraps herself around me and squeezes, then plants a gentle kiss on my lips.
“Be careful.”
Of course I’m freaked out after Rock leaves. It was quite a feat for me to bite my tongue and not ask the thousand questions brewing in my mind. From the fierce expression on his face, something unpleasant was happening, and I didn’t want to do anything to distract him.
Making sure my patch is nice and visible, I wander down the hall into the lobby. A few guys are sitting at the bar.
Axel turns and walks over as soon as I enter. “Need anything, Hope?”
“Dinner maybe? Think we can raid the kitchen?”
The corner of his mouth turns up in a lopsided grin. “I don’t see why not.”
“Do you know if Tawny’s back?”
“Haven’t seen her.”
I’m restless and want to get out of here, but I’m not really sure what to do. In the kitchen, we find cold cuts and fix ourselves sandwiches. Axel tells me some stories about Heidi and her friends that make me laugh. He’s obviously very enamored with her.
“Have you talked to her?”
“Nah, she knows not to call unless it’s an emergency. We’ve texted a few times. Gonna take her to this movie she’s been wanting to see if we get back early enough tomorrow and Rock doesn’t need me for anything.”
He’s so sincere. I make a mental note to ask Rock to give Axel a night off.
“Still want to hit up Wal-Mart?” Axel asks when we’re finished.
“Rock said they were taking the van.”
“They ended up leaving it. Rock said it was okay if I took you.”
He did, huh? Interesting. “Yeah, let me grab my purse.”
The ride into civilization isn’t as short as Tawny led me to believe. It seems like we’re driving for hours when all of a sudden, the road ahead of us is lit by rows of gaudy big-box stores.
Inside the store, Axel follows me around, always on alert. What he’s so worried about, I don’t know. I assume he’s afraid if I break a nail on his watch, Rock will beat the crap out of him.
For all I know, that’s the truth.
I’m a little embarrassed to stop and paw through swimsuits in front of Axel, but he turns away and pretends to glance around the store as if he senses my hesitation.
“I’ll be right back. I want to try this on.”
The suit is nothing exciting, but the coverage is as good as I’m going to find tonight. I grab it, a pair of flip-flops, and a big fluffy beach towel as well. Just in case, we stop by the men’s department and I pick out something for Rock. I’m sure it’s a long shot, but I’d like to be prepared.
When we return to the clubhouse, Tawny’s hanging out in the lobby—knitting of all things. Perfect, poofed-up, shellacked hair, full makeup, tight jeans, knee boots, glittering belt, and zebra-print fitted shirt… and she’s knitting. She belongs in a magazine. Something like Domestic Biker Queen.
I don’t laugh, though. I’m not completely stupid.
“Let me toss this in our room and I’ll be right back, Tawny.”
She glances up. “Sure.”
Axel walks me to the room and waits while I pitch the bags on the bed and grab my vest. Once I have my patch on, Axel seems a little less anxious. He walks me back to the lobby.
“You okay here, Hope?” he asks.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”
He pats my shoulder. “I’ll come check on you in a bit.”
Another woman I don’t recognize has joined Tawny. I find out her name is Grace, but I haven’t really determined her position in the club. Since Tawny’s actually speaking to her, I assume she’s not a club girl.
We talk about knitting—of all things—and I learn this tough, hard, scary biker lady knits tiny little blankets for the local animal shelter.
Seriously.
“Since I can’t smoke anymore, gives me something to do with my hands while I’m waitin’ on Sway to get his ass home,” she explains.
“They certainly don’t keep conventional hours,” I say with a nervous snort of laughter.
Tawny glances up and flashes a tight smile. “No. They don’t.”
We talk about knitting for a while, and she even shows me how to cast on and a few stitches. I’m terrible at it, though.
“I’ve never been able to pick it up either, Hope. Don’t feel bad,” Grace assures me.
As it gets later and later, I start to worry about the guys but doubt it’s a good idea to ask any questions. Grace leaves, and I still never figure out her connection to the club.
The front door opens, blowing cold air over us. Both of us turn, and I’m expecting the guys to storm in, but it’s an older man in a wool coat.
And Carla.
Goddammit.
He’s carrying a black doctor bag, and Tawny jumps up immediately. “What’s wrong, Barry?”
“Nothing. Here to check on the other two.”
Tawny drops back down next to me. “Yeah, okay.”
She glares at Carla but doesn’t say anything. Barry whispers something in Carla’s ear, but she shakes her head. He doesn’t seem to need directions. Without speaking to any of us, he takes off around the corner.
Carla pulls a chair over next to me.
Why me?
“Hi—Hope, right?”
My mouth twitches up into a nervous smile and I nod.
“Sorry we didn’t get to talk much last night.”
As if I spent the day worrying about it. “No problem.”
Tawny snorts. “Don’t press your luck, Carla.”
“So have you guys set a date yet?” she asks.
Jeez. Are we really doing this? “Not yet.”
“You been married before?”
Pain pierces my heart and must show on my face. Tawny settles her hand on my leg.
“Yes. I was.” Then I rush to amend. “I’m a widow. It’s—”
Next to me, Tawny sucks in a deep breath. “Shit, Hope.”
Carla hasn’t said anything. She just continues watching, waiting for me to finish.
“It’s been awhile. Well, not really, almost two years, but—” I babble like an idiot, completely uncomfortable revealing so much of myself to complete strangers.
“Was he an outlaw too?” Carla asks.
The tone she uses is neutral, but my skin still prickles. An image of Clay—neat, buttoned-down shirts and pressed khakis—flashes in my mind. “No, he was an engineer,” I answer with a sad smile.
Carla sneers at me. “So how the hell did you and my ex-husband meet?”
The possessive way she talks about my man ticks me off so much I’m slow with a response. By the time I open my mouth to answer, Tawny beats me to it. “She’s a lawyer and she represented him in court.”
Carla has the nerve to roll her eyes. “Oh yeah. Let me guess—he got himself arrested.”
My jaw clenches, but I’m not sure what to say to that. Because it’s the truth.
Tawny jumps up and jabs her finger in Carla’s direction. “You shut the fuck up. Don’t you dare disrespect one of the brothers under my roof. You know damn well what you’re in for when you marry into the club. You’re supposed stand by your man, not stab him in the back.”
Carla is a brave soul—or feels Barry has enough juice to protect her from Tawny. She stands and takes a step back but unfortunately doesn’t keep her mouth shut. “I was twenty-two years old. He could have gone in forever. I was supposed to just sit around and pray he got out?” Then she turns to me. “Do you actually understand what you’re in for?”
“I know I love Rock, and I wouldn’t try to fuck his friends while he was going through a difficult time,” I answer evenly.
Tawny settles her hand on my shoulder and gives me a gentle squeeze. I choose to interpret it as an “I’m proud of you” gesture.
Carla stares daggers at me. “Well, that’s precious. You know he—”
“Don’t say another fuckin’ word to her, Carla,” Tawny warns.
“She doesn’t know, does she?” Carla asks with a smirk.
I assume she’s talking about the three-ways with Wrath.
“How’s his best friend?” she sneers.
Yup. Wrath.
“Wrath? He’s laid up with a broken leg so he’s a little crankier than usual,” I answer calmly.
Carla’s jaw drops a bit. “He doesn’t share you, does he?”
“No. And before you decide to educate me, he already told me.”
“Yeah, I’m sure he did.”
Tawny takes another step toward Carla. “Don’t you fucking dare. I can’t count how many times I caught your whoring ass going after one of the guys. You were doing that shit well before Rock went inside.”
“Carla,” Barry calls from the hallway, “I could use your help.”
Carla stares at me for a second before following him.
After she’s gone, I shake my head and sit back down.
“Sorry, Hope,” Tawny says, and she does actually seem sorry.
“Oh, I’m used to dealing with Rock’s exes by now,” I joke with a wave of my hand. I’m not really in a joking mood, so it sounds pitiful.
I don’t want to deal with any of this. Their history is so ancient it should be buried and they should both move the fuck on. But Carla seems content playing victim.
Tawny twists her wrist to look at her watch. “I’ll be right back, Hope.”
She’s gone for a while. I’m tired and want to go to bed, but I don’t want to be rude either.
The blonde Murphy spent time with last night saunters into the lobby. She approaches me slowly. “Hope, right?” she asks.
She’s a pretty girl. Like stunning pretty. Tall, willowy figure, long Barbie legs, thick, flowing blond hair, cute-as-a-button face. Why she spends her time servicing guys here instead of modeling in New York or something I can’t fathom.
She points to the spot Tawny just vacated. “Do you mind if I sit?”
I don’t, so I tell her to go ahead.
She turns and gestures at my phone, which I’m clutching in my hands. “Have you heard from any of the guys?”
“Not yet.”
“Oh.”
We’re silent for a while before she braves another question. “Did Rock patch you recently?”
My mouth automatically curves into a smile, remembering the afternoon. “Yes.”
“Was it a surprise?”
“Kind of. He explained it to me first. So I wouldn’t be offended, I think,” I add.
She tilts her head at me like she’s trying to make sense of that.
“Why would you be offended?”
“I, uh, didn’t know much about this—” I wave my hands in the air. “Before I met Rock.”
She still seems confused, but she laughs. “If I could get one of the brothers to patch me, I’d never take it off.”
This strikes me as really sad, especially because from what I’ve been able to gather, the more brothers you sleep with, the less likely it is one will make you his ol’ lady. I keep this to myself, though, and end up smiling awkwardly instead.
“What do you do, Serena?”
“Um, I tend bar and I’m taking a few classes at the community college. I was thinking of transferring up to Hudson Valley…”
That’s in our area. If she’s trying to hint that I should put in a good word for her with Murphy, I’m afraid she’s out of luck. “They have a lot of good programs.” I nod.
“Um, does Murphy have any regular girls at your place?”
Well, at least she’s smart enough to know subtlety won’t work with me. “I honestly don’t know, Serena. I don’t really pay attention.”
And it’s true. I only know about Wrath and Trinity’s… whatever the hell they’re doing, because, well, how could I not? Z, I only know about because he’s had some weird on-again, off-again thing with one of my friends. Sure, I’ve accidentally seen plenty of things that required a good dose of brain bleach, but I try not to dwell on any of it. I don’t mention Heidi because she’s a kid, and I don’t know what the hell’s going on there either. I had a perfect opportunity alone with Murphy this morning to say something, but I was so damn flustered I let it slip.
“I don’t blame you,” she says with a laugh.
“How long have you been hanging out here?”
“‘Bout a year or two. I was trying to model down in the city, but it was too expensive to live on what I was making—”
My brain-to-mouth filter is obviously on the fritz, because I let out a snort. Her face turns down as if I insulted her, and I feel bad. Reaching out, I gently pat her leg. “Sorry. It’s just when I first saw you, I thought you must be a model or actress or something.”
That seems to cheer her up. She sits up a little straighter and grins at me. “Oh. Thanks. Yeah. I got a few commercials. But it’s so competitive. And you have to live with like fifteen people in tiny little shitbox apartments to survive. I was seeing a guy down there in another club, came up here with him for a party, and just decided to stick around.”
City living has never appealed to me for the exact reasons she just listed. “I can understand that.”
“Are you really a lawyer?”
I chuckle before answering. “Yeah.”
“Do you like it?”
“Not really.”
She nods, and I’m surprised with myself for admitting it, especially to a stranger.
“Isn’t there a lonely cock somewhere you should be servicing?” Tawny snaps when she returns to find Serena in her seat.
Poor Serena jumps up like she’s been stung. “Bye, Hope. Nice talking to you.” And she scurries off without another word.
Tawny shakes her head and makes a big show of dusting off the couch cushion Serena just vacated. “Sorry ‘bout that.”
“No problem. She seems like a sweet girl.”
Tawny raises a thinly penciled-on eyebrow. “Yeah, sweet until you find her sucking your man’s dick.”
Well. Wow. I don’t know what to say to that. “Your man?” Crap, why did I have to say that.
Tawny smirks. “Don’t worry. I get mine.”
Yuck. I’ve overheard the words loyalty and brotherhood multiple times this weekend, yet none of these guys seem to stay loyal to their wives.
Despite all the women from his past I’ve had to confront, I’ve never worried about Rock cheating on me. Does that make me gullible… or loyal?
Z, Murphy, and I ride with Sway, so we’re not able to talk much. They each gave me an affirmative nod before getting in the truck. We’re an ominous caravan of bikes, two heavy-duty four-wheel-drive trucks, and one van. Seems like a lot for a job that’s supposed to be so simple.
“Two of my guys are down because of these fucks. We see any of them, leave them to me.”
I’m still not buying the story, but I give him the answer he’s looking for anyway. “No problem.”
At the end of a long dirt driveway, we all stop. The guys on bikes get off and hop in the back of our truck. Two guys stay behind, while the rest of us take the long, slow drive up to the barn.
There’s no house that I can see. Just a massive old barn looming up ahead. Lots of trees. Too many fucking trees for my taste. Too many places for people to wait in ambush.
I’m really hating this shit.
Sway tucks the truck up tight against the barn. Personally, I would have parked it pointed toward the escape route, but that’s just me.
At least the rest of the guys do a perimeter sweep of the trees and circle around the building. Sway’s men aren’t completely useless. After getting out and taking a look around, Sway takes a pair of bolt cutters to the heavy padlock on the front door.
Inside smells like the shit of a thousand horses, and I choke back a coughing fit. Z’s got his nose buried in his shirt collar, and Murphy gags.
“Fuck me, that’s disgusting,” Sway says, also holding his shirt over his nose.
It’s nothing but a dark abyss inside until guys start pulling out cell phones and flashlights. I pull out my own penlight, and we get to work.
Suddenly, it’s very clear why we needed so many vehicles for this job.
There’s not three crates of weapons. There’s about thirty.
“Guess we’re not the only ones they been jacking,” Sway notes.
Great.
“Find our supply first. Then we’ll split up everything else.”
The air fills with the sound of metal on wood as crates are busted open.
Z shrugs and steps back to the door to keep watch. Murphy looks to me for direction, and I give him a chin lift to let him know he’s fine where he is.
“What are we looking for, Sway?”
“Twenty-five LWRC IC-PDWs.”
Christ, he wasn’t kidding about high-end. Or highly illegal. Those types of ultra-compact personal defense weapons are most definitely banned in New York. Again, I wonder where the hell they got jacked.
“Also looking for crates of Ranier uppers.”
“No lowers,” I joke. What the fuck is he planning to build with uppers and nothing else?
“Not this drop.”
Fucking hell. With a nod to Murphy, we join the others in busting open crates, searching through shit. Some of the weapons are in cases inside the crates; others are not.
On my fourth crate, I think I’ve got something. “Sway,” I call.
He jogs over, and with one glance inside the box, his face breaks into a grin. “Fuckin’ A, that’s our shit.” He slaps me on the back and runs over to confer with his sergeant-at-arms. Next, they’re throwing open the big barn doors and backing his truck inside. We get the crate I found and three others loaded into Sway’s truck and covered with a tarp.
“Take whatever else you can. Then let’s burn this mother to the ground,” Sway announces to the group.
Awesome—guess we’re adding arson to tonight’s list of felonies.
Murphy cracks open a crate of ammo, something that’s also hard to come by in New York these days. “Grab that,” I tell him.
Z motions me over to three cases. Inside each one is a foliage-green Noveske Johnny Rifle. “Wrath will shit himself.” Z snickers.
“Grab ‘em.”
The grab-and-go party seems to be winding down. There’s not another inch of available space in any of the vehicles.
“They don’t got no surveillance on this place?” Z asks. Because that’s his specialty, naturally he notices.
“We had it taken care of earlier,” Sway answers.
Oh, how comforting.
The shot that rings out is also not comforting.
Pulling my piece, I crouch down. Don’t even have to say a word—Murphy and Z have done the same.
“Prez, tha fuck?” Z whispers.
I shake my head, silencing him.
Sway crab-walks over to me and puts up two fingers. Whether he’s telling me there’s two shooters or he wants me to do something in two seconds I have no fuckin’ clue.
The stench of gasoline is thick in the air.
There’s a struggle and shouting from the side of the building.
“Prez! Clear!” one of Sway’s guys shouts.
Still have a bad feeling about this. “Stay down,” I mouth to Z.
Another shot blows through the night. Someone’s window shatters.
Not so clear after all.
“Fuck!” Sway shouts from somewhere around the van.
“Keys?” I ask Murphy. He shrugs and points toward the direction Sway went.
Fuckin’ great.
Tawny’s phone buzzes. She glances at me and leaves the room without a word.
That’s not reassuring.
Then Carla returns.
Fantastic.
“Had to help Barry with one of his patients,” she explains, as if I give a crap.
Except… wait, what?
My question must be written all over my face.
“He’s the club’s doctor.”
“That must be awkward for you,” I retort with a bit of snark.
She curls her lips into a nasty smirk. “At least I don’t worry about him going to prison all the time.”
“Yeah, because treating outlaws off the books is risk-free.”
That shuts her up, but not long enough for my taste.
“So you don’t mind all the strippers and club whores?” she asks.
I cock my head to the side and pin her with a fierce stare. “I trust Rock.”
She snorts. “God help you.”
“You realize it’s been years since you two were together, right? You don’t know anything about him anymore.”
Her mouth opens and closes. “You’re probably right,” she finally says. Her eyes dart to the space behind me before she opens her mouth again. The confrontational bitch face she had on has softened. “I felt safe with him.”
I’m intimately acquainted with that feeling.
“I never had that before. When he got arrested, I was terrified. Fucking Tawny and those other bitches… Well, I guess they’re made of stronger stuff.”
Her words are like a fist in my gut. I know damn well I’m not as tough as Tawny. But I also know I don’t have it in me to do what Carla did. My gaze drops to my hands twisting together in my lap.
“I was happy he got out as quick as he did. But I knew I couldn’t go back. Rock’s not big on forgiveness.”
I don’t think I’d be real forgiving either.
“You got friends outside the club, Hope?”
“Of course.”
“Hang on to them. You and Rock ever part ways, the club pretty much shuns you.”
“You deserted your husband at one of the worst possible times. What did you think they were going to do for you, Carla? Hold your hand and bake you cookies?”
Before she answers, her husband interrupts. “I’m going to need your assistance. Something happened. They’re bringing one of the guys back now.”
I shoot up off the couch. “What? Who?”
Barry’s startled gaze flicks over me.
“Hope,” Tawny calls. “Rock’s fine.”
I didn’t even notice her standing behind him.
Axel wanders in and raises an eyebrow at me.
Tawny nods. “Go on, honey. The guys should be back soon.”
I’m exhausted. But also worried. Clearly, Tawny wanted me out of the way for some reason.
As soon as we’re alone, I ask Axel what he knows.
“Nothing. They wouldn’t tell me stuff like that.”
Guilt prods me into another line of questioning. “Are you going to find a bed to sleep in tonight, Axel?”
He stops and turns to me, obviously shocked. “I wouldn’t cheat on Heidi.”
“That’s not how I meant it, sorry.”
“Oh, okay. I just don’t want you thinking I’m like the rest of them. Heidi’s special. I wouldn’t screw that up.”
I’m not sure what he means by “the rest of them,” since none of the other guys have girlfriends that I know of. Unless he means sticking their dicks in anything with boobs and a pulse. Because, yeah, that seems to be the way a lot of the brothers operate.
“I know. You’re a good guy, Axel.”
He brightens at the compliment. “Thanks. Are you okay for the night? Need anything from the kitchen?”
“I’m all set. Thank you.”
“Okay. I got my phone on, so if you need anything, just text me, okay?”
“Will do.”
Inside our room, I find my cell phone and check it. Nothing from Rock. I do have a message from Trinity.
Everything good?
It’s late, but I text her back anyway.
So far.
I get a smiley face back from her.
Now, where the heck is Rock?
More shots ring out. This night sure went to shit fast. Shouts and gunfire echo around us, then die down. It’s fucking dark, and I have no goddamn idea what the hell we followed Sway into.
“Prez?” Z whispers, and I turn his way.
Other than a few shouts and rustling, things seem to have calmed down—well, except for the fucker sneaking up behind Z. I don’t have time to warn him. Don’t even think about what I’m doing. My body snaps into autopilot in reaction to the threat against my brother. My gun is already in my hand. Everything happens in slow motion even though it’s over fast. I aim, finger already touching the trigger, and squeeze.
Too late, though.
My bullet hits him in the chest and he goes down. From where I’m standing, I can’t tell if he’s down for good. But I’m close enough to see Z’s been hit.
“Murph!” I point at the guy, and Murphy runs over to secure the threat.
“Z! Fuck, brother, you okay?” I reach him quick and take in his pain-twisted face.
“Fuuuck! Goddammit.” He’s holding his arm. “That fucking hurts,” he growls as I approach.
Not the first time one of my brothers has taken a bullet in front of me. Doesn’t make it any easier.
“Let me see,” I say, grabbing his arm.
“Ow, watch it, ya fuck.”
By the amount of bitching he’s doing, I think he’ll be fine.
“Grazed your arm. Still gonna need stitches.”
Murphy hands over a strip of cloth, and we bandage Z’s arm the best we can.
I nod at Murphy. “Go find Sway.”
This fuckin’ mess is gonna take forever to clean up, but I want Z taken care of right the fuck now.
“Shit, guys. You okay, man?” Sway calls out as he jogs over.
“It’s nothing,” Z answers.
“Probably needs stitches,” I add.
Sway pulls out his phone and calls the clubhouse. “Babe, need you to keep Doc there…” Sway wanders off to finish his conversation.
I pull out my phone and send a message to Axel.
Headed back. Make sure Hope is in our room.
Although it’s not a serious injury, I do not need Hope seeing this.
On it, Axel replies.
“Prez, I’m really fine,” Z says, standing in front of me.
“I know.”
“Let’s finish up here. Then I’ll see the doc.”
“Yeah, okay.”
Finishing up takes too long for my taste. Altogether, Sway’s got four bodies to add to the barn that’s about to go up in flames.
Even though we’re in the middle of nowhere, the fire can be seen in the rearview for some distance.
“All volunteer fire departments out here. By the time someone sees it and calls it in, it’s done,” Sway explains on our way back.
“So much for ‘quick and easy, in and out,’ right, brother?” I say. Is that disrespectful? Probably. Do I give a fuck right now? No.
“Yeah, that was unexpected.” Sway agrees. It’s as close to an apology as I’ll get from him.
I’m fuckin’ furious by the time we get back to the clubhouse.
“Prez, really, I’m fine,” Z assures me again.
I know I’m actin’ like a pissy little bitch. And I know this is the risk we all take doing what we do. But still, knowing that a few inches here or there and we’d be having a different conversation—or no conversation at all—is getting to me. We lost a lot of our brothers in the early days. And since then, I’ve worked hard to keep my guys whole.
“You know Carla’s husband is the club’s doc, right, prez?” Z asks. “Be happy it’s me gettin’ treated, not you. She’d probably ask him to stitch your mouth shut.”
My brother, who just had a bullet go through him, is trying to cheer me up. Fucking wonderful.
“Keep it up and I’ll ask him to sew your mouth shut,” I snap back.
He grins at my retort and slaps me on the back. “Go make sure Hope’s okay.”
“Yeah. Call me if you need something.”
“I will.”
“I’ll stay with him, prez,” Murphy assures me.
On my way to our room, I check in with Hoot and Axel. Satisfied they’ve managed to stay out of trouble, I head for our room. I pray like fuck Hope’s already asleep. I need a shower. I fuckin’ reek. Plus, my head’s still messed up from this entire shit show of a night.
I need to see my girl, though. If nothing else, I need to wrap myself around something pure and good.
I’m freaking out by the time Rock finally returns to our room. At first, he steps inside with caution, but once he sees I’m awake, his steps become firmer.
“Hey,” he tosses out.
“Hi. I’ve been worried about you.” Whoops. I was trying to keep myself from saying that, not wanting to add to his stress.
He gives me a hard look but doesn’t say anything. After kicking off his boots, he strides into the bathroom. A few seconds later, I hear the shower squeak to life. I want to go to him, but I’m not in the mood for sexy shower games, and something tells me Rock wants to be alone. So I stay in bed and wait.
He steps out in just a towel wrapped around his lean hips. It’s a struggle not to stare at every glorious inch available to my gaze. For once, he seems indecisive as he stands there. Finally, he takes out some clothes and slips into them. The bed dips low as he sits next to me, rolling my body forward.
“You okay?” he asks.
“Ye—”
He cuts me off before I even get a word out. “Besides being worried. Anyone bother you tonight?”
“No.”
“Good.”
He reaches over and snaps off the light, plunging us into darkness.
“Scoot,” he says, giving me a gentle shove. Blowing out an exasperated breath, I move, and he cuddles me close.
“Cold?” he asks.
“Yeah.”
Safe in his arms, I allow my body to relax against him. He buries his nose in my hair, his lips kissing the top of my head. “Missed my girl.”
“Missed you too.”
A million thoughts and questions run through my mind, but I don’t give voice to any of them.
Rock seems to sense it anyway. “Tell me what you did today.”
“Talked with Tawny. A lot.” My eye roll is lost in the dark.
He chuckles softly. “How was that?”
Paranoid of being overheard, I turn in his arms. Our foreheads touch. “She’s complex. She was nice to me, but she’s so… hard,” I whisper. “Is that what you want me to turn into? Is that what I’m going to be in ten, fifteen years?”
He hugs me tighter. “No, baby. That’s not what I want at all.” One hand runs over my hair and down my back. “I deal with enough shit. I’m hard enough for both of us. Tawny thrives on drama and the power trip of being the prez’s ol’ lady. I don’t have the patience for that type of woman. Never have. Don’t get me wrong. She’s good for Sway. Makes her a fine ol’ lady here. But I’ve never wanted that.”
His words are soft but earnest, and my heart beats wildly as I continue to listen. “At the end of the day, I want to shut all that bad shit out. Just be myself with my girl. Like this. Like we are right now.”
Oh. My. God. I think that’s one of the deepest things Rock’s ever admitted to me, and I squirm to get closer to him.
Rock isn’t finished, though. “You love me for me, Hope. You’re not with me to be queen of an MC. You’re with me for me.”
He speaks the words so low I almost don’t hear him. It’s on the tip of my tongue to crack a joke. You know, like I never knew what an MC was before I met Rock, so how could I aspire to be queen of something I didn’t know existed? But I hang on to the stupid comment. Instead, I tell him something I think he needs to hear.
“That’s true,” I say, running my hand over his cheek. “I like you too, you know. Always have. And I’d want to be with you no matter what you did.”
He kisses my forehead. “I know, baby doll.”
“What happened tonight, Rock?”
“Nothin’ I want to talk about right now.”
Nothing he wants to talk about. Not can’t. It’s a subtle difference, but I feel the power of it. I snuggle closer, tucking my head under his chin, listening to his heart thump.
“Carla didn’t show up again, did she?” Rock asks after a while.
“Yes, she came with Barry. I guess he acts as a doctor for the club?”
He nods against me. “She bother you?”
I’m not sure how to answer. Nothing she said bothered me. “At first, she was claws out. Tawny set her straight. She has some strong opinions about the way Carla treated you,” I tell him.
He snorts. “I’m sure she does. Tawny takes this life seriously.”
I hesitate. “Really? Because I got the impression she and Sway fuck around on each other.”
Rock sighs. “I don’t get into their personal shit anymore. But Sway never had an ounce of self-control.”
“So what’s with all the loyalty these guys are always talking about?”
“Loyalty to the club, Hope. If Tawny’s fuckin’ around, she ain’t fuckin’ brothers.”
I take a second to let that sink in.
“Hope? You know that’s not who I am, right?”
Guilt for the sliver of doubt I had earlier crawls through me. “Yes.”
“Made plenty of mistakes in my life. Losing you won’t be one of them.”
“Carla thought she was going to shock me by telling me about… stuff. I basically told her to get over herself. You’re both different people today.”
“That’s an understatement.” He chuckles and runs his hand over my hair.
After a beat, I ask the question that’s been on my mind since she showed up. “What did you see in her when you met?”
The question seems to startle him. “Who the fuck knows?”
Even though I can’t see him that well, I draw back so we’re sort of nose to nose. “Come on, I’m curious.”
Warm, minty breath wafts over my face as he sighs. “She came across as soft and in need of protection. Had a tough situation growing up, and I think the message she got was to take everything she could and glom on to the first guy who could support her.”
I think about Axel and Hoot’s lowly positions in the club. “Weren’t you a prospect when you met?”
“Yeah, but it was still an MC. The danger of it all excited her. When the time came it looked like I would take over as president, she really sank her claws into me. Then it looked like it might be Z, so she went at him.”
“Jesus.”
“When we first met, Carla had a bit of vulnerability about her that reminded me of my mother.”
Oh, wow. Rock’s never talked to me about his mother before. “You’ve never told me about her.”
Against my forehead, I feel him smile. “She was fun. I didn’t think about it when I was a kid, but she had me really young. Got married right out of high school, so she was almost a kid herself. She read to me every day, and I loved the sound of her voice.” He snorts. “I lied and told her they hadn’t taught us to read in school yet so she wouldn’t stop reading to me.”
“Oh, Rock, that’s so sweet.”
“You know, when I started school, I was the biggest kid in the classroom. I’d fight anyone who picked on me about it too. I don’t think she knew what to do with me, so she told me how God made me big so I could protect people who were smaller than me.”
Holy hell, my heart hurts for him. “Wow. That’s a big burden to place on a little boy.”
He’s silent for so long I start to worry. I didn’t mean to sound so judgmental of his dead mother. Dammit, I can’t do anything right.
“I never thought about it like that. But yeah, you’re probably right.”
I don’t think about it often, but my mother grew up Catholic. Every Sunday morning, she took me to church with her. My father had no use for that crap, but she wanted me to have the experience, I guess. Once in a while, she’d order me to sit outside one of these little rooms tucked in the back of the church and disappear inside for what she told me was confession. She explained if you confessed your sins, God took them away from you.
I never grasped the concept.
Until this second.
Talking to Hope in the dark this way, after everything that went down tonight, is an unburdening of sorts.
After my mother’s funeral, I never set foot inside a church again.
Hope relaxes against me.
“You should get some sleep, baby. We’ve got a long trip tomorrow.”
She nods, her nose brushing against my skin. “I’m so happy we’re going home.”
I love hearing her say that. I want nothing more than to build a home and a life with her.
“Tawny talked some smack about Trinity and even Wrath today. I had to stop myself from clocking her,” she murmurs.
Laughter rumbles out of me. “Oh yeah?”
“Yeah.”
Her breathing deepens as she slips into sleep, and I enjoy the feel of her in my arms. All the bad shit from the day keeps running through my head. Z getting shot. The acrid stench of smoke still fills my nose. Despite the violent scrub-down I gave myself in the shower, I swear I still smell death and fire on my skin.
It’s a long time before I fall asleep. So I lie there enjoying the feel of Hope in my arms.
I’m so thankful I made it back to my girl.